Hey everyone missed me? it seems I am being forced tow ork 35 hours a week and going to highschool so that leaves little time for writing and even littler time for sleep but fate must love you because today I took the day off school to get a tooth removed and also because im bleeding so freaking much there's no way I can work. (Imagines welcoming customers with gauze in her mouth) I also got pocky and a Japanese melon soda which is really really good so I want to spread my good bloody mood to all of you!

Zell-Chan: Welcome back everyone to another episode of your favorite show! (grins evilly) Let's start right away shall we? Todays first questioner is moogle in paradaisu who writes:

to all hosts (exept haruhi and hunny, he's just too small for this ):
would you ever pose naked or nude for the sake of the hostclub-ness?
ps. would u mind reading some of the smut out loud in front of kyoya and tamaki for me? i like to see them squirm!
muahahahahaha!

Luckily I have screened all the fangirls in todays audience so that there would not be too much bleeding so it should be safe to answer this question. So who wants to get naked for the host club!?

"Nudity would only lower the dignity of our club and adulterate all that we stand for. I would never lower myself to such standards and refuse to ever let the club fall so low." Kyoya said honestly and to the point.

Zell-Chan: -- anyone not see that answer coming raise your hand(looks around and see's that only Tamaki has his hand raised) Thought so…(sigh) so why don't we ask Tamaki if he's for hostclub nudity.

"I am never one to flaunt my beauty…"

The twins start coughing sarcasticly only to shut up and look away when Tamaki looks at them.

"As I was saying…though I don't flaunt my beauty I do believe it should be shared with the world and if it was for the hostclub then as the king it is my duty to do what I must so that my subjects may lead happy prosperous lives!"

Tamaki rips off his shirt only to hold himself and complain about the cold.

Zell-Chan: can someone please give him a sweater or something? (rolls eyes) Now there are only three left to ask so lets go with Mori…(blushes) would you get naked for the sake of the host club?

Mori raises an eyebrow then looks away in contemplation.

"…Hai."

Zell-Chan: eeeeeeeeeeek! omgomgomgomgomg! (gets slapped by the producer) Thanks just had a fangirl relapse for a moment. (takes a deep breath) Now for our devilish twins to answer.

"Hmm..I don't know." Kaoru mumurs innocently.

"Kaoru! Your body is mine and mine alone to enjoy do you hear me!" Hikaru yells all teary eyed.

"I'm so sorry Hikaru…just the thought of someone seeing you…please forgive me!" Kaoru cries.

"Of course, but you will have to be punished later tonight." Hikaru grins maliciously.

Zell-Chan: Anyone else notice how they avoid answering questions? (smiles ) Well time to answer the request of reading smut to Kyoya and Tamaki. LIGHTS!

Suddenly all the lights are out except for one on the hostess and two on Kyoya and Tamaki.

Zell-Chan: Now I know you both might be nervous but it's ok I wont read the whole thing seeing as this show is rated teen. (grins sadisticly)

"Takashi I'm scared!" Hunny shivers.

"Hai." Mori nods in agreement as he holds Hunny close.

"Something told me to bring popcorn." Kaoru smirks as he opens a recently heated bag of jiffy pop and offers some to Haruhi who is currently reading using a booklight.

"I just can't wait for the blackmail material." Hikaru snickers as he gets a pad of paper and pen then proceeds to take out a video camera and sets it on the faces of Tamaki and Kyoya.

"My dear hostess I do hope you know what you're doing in making enemy's of the Ootori and Suoh family." Kyoya glares with a wicked smile.

"I'm kind of intrigued by what the princess's of the world really think and if I'm portrayed as a proper seme." Tamaki says innocently causing Kyoya to groan in annoyance.

Zell-Chan: Now that everyone is ready lets get our smut on! This excerpt is from a story called "Pounce" written by Micayasha on matter what—no matter how loud or dramatic he is, or how flighty and flirtatious—no one can deny Tamaki Suou's beauty. Not even his level-headed best friend, who prides himself on his self-control and calculating, detached air.

Kyouya is reminded of this as Tamaki steps out of the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom, clad only in a towel hanging low on his hips and innocent, bright violet eyes—wide and apparently oblivious to the way the water droplets crawl down his cheek, shine in his hair, trickle down the lines of his muscles, very faintly defined but there nonetheless.

Self-control is very hard to maintain when you have a wet, wide-eyed, pouting Tamaki Suou in all his nearly-naked glory standing before you, asking you if you've seen his blue boxers; the ones with the black waistband.

"No, Tamaki, I have not," Kyouya sighs, his voice tight with strain. "Why would I know where your underwear is?" It comes out snappish and irritated, because if Tamaki's towel slips any lower the fine, pale golden hair on his lower abdomen will thicken and curl and then Kyouya just might pounce, self-control be damned.

Aforementioned self-control frays further, a precariously thin thread of desperation, when Tamaki, with a huff of frustration, turns and goes to his dresser to hunt through the piles of designer clothes for his missing boxers. He's muttering that they're good quality—silk, and almost brand new—but the whining is merely background noise as Kyouya watches a crystalline drop make its way down Tamaki's spine, curving into his back and escaping into the folds of that damned towel.

/I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him. I will not pounce on him…/

Tamaki whirls with a soft cry of triumph, blue silk boxers with black lining clutched tightly in his fist. Kyouya doesn't bother telling him he will wrinkle the silk, too busy clutching desperately at the slender, creaking thread.

Which promptly snaps when Tamaki drops the towel with no modesty and begins to slip on the blue silk, looking straight in Kyouya's eyes all the while. That's when Kyouya knows the blonde has been doing all this on purpose, and it stokes the fire within him even further. Kyouya throws his inner mantra out the window—and pounces.

