It was now, with only minutes left to spare, that Cosima wasn't sure why she said yes.
She was restless the whole night, tossing and turning every hour with a mind full of possible outcomes that the next evening will hold. Her dreams brought her no sanctuary, either, but she was well-minded enough to not bother calling Shay.
"Not a date." She muttered to herself as she tumbled backwards on her bed, struggling to pull off another pair of tights. "Definitely not like the bar. You're just a plus one. A guest, a friend. Not a date."
Hearing the words out loud offered a temporary reassurance, but not enough to sooth her wracking nerves. Cosima adjusted the black straps on the dress slip nervously, her hands desperately needing something to do so she wouldn't rip her dreads out. She pulled on another dress, this time a dark blue that fell to her ankles. It was nice, but not what she was looking for, not something that Delphine would be impressed with. With a heavy roll of her eyes, she pulled that one off too, tossing it to the heap of dresses in the middle of her mattress. She was five down, three to go. As she dove towards her closet, a familiar rapping on her door stopped her in her tracks.
"Shit!" Cosima grunts, her hands clasping against her forehead. She glances at the clock, it's only 8:30. Delphine said she would pick her up at a quarter to nine. Cosima was still clad in just the black slip for her dresses, having spent thirty minutes getting nowhere on deciding which one she should wear. She pulls herself up from her bed, barely trying to adjust her clothes in the mirror as she runs to answer the door.
"Hey-oh." Delphine's smile is quickly gone, barely able to restrain herself from eyeing Cosima's barely-arrayed body. Cosima on the other hand is practically in a daze, soaking up Delphine's outfit. Under her grey coat is a form fitting black and white dress, cutting around the knee and matched with black heels. But it's the curve Delphine's lips that Cosima can't help but stare at, stained a deep red that accentuates every precise dip and swell. Cosima licked her own lips, letting out a shaky breath in the process.
"Hey, sorry. Come in!" Cosima offered, taking Delphine's jacket and ushering her in. "I'm just getting…I'm almost ready." She called, bouncing back to her bedroom and whipping through the heap of dresses on her bed.
"No, I am sorry. I think I am early." Delphine smiled weakly, her stomach still fluttering as she forced her eyes away from Cosima's bedroom entrance, trying her best not to get a second glance at the woman. Delphine wasn't sure what was coming over her. It felt like the Christmas show all over again, her mind was going blank- losing control of her body at a dreadfully slow pace whilst it formed a mind of its own.
The flutter of Cosima's feet padding across the bedroom floor gave her enough confidence to turn around. The brunette was there, a deep wine colored dress hugging her body, just cutting off at her knee. Delphine's eyes wandered, tracing the lace pattern on her tights as they dipped into her black heeled boots.
"Mon Dieu…" Delphine whispered, bringing her fingers to her mouth to stifle her gasp. She turned her back to Cosima, pressing her hands flat against her abdomen at a feeble attempt to sooth the anxious butterflies swarming about. Cosima was quite literally breathtaking. Delphine had a hard time trying to decipher whether it was arousal or appreciation for her friend's natural beauty.
"Is it really that bad?" Cosima laughed quietly, pulling on her favorite red coat and tucking her phone into the pocket. She had sincerely hoped Delphine was feeling just an inkling of what she was going through herself after seeing the French woman in that dress.
Delphine turned around slowly, swallowing back her feelings hard. She shook her head, her tied back curls not moving an inch. "Non." She assured hoarsely, letting Cosima help her back into her coat. She felt the smaller woman (who was now about her height in those heels) feather the pads of her fingertips across her neck. She knew Cosima could probably see the goose-bumps erecting across her ivory skin from the way her hands quickly drew back. "Très belle." Delphine practically whispered, turning around to face Cosima, fixing her coat collar.
She could barely say thank you, not trusting herself to use her mouth. Instead they smiled softly at each other, neither woman brave enough to speak. Delphine is the first one to break the bind, moving towards the door and opening it, ushering Cosima out. They walk down the flights of stares in silence, both their hands shoved deep in to the pockets of their coats in fear of grazing the other. How badly Delphine wanted to have Cosima's hand in her own, desperately craving the warmth of her skin. When reaching Delphine's car, she made it a point to open the door for Cosima, ushering her in.
