Disclaimer: Thanks to wrestlenascargirl, otte1978, tigger64, princessprose, Scotswoman, Julia and HaylsValo for your reviews! I apologize profusely for how long this chapter took, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go the route that I ended up going, but I hope everyone likes it! I don't own Sons of Anarchy, or the song Open Wounds by Skillet.
His eyes flashed dangerously, nothing but malice behind them. I will never understand what I did to make him despise me so. I kept driving, trying to shake it from my mind, and trying to ignore the feeling of dread that was bubbling up from my stomach. An hour later, all I could remember was the heat. The explosion, the searing heat, as fire licked its way along my back. Indescribable agony..
I woke up with a start, sitting straight up in bed, a cold sweat enveloping me. My hands cradled my head as I tried to erase the nightmare from my mind. His eyes…They had been in my nightmares for years. Some people had fears of falling or of dolls, but I feared the man that those eyes belonged to.
My hands shook as I slowly slid out of bed, trying not to disturb Chibs, who was still fast asleep. Quickly pulling on my bra and underwear, I slid on a pair of fresh jeans and a white V-neck t-shirt. It wasn't until I crossed the room to grab my riding boots that I noticed the small pile of presents in the corner. I picked up the pile and brought them into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Starting with the top present, I tried to undo the ribbon that surrounded it.
"Fuck!" I hissed, pushing the present away from me. My hands were shaking too bad to even untie it. Tiptoeing back into the bedroom, I grabbed my knife out of my purse, and cut the ribbon off. Inside was a brand new helmet for my bike. My jaw dropped even more as I unwrapped the rest of the presents. There was a pair of clear riding glasses, a pair of thick leather riding gloves, a heavy-duty leather jacket that was much warmer than the one I already had, and a pair of riding chaps.
Sighing again, I looked into the mirror. Dark circles had appeared under my eyes, and I still felt like I was going to be sick. I hadn't had a nightmare like that in a long time and up until now, I was sure that I had been cured of them. Those eyes… I needed to get out of here.
Pulling on the jacket, grabbing my sunglasses, my iPod and the keys off my bedside table, I quietly crept out of the room. Striding down the hallway, I grimaced as I looked around the clubhouse. Sleeping bodies were everywhere, sprawled on the bar, on the pool table, everywhere. The smell of alcohol and smoke seemed to pour out of every piece of furniture and person. The place had turned into a mess overnight. Picking my way around people, I pushed the door open.
Blinking against the sudden harsh light, I pushed my sunglasses onto my nose, and walked around the side of the building. My motorcycle was sitting there, the cover still over it. I yanked it off, folding it and tossing it onto a nearby picnic table. Pulling my jacket and my helmet on, I straddled the bike, lifting it upright and pushing up the kickstand. I plugged my iPod into the holder, put my headphones on, and slid the key into the ignition.
The bike purred to life beneath me. I slowly rode across the lot, getting used to the way it felt to ride again. Driving through Charming, I headed for the freeway. I had no idea where I was going; I just wanted to get away.
I had no idea how long I had been riding for, the only thing that I noticed was the breeze that had begun to smell salty, and the sign that I was approaching that advertised a nearby beach. Turning off the freeway, I followed the signs down a small dirt road. Parking the motorcycle to the side, I walked down the rest of the road for a few minutes until I got to the beach. It was small with a few large rocks both in the water and partly buried in the sand. Pulling my boots and socks off, I stepped onto the sand.
It was cool and soft beneath my feet as I crossed to one of the rocks that sat almost touching the waves as they broke on shore. I settled myself cross-legged on it with a sigh. There wasn't any noise, except for the waves crashing and the music that was still playing on my iPod. I had always used to go to the beach when I was stressed out. It was the best drug; it reached something deep inside of me and soothed me, like the lullaby my mother used to sing me.
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me
Somebody help
My shoulders slumped as the familiar song came on. It's rare that a song can so perfectly describe your life, yet when you hear it, you never want to hear it again. It was the perfect song for him.
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
It started off so normally. Happy was in prison for two years, and I had met him two months after Happy had left. The Sons had tried to keep me close, Bolt especially, but I couldn't help it. There was something about him that drew me in.
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault
If someone asked me to pinpoint exactly where it had gone wrong, I wouldn't have been able to tell them. Maybe I was just blind, or maybe I just didn't want to admit it. Although, I could take a guess.
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
Open wounds
Bolt had driven me up to the prison to visit Happy, even though he hated for me to see him like that. We were driving home when Bolt had gotten a call from Lee asking him to come to the clubhouse, so Bolt dropped me off at his apartment where I was staying. He was waiting for me on the steps. Even to this day, I could still remember his voice as he asked me who that guy was with the motorcycle and the cut. I tried to explain as best I could, but my attempted explanation was met with a hard slap across my cheek.
Downstairs the enemy sleeps
Leaving the TV on
Watching all the dreams
We had turn into static
When Bolt returned later that night, I had locked myself in my room, and was curled up in the corner with an ice pack over my now-black eye. Bolt yelled at me to open the door, to tell him what was wrong, to explain why the door that was rarely ever shut much less locked was now locked. It took me twenty minutes and Bolt going hoarse before I opened the door. He took one look at me, before striding furiously down the stairs and going after him.