Tamaki doesn't even bother chiding him for being so rough with silk when he rips the boxers off just as soon as they were donned. There is an obscenely talented mouth on his neck that is turning his knees to rubber and fingers sliding over the wet skin at his hips, and the scratch of Kyouya's shirt against his bare chest is only more incentive to get Kyouya's own clothes off as soon as possible. Tamaki sets to work on the buttons, and Kyouya lets the shirt slide from his shoulders to pool on the ground, probably getting wrinkled but who really cares? Tamaki's startled gasp at hips grinding into his is swallowed by a hungry mouth, greedy and forceful—a starving man given a three-course meal. The only thing running through Tamaki's mind is yes, and please, and every other word conveying his complete acquiescence to Kyouya's loss of control. He revels in the moments when he is able to draw out the fiercer, fierier, more passionate side of Kyouya—mostly because the rest of Ouran Academy has always taken the usually taciturn third son of the Ohtori family to be unwaveringly cool and collected, an impenetrable marble statue. A beautiful carving, to be sure — and if Kyouya ever doubts it, he has hundreds of simpering schoolgirls to stroke his ego — but inarguably cold and solitary.

Now Kyouya's touch is liquid fire on his skin, formerly cold from the slowly-drying water of his shower, and his body pressed into Tamaki's as though he would like to crawl inside the blonde's skin. Tamaki would be lying if he said he didn't feel just a bit smug that all this was all his, and his alone — that no other person, man or woman, had ever felt the heat of Kyouya's desire and the skill of his mouth, or heard his gasps and moans and even the occasional shout when Tamaki is so far down that his nose is buried in thick, dark curls. No one has felt the trembling of his slender, toned body when Tamaki finds a particularly sensitive stretch of creamy-pale skin. And nobody has ever tasted Kyouya as Tamaki has — his lips, his mouth, his skin, his essence. The Host Club King holds a piece of his stoic friend that can never be stolen away—the gift of a first.

Kyouya smirks as he pulls away from their kiss to survey his work — an alluringly aroused Tamaki, panting, dazed with a flush high in his cheeks and his eyes at half-mast, watching Kyouya from under thick yellow lashes. He knows that several times Tamaki has turned the tables and left him trembling in soft, gentle hands the way his blonde is now. It is a heady feeling to have such an effect on another.

Tamaki's lips, just slightly swollen from kissing, are moving, saying something in an impatient tone, before he tangles his fingers in the ebony hair at the base of Kyouya's neck and pulls his Shadow King back down. It is all Kyouya can do not to take Tamaki right there, raw and dry, but even through his crazed lust he knows neither of them will enjoy that. He forces himself to pull them in the general direction of the bathroom, stumbling clumsily because they are still attached at the mouth, and Tamaki is kissing him as though he is going to bring his very soul from his mouth, until Tamaki's back is pressed against the cold marble wall, his legs wrapped around Kyouya's waist. There is lotion there on the counter, but the way Tamaki clings to him, presses himself so tightly against him, tells Kyouya he is not the only impatient one.

/Hurry, hurry,/ Tamaki's hands tell him as one twines in his hair and the other grips his hip urgently. Kyouya fumbles with his pants, one hand holding Tamaki in an embrace that is both gentle and rough, and the hand previously kneading his hip and tracing invisible designs upon his skin hurries to aid in divesting the dark-haired boy of the troublesome garments.

"Stupid pants," Tamaki half-gasps, half-mumbles into Kyouya's shoulder, fingers massaging the base of his neck and twisting the dark, sweat-dampened locks idly. Kyouya is rather inclined to agree, because if Tamaki's tongue did to his lower half what it is doing to his collarbone right now, he thinks he would have no need of heaven.

Zell-Chan: well that's all I can post without loosing my teen rating. so what did you all think?

Kyoya's eyebrow twitches.

Tamaki is in a fetal position mumbling something along the lines of "Mommy…daddy…lotion?"

Hikaru and Kaoru have dropped their things and are mimicking fish as they open and close their mouths simultaneously without saying a word.

Hunny and Mori on the other hand being older merely feel bad for Tamaki and Kyoya.

Haruhi on the other hand has finished her homework and has a small smile on her face which is not appropriate for the tension in the room.

Zell-Chan: well now wasn't that scintillating? (giggles nervously) well it seems that's todays show….(gets up to leave but is stopped by a swarm of police.)

"You were warned were you not?" Kyoya deadpans with a venomous undertone.

Zell-Chan: (glares at Kyoya then looks at the chief of the police with a smile) Hey mr.Yoshi how is Hikade?

"Oh he's fine but he misses you a lot." The chief smiles.

"Why are you getting so friendly with the enemy officer!?" Kyoya says authoritivly.

Zell-Chan: oh did I forget to tell you? I babysit all of their kids their such wonderful darlings and I think all parents need some time out to "reconnect" don't you?

Kyoya punches a wall denting it as he exits the building making phone calls while the police put down their weapons and start showing pics of their kids.

Zell-Chan: ok while we get the therapist ready for Tamaki and the twins I would like to say that the queistioner for the next episode is a dear friend of mine and I cant wait to see what she writes. (picks up the paper with a smile and reads it only to grow deadly pale.)

…I'm dead.

"Since Zell-Chan has fainted I just want to say thanks for watching me and my friends! See you next time ne Takashi?" Hunny asks cutely as he looks at the camera.

"Hai." Mori nods and waves.

as the credits roll Tamaki gets up and…

"I'M A UKE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screams