The Flashback Part 2: Junior and Senior Years

Junior Year

Madge starts her third year of school in some sort of love induced stupor. She thinks about the love that she once dreamt about and the relationship she has now, and really can't tell the difference between the two.

Her summer consisted of summer school and a bit of travelling. Last year she had taken some extra electives and needed to catch up on two mandatory courses that she put aside, hence the extra classes. But Gale was in the same position, and for that month they were engulfed in each other with no one else to bother them.

In every sense of the phrase, they courted each other. Neither of their friends were still at school, so they spent every waking hour together, getting to know each other. Madge would wait outside his classes so that afterwards they could go for a walk together, and he'd do the same for her.

She rarely even slept in her dorm those four weeks. She mostly stayed in Gale's empty condo, sleeping on his bed tucked into his body.

One night they decide to dress up all fancy and treat themselves to a lavish dinner. Gale picked a fancy place in the city that they had to take a cab to get to, and Madge can't get the image of him dressed in a suit out of her head. The whole night they jibe, joking back and forth and pretending to be much more responsible and grown up than they really need to be.

And when they get back to his place, there's energy running through her veins, the type that makes her ears ring.

"It was kind of windy out, are you cold?" she asks casually when they close the front door.

Gale just shrugs and laughs. "Was is really? I couldn't tell you, I feel really flush."

Madge raises a brow. "Too much wine?"

"I don't even like wine," he confesses with a nod, and she drops her jaw in mocking disbelief.

"You could've told me that before I spent 80 dollars on a bottle of merlot at the restaurant."

He shrugs and sheds her jacket for her, dropping it on the floor. They're standing so close together that Madge can smell hints of his worn-out cologne on his chest. She can't believe that this is her reality, she feels so fucking lucky. "I'm sorry," he chuckles. "You offered to pay, remember that. Plus, you picked the wine anyway, and I felt like drinking it was the adult thing to do."

"I love wine," she replies, not sure how else to justify her splurge on that bottle at dinner. She drinks cheap wine with Jo whenever they find time for each other, and she drinks expensive wine when her parents send her too much money for summer expenses.

"Love, eh? That's a strong word."

"I mean it. And it's only a strong word if you make it into one," Madge ponders. "I could say that I love many things and it wouldn't matter one bit, but I don't understand why it suddenly becomes such a big deal when you say, 'I love you.'"

"So, I could tell you that I love that dress on you, or that I love your hair, and it wouldn't have to be serious."

"Do you mean it?"

"Yes." It makes her heart skip a beat, but she still plays along and pretends it means nothing.

"Exactly," she hums."This doesn't have to be serious, you know, in that mundane sort of way. Unless you want it to be, I guess. I think it's more fun this way."

Madge isn't sure why she tells him these things; maybe it's because her life thus far has been mundane and predictable and Gale makes her feel like it could be otherwise. He's challenging and he's fast paced, she doesn't know how she catched up to him half the time.

"I love your face when you're thinking about something," he chuckles earnestly, and they're both aware of the distance that's been closed between them.

"I love that you noticed that."

"Tell me more."

"I love you in a suit," Madge gulps. "It makes me want to rip your clothes off."

"Then do it," he challenges, and suddenly they're pressed tight and she's necking him gently, enough to make him groan and gasp every couple of moments.

They've been fooling around almost everyday, getting closer and closer to really sleeping together. Madge supposes that it's bound to happen, and there's no use in delaying it any longer. She pulls hard on his tie with expert hands to unravel it and bites the skin behind his ear, and then she wishes she could listen to the sound of Gale's guttural moans forever.

"Fuck," he curses, and then everything blurs into pleasure and passion for them while she wishes she could savour the minutes.

Gale hikes up her dress and grabs her cheeks, kneading them and pulling her body even closer. They're practically flush if only she could make quicker work of his dress shirt. When she finally gets the last two buttons and throws it off of his torso, it isn't long before the rest of their clothes join it on the floor in a pile.

She always thought that she'd find a way to make it to the bedroom but she just can't help herself. When Gale lowers her onto the adjacent couch in only his boxers she tugs them down and reaches for his length. It makes him hiss.

"Oh fuck," he manages to spit out through gritting teeth, and then he laughs under his breath. "I keep thinking that my roommate is going to walk through the door now. Thank god he's not."

Madge has to agree, she doesn't know how they will function when they don't get the privacy that they get right now. She doesn't dwell on it through, not when Gale is teasing her through her panties, rubbing her apex with his fingers and pressing lightly on her clitoris.

The foreplay doesn't last long. Neither does she when he pushes into her deliberately, lips never leaving hers and cupping her breasts. They fuck slowly and loudly, and when Madge comes apart she screams his name and muffles herself against the plain of his chest.

Gale follows soon after, letting out a low growl while his whole body tenses up. When he's finished he chuckles as if he can't believe that was real and peppers kisses up her neck.

"You're incredible," he whispers against her mouth as her brain starts to absorb the rest of the world back, zooming out from just skin on skin and noticing their place in his apartment.

