A/N Chapter Twelve! Wow when I started I never thought i'd get this far. For those who didn't read the last chapter (You should or this will be confusing and choppy) Noah and Beth escaped from Grady Memorial Hospital, Daryl and Carol are in Atlanta and run into Noah who reveals he's with Beth. Now the entourage are driving back to the group.
Enjoy!
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Chapter Twelve: Hidden Secrets, Burning Regrets.
Daryl POV
I don't think I've ever felt so many conflicting emotions. And trust me usually I don't give a shit about emotions. Excitement pluses through my blood along with confusion. I heave in a breath to clear my reeling mind.
The truck rattles as I swerve towards down the empty highway. Away from Grady, away from the dead.
I speed up to 65, Beth lies asleep, not peacefully though.
I want to shake Noah till I know exactly what is making Beth restlessly toss and turn.
She lies in Noah's lap. Noah lightly strokes her curls in a useless attempt at comforting her. I feel envy rise as Noah touches Beth's hair. I should be there to comfort her, that's my place my job and my girl! The thought of comes from nowhere, I try to convince myself it's just the exhaustion talking.
Beth is back. It's just too damn impossible. I can remember so clearly running all night just to catch her kidnappers. I had finally found some light, a little pocket of happiness. Beth gave me hope, she pulled me out of depression. My brother told me my entire life that no one would ever love me but him.
I truly believed him.
Now I'm broken. I can't even imagine someone loving me without themselves in mind. I can't seem to pin down what Beth feels for me. Pity? Endearment?
I wipe the hair out of my eyes.
After all I've done to her and she's still damn nice to me! I glance towards Beth, her neck and skin is covered in a sheen of sweat. Her lips move without sound, silently begging for help. I want to protect Beth from her inner demons. I want to cleanse her of this pain I know all too well. I speed up to shake the thoughts away. The dark road flies underneath my tires. Carol and Noah both offered to drive but with Beth in pain it's the only thing keeping me sane. Beth's whisper jolts my insides. "Help me" I look at her now. She's not awake, she's sleep talking...and not about something good.
She whispers so softly that if I wasn't focusing all my attention on her I would have easily missed it.
"Stop..."
I throw a shifty glance at Beth; her nightmares could be about anything. "What did you do?!" She says so rich with emotion I could swear she's awake. I turn in the driver's to gaze at her sleeping form. She looks like the opposite of peaceful, before on the long nights together she would sleep so serenely, like an angel. What changed? What stole her peaceful dreams? What happened at the hospital?
The thought tortures me. The steering wheel feels cold and harsh in my calloused hands.
"I am strong" She says with power. I would smile but I can't seem to. Silence stretches for a few precious seconds before the night mare's torment resumes. "Don't touch me." She murmurs. My head whips to the side.
"Wha's she talking about?" I demand staring right at Noah. Fear fills his features.
"Stop!...Don't" Beth whimpers. Rage fills my entire being.
"What's goin' on!" I roar. Noah stares at me with horror.
"I don't know." He whispers.
"Gorman..." At that name Noah stiffens up.
"Who's Gorman?!" I scream. Noah stays motionless. The answer stays locked within his and Beth's minds.
"Who's Gorman?!" I roar hitting the steering wheel.
"He- he's" His voice fades into empty silence.
"Noah!" He finally jerks awake. He looks into my eyes.
"He's-he's a rapist...Beth didn't say anything but…" Rapist. A rapist. The single insignificant word echoes within my brain like a sledgehammer. The anger fades away, cold horror replacing it.
Beth...My Beth...the Beth I learned to open up to, the Beth I tried to protect, the Beth I failed.
I lose all my fury. All the anger runs out like fire down the drain. I limply stop the truck and slide out of the driver's seat. I weakly find my new seat. I walk around the car, stealing a moment to gain some sanity. I unlatch the door it swings open with a chilling creek. I am face to face with Beth, her just opened eyes are filled with surprise. She searches for answers with her gaze of mine.
