Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the kind reviews! I really enjoy writing this fanfic, but school is starting up again soon. I am determined to at least squeeze out one more chapter out after this. I wish you all the best for 2014 and thank you again for reading my story!
Like-a-direwolf, you are amazing for editing this piece of poop.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lorien Legacies or any of its characters, but I do take ownership of this fanfiction.
Let's get this show on the road! It's Six's POV.
. . .
Chapter 11 – Road Trip
I watch the landscape roll pass me with bland interest. After leaving Chicago and moving onto the highway, the scenery is endless fields of grain on either side. The car is silent, with Sarah concentrating on driving. I absentmindedly stroke BK's furry ears as he snores lightly on my lap. I look up at John in the front seat of the car. Despite not being able to see his expression I know he is as tense as I am. There's been a palpable tension between us since we left the others.
Despite its plain exterior, the Civic is loaded with gadgets. Surrounding the driver's wheel are buttons and knobs and switches that have distinct labels beneath them. Within the first half hour I had completely checked them out, even finding an ejector seat. It was under John's seat and when I found the button – of course it was big and red – I was almost tempted to use my telekinesis to push it. It was a petty thought, but still an extremely entertaining one. Sitting in the backseat, there are no switches or buttons but there are latches for quick escapes. I wonder if Nine and Sandor ever had a chance to use any of these. But, despite its gadgets and upgrading, the car in general is incredibly boring. I know I shouldn't expect anything else, since we are 'hostile' aliens and we are on the run. The last thing we need is to driving in a flashy car that will attract attention. It's silly but I can't help the disappointment that whelms up inside my chest. I've only ever ridden in dirty trucks or unsuspecting cars, like this Civic. We've passed ostentatious sports cars driven by middle-aged, wealthy men or their snotty-looking children. I smile to myself. Before we return to Lorien (and we will) I want to drive a sports car or at the very least something fast that if preferably red. I've always liked the idea of mechanics. Whenever our beaten up trucks busted, and they usually did, Katarina would have me look at it. I had a natural knack for it and I enjoyed fixing things. Usually it was just a screw loose, but it was fun.
Fun. My smile drops andI snort from the backseat of the Civic. I can't remember the last time I had fun. Before I stop myself, my brain conjures up my memories from that night with Nine. Even though it was filled with tension riddled arguments, thugs and pretty teenage girls who swooned over Nine, I did have fun. Being with Nine, despite his obnoxious and arrogant attitude, was . . . nice. Just goofing around and being myself. I didn't have to be some alien on the run, I just was some insignificant, ordinary, normal teenager. Even though normal teenagers don't beat up seven thugs without breaking a sweat, I did feel normal around Nine and I guess I have to thank him for that. He made me forget about our mission on this planet and just let me enjoy myself, something that John could never do.
I look down at my watch. It's only been about 4 hours since we left the penthouse. I wonder what he's been up to the last couple of hours. Probably pestering Eight and Marina to train with him. I smile subconsciously. Despite our fights and snaps, I miss the idiot. This mission won't take too long. It's just scouting Five's whereabouts and getting out with him or her as quickly as possible.
It took longer than expected to get out of Chicago, although it's only midday and we're only a couple of hours away from Arkansas. We're making good time. We speed by semi-trucks, but Sarah is cautious not to be going past the speed limit. The last thing we need now is to be pulled over. John is still probably red flagged on most government databases. None of us has a license, either. We need to check out Sandor's office more thoroughly to see if there is anything we could make fake ID's with.
I'm starting to zone out again, absently looking out the window, when Sarah's voice brings me back.
"Have you ever tried turning a car invisible?" She asks me. "I mean, you are touching it."
I start to sit up with new interest. It's the first thing anyone has said in at least an hour and I'm giving the question legitimate thought.
"Hmm," I murmur. "I never thought of that before."
"Don't." John's voice is sharp and clear and it cuts through our conversation like glass. "Someone could crash into us."
I feel almost too weary to sigh. I still manage to roll my eyes.
"John, I have no idea what we would do without your infinite wisdom. With you here monitoring Sarah's downright lunatic driving and stopping me from running around turning cars invisible, you really have you wise and all-knowing hands full." Sarcasm drips from my voice like honey.
A heavy silence follows my snap. I see Sarah look over at John in confusion, her brow raised. I know she is sensing the bad vibes between us, and I really could care less. John has been tapping her leg every time she goes a notch above the speed limit and she just smiles apologetically back at him. It's driving me crazy. I mean, if it were me or Nine behind the wheel, we would be driving as fast as possible to get to Five, consequences be damned.
