A Note- I'm sorry it took me so long to update but here you go! I don't own much.

"So Al and Alice broke up!"

This exclamation followed many theatrical gasps from the gaggle of girls that were perpetually at the door of the common room- I mean seriously, get in or get out.

Having spent the majority of the fast half a month outside the dungeons, these doorway harpies were the only thing that kept me up to date in the Slytherin Elite.

The Slytherin Elite is a special group, consisting of a select few people. There are a lot of things that one needs to have to get in.

Famous parents (not that hard a task, that), average to above average grades (but we can't have a bookworm now, can we?), a decent face and the ability to navigate to the top.

I, Scorpius Malfoy am going to give you a crash course on how to manoeuvre through the Slytherin hierarchy.

Now you already know the gossiping harpies. I walk in to the common room, a sinister place to be during daytime. However it's evening and right now, the official hub of Hogwarts gossip has shifted to us. The morining belongs to Hufflepuffs, the afternoons to Gryffindor and the nighttime is Ravenclaw territory when it comes to the grapevine..

Silas Wood went wild with Winnie Todd? Loopy Anne was caught with her supply of Happy? Cassia Shorett turned down Gryffindor Finnegan? Al and Alice broke up? Do tell more.

The whole room was abuzz with exclamations of-

"They were so perfect together!"

And alternately,

"Hands off Albus Potter is mine bitch!"

And a very curious observation made by Effie Zabini,

"Heartbroken Quidditch players are more likely to win. I'm betting you that we'll bag the trophy this year!"

The best and the worst thing about gossip is that it erases boundaries. First years hanging out with seventh years, Gryffindors giggling with Slytherins and the Hufflepuffs' with their passing around the table game is a must. Ravenclaws, well I will suggest you to not go near the library after dinner unless you damn well know how to avoid them. Weird, scary rituals.

And did I say that crude gossip has no gender? Well...

"Alice was a slut, Al was right to leave her." Mutters Flint, staring at his chewed off fingernails.

Not to mention-

"Look, Alice is a nice girl, Al should know how to keep it in his pants..." Says Tobias, a yellow-faced fourth year.

And of course me, I'm above it all-

"So dibs on who'll hookup with a different person first?" I yell, raising one arm to see a small crowd gather.

Now there's no harm in placing bets is there? Javier and Rick's law of probability in mob circumstances* says that I'll make money anyway. Two people at a time will approach me, half thinking of the fight and half of the money, having picked their sides. They don't realise that no matter what, I'll be keeping ten percent of their keep anyway. They'll be too busy having a fight of their own.

"I put in money for Alice!"

"Two galleons,"

"Albus!"

"Two galleons,"

And so it went on. Soon all the third and fourth years had lighter pockets. The younger ones fall for it first. Annika was one of the first to place bets. I am pretty certain she likes me back now.

"I say Al," says Tobias, handing in his two gold.

"Alice," Abbie Nott makes her contribution.

"And I say none," comes a cold voice.

Oh Merlin, I almost made it to a hundred.

"Al," I said, grinning.

Al on the other hand seemed to look quite green. Or maybe that was just the general light reflecting from the room. Then he grins too.

"I see you've made money over my dead body."

"Yeah," I say, scratching the back of my head, " Javier and Rick's you know, once in a lifetime opportunity. How are you?"

Al tilts his head.

"Oh I dunno, single? Heart get broken but the show goes on?"

I go back to making bets. What? We're Slytherins, ambition and cunning above everything else.

"Two galleons! The poll is closing up!" I call.

At dinner, I am flanked by Cas on one side and Rose on the other.

However this a time it's Cassia who makes me wanna throw the jug of pumpkin juice on her head. And she's blocking my view. If discretely ogling Annika Morris was a profession, I'd be rolling by now. Now only if Cas could move a leetle to the left...

"Ooh, you should've seen her face Scor!" She cackles delightedly.

"I did," piped up Rose, laying some mashed peas on her plate, " she looks terrible Cas."

"I know right!" Cas giggles. Evil, just plain evil.

True to Rose's word, Alice did look terrible. Her makeup was all running down her face, her hair coming out of it's usually sleek ponytail and her usually cheery round face frowning. Her eyes were red and puffy. Professor Longbottom was shooting concerned looks towards said student.

I scowled and dug into my food. Cassia was happily crowing on and on about how much she hated Alice. What I'd give for some silence.

My plate was soon empty. Cas had just left the scene, leaving me with Rose.

Rose hummed, her plate of food half empty. She had that same sad, self pitying expression on her face. Now that I knew why she did it, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her.

"You don't seem to be hungry."

"Stop the pity party," she mumbled almost incoherently, her head down on the table.

I stared off into space. She was dying, she was high and still in moderate amounts of pain. Pain, how do you help someone in pain? Simple- distract them.

"Hey, d'you know that the hypothesis I'm working on..." I paused hoping so to see some signs of interest.

Rose looked up.

"Yeah well I've realised that if I take the coefficients of a particular set of variables of say a-a cat and a panther's co-magical relativity or say a Jack Russel Terrier and a Crup..." I rattled off as slowly saw a smile appear on Rose's face.

I went on about the number of factors that this could change if my loophole was applied in daily life. Then I paused to take a swig of my glass of pumpkin juice.

"You'd be a great professor Scorpion."

"Ack! Really?" I nearly choked.

Rose grinned and nodded.

Professor Malfoy. It does have a nice ring to it innit?