Never Say Never
This is a Chris chapter - but it's also a Cory chapter. Somehow he needed to be there, as one of Chris' go-to friends. To research Cory a bit, has been a treat - and I admire him as a person on so many levels.
Things between Chris and Darren willspeed up a bit after this chapter; and I do get it, if you think it's about time ;-)
Reviews means the world - so please let me know what you think.
I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!
Chapter 11 – Pot O' Gold
Chris had to drag himself down to the fitness room at Fox. It was free for the cast and crew to use it and even though exercise would never be a source of joy in Chris' life, he frequently used the room in order to stay fit enough to wear the tight pants of a certain Kurt Hummel. There had been dance rehearsals all morning, but he had to take a turn on the treadmill and stretch, before he could take a break.
He had been home with his parents all weekend. The funeral of his grandmother had been Saturday, but it had been so healing to spend the Sunday with his family as well. He needed them around; and they needed him. He no longer cried every time he thought about his grandma, but the sorrow lived in his bones and only days and month and years could ease the pain.
Work was good as well. It claimed his attention and his presence and that was a relief. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the workout, but the thoughts drifted off. There were two things, that were so sensitive in his whole being at this point, that they felt like open wounds. It was the death of his grandmother and his feelings for Darren.
His feelings for Darren had been there for such a long time, that it in itself wasn't something new, but what had happened between them that night and that day they had spend together, had changed the balance between them. It was not about sleeping next to each other, or holding hands – it was way more than that.
Chris had always fought alone. Whatever issues he had been forced to deal with in his life, he had never really let anybody get near enough to fight them with him. All those years with bullying in his teens, he knew that his parents only needed one word from him and they would have gone to the Principal or the parents of those kids who were constantly on his back. But he had never let them. He had kept quiet in his room down the hallway, sucking it up and dreaming of a better life. Fighting alone in his own world, where he made the rules. He had never stopped thinking about, how hard it must have been for his parents, to just stand next to him, seeing him suffer and not being given permission to help him.
That's why Darren had been the first person ever to see him in such a fragile stage, hurt, unhinged, sobbing like a child, out of control. It could have been embarrassing the next day, or the day after that, but Darren had been nothing but understanding and protecting - respecting Chris just as much. He was constantly making sure that Chris was alright, building an invisible protective shield around him, until he was strong enough to stand by himself again.
He would be forever thankful for what Darren had done for him when he needed it the most, but there had been a side effect to it all too. It was hard to let Darren go again - to reestablish the right balance between them. Chris had been dying to ask him to come to Clovis with him and be there for the funeral - simply because he needed him there. But it would have been crazy … and out of line … and inappropriate, so of cause he hadn't asked.
Chris finally managed to get up on the treadmill and started at a slow pace, giving his tired legs a chance to adjust. But little by little he got the body going and found a rhythm that worked. So he looked pretty good when Cory stepped into the room to workout as well.
"Hey Colfer … looking good, looking good … somebody should film you and put it on twitter."
"Shut up Cory" Chris said with a grin. Everybody knew that it was exactly what Amber had done a couple of years earlier.
Cory laughed softly. "It was just an offer Chris. You could be famous you know. It could be your breakthrough in the bizz."
Chris was at a pace now that made him out of breath. "I think I'll pass anyway."
Cory shrugged with a smirk on his face and started working out next to Chris. The friendship with Cory had been established early during season one. Their storylines had been so connected and Cory had been easy to get along with.
Chris was panting now, but couldn't help getting back at Cory. "You're not lifting near enough weight there Monty. I think you're losing your strength."
"Can't hear what you're saying Colfer, you're out of breath, it sound like bla bla bla bla."
Chris laughed. This was actually what he needed - easy going teasing with a friend. He stopped the treadmill, got off and dropped to the floor exhausted. "I will never be able to understand why some people can enjoy running. I think it will kill me some day. I will literally pass out on a tread mill."
Now Cory laughed. "So that's what they'll write on your tombstone He ran and ran, but he never moved out of the place."
"Gosh, that would be so depressing! I'm done with the treadmill. I'm moving." Chris was lying spread-eagle on the floor. Then he sighed, "I'm just not moving right now … it will take a minute before I can get up off the floor."
Cory put down the weights, went to Chris and lent him a hand. "I'll help you."