I refocus my attention to the never-ending grain fields undulating past us. I pat BK's head again. With nothing else to do I relax into the cheap seats of the Civic and doze off into a black void.
. . .
I'm startled awake to the car jostling from side to side from uneven gravel. I groggily sit up and look around to gather my bearings. A road sign says that we're in Missouri. We're pulling into a rundown gas station. We pull in and BK and I practically jump out of the car.
BK strolls around the lot, sniffing patches of grass and stretching his legs. I arch my back and get some kinks out. John and Sarah step out of the car and begin stretching too. We've been in the car for at least 5 hours.
Sarah and John go off into the store, probably going to get provisions. I can't help it, but I fasten my gaze directly on John's back. I remember our fights and his obtuseness and my temper starts to flare. I ram the pump's nozzle into the car. So much has happened between us and he jut continues to act like nothing has taken place after these last couple of months. Sarah isn't stupid and it's obvious she is sensing our hostility. I glance back up and I notice with a start that John is making his way over to me. It's obvious Sarah has made him do it, from the visibly slow pace he's making and frown crinkling his face. I flip my hair over my shoulder and pretend I never saw him. I concentrate on the nozzle of the pump with forced energy. I feel him come up behind me and I can't choke down the sigh that escapes my throat. Well, we have to get this over and done with sometime.
I stop pumping and turn around to face him, painting my face carefully blank of all emotions. John stares straight into my eyes and I feel my heart do a stupid flip-flop. Damn it! I lean back against the car and narrow my eyes off into the distance, acting nonchalant like I really don't care.
It's a while before either of us talks. John shuffles his feet awkwardly and I cross my arms across my chest, trying to restrain my rapidly thumping heart. My nerves are on end, like someone has electrocuted the air and the energy is buzzing around me.
"We should talk."
I slowly roll my eyes back to look over at John. His hands are in his pockets and he is slightly rocking back and forward on the balls of his feet. His tousled, dirty blonde hair has grown longer since we first met, so now it is curling more noticeably around the nape of his neck. It's showering down his face, framing his high cheekbones. His deep blue eyes are scrutinising me so sharply that I feel like he's carving a knife into my skin. It's the way he always looked at me when he was completely serious and completely clueless on how to approach me. I clear my head of the past and I take a deep breath, looking away again.
"Sarah made you come over here, didn't she?"
John huffs out a breath and glances away but quickly jerks his gaze back. He doesn't like being seen through so easily.
"Look," he starts again. "I know you don't like her that much-"
Before he can finish, I cut through his sentence.
"That's just it John!" My hands fly up in aggravation. He looks taken aback by my force and conviction. "I do like Sarah!"
He just stares at me, while he tries to figure out his next move that won't end up with him sporting a black eye.
"All right," he starts again for the third time. "I get that you're mad at me because we haven't really talked about everything since going to Chicago. With Sarah around it just felt-" he pauses, looking for the right word, "-weird."
I let that sink in for a couple of seconds. I stare at John, trying to pick out the right ways to say what I'm about to next.
"John," I say with forced emphasis. "I'm not angry that we kissed and you got back together with Sarah." I say it plainly and I guess my bluntness temporarily confuses John. Before he can start talking, I continue. "I thought I liked you John. You know, as more than a friend." John opens his mouth to say something, but I put up my hand to stop him. "But, when we were in New Mexico and I was dumped in that cell with Sarah, I realized something."
"What was that?" John says cautiously.
"It was the way Sarah talked about you. And now I see you together every day and it's starting to make me believe all that crap Henri said about Loric falling in love only once in their entire life."
John just nods and meets my gaze. My stomach turns again, but I force everything down. He's not mine and I'm definitely not his.
"I guess," I continue, "I feel crappy for kissing you while you were supposed to be with Sarah."
"In our defence," John says, "we did think she sold us out for the government."
I give a self-depreciating bark of laughter at that. He meant it to make me feel better, but it's had the completely opposite effect. I shake my head and level my gaze on a patch of brown grass. I gulp down the ball in my throat. This conversation hurts so much more than I want John to know. I was legitimately falling for the guy. I could see myself with him and I've never felt that way about someone in my whole life. But he's chosen Sarah and I know that they are meant to be together despite my flimsy heart. I feel like pulling my hair out in frustration and sadness, but I just tighten my arms across my chest and cross my legs at the ankles.
I look up at John and search his eyes. He looks back with clarity and certainty and I know for sure that I have no future with him. I feel energy drain away from my body but I keep standing. I have to stay strong.
