EXT. ICE CHANNEL - DAY
Drago's massive flagship leads the flotilla, pulled along forcefully by whatever's at the other end of the enormous chain. Drago WHACKS the chain with his bullhook, spurring it forward.
ON DRAGO'S SHIP
Eret, Astrid, and the Gang are escorted to the stern, surrounded by several of Drago's soldiers. Wrists bound. Spear tips pressed into their backs.
SNOTLOUT Could this day get any worse?
TUFFNUT Uh, let me see. You'll jump into freezing cold water and then die from drowning.
They reach the gang plank. Eret peers overboard at the deep, icy water below.
ERET Looks refreshing.
He turns to Astrid, meeting her glare with mock chivalry.
ERET (CONT'D) Please, ladies first.
A pair of soldiers GRAB Astrid by the arms.
ASTRID You are a steaming heap of dragon-
ERET Duck.
Eret WHIRLS around, ROUND-HOUSING both soldiers. They GO DOWN, heavily.
He catches one of their spears with his bound hands and slices his ropes free.
They fall away as he catches the other spear, twirling both in invitation.
SOLDIER Warn the others!
One soldier runs to send up the alarm... while the last two raise BLOW DART TUBES. Eret SWIPES the first off of his legs, sending the dart into the neck of the second.
RUFFNUT Get `em, you son of an Eret!
As the downed soldiers SCRAMBLE to their feet, Fishlegs FALLS OVER, CRUSHING them under his weight.
Eret CATCHES the falling tube from the second soldier and BLOWS the dart at the fleeing third. The soldier DROPS, unconscious - just shy of the Captain's Quarters.
RUFFNUT (CONT'D) Okay, I love you again.
Ruffnut skips past Snotlout on her way to Eret. Snotlout watches, crestfallen.
TUFFNUT Ugh. Pathetic. You can still jump.
Eret avoids Ruffnut and turns to Astrid.
ERET So? Are we going to save your dragons and get out of here or not?
"I knew he was good!" sighed Ruffnut dreamily. Next to her, Tuffnut was repeatedly hitting his head on the back of his chair.
Astrid narrows her eyes, not knowing what to make of him. He reclaims his sword and dagger from the unconscious soldier who took them and cuts Tuffnut free.
ERET (CONT'D) Check every trap. They're here somewhere.
EXT. DRAGO'S SHIP - MOMENTS LATER
Astrid slips under a tarp and cranks open a metal trap. She peers between its massive iron teeth, discovering Meatlug within, bound and chained to its base as bait.
ASTRID Meatlug?
ON ERET Carefully cranking another trap, wincing at the sound. The iron jaws of the trap open wider with every CLICK.
ERET Anyone coming?
Ruffnut "stands guard," fixated on Eret's rippling biceps.
RUFFNUT I don't know. You just keep doing what you're doing. Keep crankin'...
"I'm gonna burf." groaned Tuffnut. In response, Emma came in and let a bucket at his feet.
Eret squeezes between the cocked teeth, finding Stormfly within, muzzled and chained. She looks up at Eret, calming immediately. He pauses, then approaches slowly.
Eret carefully reaches out and strokes Stormfly's muzzle.
ERET Thank you for saving my life. (BEAT) Now let me return the favor.
INT. DRAGON MOUNTAIN - VALKA'S LIVING QUARTERS - LATE AFTERNOON
As Toothless and Cloudjumper hover for scraps, Stoick and Valka prepare skewers of fish. She's overwhelmed, lost in her thoughts, and covering it up poorly.
HICCUP Mom, you'd never recognize it! Where we used to make weapons, we now build saddles, wing slings - we even fix dragon teeth!
You wouldn't believe how much everything's changed!
Valka offers a skittish half-smile and hands him a plate.
STOICK Our son's changed Berk for the better. I think we did well with this one, Val.
HICCUP Thanks, Dad.
Stoick places his hands on Valka's shoulders. She flinches, dropping the plate. Cloudjumper steals the fish before Toothless can get to it. Toothless whimpers, and as a sign of acceptance, Cloudjumper regurgitates the fish so Toothless can have some.
"I think he's starting to like you, bud." said Hiccup, patting Toothless on the head. Cloudjumper, on the other hand, huffed in annoyence and turned his head away.
