Kaze can hardly believe he isn't dreaming.
He has never dared to hope that he might be given permission to marry Lady Azura, especially not as a part of the Nohrian royal family. Even in Hoshido, his suit would have been crushed immediately; though the people of his homeland are understanding and kind, they are also fiercely proud. Honor is a cornerstone of Hoshidan culture, and Kaze's position as Azura's retainer and as a ninja would have been a significant hurdle to marrying her. He has always believed that Nohrians must be even more strict and unforgiving when it comes to matters of nobility, but Prince Xander laughs when he speaks his fear aloud.
"I'm afraid you're mistaken, Kaze," he smiles, his eyes bright. "Nohr certainly has many harsh laws and customs, but we are, on the whole, a passionate and sensual people. You need only look at Camilla to see that," he chuckles. "She would never dress or act as freely as she does if we weren't."
"But surely it's not acceptable for a mere retainer to marry into royalty?!" Kaze asks, astonished at Lord Xander's lack of concern. "Surely you have laws about this sort of thing?!"
"Oh, we've had them. In the past, the court has been very strict about who members of the royal family marry and have relations with. However, my father could care less about what his sons and daughters do with their lives, as long as I, as his successor, marry someone he approves of. I've been given the responsibility of looking after my siblings' welfare, and I have no intention of forcing them to marry anyone, especially not someone they don't care for. We still have some laws, of course," the prince says thoughtfully. "I'm not interested in enforcing them, but my father would likely kill any man who laid a finger on his unmarried daughters."
Kaze tries not to show the guilt or panic on his face. Does he know?!
"Still, that is neither here nor there," Xander says nonchalantly. "As to your own circumstances, I'm more than happy to give you permission, Kaze. All I ask is that you protect and cherish my sister, and to give her the happiness she deserves," he adds sternly.
"I promise to do everything to keep her safe, as both her retainer and as her husband," Kaze swears, bowing deeply to his liege. Xander nods.
"If you can do that, I'll welcome you into our family with open arms."
Since that discussion, not a day has passed without the Nohrians showering them in support. Even after the wedding, a festive atmosphere pervades the fortress, and many members of the army that Kaze hasn't had a chance to speak with before have come up to congratulate him. No one seems to care that he's a Hoshidan or a traitor, not anymore. Even if they did, Kaze is far too happy to care. Every morning that he wakes with Azura in his arms is a blessing, and every day he spends at her side is a joy. The news that they'll soon be starting a family, whispered into his ear during the wedding party, only lifts his spirits further.
With her, he finally feels at home in this strange, dark country. But even in the midst of their marital bliss, there's a small voice in the back of his mind, reminding him that they're soon returning to his homeland.
As part of the family that threatens it.
"Are you alright, Lady Azura?"
She closed her eyes, trying to calm her breathing. She felt nauseous and tired, though she couldn't be sure if it was because of the pregnancy or the rocking of the wooden galley. They'd been at sea for a few days now, and she hadn't been able to eat much at all.
"I think so," she said weakly, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth. Mozu began rubbing her back gently.
"Perhaps ya should go back ta bed," she said kindly.
"I promised Leo I would attend the strategy meeting today," Azura protested, grimacing at the unpleasant sensation in her stomach. The sight of her full plate only made her feel worse.
"It won't do no one good if you're ill," Mozu pointed out. "You'll just worry everybody."
"Well..."
"I'll ask Flora to find ya a nice tea for your seasickness and tell Kaze to go in your stead. He'll tell ya what happened, and you'll get your rest."
"Kaze would have had to go anyway," Azura grimaced, trying to control her urge to vomit.
"Ack, that's right. I keep forgettin' he's part of the royals now," Mozu muttered, clicking her tongue impatiently. Azura got the impression that Mozu would never fully forgive Kaze for his illicit relationship with Azura, even if they were married now. "Well in any case, I'll let him know you're resting and he'll catch ya up, milady. You've been lookin' under the weather since we boarded, and we still have two weeks left until we reach port. Might as well use that time to get better."
"I suppose you're right," Azura conceded hesitantly. "I feel terrible not doing my part for the war effort, though..."
"The sooner you're feelin' better, the sooner you can join in," Mozu said confidently. Azura flinched inwardly.
Except my condition isn't one that goes away until nine months have passed. And of those, there are still seven to go.
The sea air was brisk and cold on her skin, and the smell of it, a sharp tang, stirred the dragon in her blood.