"Can we go to your bed?" she asks, feeling a little cold. Or maybe the goosebumps are from something else.

"Yeah," he replies sheepishly, maybe embarrassed that they only made it a couple of meters from the door too.

It's ridiculous how quickly he can go from all passion to his regular boyishness. But it's what make her need him, he fills up every corner of her life and refuses to leave. And after this, Madge doesn't think she could let him.


"Look at those kids," Gale points out while they're sitting on a bench in the park just off campus. At noon the local daycare always brings their children around here to play, Madge noticed this since school officially started.

"They're so little," she laughs, observing the way they hold themselves. They're just tiny adults, all chatting and acting like they understand the whole world.

"Do you want to be a parent?" It's a serious question that didn't come from a serious place, but Madge doesn't panic. She feels comfortable talking about anything with him at this point.

"Yes, someday," Madge shrugs.

"Me too."

"You'd make such a great dad," she tells him, not to compliment him but just to be honest.

But Gale just raises a brow. "Really? You think so?"

"Sure," she laughs, eating another spoonful of her yogurt. The weather's going to start darkening up soon. She's going to miss the days when they could eat lunch at the park together in t-shirts.

After a couple more minutes of watching the kids play, Gale clears his throat. "I think we'd make a pretty good team."

Madge holds her breath. He's teasing her, saying things to her that make her heart race and her imagination wander. She knows it's dangerous or naive but she can't help herself, so she leans in closer to him and presses a kiss on his cheek.

"I think so too."


The shower is warm enough as it patters down onto her back, and Madge closes her eyes and scrubs the soap on her skin, loving the feeling of being clean.

"I hate the dorm showers," Gale mumbles from in front of her. "They're half the reason I decided to move out."

Madge takes a dollop of soap and lathers it, rubbing it all over Gale's torso too. He feels so good, and when Gale closes his eyes and she looks down, she knows it feels good for him too. It makes her smirk. "They can't be all bad. The pressure is just right."

"Does that really make it worth it, though?"

"There's also good privacy. We've been in here forever and no one else has come in," she reasons.

Gale chuckles, stepping closer to her and bringing his hands down to cup her ass. "Well, no one else showers at four in the afternoon, Undersee. We're fucking crazy, aren't we?"

Madge doesn't need to answer to confirm that it's true. Gale is sucking gently on her neck, coaxing a moan out of her, and she can't help but let the words tumble out of her mouth. "I love your mouth."

He stops for a while, pausing to inspect her closely. "Thanks, Undersee. I love your eyes."

"I love…" she starts, pausing to think of something to satisfy their rules.

Gale raises his eyebrows. "What?"

"Your feet," she shrugs jokingly while looking down, and Gale snorts. "Really I do, the way they wiggle. Wow, look at them go."

"I love the way you kid, it's perfect."

"Careful," she warns, knowing that those kinds of words are edging towards the line they've drawn. "Careful when you go there."

"What? I mean it. You're witty and you're smart as hell. I can say it if it's true, can't I?"

Technically yes. But the idea is that neither of them mean stuff like that, it has to be a lie. They can love all the surface level stuff about each other, but nothing deeper, nothing scary that would complicate things or become insincere.

The emotions make Madge distracted, but she goes back to being flirtatious and sexy as fast as she catches herself. Her hand comes out in between them and tugs lightly on Gale's length, and it causes him to curse between his teeth.

"Do you love that?" she asks meekly, and Gale just shakes his head with a grin, as if he can't believe this girl he's with.

"Yeah, I fucking love that, Undersee."

So she strokes him a bit more until he's rock hard, and Gale growls with pleasure as he pushes her against the cold wall of the shower and kisses her up and down. He nicks the tender skin on her neck and causes her to gasp out in pleasure.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers into her ear with conviction. And it feels important, because it's not an opinion to him, but a fact. Gale says it like it's not up for debate, it's not part of their silly game or silly people around them, and that comforts her. His words ground her like nothing else, and it's scary yet reassuring.

"Thank you," is all she can answer back, staring at his grey, grey eyes when he pulls back from his ministrations. Then he chuckles, as if their awkward use of manners and spontaneous bouts of honesty are anything less than typical.

"You're welcome."


Katniss is in Madge's room, trying to concentrate on studying but fiddling with her braid instead. It isn't a normal occurrence anymore, they mostly just study together out of habit these days, if Madge is being honest.

"I just feel like we haven't caught up in so long. I mean, I know everyone's fourth year of college is busy, but could he really be that busy?

"I don't know," she answers back vaguely, feeling guilty and stupid for not just saying something. Gale feels like a touchy subject, and honestly Madge has no idea how Katniss would react if she found out that her two friends were fooling around.

It's more than just fooling around though. Things are moving comfortably fast, and even though sometimes she feels like she's jumping in head first it all feels so right. Gale is everything she wants, he understands her and makes her feel like a better person. But she doesn't know how to tell Katniss that; she doesn't know how to tell her that she feels closer to her ex-boyfriend than she does anyone else at this school. Madge shies away from those uncomfortable conversations, so instead she bites her tongue and continues to make notes for their management class.