VALKA I'm... a little out of practice.
STOICK (SWEETLY) Well, y'know... I didn't marry you for your cooking.
GOBBER (to Hiccup and Grump) I hope not. Her meatballs could kill more beasts than a battle axe. I've still got a few knocking around in here. Ha ha!
Gobber takes a bite, gags, and dump the entire plate of fish skewers into Grump's mouth like a trash can.
HICCUP And once you move back in, with all of your dragons, Drago won't even stand a chance. Everything will be okay!
Stoick can see that Valka is overwhelmed. He lays a hand upon Hiccup's shoulder, calming him.
STOICK Slow down, son. It's a lot to take in.
HICCUP Oh. Gotcha.
Valka crosses the room to fill a flask with water, back turned to the group, as Stoick eyes her sympathetically. He decides on a different approach... and whistles a familiar tune. ON VALKA, as her eyes widen, stirred, recognizing the melody. She turns away from Stoick, as the water overflows from the flask.
GOBBER Oh, I love this one!
Stoick approaches her delicately.
STOICK (WHISPERED) Remember our song, Val?
Hiccup watches him, curious, as Stoick FUMBLES THROUGH THE FIRST VERSE of an old Viking courting song:
STOICK (CONT'D) (SINGING SOFTLY) I'll swim and sail on savage seas, with ne'er a fear of drowning. And gladly ride the waves of life, if you will marry me.
Valka avoids his gaze, wallowing in a mess of emotions.
STOICK (CONT'D) (SINGING) No scorching sun, nor freezing cold WILL -
GOBBER (SINGING) - will stop me on my journey! (catching himself, EMBARRASSED) Sorry.
"Way to ruin the mood, Gobber." chukled Kat.
"It's not my fault. I love this song!"
Stoick scowls at him, then returns his attention to Valka.
STOICK (SINGING) If you will promise me your heart...
Stoick pauses, setting Valka up for her part of the duet.
STOICK (CONT'D) And love...
Stoick hangs eagerly, awaiting her words, but Valka closes her eyes, rejecting his invitation. He lets out a heavy- hearted sigh. But nostalgia gets the better of Valka. She softly SINGS HER PART:
VALKA (SINGING) And love me for eternity.
Stoick beams. She brushes past him, setting into the center of the chamber and holding her forearm aloft in invitation. Stoick crosses his forearm against hers, initiating a beautiful dance to accompany the song.
VALKA (CONT'D) (SINGING) My dearest one, my darling dear, you mighty words astound me. But I've no need of mighty deeds, when I feel your arms around me.
The dance is full of charming missteps as Stoick and Valka recreate a moment from their past, before Hiccup's wonder- struck eyes.
STOICK (SINGING) But I would bring you rings of gold. I'd even sing you poetry. And I would keep you from all harm, if you'd stay here beside me.
VALKA (SINGING) I have no use for rings of gold. I care not for your poetry. I only want your hand to hold. I only want you near me.
Gobber can't help himself. He drags Hiccup onto his feet so that he can join in the dancing, too.
GOBBER C'mon, Hiccup!
Toothless looked up at Hiccup with his best puppy eyes and whimpered.
"Fine." sighed Hiccup and got up, trying to dance with his overly energetic best friend.
Soon, one by one, every Viking and dragon in the room had stood up and danced.
VALKA, STOICK, & GOBBER (SINGING) To love and kiss, to sweetly hold. For the dancing and the dreaming. Through all life's sorrows and delights, I'll keep your love inside me.
Hiccup is amazed by the sight of his giddy parents, spinning and laughing in each others' arms, reunited.
VALKA, STOICK, & GOBBER (CONT'D) (SINGING) I'll swim and sail through savage seas, with ne'er a fear of drowning. And gladly ride the waves of life, if you will marry me!
Gobber carries the last note...
GOBBER (SINGING) Meeeeeee... I'm still goinnnnnnn'...
Hiccup taps him.
HICCUP Gobber!
GOBBER I'm done.
Valka and Stoick slow to a stop, WINDED and LAUGHING.
STOICK Ah... I thought I'd have to die before we'd have that dance again.
VALKA No need for drastic measures.
STOICK For you, my dear... anything.
