Chapter 11
"I love you Daryl Dixon." Those were the words on her mind before she even opened her eyes that morning and they hadn't spoken of it. Not yet. They'd gotten up and scared up a can of beans for breakfast and set out for the next town. His answering reply, "My girl, I love you too." Played over and over again even more than her own words had. She knew she hadn't imagined it. She could still feel the ghost of his breath as he pressed a kiss to her forehead and could still hear the gruff timbre of his voice and how it had felt as it reached her eardrums, almost a soothing sort of burn and she knew it was real. Knew what she was feeling was real as anything she'd ever felt. Saying those words to someone wasn't like she had imagined it would be.
She had thought when she said those words to a man that it would be somehow something she had planned all day (or even longer) and worked up to saying and with Daryl it had just happened, just like breathing, tumbling out of her mouth on an exhale. Just like everything else had happened with them and maybe that's what love really was. Just two people meant to be together and letting things happen naturally, as they are supposed to. It's exactly what she felt this was and it's why she didn't say anything to Daryl about their whispered words last night. It would flesh itself out in its own time, just like it always did.
Now they stood at the back of a feed store, aptly named Farmer's Feed and Seed, that held exactly one crossbow and it was something of a gift as it was exactly the weight that Beth would need. Unfortunately they'd not been able to find any horse feed and Beth tried not to think on the foreboding jolt that sent into the pit of her belly. Daryl felt it too; she saw it in his eyes as they met hers across the counter while they searched for what they'd come for. They hadn't seen their equine friend since the day before. Beth feared the worst and though she didn't say anything to Daryl, she knew he felt the same way.
They picked through the store, rummaging for supplies and made room in their packs for the dried goods they found, several packets of beef jerky, bags of pretzels and granola mix, hippie food as Daryl called it. Beth grabbed a few other items, stuffing them into her pack and at the last minute, grabbed a couple extra pairs of laces off the shelves. The ones in her boots were starting to unravel and the ones Daryl was always tying around his ankles were starting to looking worn as well.
They put their packs back on their backs and made their way back to the front of the store, side-stepping the group of walkers they'd put down on their entrance into the place. Beth hoisted her new bow on her back and nodded to the long row of riding mowers displayed in the front window. "Too bad we can't ride those." Walking was fine as far as the day went, but it was dangerous to travel so long on foot. Already it was going to take them two days to get back to the safe zone, longer probably since they had traveled a fair distance before the bike had broken down on them.
Daryl looked in the direction Beth was pointing and noted the bright green and orange mowers lined up like they were ready for a race. "Wouldn't get us far fast enough."
"I know that." She rolled her eyes at him playfully and nudged him with her elbow as they passed through the double doors of the store back out into the parking lot. "We've got a long way back to the safe zone. I don't mind though." She was quick to add and he looked at her curiously. "I kinda like it just bein' the two of us out here. Just like old times." They'd said it before, but she needed him to know how much she had needed this. She wasn't even sure she was ready to go back, though she knew they needed to. It was stupid to stay out longer than was absolutely necessary. They still hadn't found much in the way of medical supplies but they truly had been handicapped by the loss of the motorcycle.
"Me too." His eyes met hers and she could tell he wanted to say more, but just then a walker rounded the corner of the store and he quickly dispatched it, firing a bolt into its left eye. They slowly made their way back down to the street and went back out the town the way they had come, the afternoon sun at their backs.
It was a reminder of before, when they'd set out forging a new path together. Only before they hadn't really known where they were going. Now they did and it felt right that they were forging that new path together now.
Daryl held up a hand as they came to the edge of the clearing close to where they had been that morning. He knew the Suburban they had stayed in was about 3 clicks to the left but what had him stopping now was the unmistakable sound of walkers in a feeding frenzy and another sound that sounded familiar yet not. Then he heard it. He reached out to pull her back but it was too late. They had just crept up to the edge of the bushes and in the middle of the clearing was Buttons, in the midst of a group of walkers. He was barely hanging on and his eyes slid warily to Beth. He already knew what he'd find when his eyes met hers. Sadness. Guilt. She was blaming herself; he saw the weight of it in her stare. He shook his head at her sadly and his fingers came to rest on her wrist, squeezing slightly. It wasn't enough but it would have to do for now.
He gave a nod of his head and she swiped at the barely brimming tears with the back of her hand. Just like that she got his signal to get in formation and take down the walkers that had Buttons surrounded, and maybe, hopefully, end her suffering quicker. She was kicking and her whinnying was a hoarse pitiful keening sound now. They quickly took out the ones closest to them and worked their way around. He watched as Beth quickly and efficiently plunged her knife into the top of one of their heads and finally he access to Buttons, leaning down and gripping her head. "Sorry old girl." He caught the movement out of the corner of his eye, Beth turning her head as he delivered the final blow, plunging the knife into her head, ending her pain for good.