"Oh." She gasped, smiling sweetly at the blonde woman as she climbed into the passenger seat. "Thank you."
"I aim to please." Delphine smiled, closing the door and walking around to her side.
"You aim tease." Cosima grunted to herself before Delphine got in the car.
"Are you excited?" Delphine asked, glancing sideways at Cosima who was intently staring at the window. Snow was starting to fall again that evening, lightly powdering the ground.
"For the party? Maybe a little nervous. I don't know anybody." She shrugged as Delphine pulled into the parking lot. She couldn't help herself, gently squeezing Cosima's knee for only a moment- both women being shot back into the past from the show yesterday.
"I don't know anybody either, really." She confessed.
It was true, Delphine hadn't really built friendships with her co-workers. They were nice to each other, worked well, but Delphine never really associated with them about anything that wasn't school related. Most of the teachers were friends, and Delphine was the newest person there, so she couldn't brave it out to find her place.
Cosima shuffled herself out before Delphine had the chance to pull the chivalry card once again. The snow is falling softly, just enough to wet her glasses and sprinkle her eyelashes. She always forgot how quickly it got dark in the winter, the whole street a pitch black with exception to where the street lamps offered their orange light.
"Ready?" Delphine asked, coming up alongside Cosima.
She nodded, her stomach light as air at how the snowflakes were beginning to dust Delphine's angel hair, the cold brushing a rosy hue onto her cheeks. The two women made their way inside the building, Cosima following Delphine to the library-turned-party room.
She had to admit, it was cute. The tables and chairs were pushed aside to the perimeter of the room with the exception of a long one that had trays of food and various drinks piled onto it. Teachers and faculty alike were spotted around, some with drinks in their hands as they held small little conversations here and there. Cosima felt at ease, realizing it was not going to be some haughty, super-formal gig that she'd have to endure.
"Delphine!"
They both turned, seeing a wide-eyed woman bounce towards them, a glass of champagne sloshing in her grip. Delphine smiled, waving her hand as she approached.
"Oh. Bonsoir, Danielle." She greeted. She leaned to kiss the woman on either cheek, a formality that Cosima had grown fond of thinking was exclusively for her. She couldn't help the jealous tinge that was balling her fists. Delphine pulled away as fleetingly as she had leaned in, stepping closer to Cosima and ever so gently grasping her forearm. "Cosima, this is Danielle Fournier. She teaches Kindergarten, as well. Danielle, this is my dear friend Cosima."
Danielle smiled at her genuinely, extending her hand. "So nice to meet you! Kira's mom, right?" she asked.
Cosima faked a smile, staring at Danielle's hand before gingerly shaking it, clearly un-amused. "Uhm, aunt. You're thinking about my sister." She chocked her head to the side, grinning so wide that Delphine could feel the sarcastic politeness radiating off.
She had to suppress a giggle. Only Cosima could kill people with kindness, a trait that she's sure the woman prided herself in.
"Right… well okay then!" Danielle cheered, taking liberal sips of her champagne. "Enjoy the party!" Delphine and Cosima watched her bounce off to another group. They looked at each other with identical blank expressions before cracking up, their giggles adding to the buzz of conversation and music in the room.
They took possession of a table by the library window, sitting across from each other grabbing a glass of champagne each.
"I forgot how small children's desks are." Cosima laughed, fidgeting in the tiny chair.
"You get used to it." Delphine smiled, watching the tiny brunette trying to get comfortable. "I must say I'm impressed. I've never been to one of the faculty parties, I had low expectations."
"You've never been to one?" Cosima asked, her face screwing up in confusion as the blonde shook her head. "Why not?"
Delphine just shrugged, leaning back in her chair and strumming her fingers on the table. Cosima noticed they were painted a deep red, matching her lipstick. The black, white, and red scheme that Delphine was sporting was driving Cosima absolutely crazy. "Mm, non. I never saw a reason, too. I am partial to staying home with a book and a blanket."
Cosima smiled, her tongue poking out fleetingly between her teeth, nodding her head vigorously. "Couldn't agree more." she said, locking coy eyes with the woman across from her. Delphine nearly swallowed her tongue, catching the angle of Cosima's face in the perfect lighting. She gasped, shuddering as she exhaled, trying her best to remain as composed as possible.