She smiles sweetly. Stoick's eyes well with tears. He goes down on one knee, proposing to her anew.
STOICK (CONT'D) Will you come home, Val? Will you be my wife once again?
Toothless nudges Valka closer to Stoick. They laugh as Hiccup joins them. Stoick throws his arm around him.
STOICK (CONT'D) We can be a family! What do you say?
Valka, between tears and laughter, turns to Hiccup.
VALKA Yes!
"Who knew Stoick had it in him?" mused Zamble.
Said chief and his wife were kissing, not paying attention to anyone, not even Kat who was taking pictures of them.
"And here I was getting the impression that you people just got the hang of not speaking during the movie." Pag sighed, "Ah, well, this fic would be boring if that was the case." the cloaked being muttered.
Kat slaps Pag upside the head. "No breaking the fourth wall!" she hissed
Gobber pops his head in.
GOBBER Great! I'll do the cooking!
They laugh.
STOICK Thank Odin you didn't listen to me, son. We never would have found each other.
Suddenly, Toothless and Cloudjumper suddenly perk up, sensing something unheard. Hiccup notices.
HICCUP Toothless?
Dragons SWARM past Valka's chamber, racing toward some unknown disturbance.
HICCUP (CONT'D) What's happening?
They're answered by subsequent HEAVY BOOMS that reverberate through the fortress.
EXT. DRAGON MOUNTAIN - MOMENTS LATER
Valka rushes out to find... DRAGO'S ARMADA in the lagoon below and his forces of thousands now landed upon the beach. They launch catapults and ballistas into the icy spires, gaining entrance into the mountain's tunnels. Hiccup, Stoick, and Gobber catch up to Valka.
"This isn't good."
"What gave you that idea, Hiccup?" Astrid snorted.
HICCUP Oh, no...
Valka tries to hurry off, fuming. Stoick stops her.
STOICK Val! It's all right, it's all right. We're a team now. (BEAT) Now what do you want to do?
She glances from Hiccup to Stoick.
VALKA We have to save the dragons.
STOICK (DETERMINED) Aye. You got it!
He throws an arm around Hiccup.
STOICK (CONT'D) Come on, son.
"Nothing's better for a family reunion than busting in some enemy heads, huh?" jokked Kat.
The vikings nodded with happy grins.
"That was a joke." sighed Pag.
ON THE BATTLEFIELD
VALKA'S DRAGONS SWOOP down to engage the attackers, picking up soldiers and carrying them off while Drago stands in the line of fire, unflinching. The catapults continue to bring down the icy defenses of dragon mountain. Drago's men pour into the tunnels.
"Target in sight! Quick, someone give me the paintbrush of doom!" Pag cried.
"Unfortunately, it's just the movie." Zamble told the hooded person.
"You might want to take off the 3D special edition glasses." Kat said.
"Huh? Oh." Pag took off the glasses.
"Paintbrush of doom?" Hiccup mouthed to Kat.
"Don't ask." she mouthed back.
DRAGO Whatever comes, keep hitting the mountain! We need to draw the alpha out.
Drago's armored DRAGON ARMY takes wing, clashing with Valka's dragons in the skies.
DRAGO (CONT'D) Ready the traps!
Iron jaws are opened like bear traps, revealing screeching `bait' dragons within. Valka's dragons swoop down to rescue them, only to be SNAPPED UP in the fearsome jaws. A second set of traps are cocked open, but instead of dragon cries, ZIPPLEBACK GAS seeps out... followed by an EXPLOSION. The TWINS rocket out of the trap, riding BARF and BELCH.
TUFFNUT Surprise! Yeah!
DRAGO WHAT?!
They're joined by Astrid and the rest of the GANG, bursting out of the traps atop Meatlug and Hookfang. Eret comes flying out last, WAILING aboard Stormfly. He struggles to hold on, as she rejoins Astrid (riding Meatlug, along with Fishlegs). He gives them a sheepish shrug.
"Guess he'll need some extra lesson." Rose pointed out matter-of-factly.
ASTRID You really are full of surprises.
She leaps onto Stormfly, steadying them.
ASTRID (CONT'D) Let's go!
Together they rocket across the sky...
TUFFNUT Dragon Riders coming through!