And when she asks Gale about it, he doesn't seem to want to change things either.

"What's the point in telling her? She's only going to get angry, and I don't want this to change," he says, snuggled up behind her on his bed. His mouth is trailing kisses down her neck, each one causing more of a shiver.

"I don't know, it just feels like the right thing."

"This feels more right," he replies, as if that's the only natural answer. "And if one small lie is made so that this can last forever, wouldn't you want it to?"

Madge turns around to face him, smiling adoringly at this boy who makes her heart flip. She loves Thursdays this year because after noon, neither of them have classes all day. They hide away in his apartment the whole night, fucking, joking and talking.

"I love... your everything," she states simply, hoping to pass it off as just another one of their games. But it means more than that, so much more. She wants Gale to complete her and smother her with kisses like he always does forever and ever, and she hopes he understands that.

He stares and smiles. "I love your everything too."

And they both know that it's college but neither of them care, they know they've found something important and intend to hold onto it. Madge will keep Gale Hawthorne in her life at all costs if it means she'll be happier.

Over the winter holiday, while her parents fly off to a work conference somewhere in the Caribbean, he takes her home to meet his family. Gale's mom seems hesitant about her at first, probably because of how quick this all came about from Katniss and Gale's break up. But she warms up, and soon Hazelle is chatting happily with her and acting like her normal self, according to him.

And his siblings are all great, they all ask her too personal questions and bother Gale about his new girlfriend.

"Is your hair naturally that colour?" eleven year old Posy asks with wide eyes.

Madge nods kindly. "Yeah, they're all blondes on my mom's side of the family. Why, do you like it?"

"Yes. I want to make my hair that colour, but my mother won't let me."

"Oh, well you have beautiful hair," she replies sincerely, admiring Posy's thick, dark hair that looks so sleek even while she's just a child. "I always wished I had dark hair."

Posy crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. "You're only saying that because I have the same hair as Gale, aren't you?"

That makes her laugh, looking over at Gale who's in the kitchen helping his mom with dinner. She does love his hair, a dark, dark brown that is almost black, but you can see warmer tones in it when he steps into the sun. She loves running her hands through it, especially when he sleeps in her lap and she strokes it to comfort him.

"You caught me, Posy."

Honestly, Gale's little sister is such a joy. She's a huge talker and she loves to ask questions, and Madge just hopes that never goes away.

At dinner she sees him smiling in between bites, and she can't help but smile as well. This is going really well, Madge barely enjoys herself half as much as right now when she goes back to her home.

"Hey Gale," Rory starts, chewing with his mouth open. Madge sees Hazelle physically bite her tongue from across the table, not wanting to comment on his manners. "My friends and I, last week we found a beat up motorcycle at the back of a motorshop. They said they could give it to us for free."

Gale nods with interest and a bit of a laugh, implying some sort of backstory. "Did you take it?"

"Are you kidding? Mom would rip my head off," Rory exclaims, which gets a sound of aggravation from Hazelle and a snort from Vick.

"And? Did your friends take it?"

"Not yet. I think they might."

It's then that his mother intervenes. "Rory Hawthorne. If you so much as participate in anything to do with fixing that bike I'll-"

"I won't! I swear I won't," her son insists, raising his hands in the air in surrender.

"How can you trust him," Vick asks pragmatically. "He obviously will."

"What's wrong with motorcycles?" Madge asks quietly, and Gale peps up, ready to tell the story.

"When I was in high school, I found a beat up old motorcycle just like Rory. I was working part time at the mechanic shop I told you about, so in my free time I would stay there and fix it up."

"That sounds like a good hobby," she comments.

"Yeah, I saved up or scavenged for all the spare parts. It took me about three months, I think, to get the thing running again. And when I finally finished the bike I drove it home. The first thing Ma said to me was-"

"-I wouldn't let my son drive one of those things around," Hazelle finishes, looking slightly irritated, but also nostalgic. "Those motorcycles are dangerous. Do you know how many people get into accidents riding them?"

"She really went off on me when I insisted on keeping it," Gale chuckles.

"What happened to the motorcycle? It was fixed up and everything," Madge asks observantly, and Hazelle and her son share a small smile.

"Ma took it one day when I was at school. Sold it for a good amount of money, considering I acquired it for nothing."

"And the money?"

"Put it into my college tuition," he concludes, as if it were obvious. Gale's mom is smiling with nostalgia and Madge can't help but smile too, because it's beautiful that she taught him to put money he worked for into giving him more opportunities, she turned that motorcycle into a lesson.


After Christmas, school starts to pick up more quickly. At least is does for Gale; it's his last year of college and he's really putting in that extra effort into his studying. He's already gotten into graduate school for a masters in engineering, but he's not sure if he wants to stay in school for another three years.

"What are you going to do instead?" Madge asks. They're at his apartment in his room watching shows on her laptop and snacking on candy. She has her textbook in her lap, but isn't really able to concentrate on it.