"What?" Cosima asked teasingly, cocking her head to one side. "Do I take your breath away, Ms. Cormier?"
"Cheeky." Delphine huffed, sticking her tongue out quickly at the girl across from her. "You know, you said that to me the first time we met in the auditorium."
"Whoah, dude. You remember that?" Cosima had to admit, she was surprised. She herself had a great memory, but Delphine was spot on. She does vaguely remember saying so, feeling a blush coloring her cheeks.
"Oui. I do. Cheeky." Delphine confirmed, slow heavy breaths omitting from her lungs. Cosima tried her best not to watch the rise and fall of Delphine's chest, finding herself breathing at the same pace. "I bet you say that to all the girls." She teased.
"Ha. Definitely not." Cosima laughed, leaning back in her chair and cleaning off her champagne, grabbing another one off their table. "Just you."
"I should feel special then, shouldn't I?"
"You should."
Delphine could only stare, unsure of what to say. She didn't know where this conversation as going, both of them dragging it into flirtatious grounds. Delphine didn't want to hurt Cosima, didn't want to lead her on when she was still trying to figure out was what was going on with herself. She gulped, opening her mouth to respond when the familiar drum beat of her favorite song began to fill the room. Her eyes went wide, lighting up with pure glee. Cosima, clearly confused, couldn't help but smile as well. What could she say? Delphine's smile was contagious. She watched the woman practically jump from her seat, extending her hand out to the woman.
"Oh, Cosima!" This is one of my favorite songs!" she exclaimed, pulling Cosima up with no preamble of a warning. "Come on, we have to dance. "
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"ˆ
Cosima laughed, shaking her head and allowing Delphine to take her to the middle of the crowded pseudo- dance floor. The song continued, bringing Cosima back to her high school years when she would blast this song on her earbuds while long boarding through the Bay Area. It used to be the only Cure song she'd listen to. She had to admit, it was good. They bounced and glided in perfect sink to each other, laughing and giggling as hands bumped with hips and shoulders. Cosima watched Delphine in pure awe as she sang every single word to the song.
"The Cure? Really?" she asked loudly above the music. More and more teachers were beginning to follow their lead, crowding the floor space.
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
"Oui!" Delphine laughed in pure bliss, her hands finding refuge linked around Cosima's neck, pulling the woman slightly closer. "Just Like Heaven is my favorite." she added during a music interlude.
Cosima shrugged away any insecurity she might have brought with her, responding to Delphine's electrifying touch by bringing her own hands to rest off the blonde's hips. They danced and laughed, both of them singing and laughing as people around them occasionally bumped into them.
The song came to a close as quickly as it started, both women far too wrapped up in each other to realize it. One of Delphine's hands had snuck it way to cupping the side of Cosima's neck at some point, her thumb grazing her jaw soothingly. When Cosima realized this, she pushed Delphine by the hips softly, but quickly, away from her. They didn't realize how close they had gotten during the song, their hips flush against the other in a very intimate embrace.
"That was…fun." Delphine panted, a nervous smile creasing her lips as she reached to thumb off the beaded sweat from Cosima's hairline.
"I need… a drink…" Cosima managed the best she good, still trying to level her breathing. Delphine grabbed her hand, smiling and Cosima swore she saw a wink, as the woman led her to the refreshments table. She twisted open a bottle of water, generously taking a swig before passing it onto Cosima.
"Thanks." She said, drinking from it copiously to quench her thirst. Cosima looked around, trying to remember when the lights had been dimmed the way they were. It was quiet except for a few snickers here and there, the sound bringing Cosima back to the gossipy days of middle school.
"Hey, Cormier!" a clearly tipsy man called from somewhere in the room. Both women turned to look at him, a stupid grin plastered across his face. He was sporting a Santa hat and a questionably atrocious holiday sweater, one that even made Cosima cringe.
"David." She breathed. Jutting her chin towards the fourth grade teacher for Cosima to find. She nodded, inching herself closer to Delphine, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable with his eyes on her."Oui?" Delphine looked at him quizzically, her eyes narrow as she tried to find him.
"Get on with it, yeah? We're all waiting!" he laughed. In a moment's time all eyes were on them, smiles and childish giggles following suit. Their blank stares were all he got in return, rolling his eyes and jutting his beefy hand upwards towards the ceiling.