"It was our first time meeting other Garde. Once that excitement was over, you were always going to go back to Sarah, huh?" I end the sentence politely, but my heart is clenching itself inside my chest. A cold vice holds it and I need to know John's answer. He looks down at the ground, his dirty blonde hair the only thing I can see of his head. He looks back up into my eyes through his lashes.
"It wasn't like that at all, Six. I wasn't thinking ahead, or biding my time or whatever."
My mind drifts back to that moonlit walk that I took with him. Our hands were intertwined so that we could be invisible. His hand had felt so snug and perfect in mine that night.
John continues, "When we were together, I'm not sure I'd ever felt so comfortable with someone in my whole life. Like, I could just be myself."
I watch him intently. I look into his handsome face and am overwhelmed by the wave of rejection and defeat that drowns me.
Wistfully, I whisper, "Yeah. Me too."
We stand in silence for a minute. I refocus on the patch of brown grass and John looks down at his feet.
"But it's different with Sarah," he says gently. I look up at him. "I love her. I'm more sure of that than anything."
I feel an icy dagger wedge itself in my heart and I tuck my chin under the collar of my jacket. That one, plain, simple sentence. He says it so honestly that it causes emptiness inside of my chest. If someone knocked, it would be hollow and echo. I take a shaky breath and bite my lip. Be strong Six.
I feel the desperate need to act nonchalant. To act like nothing can touch me. I force myself to look up clearly and clap my hands, like his cutting sentence had no effect. Like everything is one big joke and now it's over and everyone leaves on good terms.
"Good," I smile brightly. I feel the skin around my eyes stretch and John looks unsettled by my change in attitude. "So, let's forget about it. You and I are just friends, and you and Sarah are the happy couple. I'm cool with that." I absently rub my nose and take a brief sniff. I give John a lop-sided grin. "All this love triangle crap is making me want to barf, anyway."
"Six . . ." John starts slowly. I can tell his definitely confused by my dismissal.
Hey, if you're gonna end it, tell him everything.
"No listen," I say, cutting him off. "I'm sorry I got in your business with Sarah. Whether or not you tell her about the kiss is your thing. I don't care." To emphasize, I give a shrug and put my hands in my jean pockets. "When I got tossed in that cell with her, the way she talked about you – she's given so much to be with you, John. She's essentially betting her life on you. Maybe I'm being nosy, but I just want to make sure you're up for that."
I glance over my shoulder over to the store, where Sarah is finally emerging.
"I'm trying to be," John says, while turning to face Sarah approaching. I look over again and give her a smile. She slows her pace and gives John an uncertain smile. He walks over to her and grins down right into her face. They exchange a few words, but I call Bernie Kosar over for us to leave. He jumps straight into the backseat and I notice John and Sarah are hugging. And I know, from their faces, that they'll be all right. I have no place here and I feel sadness but also relief. I feel a certain weightlessness that I decide I like. Things might never be perfect between John and I, but I definitely feel better. I slide into the car and shut the door and I don't even try to hide my own smile.
. . .
John's taken over the wheel since we left the gas station. BK crawls onto my lap and paws at the window. I know what he wants. I roll it down and BK hangs his head out, his beagle tongue lolling back in the wind.
The fresh air makes me feel better when I inhale it. At least I know where I stand with John. The mood of the car has changed; the tension has vanished and has been replaced with the contagious feeling of hopefulness at finding Five. I relax into my seat, close my eyes and let my hair whip around my face.
I feel, for about one blissful second, like I'm on a road trip with friends. I wonder what it would actually feel like, to not look out for the future and just enjoy the present. To just rest and not fear for our lives. I'm jutted out of my thoughts by Sarah's voice.
"I know we are all on a serious mission, but if we were taking a road trip, where would you go?" Her blonde hair is flowing in the wind and I relax my head back against the headrest. Where would I go?
"Hmmm," John says, deep in thought. "So many options . . ."
The answer lights up my mind like a light bulb exploding. I lean forward between the seats, startling John.
"I didn't really get to see much of it because of all the running and fighting, but I would like to go see Spain. It looked quite interesting."
Sarah smiles off into the distance. "I've always wanted to go to Europe. My parents backpacked there after college. It's how they met."
"So Europe is your answer too?" John asks Sarah.
"Yeah. There are still places in America I would like to see, but definitely Europe." Sarah turns around in her seat to face me. "We could go to Europe together! Um, if you're not too busy restoring Lorien and all," she finishes with a slight smile.
She seems so enthusiastic and happy that I smile back. "That would be awesome."
John sighs and leans his head back. "I know where I would like to go."
"Where?" Sarah asks.
"Lorien."