It smells... alive... she thought, leaning over the railing and filling her lungs with each deep breath. Her hands unconsciously tightened around the wood, her mind emptied of thought. She licked her lips slightly, tasting the salt on them.
It feels good.
"Lady Corrin...?"
Her heart leapt into her throat, a painful knot of guilt forming in her chest. She didn't have to look to know it was him.
"Laslow," she acknowledged stiffly, unable to catch his eye. She had been avoiding him for days, ever since the night of the wedding, and she wasn't eager to face him after what she'd done.
She heard him sigh, a tired, sad sound.
"Lady Corrin, we need to talk," he said, his tone firm.
"I..." He interrupted her before she could come up with an excuse.
"Don't avoid me. We're stuck on this ship together for the next few weeks, and there's not a whole lot of space to put between us. We can't keep running from what happened."
She bit the inside of her cheek, ashamed.
"Look..." his tone suddenly became gentler. "I know there's a meeting you need to attend in a few minutes... but afterward, I'll be waiting for you on deck." He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and reached for her hand. He barely touched her fingers, simply held them gently for a moment before he let go. "Please, don't run," he said softly, and when she looked up, she saw his eyes gazing at her with a loneliness that cut through her heart.
"O-Okay..." she whispered. After what I did to him, I owe it to him.
If she looked carefully, she could still see the scratches and bite marks on the side of his neck.
"We can't hope to cross the mountains before winter," Leo explained, drawing a line over the map with a piece of charcoal. "Trying will be a slaughter. If we're caught up there during a storm, we'll be at the mercy of the elements and at the mercy of our enemies."
"But if we can't cross, doesn't that mean they can't either?" Elise asked, her brow furrowed in concentration. Xander had insisted she start attending war councils, and she was trying her best to appear well informed.
"No darling, while we'll be crossing unknown territory, this is a defensive war for the Hoshidans and their allies," Camilla explained. "They have the advantage here."
"But we have Kaze, don't we? Brother can help us navigate the mountains... can't he?" Elise asked, looking toward Kaze with expectant eyes. Kaze couldn't help giving her a small smile in return.
"I'm sorry, Lady Elise, but while I do have knowledge of the area, I don't think it's enough to outsmart the Hoshidan forces, and the winter will severely affect our mobility. On the other hand, Hoshido will likely send their most mobile troops to the front lines, which means we'll be fighting Pegasus Knights and ninja. It will be difficult to advance in those circumstances no matter how well we know the terrain."
"Then what about the falicorns?" Xander asked, poring over the diagrams thoughtfully. "How far has training progressed for the new unit?"
"Lady Azura is the most advanced rider we have at the moment," Silas reported from his position next to the door. "We have several of the former wyvern riders learning how to manage falicorns instead, but they aren't anywhere near ready for combat. I wouldn't like to put Lady Azura on the front lines yet either."
"Hmm, and there's only a handful of wyverns left in the first place," Xander muttered. "It really does look like we won't be able to advance much until spring."
"Shouldn't we have stayed behind in Nestra then?" Camilla asked, frowning. "We could have waited out the winter in comfort."
"Father is... impatient..." Leo said, his mouth pressed into a grim line. "He was very clear that he wants us to begin our invasion as soon as possible."
A tense silence fell among the siblings and Kaze noticed that Lady Corrin bit her lip. They all disagree, but they can't say anything against the king.
"Then, what should we do?" Elise asked, looking from Xander to Corrin worriedly.
"We find a place to set up camp," Corrin answered, staring down at the maps. "A place to hold our defensive line for the winter. If I establish the link to the astral plane somewhere north of the mountains, we can regularly resupply and retreat if the weather or circumstances become too dire."
"Why not just stay in the fortress all winter?" Elise pouted. "I'd rather be at home than have to camp in a stupid tent."
"Because, sister, that would make us vulnerable to ambush," Leo sighed. "You should know this by now. Wherever Corrin sets the entry point is where everyone has to enter and exit the astral plane. She can't change it until she's back in our own realm, which means that a well-informed enemy force could surprise us on our way back."
"Geez, you don't have to be such a jerk about it, Leo," Elise muttered. "I was just asking a question..."
Camilla patted her hand. "Now, now, settle down, darlings. Corrin is right. Father isn't here, and as long as it appears that we're making progress inland, he won't complain. The question now is where we put down our little Nohrian flag."
Kaze scanned the diagrams, searching, until he found what he was looking for.