"Some firms might hire me right away, that's what I'm hoping for," he replies while playing with a piece of her hair. "I just want to get out school and live my life, you know? But I could always do graduate school. I suppose."

"Then you'd still be close to me…" she reminds, still unable to fathom what next year is going to be like if he's gone.

Gale's arm around her shoulder pulls her close, and he presses a kiss against her forehead. "I know. It's just that I'd rather be making money than spending money on tuition."

"Makes sense."

So he applies for as many engineering firms that he can find. Madge doesn't know much about it except that he spends all night editing resumes and cover letters and goes in for a couple of interviews. Their relationship has become to habitual that she doesn't need him to take her out and entertain her in any special way; being together is enough, and they savour it as they should.

"Hawthorne's so lucky that he's graduating," Jo sighs one afternoon while they're hanging out in her dorm room. "I keep thinking that it's my last year of school too for some reason, then I realize I have an entire year more to go."

"I think I'm going to miss it."

"I won't, I hate school. You know that." Even if they met each other here, Madge knows that college was always more of the wish of Jo's parents than her own. If it were up to her she'd be travelling or finding a job already.

"I know, but it's kind of scary, don't you think? Living on your own and doing… adult things."

"I feel like once you get the hang of it it will be fine," Johanna shrugs. It's hard to picture, and Madge always thought it would be a gradual transition from school to work. But the closer it gets, the more she realizes that it'll come all at once, she's still unsure how to deal with that.

Madge doesn't wallow in it for long, though. She still has an entire year to think things through.

Gale on the other hand, figures it out just a month later. He's waiting outside one of her lecture halls with a smirk on his face, wearing his dad's old leather jacket. The weather's only been improving recently, and Madge appreciates the change in sight.

"Hey," she smiles, walking up to him coyly. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to wait for you," he shrugs, getting up to walk with her. There's no discussion but they know that they're headed back to his place. After a couple more paces, he spills the good news. "I got a job."

"Really?" Madge exclaims, stopping him in his path. "When?"

"I got the call an hour ago. It's the junior associate position I was telling you about, the one upstate?"

"That's amazing!" she laughs, throwing her arms around him and holding Gale tight. It's good news, he's going to graduate and leave college to jumpstart his career, it's, "It's upstate."

"I know," Gale says, and then he swallows hard. "That's why I came here. I wanted to talk to you about that."

So they talk about it. The job he took is in a city upstate, it's really only a two hour drive away. But that's far enough for them to not see each other everyday, and that honestly scares Madge quite a bit. Many things about the future scare her these days, but she thinks they can do it.

"You'll call me everyday, right?"

Gale chuckles as they walk up the stairs to his apartment. "Of course."

"And you'll visit me here."

"Why are you talking about it like it's already here?" he asks, and then he backs her into his door, hands around her waist and face close to hers. Madge knows it's this sense of proximity, of nearness, that she's going to miss. He's always here to comfort her, and she's afraid that's going to go away. "I still attend this school until the end of the year."

"When do you start?"

"July."

"That's too soon," she laughs sadly, but Gale kisses her lightly on the lips.

"Hey, we're going to make this work, okay? I promise," he offers.

And she knows that it's unlike him to make promises he can't keep. Their whole relationship was based on realistic expectations or some sort of honesty that made them different. So now either they've given that up for hope that this will work out, or Gale really believes this will all be fine.

Madge doesn't want to speculate which one it is. So she kisses him back; she pulls on the lapels of his jacket and just breathes him in.


Senior Year

Senior year starts off manageably hard, as expected. Everyone in Madge's class is either worn out by a fourth year of rigorous studies or excited to finish and move on with their lives. Either way, everyone's eager to graduate.

Madge doesn't really know where she fits into that comparison, though. She's a little lost if she's to be honest, scared and unsure about what she's going to do with herself once she gets out.

"You could always come back home for a while. Teach piano, work at the music shop, keep me company..." Delly lists off during one of their calls.

"No offense Dell, but my parents would be so distraught if they sent me to school for four years, only for me to move right back home."

Her friend laughs. "I know, I know. I guess I just wish that I could see you more often. I... I really miss you."

"Or /you/ could move to the city and all of our problems could be solved," Madge points out. Delly's brother was doing just fine, she did a great job of looking after him and all his treatments had gone to plan, as far as Madge was aware. Delly had no excuse not to leave their little hometown anymore, and Madge knows that she'd love it in the city.

"I could..." Delly ponders. "But I don't know if I can trust you. I know that you're just lonely right now."

And she's right; Madge is horribly lonely on campus this year. She has Jo, sure, and she's made some other low commitment friendships over three years, but Gale is far away, and that's enough for her heart to hurt and to crave more daily affection.

As for Gale, he seems to be doing just fine on the other side of the state. They Skype almost every other day, he tells her about all the characters he met at his new office and the type of work that he's doing. Madge nods along and listens carefully, but most of the time she just misses his stupid face and is happy that he's happy.

