"Brian, its over."
She'd wrestled with those words for a while now. It was mid November and Brian was simply being strung along, no matter how much the freak wanted to continue dating her. She just couldn't do it. It was time, anyway. And it wasn't like she hadn't given it a shot. They had been "together" for a month now. But she was never going to feel anything for him and it was time he realized that.
Even so, breaking up on a Saturday felt sad. Saturdays were supposed to be fun and enjoyable. And what was she doing? Breaking up with her boyfriend so she could date his sister. Oy. A situation for Jerry Springer? Probably.
"Again? Carly, is there something we should be talking about?"
They were at the pier on a bench just outside a candy store. Rain clouds were gathered over Puget Sound, as usual. The air was frosty cold, but it would warm up a degree or two to ensure they received rain instead of snow. Carly could sense a storm coming, both literally and figuratively. But for the time being, she offered Brian a small smile and held her coat tighter to her body.
"Nothing in particular. You know we have to break up. I'm gay." She shrugged.
He handed her a jawbreaker. "Carly…"
"No, I'm totally serious this time. I'm not going to tell you to break up with me; I'm not going to say I'm doing it for you. This is for me. This relationship is over for me, okay?" She shoved the jawbreaker into her mouth. Lemony.
He sighed, fidgeting. "Is this about my sister again?"
"No, Cameron has nothing to do with this. This is about me. And I can't do this." Carly said.
"Can't or won't?"
"Brian, don't make this difficult. We can be friends if you want." She offered with a smile.
He stood, frowning with every muscle in his face. "No, I don't want. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your boyfriend."
"Well, I'm sorry. But you can't be that person in my life." She felt bad, guilty really.
He handed her the bag of candy. "Than I guess I can't be in your life."
"If that's how you want things to be."
"No, Carly, that's not how I want things to be!" He was yelling now, angry to his core. "I want you to not be attracted to my sister or in love with Sam! I want you to want me! I want you to see only me!" He exhaled, taking a deep breath and rubbing his forehead. "But I guess you'll never be that person, will you?" His voice was quiet now. Almost sad.
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Brian."
He sat back down, head in hands. "Fuck!"
"You know, it would have been easier for me too, if I could have just fallen for you." Carly said in a low voice. "Do you have any idea how complicated my life has been this last month?"
He didn't respond. Just continued to curse under his breath and rub at his face. After a few minutes, he looked up and over at her. "If you are so gay, why did you continue to date me? I mean, sure, I didn't let you break up with me, but you didn't have to go on dates with me if you didn't want to."
"But I did want to. You're a fun guy, Brian. A good friend. We just can't be more than friends." She told him, feeling very honest that day.
And then he was kissing her. Nothing deep or intense, just a simple butterfly kiss on the lips. "Maybe you just need to get over Sam. Fall out of love with her. Then maybe you'll be over girls."
Carly smiled and shook her head. "Things aren't that simple. I'm gay first and in love with Sam second. Not the other way around. And they don't cancel each other out."
"Stop smiling." Brian commanded, standing again and pacing in front of her.
"Why?"
"I can't hold onto my anger when you look at me like that." He admitted sheepishly.
That just made her grin more. "Are you sure you don't want to be friends?"
"I'm in love with you."
One sentence. One very short sentence. But it contained so much emotion and passion it startled her. She stared at him, her eyes stinging with the need to cry for him. But she felt nothing else. No returned love. No nothing.
"I'm sorry."
His head bowed. He dug his hands into his pockets and turned so he couldn't look at her. "I guess I'll leave then. Make sure you go home while its still daytime. Seattle is dangerous at night."
And he left.
Carly let out a sigh of relief as she watched him walk away. This had been a long time coming, and she had only just recently found the courage to go through with it. When he disappeared from sight, she stood and headed in the opposite direction.
It had been a few weeks since her rash disaster. Bur that night had changed so much. She had recovered her friendship with Sam, and removed some of the awkwardness from it. November had brought her calm. Instead of the raging emotions October had been filled with, she felt light and airy. The earth was cold, but she felt like she could relax anywhere. Thanksgiving was in five days, her grandfather was coming to it, but she couldn't even get herself worked up over that.
Cameron was waiting for her in Starbucks about a block away. She sat in a soft purple coat and a striped scarf. A smile lit up her eyes when Carly took a seat across from her.
"Well?" She asked, leaning over to plant a kiss on Carly's lips.
"Its over." Carly nodded, sipping the espresso Cameron had bought her.
Cameron repeated the nod. "How'd he take it?"
Carly gave her a weird look. "Are you worried about him?"
"Of course! He's still my brother." Cameron said.
"He didn't take it as well as I hoped, but not terrible either, I guess." Carly sighed.
"Well, you did play with him for a month."
"Hey!"
