10.

I took a deep breath and slowly walked through the office. The devices were still working. A faint voices rose from the lab where I used to work. I recognized Lindsay, I greeted her with a smile. I seemed to notice a hint of concern in her eyes. Maybe I was just influencing myself. I continued walking. I skirted a window and some timid rays warmed my face. It was my favorite corner.. I stopped me at least once every day to lose myself in front of that view. It always left me breathless. A slight shiver ran down my spine. All of New York was at my feet, it seemed to be in one of those pretty glass balls with snow. I placed my fingers on the glass and shyly smiles.

The phone vibrated in my jeans' pocket. Was a missed call from Flack.

I pressed the elevator's button, when I lifted my face I noticed Mac in his office. He was leafing through the case file, and writing a few notes with a pen on the transparent blackboard. Some details of the crime scene, and in general on the findings.
The beep also attracted his attention, and I met his gaze. My heart was beating wildly inside, I was strongly determined to not show any kind of involvement. The doors opened and I walked through them so detached and professional.

I took another deep breath and closed my eyes. "Don't think about him, Jo" I told myself to calm down, "He is not important, is just your boss.. consider him in that way".

The elevator was slow in its descent. As far as I wouldn't think about him, my mind couldn't deviate myself from that incessant thought.

Sometimes they tell you that you have to "start over", "start from scratches".. it's simple, just reset everything. People are made to be forgotten. There is always something to hold onto when you tap the bottom. They will tell you this.. ignoring how quickly fall apart your heart, and how much does damn bad, bad and you just can not breathe.

I leaned back against the metal surface, and like a fool I tried to smile with my hands through my hair. I crawled my fingers along the railing and saw again us, in that instant. Our smiles, his being gentle and protective with me. I seemed to caress the vision, but it vanished so quickly, that the dense at the stomach returned to burn so avidly.

The doors opened and I felt as empty. In a second the crazy whirlwind of emotions had been extinguished. I pushed the revolving doors of the autopsy room and peeked myself into the search my colleague and friend, Sid. Neither the shadow of bodies.

"Sid?" I called him shyly, as I advanced towards the back door.

The noise of the necklaces that I wore followed my footsteps. Suspicious I leaned my index finger on my lips and peeked around like I used to do. All I heard was silence and the trampling of my leather boots' soles. I could not explain why he wasn't there. Absent-mindedly focused my gaze on the piano in the small adjoining room. I smiled thinking about the Sid's extravagance and our short but fun "piano lesson". He was really denied.

I touched the paino's keys, and a subtly sweet sound sprang from it. I sat and let myself be lead gently, "Claire de Lune" occupied the air. It looked like yesterday when at my parents' house in Virginia I was playing that song. I felt my heart warm up and closed my eyes. The fingers met the keys slowly. A thousand chills walked over my skin, every beat take me away from the present. Hanging by a thread I lived a whirlwind of emotions. Just me and that magical special moment, just for me. Every time I played it, I seemed to give life to a waltz. It was as if from those notes so perfect.. a whole world was growing up and contours of this becoming confused until they disappear completely. I smiled with closed eyes and leaned my face. That song seemed like the caress of a lover. That song was all that I'm.

When I had almost finished I noticed him. Mac Taylor stared at me through the glass. On his face an expression that I had never seen. I slowly walked away reflexively my hands from the piano, and arranged a lock of hair behind my ear. I went back to look at him, he was coming toward me. I decided to get up and get away from him, I just wanted stay alone.
His hand sliced through the air between us, and he stopped me without neither touching me. As soon as I stepped back and I crossed his eyes. His look was different. I had the distinct feeling that something had changed in him. I had no desire to fight. I was tired of everything, tired of him, tired of us.

"I have to talk you, Jo" his voice had lost none of his cold and unfriendly tone.

Maybe.. maybe was just another suggestion.

"About what?" I asked in equal measure.

"We need to talk.." he insisted.

"There are updates on the case?".

"No.. is personal" he was in obvious difficulty.

I had no intention to give him the opportunity to explain himself. That train had left long time ago. There was no room for that kind of relationship between us and it was time that he realized it. He had crossed the line.. he had hurt me so hard, trampling on my feelings as they were made of paper. As if all that we had passed had been "normal" or vacuous.. how the uneasy shadow that hung in his eyes as cold as the ocean.

I lifted my face and looked at him seriously, "I don't care".

Maybe he thought I was different, I was one of his beloved pastimes. To put in one of his "caskets". I'm not a woman like any other, and he knew this.. and I still can not realize how blind I had been. I had idealized a man that at the end was no different from all the others from whom I had been wounded. He had planted a spear in my heart with his "Stay out of my personal business".

Step by step, as I walked away from him.. I felt him fade away inside of me. As if all that resentment I had.. was leading myself to indifference toward him. The only way to moving on.

Going away I saw Sid, his gaze was surprised. I wondered for a moment if he had listened our discussion. That thought slipped away like anything. I greeted him with a smile, trying to be as natural as possible and I passed over him.

I took a deep breath and I promised myself to continue on my way. From this moment, our contacts would have been limited to the professional sphere. I would have taken some time for myself to reflect on the job offer. Manage a team required skill and coolness.. and maybe time for changes has come.