Chapter 11: Precious then Ruin

"Huh . . . no wonder you were as big as a house." Miku remarked, looking over the twins. Sapphie held Helena in her arms and Kari held Gerard as they both slept, swinging their tails. They both looked at the little babies admiringly.

"Alice! They're SO cute! What are their names?" Sapphie asked cooing over the babies.

"The girl's name is Helena . . . and the boy's name is Gerard." I answered tiredly.

Nora tickled Gerard's cheek gently, causing his tiny nose to twitch. "So, where's papa Goku?"

I sighed remembering what had happened that morning . . .

It was after midnight when the nurses took my babies to the nursery so I could sleep . . . but I couldn't sleep at all . . . and stayed up all night, in silence.

Goku had long since fallen asleep after asking me nearly a million times if I needed something and going and looking at our babies. It was around nine A.M. when he woke up and kissed me on the cheek. I asked him to run home and get my bag and to also take some of the money I had stashed in a jar . . . it was about two hundred dollars altogether, fives and ones I had thrown in. We needed more baby things for Helena . . . since she was unexpected. We couldn't afford a crib for her but I told Goku to use the money to buy a double stroller and a few outfits. All I had for her to sleep in was the bassinet and all I had for her to wear was the black dress Miku had bought and she couldn't possibly fit into it for awhile.

Gerard weighed in at eight pounds even . . . Helena weighed in at five pounds, two ounces. She was considerably smaller than Gerard and needed several things but for now, the double stroller and few onesies would have to do . . .

Regardless, Goku came back an hour later, in a frantic rush, tossing my bag in the corner, setting the folded up stroller beside it and sat a grocery bag down that held plain colored onesies in it. Then he kissed the babies and me on the cheek and nearly ran out the door before I stopped him.

"Goku . . . where are you going? . . ." I asked, looking at him, shocked at his haste.

"Boss called, gotta go into work . . . he didn't sound too happy . . . I'll be lucky if I don't lose my job over this . . ." he said, rushed and panting, wheezing slightly.

With that, he gave me a short kiss on the lips and a hug then ran out of the room, running down the hall.

Everyone stared at me looking either angry or shocked or a combination of both.

"Man . . . they're relentless on him aren't they?" Nora sighed.

"Aww . . . but that's not fair . . . you just had babies . . . aren't people supposed to be able to get off work to stay with family?" Sapphie asked, frowning.

I shifted where I lied, feeling slightly nauseous looking over the food before me that seemed unappealing . . . I had no appetite anyway. I sighed. "Apparently not . . . they don't get any worker rights there . . . but Goku couldn't find very many places to work that would take him . . . mostly because all he had was a high school degree. Last night . . . before he fell asleep . . . he told me about taking up yet another job to help support everything since I can't work too vigorously still . . . my body needs time to re-adjust . . ."

I felt everyone in the room sink as they felt bad. Sapphie and Kari directed their attention back to the babies in their arms. Helena's nose began to twitch and her mouth opened slightly as she began squirming before she started crying. Sapphie's eyes widened and she quickly handed her to me.

I rocked her back and forth comforting her, calming her down, cooing to her to soothe her then allowed her to breastfeed, leaning back comfortably, pulling the blanket over the top of her head so no one could see it happening. Miku gave me a sickened look as awkward silence began to fill the room.

"What? . . ." I finally asked, looking at everyone.

"That's . . . kinda disgusting, Alice." Miku scoffed, turning away.

I sighed. "She's hungry, what do you want me to do?"

"It's okay . . . it's just . . . kinda awkward." Nora answered, backing out of the room, Miku soon followed. Sapphie and Kari remained, still looking on me awkwardly. I squirmed awkwardly where I lie as Helena fed, considering it felt weird.

Soon, Gerard was squalling loudly, more than likely needing fed as well and soon was being fed with my other breast, as I held both babies awkwardly. Everyone left after that, wishing me good luck, and I was alone again, except for the occasional nurse coming in to check up on me or to bring me water. When they finished eating, I burped them as carefully as possible. I was severely nervous even though I had handled the little ones all day . . . I only held a real baby once or twice and neither of them were newborns . . . they could each sit up and hold their head up.

I managed to get a hold of their pacifiers, color coded to their gender, pink and blue. Then I leaned back, holding each twin securely, with one in each arm. Helena's brown tail wrapped around my wrist loosely and she smiled, closing her eyes fully. Gerard's tail poked against my arm, flopping back and forth, kind of like a cat as he was already sleeping. I sighed hard beginning to feel heavy in the chest . . .

Before I knew it, I was crying uncontrollably, nearly sobbing as if I swallowed a black cloud . . . I quickly felt like I was trapped with no escape. I cried myself silly until I made myself swallow my tears and regain composure so I wouldn't disturb my precious little ones . . . I stared at them feeling so afraid. I don't want to screw up when it comes to them.

I heard footsteps beside me and look up to see Goku with a sad, disappointed expression that lightened up considerably when our babies came into view. He nodded towards them and I nodded back, helping him secure each of them in each of his arms so he wouldn't drop them. When he had them steadied, he carefully walked to the chair on the other side of my bed and sat down, leaning back, holding them. His eyes were covered by his spiky black greasy bangs and all I could see was his smiling lips.

I turned on a lamp as it started to get dark in the early evening and it made his face partially visible. His cheeks and chin had been invaded with hair and he had considerable scruff on his face, probably having not shaven for a few days. He looked worn . . . exhausted . . . I had barely noticed before now because he tried to cover it up but now . . . he was letting it leak through. His cheeks were thin and he had become thin from being corroded with work. I pushed the thought away as I continued to observe his actions.

He glanced between Helena and Gerard, not taking his eyes off them for a moment then suddenly he stopped. His shoulders and entire upper torso rose up . . . then fell as he let out a soft but breaking sigh. A few more silent moments passed and he stood up, walking to the hospital baby bassinets and lay them in them, gently. He kissed them both on the head and sat back down, head still hung, but the almost insane smile didn't leave his lips.

It seemed as though he was staring at the floor . . . and the heaviness in my chest grew as we continued to sit there. He didn't say anything . . . nor did he look at me . . . he just seemed to . . . stare at the floor . . . smiling with pain behind him that could have been pushing him into the depths of hell.

Finally, I felt like we had sat there awkwardly for too long and I forced myself over the side of the bed and over the handles on the bed to grab his hand tightly, nearly falling off the bed and held on to the bed with my feet.

"Goku . . . what's wrong?" I whispered, concerned, biting my quivering lower lip.

He didn't look at me and his hand lay limp and cold in mine . . . he finally lifted his head up and I could see his red puffy eyes . . .

"The factory laid me off . . ."