"Oh," Sarah says, with a note of sadness. That's John - sobering the mood. He tries to explain.
"I'd like to show you the Lorien Henri described to me. It sounds beautiful."
I roll my eyes and lie back down across the backseat. "That's not really the game," I say. "You have to choose someplace you can actually reach, like, now."
John thinks it over for a moment and gives a defeated shrug. "I don't know. Disneyland?"
I burrow my eyebrows and Sarah turns in her seat to face me. We share a look and both suppress smiles. Then our laughter fills the car's air. BK looks over at us and starts barking.
"Disneyland?" I say through hiccupping laughs. "You are so cheesy!"
John starts an objection but starts chuckling himself.
"No! I think it's sweet!" Sarah says and pats John's leg affectionately.
John just stifles his own laughter and we all fall into a companionable silence. I give a slow shake of my head and smile. I lie back down across the backseat. I look out the window. The last of the sun's dying rays shower the darkening sky. There are beautiful pinks and oranges.
Sarah and John have started conversation again but I just lie there in hushed peace. BK goes down from the window and curls up in a ball beside me. His furry, warm body gives me a form of comfort, but my mind travels back to what the rest of the Garde are doing right now.
Ella is probably watching movies or helping Marina cook or drawing. I've seen her steal away sheets of leftover paper lying around the penthouse and disappear into her room with colouring pencils. I wonder which recipes Marina has discovered online and decided to give a try. She alternates from different cultures each night. I guess it's a way for her to express her inner traveller. I smile. Eight's probably sitting on the bench, not helping the cooking but keeping everyone entertained with cheesy jokes and just his presence. Eight and Marina are such idiots. They think no-one sees their blossoming relationship. I bet they are both refusing to acknowledge it themselves. A small grin plasters my face as I absently look up at the Civic's bland ceiling. I miss them. We haven't been a team for long, but I just clicked with them. I may have lost my family on Lorien, but when I'm with the others I never feel quite so lonely. We all have specific traits that make us seem like family. We all bicker but when it counts, we will all have each other's backs.
I'm absently patting BK and I remember the one person I don't want to at the moment. Because remembering him fills me up with so much confusion and so many feelings that I can't decipher them more than half the time. I've always been straight forward with my emotions. I've either liked someone, disliked or hated them. But with him . . . I have no idea where I stand. One moment we are bickering and getting so mad that we start throwing punches and then there are moments where he steals away my breath with only a touch. I remember his little kiss on my cheek and I can't repress the smile that paints my face with happiness. I feel so much with him and it scares me. Because I'm afraid feeling too much will bring me down. We can't afford to feel too much in this life because if that person was tortured or killed . . .
Nine. I close my eyes and relax into the cushion of the backseat.
I've always been so sure of myself and then he, nearly literally, barrelled into my life. He can be my enemy and then be one of my closest friends. He seems to know me and understand me better than even Katarina and that scares me too. He reads me like an open book and I don't know how to stop him. He unbalanced me and at first I hated it but now . . . I can't imagine being unbalanced by anyone else. I know that sounds stupid but he's the only one I imagine myself lying down next to right now and bickering or laughing or just being silent with. Even though he aggravates me so much, he understands me. He understands me so fully, like he can see into my brain and filter through my thoughts and feelings. He makes me feel so unstable because he challenges me and every code I hold above myself but also he makes me never want to look down and doubt myself. But most of all, he wants me to trust him. I know that, and I do trust him like I trust the rest of the Garde. But, I trust them to keep me alive but not to surrender my emotions and heart to. He's the only person to truly get me and not even Katarina could do that. He's slowly ripping down the barriers I had constructed around my heart since Katarina died and unravelling me like silk. But I don't know if I can deal with that. Because, if he does barrel into my heart, and if I lost him, it would be like losing Katarina again and despite my tough exterior, I don't think I'm strong enough to cope.
In spite of my dark, churning thoughts, I remember our first fight. It's not actually a sour or bitter memory, which startles me. When we're together it's like someone has electrocuted the air. It can make us go increasingly mad at each other, like lions fighting over meat, or make us feel so close that nothing can come between us. It is just him and me alone in the world and everything else are just blurs that are insignificant and don't affect us. It's then I realize, that as easy as it is for him to read me, it's just as easy for me to read him.
I smile. He's the most idiotic, obtuse, blunt, charming, handsome, maddening and thrilling person I have ever met. And, I don't think I'll have a stranger, yet more thoughtful friend in the whole galaxy. He's on a dead straight track determined to storm into my heart and that's what terrifies me the most. Because, if or when he does, I don't know if I will reject him or welcome him with open arms.
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