"And yesterday night a couple coworkers invited me out to the bar. I was tired and not in the mood, but I figured it would be a good idea to get to know them, prove that I'm not a total buzzkill," Gale recalls, and Madge laughs while looking at him through the laptop screen.

"No one could possibly think that you're a buzzkill."

"You're only saying that because you love me."

"You went to the bar," she reminds, going back to the story. Then what happened?"

"Oh yeah. Well, everyone here drinks that beer that you love, but that I think is fucking disgusting. What was it called?"

"Everyone drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon?"

"Yes!"

"Oh my god, I need to move there right away," she jokes, grateful that Gale told her that story and that he's been thinking about her. "Not even for you. Just for my beer preference allies."

"That hurts," Gale chuckles. He stares blankly for a second, and then he runs his fingers through his hair. "You wouldn't like it here too much though. Not enough people, you love the city too much."

"You're probably right," she shrugs. Obviously she would never move upstate if someone paid her too, but she does terribly miss him an awful lot. "Are you coming to visit next weekend?"

"Yeah, I'm driving up right after work on Friday," he replies, and Madge's smile grows into a bigger, more genuine one.

"Good. I miss you." These days, she kind of misses everybody.

"I really miss you too, Madge," he whispers, and they both know that even if their relationship was built on words left unsaid and anticipation, this isn't the kind of situation where they want to wait. Madge just wishes they could be together, long distance is harder than she thought it out to be.

She tries not to drag out their Skype calls too late, Gale needs to get to work the next morning and she still has classes, but they both wish they could just keep looking at each other and talking through the night. It's usually when the first person yawns that they start to wind down their interactions and say their goodbyes.

When he comes to visit her, that's the best though. They hang out off campus and do whatever they feel like doing. Gale jokes that he wants to stay off campus because he doesn't want anything to do with that place anymore, only going back to sleep in her dorm. Madge knows that he's partially serious, so she easily complies. Besides, the college campus is starting to bore her too. She'd rather spend a morning at the museum or shopping down a crowded street.

"Wow, I missed this park so much," he exclaims as they walk hand in hand through the green space one weekend. It's still early fall, the trees are still green and the air is just starting to cool. "I used to run through here, I forgot how much I loved it."

"It's really is pretty, isn't it?"

"I really want to move back to the city, I'll find a way to do that one day," he promises to himself, and Madge smiles to herself, knowing that his decision has nothing to do with her but likes the idea of him moving back closer to her. But she supposes that it doesn't mean anything, she doesn't even know if she's staying here next year.

Gale isn't able to come every weekend, and Madge wouldn't want him to anyway. That would just tire him out, and she knows that she can still call and text him as a decent replacement. But obviously seeing each other in person is best, and she would drive over to him on her days with no classes, if only she had a car.

"What, are you just going to get him to drive you everywhere when you end up living together?" Jo asks one afternoon while she's having a smoke. Madge sits beside her on the bench and reads, but looks up from the book when she hears her friend's words.

"Who said anything about moving in together?"

"I did. Unless you guys have other plans. You two have talked about what you're going to do after graduation, haven't you?"

"Kind of," Madge snaps defensively, but then she reflects. 'Not really. I don't know. I don't have anything planned out after graduation, if I'm being honest."

"Me too, but that's because I'm me. This is very unlike you," Johanna observes bluntly. "Isn't it stressing you out? Madge Undersee, not having total control over the meticulous details in her life?"

"Well, now it is," Madge accuses, now that Jo has planted the seed in her head it's probably all she's going to think about for the next week. Therefore she changes the subject for now, nodding at her friend's smoke wedged between her fingers. "You told me you were going to quit."

"I know, I know," she promises. "I'm already cutting back. Don't worry about me, give it a few months and I'll be so healthy that I'll be around to bug you for the rest of your life."

She laughs. "I hate you."

Jo just shakes her head and ashes the cigarette. "That's not true."

Neither of them have the near future totally figured yet, but it's alright. Maybe they're both closeted optimists, hoping that things will just fall into place in the end.

And there's evidence to prove that theory. The year goes by rather quickly with no major bumps in the road all throughout the winter break. Gale came to visit almost every other week, and they'd been video calling whenever it was possible. He didn't get a three week break from work like Madge did from school, but they saw each other for two days after Christmas Eve, she went to visit his family and a spend a little time with the Hawthornes.

January seems to be progressing the same way until Katniss runs into them in the dorms.

Gale is visiting for the weekend as he does, and they just came back from dinner. Madge already has a couple of movies picked out on her laptop for them to choose from, but Katniss stops them in the halls.

"Gale?" she calls, looking confused but also happy to see her old friend's face. "Hey! I can't believe it's really you."

"Hey, Katniss," he grimaces back, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking at the ground.

"What are you doing on campus?" she asks obliviously as her eyes finally dart towards Madge, standing beside her boyfriend with wide eyes. "You know that you don't go here anymore right? You graduated last year."

She tries to rack her brain for an excuse, some sort of explanation for why they would be together right now. It's how they've been operating for a year and a half after all.