Chris smiled and let Cory pull him up. They were just sitting for a while, relaxing when Cory apparently braved up to ask Chris the question that had to come. "How are you Chris?" He looked a bit worried as he asked – uncertain; and it was touching really.
"Well, I'm better than last week, that's for sure … but I'm sad." Chris sighed and dried his face with a towel. "I miss her like crazy. I know that I didn't see her that often since I moved to L.A., but knowing that she was always just a phone call away, that meant the world."
Cory nodded. "Family matters, right?"
Chris looked with compassion at his friend. He knew that Cory's family situation and his upbringing hadn't been easy and he admired Cory endlessly for fighting so hard to get his life back on track. It had been a troubled road. "Yes, family matters a lot and sometimes you don't realize how much, until they're no longer there."
"Or until they're back in your life …" Chris tilted his head a bit and looked curious at Cory, but before he could ask about anything Cory continued - and by the look at his face, he had some important things on his mind, so Chris just listened. "Chris, last week, when you were so upset, we all so badly wanted to help you, or do something for you. We just didn't know how." This is the thing about Cory, Chris thought to himself, he is not afraid to talk about the difficult things - the things that hurt. Cory caught his eyes and then said, "But Darren knew how … and to watch him pick you up again and be there for you in a way that we couldn't … that just moved me so much. He is an amazing guy, Chris. I guess that's just what I'm trying to say – and maybe I should tell him that instead of you."
Chris' heart started to pound. To hear someone talk that passionate about Darren touched something deep inside of him and at the same time, he didn't know if he should feel exposed.
"Don't ever let that friendship go, Chris … that's all I'm trying to say." Cory gave him one of his crooket smiles.
"I won't Cory." Chris said smiling, "and I'll never forget what he did for me last week."
Cory nodded and seemed happy and relieved about getting these things off his chest. "Hey – you wanna go grab a pizza or something, I'm starving!"
"Yeah" Chris felt the warmth spreading in his body. It had been a long time since he had hung out with Cory and he needed to get his mind off things. "… or we could go to Suzanne's."
"God yes, I'm totally in on that one." Cory looked so hungry that it was funny.
"You do know that I'm her favorite right?" Chris always challenged everybody on that one.
"Of course I do" Cory rolled his eyes, like that was the stupidest question he had ever heard. "Everybody knows that Chris. That's why it's so funny to go with you to Suzanne's. She always brings you extra food."
Chris laughed, "I know, I love that sweet hearted woman."
They hit the shower and 20 min later they were heading for Suzanne's in Cory's car.
Suzanne received Cory and Chris with open arms. She got a hold on Chris and studied him with critical eyes. "Chris, you have lost weight. You're too skinny now. I have to feed you up again boy!"
Chris hugged her and sighed, "You're spoiling me way too much Suzanne", making the lovely woman smile all over her kind face.
Then she squeezed Cory's arm, "Where's you lovely girlfriend today Cory?"
Chris turned to Cory and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Yes Cory," he said, with bad hidden laughter in his voice, "where is your lovely girlfriend?" Cory coughed like he was choking on something looking all weird.
"Um, she couldn't be here today." Cory said, without looking at Chris.
"What a shame Cory", Suzanne said, as if she hadn't noticed that this was becoming a very awkward moment at all.
This was just too big of a treat for Chris to let go though, so he turned to Suzanne one more time, "You have to help me out here Suzanne, who is it again that Cory is bringing when he comes here?" At this point Cory tried to kick Chris without Suzanne noticing, but Chris moved out of his reach.
"Chris, stop being silly," Suzanne laughed, "it's Lea Michelle, everybody knows that!"
"Your right," Chris shook his head, "how could I forget!"
Now Cory grabbed Chris' arm and dragged him along to a table far away. Chris sized him with teasing eyes, "Oh my, oh my, Cory. Lea Michelle – she is not a bad catch at all."
Cory was clearly struggling to stay serious, but the way his face lit up, gave him away more than anything. "Look Chris, it's not official yet, so you can't tell anybody."
"I will not," Chris said reassuring his friend, "but perhaps you should tell Suzanne the same thing."
Cory covered his eyes behind his hand, "I think you just might have a point there."
They ordered tapas and something to drink and it wasn't until Suzanne was well out of the way, that Chris returned to the subject. "So tell me about it Cory. How long have you two been dating."