And DIVE-BOMB the traps, setting them aflame. The yokes and leather bindings restraining the bait dragons are incinerated, freeing them to fly away, unharmed.
DRAGO CUT THEM DOWN!
Projectiles are launched, one of which KNOCKS Ruffnut off her dragon. She
PLUMMETS past Eret toward the rocky shore below.
RUFFNUT Eret, son of Eret!
She suddenly grabbed by both arms before hitting the rocks.
RUFFNUT'S POV: of Snotlout on one side... and Fishlegs on the other. SOFT and ROMANTICIZED as her epiphany dawns.
"Ugh, this is getting worse." Tuffnut groaned.
Pag pats him on the shoulder. "I feel you man. My sister keeps going on about yaoi, BL, and slash. It leads to awkward conversations starting with when she asked what it is. Worst mistake of my life. You really don't want to know, but be grateful Ruffnut hasn't discovered it. Even if she isn't the type to like it. It'll get better... In a couple of years." Pag muttered the last part away from Tuffnut's hearing range.
Above them, more catapults fire, bringing down massive spires of ice, directly over Astrid and Eret.
ASTRID Up, girl! To the left, Eret! That's it! Look out!
It's about to crush them when... it's BLOWN TO PIECES by Toothless' fireball. Hiccup, Stoick, and Gobber come bursting through the flames on their dragons. Hiccup and Toothless arc across the sky triumphantly and set their sights on a downed dragon surrounded by soldiers. Toothless BLASTS one of Drago's net launchers, knocking it onto its side. Stoick then CHOPS the trigger line, FIRING the catapult and NETTING the throng of soldiers, freeing the dragon. Drago's ARCHERS target Stoick with their arrows.
ARCHER Take `em down!
GOBBER Heads up!
Gobber flies up from behind, KNOCKING the archers out with Grump's tail.
Gobber chuckles.
"That's like bowling!" exclaimed Kat cheerfuly.
DRAGO hears Toothless' tell-tale BANSHEE scream and turns to see him streaking across the sky.
DRAGO Dragon Master.
Hiccup catches up to Astrid and Eret on Stormfly.
HICCUP Welcome aboard, dragon rider!
ERET Thanks. I think.
Astrid glares, both relieved and annoyed to see Hiccup.
ASTRID Where have you been?
HICCUP Oh, y'know. Catching up with Mom.
Astrid shoots him a confused glare. He nods skyward. Astrid and Eret look up to see... VALKA, in full warrior garb, rising from the towering ice spikes, atop Cloudjumper.
ERET Whoa...
An earth-trembling roar follows as the Bewilderbeast rises behind Valka.
ASTRID That's your mother?!
HICCUP Well, now you know where I get my dramatic flair.
"Well, you'll get along with your fiture mother-in-law well. Wish I could say the same for Percy." Kat said
"You really have to stop that." sighed Rose.
"It's not my fault! Don't you think I would if I could?!"
"While we're on the topic of meeting parents, what do you think would happen if the pineapple meets the skull's parents?" Pag asked Kat and Zamble/Rose.
Silence. Everyone stared at the cloaked figure.
"...I just realized how odd that sounded to those who don't support 6996."
"Well, I doudt the skull's parents would really care." started Kat. "If they did, they'd probably call the pineapple a criminal and tell the scull she can't date him. Then he'd just scare the crap out of them with his illusions."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." said Roze pusled.
ON DRAGO, gawking in awe as the great BEWILDERBEAST BLASTS an epic explosion of ice upon the attackers.
DRAGO The alpha! Now we have a fight!
Valka blasts overhead on Cloudjumper, commanding swarms of dragons to swoop down and attack Drago's army. A swarm of Zipplebacks set themselves aflame and roll like fiery wagon wheels through the battlefield, scattering soldiers and destroying war machines. One of them gets CAUGHT under a Dragon Swatter, but Hiccup and Toothless double-back for a rescue.
HICCUP There! Come on, Toothless! Show them what you got, bud.
Toothless dive-bombs the swatter and DESTROYS it with a plasma bolt, freeing the dragon.
HICCUP (CONT'D) Thatta boy!