"There," he said suddenly, pointing at a thickly wooded area far west of Mokushu. "Much of the northern area before the mountains is forested, but this area is particularly secluded. It should be easy to set up a small camp here while keeping the majority of the troops quartered in the astral plane. It won't be easy to ambush us here, and it will offer some cover until we're ready to move openly. The only problem will be marching there without attracting attention from Mokushu's spies."
"That shouldn't be a problem," Leo said immediately. "The Mokushujin are our allies." Kaze started, shocked.
"What?!"
"They've been persuaded to join our cause," Xander explained, his expression rather sour. "Though it wasn't by my order. They've struck negotiations with Father."
Camilla and Corrin exchanged a meaningful glance, and Kaze felt as though he'd swallowed something bitter. The Hoshidans have traitors on their borders?! I never thought they would be so openly ambitious...!
"However, I don't trust them," the prince continued firmly. "I've heard rumors about the Mokushujin and what they did to Kouga. I'd much rather avoid dealing with them until we're prepared to move in the open."
"I approve," Camilla said at once. "Who knows if they won't change their minds? Ninja are very tricky... very tricky indeed. Oh, no offense, Kaze, dear," she amended.
"None taken, milady," Kaze said. I wouldn't trust those Mokushujin either.
"So do we go out of our way to avoid being noticed by Mokushu?" Corrin asked, looking around the table.
"I think so," Elise ventured carefully.
"Can it be done, Kaze?" Xander asked.
"I believe so... if we travel through this pass," he said, pointing out the feature on the map. "It will be a hard trip, and I cannot guarantee that there won't be any forces sent to intercept us. However, if we make it through here we should be able to make it to the defensive point in a month or two and avoid the worst of the winter."
"Any objections?" No one spoke up, and Xander nodded thoughtfully. "Very well, we have our plan of action. Now, concerning the harvest and the provision stores for the next few months..."
The meeting took most of the afternoon, and it wasn't until the sun had already set that Azura was woken by the quiet sound of footsteps in her cabin.
"Mm, Mozu?" she asked groggily, unable to see in the darkness of the room. The sound of a match striking echoed in the darkness, and Azura saw her husband's face illuminated in the small light as he lit the lantern hanging overhead.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asked, concerned. He closed the glass cover and sat at the edge of the bed, reaching to stroke her hair gently.
"Mmm, it's alright," she said sleepily, enjoying the comforting sensation of his hand patting her head. "I must have slept all day," she said, closing her eyes.
"If you've been asleep since Mozu came to let me know you were skipping the meeting, then yes. It's evening now," Kaze replied. "How are you feeling?"
"The same," she sighed. "I feel tired, and every time I look at food I think I'll be sick," she complained.
"Is it seasickness, or...?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I don't have experience in either. Perhaps it's a little of both."
He paused and ran the back of his fingers down her cheek, his expression sad.
"I'm sorry."
"Mm? For what?" she asked, looking up at him. The lantern's light only illuminated part of his face, bathing the rest of him in shadow.
"For making you feel ill. For putting you through this," he said, gesturing toward her abdomen. She laughed slightly.
"I suppose it is somewhat your fault, when you put it that way," she smiled. "But I was the one who insisted on coming to you over and over again."
"I hardly tried to stop you," he snorted. "Even though I knew there was a risk."
"I knew it too," she yawned. "I don't regret it, Kaze."
"Even now?" he asked, unsure.
"Even now," she repeated, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Please don't make that face... No matter what, I won't ever regret being with you."
"Azura..."
"I love you, Kaze," she whispered. He bent down to kiss her, and all her discomfort was forgotten.
For a while after the meeting ended, he thought that Lady Corrin had decided to run after all. He sat alone on the deck, behind a series of crates, letting the cold wind whip his hair across his face.
I don't blame her, he thought dully. I'm sure she feels terrible about what happened... probably worse than I do.
He shifted slightly, his hand reaching up to touch the bandaged wounds on his shoulder. They were healing very slowly, though Laslow suspected that was because he was treating them himself. He didn't trust a medic to take a look; Lady Corrin had mauled her share of corpses during the war, and he was paranoid that they would recognize her distinctive fang and claw marks. If anyone found out, or, gods forbid, had heard, they were both as good as dead.
After all, Lady Corrin was not a quiet lover.
I'd rather throw myself overboard now if it means I can protect her, he thought grimly. But I pray to Naga it won't come to that.