"Um, well we-"

"I'm visiting Madge," Gale butts in, stating the truth loud and clear.

"Visiting her?" Katniss laughs, she seems like she doesn't really understand the words.

"Yeah. We're dating."

"How long have you been-"

"Almost two years."

Everyone stops talking then, just letting the information sink in. Madge can barely believe that they've been dating for that long, she's shocked by the number when Gale says it out loud. And for almost two years they'd been hiding from Katniss, both of their friend, sometimes passively but often with intent, because they were too scared of this reaction they would get out of her.

"Two years?" she repeats in disbelief. "Two of my best friends have been dating for two years and I didn't even know?"

"I'm sorry you have to find out like this," Gale tries to explain. "We just-"

"No, don't go all cordial on me. You always do that, I deserve more than that, I think."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I just need an explanation. Did you hide it from me because we dated? Because I don't care about that, I'm just angry that both of you decided to lie to me."

"It's not that black and white, Katniss. You hurt me too."

"When?"

"When you broke up with me," he responds. Madge should be surprised that they haven't talked about the way their relationship ended since sophomore year, but when she racks her brain she really doesn't know when they could've done that. It barely took Gale two months for him to jump into Madge, and even then he was bitter about how cold Katniss had been. "That phone call. What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know, it was a hard year for me. Do you expect me to explain myself after all this time?"

"No, I'm just trying to prove my point. How do you expect me tell you every bit of my life when you literally told you didn't need me anymore?"

"I doubt I said that. And it wasn't just 'not telling me,' you went out of your way to make sure I didn't know."

"That's not true."

"Well that's all I can assume, right? Because you haven't told me anything!" Katniss snaps, and it doesn't seem like she has any steam left. She sighs and steps back, still staring at Gale's stoic face. "I just need to time to think this through, I think. A lot of time."

"Wait, Katniss, just-"

"I really can't hear it," she concludes, laughing humorlessly and retreating down the hall.

And they go to her room too, they lie on her head but Madge decides not to bring up the movies at all. She doesn't really know what to say to comfort him, she just knows that he's upset in the worst way. Gale lies down with his head in her lap and doesn't look up, so all she can do is stroke his hair and listen to him.

"I guess she had to find out eventually, right? I don't even know how she was in the dark for so long. We were so stupid."

"It's hard to fathom now," she agrees. Only the bedside lamp it on, casting a warm light over the back of her boyfriend's head and one face of the wall.

Gale rubs his face with his hands and shakes his head. "And I just keep thinking that this was all my fault. You wanted to tell her too, you wanted to do the right thing."

"I'm not a saint, Gale, I'm as guilty as you are."

"I love you so much," he whispers earnestly out of nowhere, taking her hand from his face and clutching it with his own. Madge is grateful that he knows that she's there for him, and that even through all of these problems she's going to be right beside him for all of it.

"I love you too," she answers back with no games and all sincerity.

Gale kisses her hand slowly and then goes back to thinking. "I still know I could've done something though. I knew that she was having a hard time that year, at home and… with other things. She was going to go start seeing a therapist. And then I had to take it all personally and decide to fuck up the whole friendship."

"You weren't impartial, it was hard to be objective like that."

"I know," Gale promises. "But I think I was in the wrong, still. I think I fucked up."

Madge doesn't know how to mediate situations like this, nor does she think she has a place to. All of this is as much her fault as is it Gale's, it's just that Katniss and Gale were closer, they'd been friends for years and that mattered more to her.

They try not to bring it up after that night, but Madge probably would if she didn't know that Gale was hurting so much. She can tell by the way he lacks the same enthusiasm and joy he used to have when they would call, he's throwing himself into his work to distract himself, and that leaves less time for their relationship.

It goes on like this for a while. Meanwhile, Madge just tries to concentrate on her senior year, no matter how little of it is left.

One Friday afternoon, Gale texts her letting her know that he won't be there until late because of work things. Madge insists that he doesn't have to come if he's too tired, even when she does miss him dearly and hasn't seen him in a while. He texts her anyway.

Gale: I'll come, don't worry about it. I miss you.

But he never indicated how late he would actually be, and Madge can only study renaissance influences of music and browse job listings with no intent for so long before her eyelids start to get heavy and she starts to lose hope. Her hope was that she and Gale would go out for a drink or something when he arrived, but it didn't seem like that was happening. So she turns out the lights and lies down.

It's getting hard. It's getting hard to pretend everything is the same when something truly has changed between them, something to do with Katniss but maybe also just the way they are. Madge feels like a chore that Gale has to tend to or something, and she isn't sure if it's just the distance getting to her head or if there's really something wrong, but she's too scared to ask.

Madge sleeps until sometime during the night, it couldn't have been that long because the glow from her computer screen is still behind her. She stirs awake because someone is shifting the blanket to tuck in behind her, and immediately she relaxes.

"Sorry I woke you," Gale whispers, pressing a kiss to her shoulder and pulling her in.

