Hey guys so this is the second to last chapter. There will be an epilogue after the last chapter so look out for those two. They will be up as soon as possible. I'm sorry this has taken awhile, but one of the Seniors at my high school passed away recently, and its been pretty hard at school. I will try as hard as I can to get the last of this up really fast. I hope no one gets too mad at the little cliff hanger at the end of this. :P Enjoy.
Chapter Eleven: All I Wanted
I can't believe I let her leave. I can't believe that she let herself leave.
She got on a train with that stupid little girlfriend of hers and travelled hours away to her stupid apartment in that stupid city.
She's gone. The only girl I've ever truly loved is gone, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
It was ridiculous how fast she came back into my life, and even more ridiculous how fast she left it.
It hadn't even been an entire week since Spencer left, and I'm already with Lauren. Don't judge, okay? It was a Friday night, and with me being a changed women, going out didn't seem too appealing. I was feeling lonely, so I called her, and even though she tried to put some moves on me, I wasn't having it.
We we're currently seated on my couch watching re-runs of Full House. Mind you, we weren't touching either.
She sighed a couple times, and then finally said what was on her mind. "Why am I here, Ashley?"
I tore my eyes away from Bob Saget to look at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, why am I here with you right now if we're just going to watch re-runs of stupid old TV shows?"
"Hey. Full House isn't stupid, okay? It's a classic."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, I'm leaving."
She stood but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. "No, please don't leave."
"Give me one good reason why I should stay."
"Because… even though we aren't dating anymore, you still care about me. And I need someone right now."
She stared at me. "You're right. I do still care about you… but let me ask you something. Do you still care about me? Or did you ever?"
I sighed. I so didn't want to have this conversation right now. "Can we… just, not?"
"No, if I'm here, and we're not having sex, then I at least want to get some answers from you. Now come on, what was our relationship to you? A joke?"
I groaned and threw my head back on the couch. "It wasn't a joke, it was… a fling, I guess."
"Flings don't last for three months, Ashley."
I sighed, she was not letting me off easy at all. "Okay. I don't do relationships, you know that. But… there is only one person who would make me want to be in a real relationship, a serious one. And… you're just not that person. That person… well, she's gone. For good."
"Spencer." Lauren said. It wasn't a question, she knew.
"Yeah. Spencer." It felt weird hearing and saying her name. "I do care about you though; please don't think that I don't. I actually kind of love you, Lauren. As a friend. I mean, I get the side to see the side of you that no one else sees. The side that's… compassionate, and nice… and would do anything for the people she cares about."
I saw her blush, and then she said, "You're just not in love with me, though."
"Right." I nodded. I can't believe she was actually getting it.
"Too bad that I'm in love with you…"
I frowned. "I wish I could do something, but-"
"There isn't anything you can do, I know."
"I'm sorry." I said that with the most sincerity ever. And that is saying something because I've never felt this sorry for a girl before.
Lauren was a bitch. A total bitch, but sometimes, on rare occasions with me, she could be really nice. I liked that about her, but she just wasn't for me.
There was only one girl for me, but unfortunately, I wasn't the only girl for her.
My life was getting pretty horrible.
At work, I could barely concentrate and everyone was getting very frustrated because I was usually on my A game all the time.
Aiden hadn't really been trying to hard with Kyla, but he and Glen had been trying really hard to get as many girls as they could lately. They asked me to go out with them numerous times, but I'd decline. That was another thing: all Aiden and Glen did was go out, and I didn't want too, so I was pretty much alone all the time. Kyla was working, and I didn't really have any other friends I liked to spend quality time with.
All I had was Lauren, and although we had worked our "relationship" out, she still wasn't the person I wanted to spend my days with.
I think they finally noticed that I wasn't okay, because Aiden and Glen invited me over to have some beers with them at Glen's place one weekend. No girls, no parties, just us. That was all I wanted right now.
"I can't believe you've been fucking around with Lauren again, Ash." Glen shook his head, then swallowed some beer from his bottle as us three lounged around in his living room.
"Hey, we haven't even been having sex, I swear!" I held up hands, and laughed. I was feeling a lot better being around my friends.
"Whaaaaaaaaatever you say."
Aiden laughed, and took a swig of his beer. "So what's Kyla been up to lately?"
"You tell me, Aiden. Oh wait! You can't, because you've barely spoken to her in like a week."
Aiden sighed. "I've just been-"
"Fucking girls? Yeah, I know. You guys should really stop with that shit, I'm serious."
"Just because you did, doesn't mean we have too," Glen said.
"Well, if Aiden wants to be with Kyla again then he has too." I said.
"She's right." Aiden shook his head. "That's it. I'm done. Tomorrow, I'm calling Kyla and telling her she's the only one I want to be with."
"Aw man, come on!" Glen threw his hands up. "She's already pussied out on me, now you are? Who am I supposed to go out with now?"
"No one, Glen." I said. "You know, I heard Madison moved back to town recently. Maybe you have a shot with her again." I shrugged.
He didn't say anything. Aiden and I both knew he had a soft spot for that spicy Latina.
But, like Spencer and I and Aiden and Kyla, they were never technically together, nor did they last.
I guess there was just something wrong with the three of us. I mean, we either have or had the girls that we would choose to settle down with, but ultimately, they got away from us somehow.
At least Aiden has a legitimate shot at Kyla.
The three of us ended up passing out in Glen's living room, just like the old times.
It was around two am when my cell phone ringing woke me up. Since Aiden and Glen slept like rocks, they could hear it.
I reached to the coffee table from my spot on the couch, and grabbed my phone.
What I saw flashing on the screen stopped my heart.
I had forgotten that I took a picture of her to come up when she called. It took my breath away to look at it.
It felt like hours, me staring at the flashing, "Spencer Carlin" on the screen.