Cory couldn't wipe off the big smile that was pasted upon his face."We have been together for a couple of months and I still pinch my arm once and a while. She is just so amazing and beautiful and caring … and to kiss her … that is beyond anything."
"Um … you do realize, that you guys have been kissing pretty much since season one right?"
"Let me explain something to you Chris," Cory said softly, "kissing her on the screen is only a reflection of kissing her for real. It cannot be compared. I'm sure you and Darren would say the same thing, if you were in that situation." Chris suddenly felt uneasy, but then Cory laughed, "Geez that was a bad comparison. But you know what I mean right?
Cory was touching one of Chris' open wounds right now, and he had no way of knowing. But how many times had Chris not imagined what it would be like to kiss Darren for real? A million times maybe. Sometimes it was all he could think about. He reached out and squeezed Cory's arm. "I'm so happy for you guys. You both deserve all the happiness in the world"
"I'm a lucky guy, Chris – that's for sure."
"Yes, but so is she, don't ever forget that." Chris decided to push it a bit longer now they were dealing with sensitive subjects. "Look Cory, I'm gonna be blont here, has something changed in your family situation?" Chris knew Cory had a bunch of unsolved issues with his father, who had been missing in Cory's life for many years. And he had a feeling that Cory had been referring to that in the fitness room.
Cory's eyes were shining at this point and at the same time he came across a bit shy. "I reunited with my dad a month ago Chris."
"Really!" Chris got excited. "How was it? Did you meet him, or have you guys just talked on the phone?"
"I agreed on meeting him" Cory said, "so I flew up to him on a weekend a while ago." He laughed softly, "I was nervous as shit. Then he just stood there … in the airport with my new stepmom … and he just cried, because he was so moved, and I got like, the best hug in my entire life."
The look on Cory's face was priceless and Chris started to tear up a bit. Something he tended to do a lot easier since he lost his grandmother. "Cory, that's just so amazing. What is he like?"
Cory shifted in the chair. "He is … very different from what I had imagined. In my world, he was just this absence of a parent … of somebody who should have been there, but wasn't, you know. Those years where I was really freaking out and wasting my life, it was so easy to hate him and blame him for my own mess." Cory got thoughtful and then continued, "But the reality of it all is, that he's just a guy, who made a lot of mistakes and now is trying to make up for it again." He looked at Chris with these wise eyes that in moments like this revealed that he had been through tough times. "Maybe that's what life teaches us more than anything Chris, that we need people close to us. Someone who can help us fight our battles." Cory's crooked smile was back in place.
It overwhelmed Chris how much Cory actually was giving him here. It was like healing to his tired soul and suddenly he missed Darren like crazy. He just needed to hear his voice and be close to him.
Chris' phone rang and of all people in the world, it was Darren calling. The guy had to be a mind reader. Chris seriously tried not to smile like stupid, but he was sure Cory caught it anyway.
"Hey you."
"Hey you too." Darren's voice was as always gentle and soft.
"So what are you doing?"
"Um … I just got off the phone with Brad, he has the script for next week ready for us, but he would like to talk to us first."
"Okay … where are you now?" Chris asked, checking his watch.
"At Fox - missing you!"
Chris could hear the smile in Darren's voice. He would die, still being in love with Darren, he was sure about that. "That is so sweet – goofball." Chris got up and got ready to go and Cory followed him. "Look, I'm at Suzanne's right now with Cory, but I can be with you in like 20 minutes."
"Chris," Darren sighed, "you're at Suzanne's - how can you do that to me?"
"I'll take you next time Darren … if you behave."
Darren laughed on the other end of the line. "I can't behave. You should know that much about me."
Chris closed his eyes and thoughts that really shouldn't be in his head, started flashing by. "You're gonna be the death of me Darren. See ya."
Chris got into the car with Cory. "Do you have any hints about next week's episode?" Chris asked. Something startled him about the upcoming meeting with Brad.
Cory drove into the jammed traffic of LA, "No, I've haven't seen any script yet," he answered, "I just know it's called "The first time"."
Chris got very quiet and then mumbled, "The first time for what exactly?"
Now Cory laughed, "Well you do the math Einstein, why do you think Brad wants to talk to you and Darren before you get the script?"
Chris suddenly got a dry throat and felt how the blood left his face. "Oh my God … I am just starting to freak out here."
Melissa MoTown Side 11