BACK TO VALKA, on Cloudjumper as they pry Drago's armored dragons off of the flailing wild ones. A net suddenly envelops Cloudjumper. They CRASH heavily, but Valka cuts herself free, sliding to a stop just paces away from Drago.
DRAGO I've waited a long time for this!
Drago cocks his bull hook, ready to strike, but Valka deflects Drago's hit and attacks him.
VALKA You cannot take our dragons! They are controlled by the alpha!
DRAGO (SMUG) Then it's a good thing I brought a challenger.
He turns to the flagship and YELLS savagely, whirling his bullhook overhead. The heavy chains are released. The underwater creature, now freed, breaks the surface in an epic cascade of seawater. It rises toward the shoreline, revealing itself to be... A SECOND BEWILDERBEAST - bigger, meaner, and covered in scars that indicate years of training and abuse. The chains fall away from iron cuffs fastened to its massive tusks. Valka GASPS.
"Ah, crap." Astrid complained.
"Now we're in trouble." whispered Gobber in awe. Yep, he'd need new undies.
HICCUP (HORRIFIED) Another one?
FISHLEGS I WAS WAY OFF! THAT IS A CLASS TEN! CLASS TEN!
Drago's challenger lumbers onto the beach, focused on Valka's Bewilderbeast.
VALKA No. No.
DRAGO Come on! Take down the alpha!
Valka attacks Drago with her bullhook, trying to stop his commands, but Drago strikes back, knocking her forcefully onto her back. He pins her as she struggles, removing her mask and staff. He's about to finish her off, when WHAM! He's knocked to the ground. He looks up, fuming, to see Stoick helping Valka to her feet.
VALKA Thank you.
STOICK For you, my dear... anything.
As Drago gathers his weapon and drops his heavy cloak, circling Stoick, Drago's Bewilderbeast confronts Valka's in a threat display.
STOICK (CONT'D) Val, do you think you can stop them?
VALKA I'll do my best! Come on, Cloudjumper!
Valka cuts the nets away and hops onto Cloudjumper, flying off toward the Bewilderbeasts as they charge each other, CLASHING TUSKS. Drago LUNGES at Stoick, SWIPING his bullhook.
DRAGO You... I watched you burn!
The two imposing warriors CLASH WEAPONS, SLASHING and LANDING PUNCHES.
STOICK It takes more than a little fire to kill me!
"Am I the only one who feels horrible about what we're doing?" questioned Rose. The other girl shook her head.
"Nope."
Pag turns to Rose. "We still don't know if we're going to let them change the future or not. In the event that we do, the third movie is going to be an alternate universe will likely happen. I'm kinda worried about what we're going to do about Hicca's if we do. There's going to be some drastic changes in the third one. Man, I'm talking a lot today."
"Yes, you are and I'm still working on that." replied Kat.
Valka flies between the Bewilderbeasts, waving her staff commandingly, but to no effect.
BACK TO STOICK AND DRAGO
As Drago hooks and yanks the axe out of Stoick's hands. Gobber flies by and HURLS his mace attachment.
GOBBER Stoick!
Stoick catches it and lands a direct hit on Drago. But, with a devastating SWIPE, DRAGO's Bewilderbeast takes down Valka's, plunging in its tusks and burying its opponent's lifeless body under an avalanche.
"Oh, boy." mutters Gobber.
"This is bad.! Hiccup said, Toothless, his parents and most of the audience noddin in agreement.
VALKA No!
Hiccup and the others watch in horror as dragons everywhere land and bow their heads in acknowledgement of the new alpha - - DRAGO'S ALPHA.
DRAGO We've won.
Drago points his bullhook toward Valka and Cloudjumper.
DRAGO (CONT'D) Now finish her!
Stoick whirls around, spotting Valka and Cloudjumper in the alpha's sights.
STOICK No!
Drago's Bewilderbeast INHALES... and BLASTS! Valka steers Cloudjumper out of the way, but ice HITS his tail, causing them to SPIRAL out of control toward the icy spires.
STOICK (CONT'D) Hold on!
He LEAPS onto Skullcrusher, spurring him into the air.
STOICK (CONT'D) Skullcrusher, go! Come on, Gobber!
Stoick tosses the mace back to Gobber in passing, who follows brazenly, waving it aloft.
GOBBER Right behind ya, Stoick!