"Daryl, what happened?" She asks her voice filled with ache. I don't have it in me, I can't, and looking at Beth now is almost physically painful.
"Daryl, what happened?" She demands. I wave my hand in a failed attempt at stalling her questions. Carol takes the driver's seat and she starts driving down the road. Beth accepts that she's not getting an answer, at least tonight. I lean against the icy cold window. Beth's soft heat radiates to my side. I want to fall into it blindly but I stay completely to my window. Beth was touched she was molested. I suck in freezing breaths.
I let down Beth when she needed me most? It would have been better if she didn't escape with me. She would have been better protected by someone else. Then she wouldn't have been trapped in that abominable hospital.
My back stiffens just being so close to her. I betrayed this woman, I acted like I could protect her but I can't. I glance towards her, she stares completely forward, moonlight shines off her single tear drop. My hand twitches in anticipation. I want to wipe the tear away. An icy breath leaks out of her lips. A white cloud plumes out like dragon smoke. The freezing air creeps around her. I instinctively scan the surroundings for a blanket, for anything. I come up empty handed. I wish I could save her, even if it's just, from the discomfort of the cold. Beth pulls her knees up to her chest and she wraps her arms around them. All she has for protection is a pair of scratchy blue scrubs. A cast wraps around her slender arm. Beth lies her head on her knees, her chin propped up. Noah notices her.
"You should get some sleep" He asserts.
"No" She says with an icy edge. She quickly backtracks. "Thank you but even if I tried…" She trails off.
Noah nods awkwardly. Beth's already back to her cocoon. She finally notices my intense gaze. Instead of cowering away she stares back. Our eyes lock. Neither of us can bear to turn. She uncurls ever so slightly. I relax under her blue eyes.
We both crave to be close to each-other. It was hard wired into us before we could even realize what was happening. After the moonshine shack that wanting grew, even if it was just a brush of an elbow, even if it was just a serious piggy back ride, the simple holding of hands. I remember wrapping my arms around her to teach Beth how to use a crossbow. I remember her gaze on my own when I slowly wrapped the bandages around her sore ankle.
Just like now.
We focus with all of our attention on just the other. We stay barely apart in restless longing. My anxious need for her grows as she pierces my façade. I quickly shift away from the light of her face. The only warmth left in me leaves. I feel her feathery exhale as she turns away too. I clench my fist as my only attempt to stay away. It takes all my might to not give into my second nature. Beth's precious virginity was stolen. I remember when the Governor was terrorizing our group he struck hard when he aimed his evil at Maggie. I observed Glenn's as he grew bitter and angry.
I never thought I'd feel the same way about the other Greene sister.
I can feel Carol's hawk eyes placed on me. I feel the shift in the air as if I was just doused in cold water. "Almost there" Carol mutters.
The realization comes that soon we will be forced into the spot light; soon we will be put under scrutiny. At least Noah will draw some of the attention from me.
I look out the frosted window, a feeling of vengeance spikes against that fool Gorman.
I hope he's dead, he better be and he'll want to be when he meets me. My anger spikes and I have to cool it down all over again.
The headlights look like the only light in the world. The night drags on. I can feel sleep dragging me down. My eyes shift to Beth, she is half asleep. I can almost feel her racing thoughts keeping her awake. Before I can surrender to sleep I am jolted wide awake. A walker's shadow darkens our headlights path. Carol drives around it swiftly.
I hear everyone jolt to awareness.
The car jerks left as Carol swerves back into the middle of the road. The centrifugal force swings us all to the side. Beth crashes into me; her warm hands try to catch herself on my biceps. Beth struggles to get up but I wish she would just stay. Carol seems to find this situation funny, she yanks the car forward. Beth loses balance, and she falls into me. Her hot breathe flutters against mine. She scrambles to get up, I almost don't let her. I hold her elbow to help her get up. She looks down nervously. As she sits up our eyes meet. Her lips are painstakingly close. I can hear Carol's snickering. Damn woman. I sneer in my head.