Both woman exchanged glances before looking up. There, fixated quite poorly and dangling just above them, was a mistletoe. Cosima's breath caught in her throat, a hoarse little yelp sneaking past her lips. She felt Delphine's hand go slack in her grasp, releasing it right before her own started to tremble.
Delphine knew what that mistletoe meant, she had shared kisses beneath them with past lovers before. But this was different. This was no lover. This was Cosima.
Cosima, who had grown to be one of her best friends- her only friend. Cosima who would text and call her all through the night like teenage girls. Cosima who would bring her coffee and let her sneak bites of her lunch. This was Cosima, the woman who sent swarms of butterflies raging through her stomach, who clouded her mind and stopped her from thinking straight whenever she smiled. This was Cosima under the mistletoe.
"This is crazy…" Cosima laughed nervously, trying (and failing) to ease the tension.
"Cosima." She tried, eyes transfixed on the woman's strong features accentuated by the shadows of the overhead florescent. The longer Delphine stared, the more she realized the raw, untouched beauty that simply was Cosima. She could feel her mind beginning to numb, her conscience crawling back into its corner and leaving her stagnant with only her heart to sound reason.
"Like, we're friends-"
"Cosima-"
"Don't feel obligated or anything. Like this is a really stupid tradition anyway-"
"Oh merde!" Delphine cursed under her breath, bringing her hand to Cosima's cheek. She cupped the smooth skin, still warm and rosy from dancing, as she couldn't help but brush her thumb over Cosima's bottom lip just once. The brunette shuddered under her touch, her knees practically buckling.
Delphine was starting so intently at Cosima's face, studying every inch of it that she didn't realize Cosima was nearing in. She gasped silently, feeling the lips of the brunette's barely ghost against her own. It was chaste, barely even a brush. Cosima didn't dare move, letting Delphine decide on her own how this would go- little did she know that Delphine's own thoughts were downright non-existent.
Her mind was at a complete stand-still, not a single thought could be generated as her heart began to take the reigns, reinforcing her grip on Cosima's face and pulling her back once more, her mouth slightly open as she kissed Cosima again. This time it was the slightest bit firmer, their lips moving against the others once, twice, three times. Cosima's mouth was both warm and cool, soft and firm, familiar yet completely foreign all at the same time. It was nothing and everything as Delphine had imagined it to be.
God how she craved the taste and feel of Cosima, her dream-versions missing the mark by miles. Nothing and everything was right in this moment, the crowds of people around her dissipating, the lights ceasing, it was just them- even if just for a moment.
It wasn't until she felt Cosima's hand anchor down onto her shoulder that reality slammed back into her conscience. She snapped her eyes open wide, throwing her head back and away from Cosima's lips, an expression that was completely composed of panic on her face. She sucked in her bottom lip, still tasting Cosima's chapstick as all she could do was shake her head.
They stared at each other, all eyes in the silent room completely on them. Cosima's hand absentmindedly made it's way to her lips, touching where Delphine's had just been. She cannot believe what had literally just happened. The moment she had cried over, dreamed of, imagined happening since the moment she laid eyes on her had finally come. Her heart was pounding a millions beats a minute as she stared at Delphine, who looked to be near the brink of tears. Cosima felt as if she crossed a line by kissing her. But the alcohol, the mistletoe, the music- it all felt so right. The woman across from her even kissed her back! So why was regret sinking into the pit of her chest at a far too rapid pace.
Delphine's head turned left and right, eyes shaking as she absorbed all the crazed expressions from her coworkers. Not a single sound could be heard but their breathing, Delphine's rapidly increasing breath with every new glance she found. How could she let this happen? How could she out herself to an entire school when she couldn't even do it to her own person? The thought made her sick to her stomach, turning her head slowly to see a bewildered brunette staring sadly back up at her.
"Cosima…" she croaked hoarsely, a knot in her throat beginning to form.
Cosima was afraid to move, the implications of what had just went down for Delphine coming to light in her mind. Instead, all she could do was lock eyes with the woman, silently coaxing her to just look at her and not the other million pairs of eyes gawking at them. She wanted to apologize, but it was entirely Delphine who kissed her. Now, she wanted to know why. Before she even had the chance to open her mouth, Delphine was gone, running clear out of the room and leaving Cosima to fend for herself.