"Don't worry, baby. I'm just pointing out the obvious. I'm not trying to take hits at you."
Carly took another swig of her espresso. Her relationship with Cameron was progressing steadily. Since she had spent Halloween with Sam, she spent All Saints' Day with Cameron. And that had been the day that catapulted their relationship forward. Instead of hassled make-outs at school during the lunch period, or fast meetings after school before rushing off to something else, they had actually given each other the time to get to know one another. That had also been the day Carly had decided to once and for all end her relationship with Brian.
"You want to do something today?" Cameron asked, bringing Carly out of her reverie.
"I can't. Spencer wants my help with his latest sculpture."
"What is it?"
"I have no idea." Carly grinned. She leaned over and placed a kiss on Cameron's cheek. "See you on Monday?"
Cameron nodded.
Carly got home to loud music. Spencer was nowhere to be seen, but music was fighting its way out of the speakers.
"Hello?" Carly called, hoping he could hear her over the noise.
But then Spencer appeared on the stairs, and flipped the stereo off. "Hey kiddo, I was hoping you'd get home soon."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Here I am. What's the project?"
"I need you to pose for me."
He sat her on the counter, angling her arms so that her right arm twisted at an awkward angle over her head and her left arm held it there. She rubbed her lips together and stared at him.
"Is this position really necessary?" She questioned.
"Yup. Hold still."
They were quiet for a while. The music went back on, just at a lower sound level, and Spencer went to work at sculpting. Carly had always enjoyed watching her brother look. He became so focused and intense and serious and actually adult-like. Normally, he was just her eccentric brother who never seemed far from her in age. But when he sculpted, he actually looked like the man he'd become. And when she noticed it, she always felt a gush of love for her brother.
"So where did you go this morning?" Spencer asked, a half-hour into his sculpting.
"I broke up with my boyfriend." Carly told him flat out.
He gave her a twisted look. "Since when did you have a boyfriend?"
"Since midway into October, I guess." She tried to shrug, but the pose didn't really let her.
"I see I've been left out of the loop." He sounded miffed.
"Sorry? It wasn't an important thing in my life." She offered him a smile.
He returned the smile. "Okay. Just let me know next time? I worry about you when you keep things from me."
"Of course." Not that she'd ever have a boyfriend again. Or that he would know if she was keeping things from him.
"So you liked this boy? What happened?" Spencer prompted.
"I still like him. Just as a friend, though."
"Oh."
And then Sam walked in, stripping off her coat and gloves. "Hola."
"Hey, Sam." Carly greeted. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, its Saturday. And you're my best friend. Guess." Sam replied, strolling over to them.
Carly smiled. "Well, I don't know how much fun I can be, I'm posing for Spencer."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Spencer is sculpting you?"
"Yep."
"Than why does the sculpture look like a squirrel?"
"What?" Carly whipped her head to the other side to look at Spencer's sculpture. It was indeed a squirrel. "I thought you were sculpting me?"
"I was." Spencer nodded. "But then I looked over at my empty fishbowl and thought about squirrels and suddenly," he turned the sculpture slightly so she could see it better, "she was made."
Carly dropped her arms and hopped off the counter. "A fishbowl made you think of squirrels?"
He nodded, his eyebrows scrunched together. "Oddly, yes."
"So I'm free to go? You don't really need me today?"
"I guess not. Have fun." He kissed the top of her head.
"You want to go see a movie?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, actually, I do."
Going to a movie was a bad idea. She couldn't focus; she wasn't even sure who the main character was. All she could think about was Sam's lips. It was dark; they were almost alone in the theater. And it had been so long since Sam had last kissed her. Weeks. And she missed it. She needed to feel Sam's soft lips pressed against her own.
Why the hell was she hoping for Sam to kiss her? Wasn't that what had thrown her life into uproar the previous month? Yes! But damn. Sam looked so pretty today and what could one kiss hurt? And everyone else in the theater was sitting in front of them. No one else would notice.
"Are you okay? You're awfully quiet today." Sam said when the movie ended.
Carly nodded. "I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind, I guess."
"Didn't you have a date with Brian today?"
She bobbed her head again. "This morning. I broke up with him."
Sam's jaw dropped a little. "What? Why?"
She shrugged. "Just didn't like him as more than a friend."
Sam nodded and then eyed her. "So who do you like as more than friend?"
She almost said 'you.' She stopped and stared at Sam. She'd been seeing Cameron for weeks, but for some reason, Sam was still the one she wanted to be with. What the hell was wrong with her? She was seeing a beautiful, funny, smart girl already. What was it about Sam that made her want to drop everything if Sam would give her the time of day?
Sam stopped too, circling back to be face to face. "What? Who is it?"
"I think we should talk."
"Okay. About what?"
"I'm dating Cameron."