He got back up and turned to face Beth, the tears now streaming down her face. "I kind of knew it might end like this for her. But." She didn't finish. She didn't need to. He opened his arms and she walked into them, her head fitting right beneath his chin, like God himself had carved out that space just for her. His arms came to splay across her back, pulling her close as he kissed the top of her head, her blonde hair tickling his nose, but he didn't mind it. Anything to be closer to her. Anything to soothe the ache in his chest. Though he'd known it too, it had been nice to dream for just a bit that maybe they could have something like that together.
"Never had a pet pony."
She sniffed as she pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry, I'm being a big baby."
"You ain't. I thought maybe the old girl could make it too. Wondered when we didn't see her this morning though."
It was pointless to try to think if there was anything else that could have been done. All you could do in this life now was the best you could. If you spent too long thinking about it, all you'd have is a life of regret of things you probably couldn't have changed even if you tried.
He thought about how he often he'd dreamed up new scenarios for what had happened in that hallway that afternoon. How he would have pulled her back at the last minute or maybe held onto her like he should have, instead of being afraid of what the others might think. He realized now more than ever that he didn't give a shit what they thought and he never should have. He was with her here now and that was all that mattered. He knew she felt the same way about it.
He thought back over their conversation before bed the night before. He knew she'd been drunk but he also knew Beth Greene didn't say anything that she hadn't been thinking about for a while and he had to wonder how long she'd been thinking about those three words. Words that he didn't think anyone would ever say to him, let alone someone as pretty, as good as her. Words he didn't imagine he'd ever say to another person, not even Merle.
But he had. And it had felt so right and though she hadn't said anything, he knew she remembered. It was all there in the way she'd caught his gaze this morning, her sweet smile turning sly just as she cut her eyes to the floor. She had heard his answering pledge and though they hadn't talked about it, it was palpable between them even now as they made their way up the drive to the lake.
They had made it all the way back the direction they'd come the day before and though they hadn't ventured up the rest of the way up the path that day, they did now, hoping for a hunting cabin or something that would do for shelter for the night. It had been a long emotional day and he could tell Beth was about as beat as he was. They followed the path all the way around the lake and up into the woods until they came into a large field and Beth gasped in delight much like she had the day before when they had come across the lake. There at the edge of the clearing was a big red barn. The structure was a sun-drenched brick red but it was clear that the paint job had barely dried when the apocalypse started as it was nearly flawless.
She reached for his hand which he took without thought, their fingers intertwined on the walk down to the barn. It was apparent there had been another structure across from it before and he had a memory of the storm that had ripped through all those weeks ago when he and the others had been trapped in a barn during a tornado. The destruction the next day had seemed like something out of a horror movie, dead corpses hanging from trees and power lines wrapped around cars and houses. By the looks of the debris in the surrounding yard, it was apparent that the house had literally blown away, much like a big bad wolf coming to call.
They quickly separated and scanned the area, clearing any walkers (only three) and setting up camp in the loft of the barn. It was relatively warm so there was no need for a fire and with all the dried jerky and what not in their packs, they wouldn't need it for preparing food. So once they'd finished a simple, but hearty supper of beef jerky, nuts and raisins, they made their way up to the loft and pulled the ladder up after them. Walkers couldn't climb ladders, but people could. No sense in ruining what was set up to be a perfectly good night of sleep for both of them for a change. With the height they wouldn't have to worry about walkers and it wasn't very likely any other humans would stumble across them all the way up there, especially as remote as the property was in the first place. Still, he pulled up the ladder after them.
Just in case.
They'd rolled out their packs side by side. It was warm so they wouldn't need to huddle for that purpose, but they'd both become accustomed to being next to the other and there was really no point in trying to keep up pretenses now. She sat up cross legged next to him, her hands resting on the camouflage of her new pants she had changed into for the night. She gestured to his ankles.
"Why do you have those?" Every morning he wrapped the shoelaces around his pants leg. He'd originally done it to keep out snakes. It had been around the same time he'd been looking for her, right after she'd disappeared. Gradually, over time, it became something he did out of habit and then it was just something that seemed like he should do, as a reminder that he'd never stop looking for her. Not as long as he drew breath.
He looked at her where she was cross legged beside him, watching her as he spoke. He couldn't quite keep the shaking out of his voice as he tried his best to relay to her what it meant when he tied his ankles up with those shoelaces. He didn't know if it would come out right but he needed her to understand what it meant to him. What she meant to him.
"Started when you were gone. When they took you that night. The next day was with these guys, Joe and Len. Almost had a snake crawl up my pants leg in the middle of the night. I was still looking for you then, even though I didn't know where you was, I still looked. Winter came then and there weren't no more snakes but I didn't feel right if I didn't have 'em on. So I kept on doing it. Got so that was like my reminder. To never stop looking."
"Then I found you." Her voice was soft, but sure. Her eyes took him in. She knew what he was trying to say. Her eyes had gone wide with his admission. He had never told anyone why he did what he did. The reminders of her that he had which at the time was the only thing he had to keep him going. His memories of a blond haired angel that had been plucked from his side far too soon.