"It's okay," she replies while finding his hand and interlacing the fingers. For a few minutes Madge really tries to go back to sleep, closing her eyelids and trying to go back to her slumber. But she hears Gale's breathing and knows he's awake, and her heart's beating quickly but she couldn't tell him why so she turns over and stares at him.

As suspected his eyes are open, and he looks back at her like he's trying to find out if she's changed.

"You really didn't have to come so late at night. You could've driven tomorrow morning, or stayed home."

"Didn't you want to see me?" Gale chuckles humorlessly. "Don't worry, honestly. My boss invited a couple of us out for dinner, to talk about the firm and whatever. And then I was having some issues with my car."

"You should get a new car."

"I'm saving up," he responds, and that makes Madge laugh for some reason, because they're always one step ahead of each other. She strokes his face slowly, she isn't used to him shaving everyday but he does it now and she doesn't mind it.

They seem to just stare at each other for hours. Madge doesn't know why, but even while Gale is right in front of her holding her and talking to her, she feels like she misses him.

"Wow, you must be pretty important to your boss if she invited you out to dinner," she comments jokingly.

"Maybe," he shrugs. It's too late for small talk and teasing, she can tell by his furrowed brow and the way that he must be thinking.

"What's on your mind?"

"Madge, can you kiss me?" he asks with some sort of vulnerability that she can't describe. Madge has never seen it before, so she willingly complies, pressing her lips against his softly and letting her eyes flutter shut. She hopes that her kisses bring him the comfort or the reassurance that he was looking for, otherwise she doesn't know what use she has to him anymore.

He still feels the same. There isn't anything about his touch or his smell that has changed at all. There shouldn't be any difference between how they are right now and how they were last year, but for some reason it feels something is ending so Madge clings to it.

She manages to cling onto it for longer than she expected, the pieces of their relationship that hadn't rusted or vanished. It's a month later before Madge realizes that Gale hasn't talked about anything that hasn't been work or his family with her in forever, and his calls and texts feel different, solemn almost.

Apparently Gale comes to the same realization simultaneously. Sometime in March he comes to visit her, but he doesn't have anything packed for overnight.

"I just… I just don't really know what we're doing anymore."

"With long distance?" Madge asks, desperate for clarification. "I know it's been tough. But if you're talking about everything else, I guess I don't know what to tell you."

"Not everything else. Just, some things."

She's not blind, or clueless. She knows. "It feels like we're treading."

"Exactly," he nods, and then his face softens. The silence doesn't feel uncomfortable, they're on the same page, Madge just wishes that they weren't.

So she starts to discredit herself, like she always does it situations like these. "You didn't have to come out all the way to school to break up with me. I get it."

"I'm on my way home to visit my family," he explains, and she holds back the laugh, as if the idea of Gale trying to kill two birds with one stone comforts her at all.

"Okay," she shrugs, pulling the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and looking away. "I guess, I guess that's it then."

"I still love you."

"You don't get to do that."

"What do you mean? It's true, I still love you. We need a break from this but I'll always need you."

"Why are you like this right now?" Madge laughs humorlessly. "We were never about hyperbole and empty promises. You know that it's going to fuck me up."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be," she spits back. Stepping into the door frame with a hand on the knob.

"Madge," he pleads, as if he's the one being broken up with. "Please, I-"

"Please don't drag this out," she begs, already feeling an emptiness in her chest and tears welling in her eyes. "It's really hard."

He doesn't stop her when she closes the door that time.


Madge spends the next two weeks coming to terms with the fact that it's all really gone. Things really aren't that different from before. She's still alone at school, having barely figured out her future and wallowing in her unspoken fears. It's how she knows that the breakup was just, it was on the road to happening anyway if nothing has changed. Gale just knew to pull the bandage off.

The pain is dull, not sharp like she thought it would be. Maybe a lump in her throat that makes it hard to swallow, or a pit in her stomach that makes her want to coil.

Manageable, she supposes.


It takes another week for the her to really get used to her situation. But just as Madge's brain starts to feel slightly better, her body acts up.

She's bloated and feels heavy, and nothing really looks appealing to eat.

Her breasts are a little sore, but she continues to look past it.

It isn't until she racks her brain for the last time her period came and can't quite remember that she finally buys a test from the drugstore.


"Hello?"

"Hey, Dell. You're still visiting me this weekend, right?"

"Yeah, of course, I'm driving over tomorrow. What, is there something wrong, Madge?"

"No. I mean, yes. I- look, when you get here I need you to drive me somewhere else."

"Sure, of course. Where do you have to go?"

"I need to talk to Gale."

"..."

"Dell? You still there?"

"Yeah, okay I'll drive you. Isn't he far away though?"

"Around two hours, I think? I've never actually done it."

"Gee, that is far. What could be so important that you need to drive two hours to talk to your ex for?"


They had always seen eye-to-eye on kids. Even though they were still young Madge would sometimes entertain the thought of marrying him and raising their kids together. Never did she think the opportunity would come so soon.

And Gale was always accommodating, so fucking accommodating. He used to do everything in his power to make her feel comfortable, make her feel listened to.