He stared out over the waves, letting the gentle sound carry him away from his complicated thoughts.
"Laslow..."
He opened one eye, only mildly surprised to hear his name.
"Lady Corrin, you came," he said, staring up at her. In the dim evening light, she was beautiful, her red eyes glowing brightly, her black hair fluttering in the air wildly. She held one hand to her ear, trying to keep the loose strands from lashing against her face.
"You asked me to," she said simply, and he moved over to make space for her. She hesitated, but in the end she sat down beside him. They said nothing for a good minute, an awkward tension filling the air between them.
"I'm sorry," they said in unison. They blinked at each other, faces red, and spoke again. "Sorry."
Laslow couldn't help it; he burst into laughter.
"Ahaha! Sorry, sorry, give me a moment," he chuckled. He took a deep breath and started again. "Lady Corrin, I'm sorry for what happened," he began. He saw that she meant to interrupt but he shook his head. "No, wait, let me finish," he said, leaning his head back against the crates and sighing. "I was drunk, though not nearly drunk enough to excuse what I did. I should have opposed it more; I knew you were upset, but in the end I was the one who agreed. So, I wanted to apologize for hurting you, and for complicating things between us as a result."
Corrin stared at him, her expression hurt.
"Laslow, you fool," she said, her voice breaking. "How could you think any of that was your fault? I... I used you...!"
"I know," he said. He tried not to show how much it pained him to hear her admit it.
"I... I wasn't drunk," she continued. "I knew what I was doing, and I didn't care. I took advantage of you, and I even bit you...! I clawed you! I saw the wounds, I know what I did!" she cried, leaning toward him. "Don't take the blame for that, please... You were only trying to help...!"
If only it had been that simple, he thought angrily to himself. I let myself forget because it was you, Lady Corrin. I was no better than any man taking advantage of someone in need... worse, even, because of my feelings for you...
"No, you're wrong," he said through gritted teeth. "Don't make it out to be something noble. That's not what happened."
"But..."
"Stop, milady. Just... stop."
She pulled away slowly, and Laslow dug his nails into his palms. Don't take your frustration out on her, you imbecile!
"Sorry," he said again, his voice strained. "I... I shouldn't have snapped."
"It's alright," she said, hesitating. "I... understand that you're upset. I... I hurt you, Laslow... I hate that I did something so cruel to you... but what I hate even more..." she made an odd noise, and Laslow looked up suddenly to find that there were tears rolling down her reddened cheeks. "What I hate... most of all," she sniffled, her voice shaking. "Is that... that I lost a friend... all because I lost control."
His heart ached painfully at her expression. She was so vulnerable, so lonely looking, that before he knew it he was embracing her, pulling her into his arms and burying his face in that soft, warm hair.
"You didn't lose a friend," he muttered, holding on tightly. "I'm still here."
"Laslow...?"
He swallowed the knot of emotions in his throat and pulled away to face her. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb and searched her face, hoping to find even a small speck of affection in her gaze.
He didn't find it.
"Lady Corrin, I'm deeply sorry about what happened. For both of us. But I don't want to lose your friendship even so. What can I do to show you that?"
She blinked at him, confused, and a moment later she smiled bitterly.
"You already did," she said, taking his hand and squeezing it gently. "Thank you, Laslow... For being such a kind and forgiving friend."
Corrin doesn't want to see it. She doesn't want to read those lonely eyes, she doesn't want to know what they're saying when they catch her own. She has enough heartache of her own to think about someone else's, and she certainly doesn't feel better about what she did to him now that she can see the truth in his expression.
Gods, I am a monster... I knew all along, didn't I? she asks herself, hiding her face in her knees once she's alone in her bed. That's why I didn't hesitate when he found me... that's why I knew he would agree if I only pushed him hard enough...!
How she knew, she can't be sure. Perhaps she's only telling herself this now because it's obvious in retrospect, but there's a sick, dirty feeling in her stomach that won't let her take comfort in this thought.
I'm so selfish... I know I'm hurting him, but I still don't want to lose him... I'm taking advantage of him all over again. I truly am a monster... no better than the dragon that assaulted him. I don't deserve to have someone like that love me.
I don't deserve to have anyone love me.
Especially not her.
Notes:
"I'm gonna write a fluffier chapter!" I said. "I'll tone down the suffering a bit!" I said.
I am a big, fat liar.
On the bright side, the next chapter really IS fluff. No, seriously.