He nodded. "Mmmhmmmm. Now I guess I do it to remind me of what I almost lost." He paused a moment her blue eyes cutting into him. She saw what he was trying to say, even if he was saying it badly, she got it. "And of what I have." His heart beat faster with those last words. They hadn't yet defined what they were. He had a strong feeling that was about to change. That it just had.
She didn't say anything for a minute and he wondered if he was breathing but he could hear his heart thrumming in his ears as she spoke, so he must be.
"Maybe I need a reminder too, of what I almost lost." She looked at him pointedly and reached for her bag, digging through it. "Of what I have." She pulled out a pair of black laces still attached to the cardboard card, peeling it backwards and letting the cord fall from the package. She plucked them up from her lap with her thumb and forefinger and held them out to him. "Will you do it for me? Like yours."
His hands closed over hers. What was he to say? That she would want to emulate him in that way just struck something so deep in him, his hands trembled as he took them from her, nodding quickly. That it meant way more than a mimicked habit was more than he had words for, so he didn't say anything. Just murmured his agreement and consent to do what she had asked. Like he'd ever have a choice. Like he'd ever want anything but what she was asking. Everything.
"Mmmhmm." He carefully unwrapped the laces and watched as she turned her body and extended her legs into his lap. He gingerly took her ankle and wound the cord around it, wrapping it and letting it meet back in the center, tying it neatly. His mind went straight to the last time he'd done this for her, except her ankle had been injured then, so different and yet so much the same.
He wasn't sure what made him say it, maybe it was just the night, maybe it was the enchanting look in her eyes. Maybe it was the memory of that night that felt like a lifetime ago when he'd been trying to tell her that she'd changed his mind about everything. It hadn't just been that there was good people left. It was that she was the good left in this world. She was the one true good thing in his life and he never wanted to let that go. Maybe that's what had him opening his mouth and retelling what his mama had told him years ago. It had sounded like a fairy tale at the time because he couldn't imagine a time when his pops had ever had a romantic bone in his body. He had never thought he did either, but he supposed everybody had to start somewhere.
Beth watched Daryl as he spoke, the way his eyes nervously flashed to hers and her heart nearly broke for this sweet and gentle man. How he said everything with his eyes. Sometimes it absolutely blew her mind that it wasn't all right there on her face how much she loved him and that he didn't guess it immediately.
"My Ma said back in the ancient days, they used to bind their hands together. To pledge their vows. Said her and my pops did it in their wedding ceremony. I know this ain't the same thing, because it's not our hands, but." His eyes flew to hers as she interrupted him, put her hands on his where they'd stilled their movements on her other leg.
"Daryl it is the same thing. If you want it to be that is." She let the full weight of her words settle before she took her hands in his, laced their fingers together. "I don't want anyone else ever. I just want you." She scooted closer to him, her legs draped over his lap. It was still so new, so wonderful but it didn't feel weird at all as she wound her arms up around his neck and he turned towards her, his fingers resting on her waist, his thumbs grazing her skin lightly just above the waistband of her pants, their faces inches apart as she looked deep into his eyes.
"I meant what I said last night Daryl Dixon. It wasn't just some drunken moment. I love you. So it is the same thing. And I'll always come find you just like I know you'll always come find me." Her voice was a lot surer than she thought it would be in a situation like this. She was essentially pledging her wedding vows to the man she loved after all.
She didn't think he'd say anything. But he did. Oh he did.
"Beth."
It was one word. It was a thousand.
"I love you too. And we can do this right when we get back if ya want. Have the Father do it up proper."
She was already shaking her head, her face lit up in that Beth Greene smile that he loved so much. That he'd missed so damn much when she'd been away from him. "We did do it right. It's perfect." She smiled softly, the blue in her eyes softening, and he smiled back. Actually smiled.
He nodded. There wasn't anything left to say after that. She was right, it was perfect. One hand came up, his fingers brushing the hair from her eyes, tucking one strand behind her ear, never taking his eyes off of her, until he cupped the back of her head, closed his eyes, bringing his lips to hers in the most sweet, tender and perfect kiss, his lips moving over hers gently, tongue probing softly and entering her mouth, teasing, licking, tasting, sealing for eternity the words they'd just spoken.
He pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. They didn't really say anything. They didn't really have to. Limbs intertwined, fingers laced, foreheads pressed, and heartbeats in sync they stayed that way awhile, bound together.
It was a perfect moment in a very imperfect world. You really couldn't ask for anything more than that. It was a good day. Two lives, become one.
Yeah, pretty much perfect.
Are ya'll alive or did I kill you? So Daryl is known to wear those shoelaces around his ankles and though we don't really know why, I invented this little story because it really seems to me that it is about Beth. They did have matching shoelaces at some point, well a yin and yang version, black for her and white for him. He is still wearing her knife in the show and this is indicative that he is binding himself to her. So that's their apocalyptic wedding. It seemed fitting for Bethyl and I hope you don't mind that this story will be a little bit different, because though they are married, they will not be consummating that marriage just yet. Still, I needed them to declare what they are for several reasons. Also, the action is getting ready to amp up VERY quickly. So let me know how you liked (or didn't like) this chapter! Until next time, xoxoxo.