"Sorry" Beth whispers her lips just inches from mine. Then she smiles ever so softly as she settles back down. I groan inside. I want Beth back. I want to explain why I'm furious. I know I shouldn't say it. I can't! How can I ask Hey Beth, Remember that time you were raped? Beth and I are close…I guess, but definitely not in that way. A permanent scowl lies carved into my face as I stare down at my filthy hands.
"Daryl" A single whisper pierces the dark.
I turn to see Beth's turquoise pair of eyes right next to mine.
"Why are you so…weird?" She asks slowly as of not to trigger anything.
I don't meet her gaze but I can tell she's examining me closely. I crack underneath the pressure.
"What happened at Grady?" I order.
Beth answers instantly. "Why are you asking?"
I glare at her quick avoidance.
"Who's Gorman?" I ask huskily.
She scowls but I see tears in her eyes.
"Da-Daryl…" She looks down. "Who told you?"
"You did" I answer.
Her head snaps up.
"You were sleepin'" I try to explain.
"Sleep talk" Beth mutters to herself. "What did I say?"
I grunt, not eager to explain in detail.
"You know I can't read minds" Beth says.
"Just Gorman" I reply simply.
"Then why are you…freaking out"
. I jerk my head towards Noah. He's trying hard not to look like he's eavesdropping.
Beth elbows him in the stomach, he clutches his injury why pouting at Beth.
"What the hell?" Is all Beth needs to say.
"I-I didn't do anything!"
"What exactly did you not do"
"I just said what Gorman was!" Noah defended. Carol was defiantly listening in at this point.
"Just talk to her straight out" Carol whispers only to me.
I gulp hard. Talking about this with Beth is against of my nature. I run a hand down my face, trying to gain enough courage to confront Beth.
"What do you think happened?" Beth asks pulling me out of my thoughts. I'm glad she asked because I don't think I could've. My words fumble in my mouth before I can form then in a sentence.
"I ain't got a clue! Just-Just explain"
Beth fiddles with her hair as she answers.
"Gorman was a…police officer who abused his power" She whispers.
Anger surges through my chest. I don't think I can handle it.
"What did he do to you" I say through clenched teeth.
"Nothing" She confirms.
My head snaps up, my hands uncurl.
"I didn't let him" Beth says softly.
I breathe in a deep breath of finally clean air.
"Oh" I breathe. My head overflows with questions. "Is he dead?" I ask.
I look to Beth when I hear a shaky exhale.
"I-I killed him" Beth whispers horrified. "I don't regret it, it needed to happen. I..Just can't believe it was me who did it. I. Killed. Him. I'm a murderer, I can't come back from that"
I don't know what to do…I was never good about comforting women. Especially something I know all too well. Can I put down walkers? Damn right. Can I track? Sure as Hell. Can I comfort women? Ain't exactly my forte.
Instead of helping, I just sit completely still. What would I say? Man up is not exactly what she needs to hear. I've never done this before, with Rick I just give him a pat on the back and take his watch. With Carol we both don't wanna talk so we don't, simple. With Hershel I would have caved and stood in the background for his treasured scripture study. With anybody else I just wouldn't have growled at them.
I glance towards Beth, last time she needed comfort all I did was get her some good quality moonshine. Before that a simple hug was enough. Little things. Now with something that just tears you apart something that makes you fear even yourself…all I do is nothing.
"Daryl?" Beth cries. "I need you"
That finally triggers something inside of me. I can't sit back and let her suffer. I can't, I won't.
I pull Beth close, I envelope her in my arms. I caress her head, I keep her safe within my arms.
I support Beth…She supports me. We support each-other. We always will.
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A/N Thank you for the love and support! Sorry for the wait, Christmas, New years, Family, Friends, Homework and a number of other things have kept me occupied. I will probably update next saturday if I have time. Reviews are greatly appreciated!