She expected that telling him would be much of the same again, Gale would be willing to stick by whatever decision she made and pretend to be indifferent. Jo had asked why she had to travel all the way to see him in person about this when if it were her, she probably wouldn't even tell the guy. Madge didn't think it needed explaining. The minute she showed up at his home and told him the news, the only clear reason why she went through the trouble to come all the way over here was obviously because she wanted to keep it.

Madge just didn't expect Gale to have the response that he did.

"I want it too," he had said. "If you're going to have our child and raise it then of course I need to be part of their life."

"You don't have to say that because you think it's the right thing to do. I'm keeping it whether you care or not, it doesn't have to involve you."

"I didn't even get to have a dad after the age of ten. If I'm going to be a dad now I can't half-ass it. I couldn't live with myself for that." It's a point she hadn't considered, something that made the whole arrangement seem inevitable.

When she gets back to the car Delly puts down her phone quickly and starts to ask questions.

"What did he say?"

Madge shrugs. He said a lot of things. He also didn't say a lot of things. "He wants to help me raise it."

"Really? How would that work?"

"He said that he's going to find work in the city. For the first year or so I'm going to take care of it, breast feeding and all that. And then, when it's old enough, we're going to take turns." They had figured it out right then and there. Everything they were going to do to raise this child together.

"And?" her best friend asks.

"And what?" She didn't think that she had missed anything jarring, and the details were yet to be worked out.

"How do you feel about it?"

It's such a straightforward question, Madge supposes that she should have a straightforward answer. But instead she shakes her head while biting back tears, a couple leak onto her jeans.

"Hey," Delly coos, leaning over to the passenger seat and embracing her in a warm hug. Madge latches onto her best friend, she presses her face into Delly's shoulder and doesn't hold back on crying anymore. "It's going to be okay, I'm right here for you through the whole thing. You know that, right?"

"I know," she sobs. "But… but I'm still scared."

"It's okay to be scared. But do you know what it makes you that you're doing this on your own, that you're going to be a mother? It makes you brave." Delly strokes her hair slowly and hugs her tight. She's so good, her heart is filled with nothing but genuine kindness and love and Madge would be nowhere without her. "If this is what you want, then there's no need to cry about it more than once. You're doing this, okay? You'll learn to stay strong, you just watch."

Madge wishes she could hold Delly's optimism, but for now she doesn't know how to.


She supposes that things start to fall into place soon after. Not many people find out, she's still early in the first trimester and isn't showing whatsoever. Madge tells Jo though, she has to because she needs someone on campus to divulge everything to.

"So you're going to raise your baby in the city?" she asks curiously, taking all the news uncharacteristically calmly.

"Yeah. I'm going home just before it's born, for my parents to take care of me for a little bit. But then I need to find a place to live, I'll probably teach piano at the conservatory while I look for something more permanent."

"We can live together," Jo spurts, as if she's been withholding the idea for months.

"What?"

"We can be roommates. We've been practically living together for four years, I know I can stand you. And… I could help you, with the kid and all that. You don't deserve to be alone."

The self-loathing Madge that got dumped would say otherwise. She doesn't know why everyone is being so kind to her. "Really? I mean, I'd love to live with you. It makes financial sense, but don't do it because you think you need to help me or something."

To that, Jo just scoffs. "You always think that people would rather do anything else if it weren't for hurting your feelings. You mean more to me than that, you're my best friend. We'll help each other, it's only fair."

It sounds like something to look forward to. House hunting and Jo's cooking and living with one of her best friends every single day. The details are yet to be worked out, but Madge can barely wait.

It's stressful, but it's also… refreshing. So much of this year she had felt lost and completely devoid of motivation to move forward in her life. Madge wasn't sure about her job, her living situation or even if she was going to stay in the city, but now she knows. Maybe she's just been thinking too hard about herself for too many years. Now she can put her efforts into someone else, someone that's just hers, and it might not be what she had planned before, but it's a new direction.

It becomes hard to concentrate on that sometimes during the pregnancy, especially when she's bloated and peeing all the time and the bills from her and Jo's new place are starting to come in.

But she's right.

She's right about the change.

It takes five hours in labour to give birth to her daughter. Gale was there for the whole thing, sitting on a chair next to her hospital bed, and sometimes when it hurt and she shrieked and cried, he would grab her hand and squeeze it tight, comforting her back into a level head. She's sure that if she were to ask him about it after, he would pretend not to remember.

But when Dakota Hawthorne is born, she already has feathery white hairs on her head. She has eyes so grey they make Madge cry, but when she breaks into a smile the tears seem to fade away.

And she changes everything.


A/N: I apologize for these obscenely long chapters. I don't know if you guys like it or hate it, but I feel as if they'd be boring to read just based on how fucking lengthy it is. Next week, it's back to our regular scheduled programming!

Reviews are not only appreciated, but also encouraged! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

P.S. I might publish the flashback as a stand alone fic on AO3 soon, so if you see it you can leave me some love, but you don't have to read it. It's just the same content.