Doesn't matter what I do
Nothings gonna change
I'm never good enough
But that just made it worse. Very quickly, I was forced to choose between him and the Sons, while he made it very clear that if I didn't make the right choice, then something very bad would happen to the ones closest to me.
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault
I could never figure out how I didn't see the man that he truly was sooner. I had been blind and now I was suffering the consequences.
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
It went on for a year. A year of hell, of torture. I slowly pulled away from everyone, scared that if I was seen talking to them,something would happen. I even pulled away from Bolt. And all the while, the bruises got darker, and the scars would never fade. They weren't visible on the outside, but they were there.
Tell me why you broke me down
And betrayed my trust in you
I'm not giving up, giving in
When will this war end?
When will it end?
Hot tears had started to pour down my face as the song played. I didn't know how I ever managed to get away from him; maybe it was when Happy got out of prison. Maybe it was when he started to delve into a movement that I wanted no part of.
You can't stop me from falling apart
You can't stop me from falling apart
You can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destruction is all your fault
It was one year before Bolt died that I could finally look into the mirror again and not have to pile on makeup to hide the bruises. Within a few months, I could finally look in the mirror without being scared of what would be looking back.
How could you, how could you, how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
I was riding to meet Bolt at the warehouse to bring him food while he stocked weapons. I looked over while at a stoplight, and there he was. It had been a year since I had seen him, but his eyes were still the same. He smiled lazily at me, even raising his hand and waving, but the smile never reached his eyes. They were still cold, and all at once, my stomach curled and fear swept over me. Trying to shake it from my mind, trying to call it just a mere coincidence that he was in town, I continued to the warehouse.
How could you, how could you
How could you, how could you
All I ever wanted to be was you
All you ever gave me were open wounds
I swore up and down that I had no idea who blew up the warehouse that day, but I lied. There was something deep down inside of me, that place that I never want to go, that kept me up at night. I had a feeling who did it, in fact it was more than a feeling, but I had no way to prove it. All I had was the memory of those eyes…
I sat there most of the day, letting the waves and my music relax me. Hours had passed before I slowly climbed off the rock, my muscles screaming at me as I tore them from their sedentary position. Mindlessly sliding on my socks and boots, I continued back down the path. Night had started to fall, the sky turning a deep purple. My bike was where I left it, helmet propped on the seat, jacket it next to it. Pulling the jacket on, I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I had 7 missed calls, 3 from Chibs, 3 from Juice and 1 from Gemma, along with 4 voicemails. Hitting a button, I held the phone up to my ear to listen to them.
"Hey love, jus' wonderin' where ya went. Ah didn't like waking up alone."
"Hey Ava, you've been gone for a while, you're starting to worry me. Call me when you get this, so I don't have to come find you."
"I don't know where you are AVery, but you need to call me. Chibs is starting to panic, he hasn't heard from you all day, and in fact, I even think Tig is worried. Just call me and let me know where you are."
"Love, please answer your phone. It's startin to get dark, and ah swear, if ah don't hear from you soon, I'm comin to find you. Call me, or ah swear, you're in serious trouble." I couldn't help but smile at the worry that flooded the Scotsman's voice.
The motorcycle roared to life beneath me, gravel kicking up behind me as I headed back down the road and onto the highway. The drive back to Charming took about an hour, and by the time I pulled off the highway, night had truly fallen. The sky was pitch black, no moon out to illuminate anything. The overhead lights had come on as I slowly pulled into the parking lot, parking next to the line of bikes, some of which were gone.
I jumped as, suddenly, tires screeched as an ambulance pulled into the parking lot. Someone jumped out, heading through the door, then the large door to the garage opened. The ambulance pulled in, the door shutting behind it. Three motorcycles had pulled in behind it, and their owners were now parking them by mine.
Their owners, who I quickly identified as Jax, Clay and Tig, quickly headed towards the garage, and I fell in behind them.
"There you are!" Tig's familiar voice rumbled as he swept me up into a tight hug.
"What's going on? Where the hell did we get an ambulance?" I quickly questioned as we headed into the garage after I eagerly returned the embrace.
"We were taking the insurance money to the Irish when we got attacked by the Mayans at the bar. The Irishman, Cameron, was shot, so we gotta patch him up ," Tig rattled off as we stood off to the side. The back doors to the ambulance opened, and I could hear Chibs' voice inside.
"It hit an artery. We're gonna need some surgical tools, scalpels, clamps, needles, that kind of shit."
"Make a list, I'll see if Tara can help us out," Jax ordered.
"Where the hell did we get an ambulance?" The question announced the arrival of Gemma, who had appeared from the office. Everyone immediately pointed at Half-Sack.
"Come on, we're going to have to move him into the clubhouse, probably into the church," Tig said, sticking his head into the ambulance.
"I'm going to grab some towels," I announced, taking a few steps towards the door.
"Avery?" Chibs yelled from inside the ambulance. I stuck my head inside the window as everyone started to move at once. Jax headed for his bike, Tig jogged into the clubhouse, presumably to help me gather anything we could find that might help, and Juice still hadn't shown up.
I could just barely see Chibs as he bent over someone. All I could see of Cameron was his legs, and the blood that had dyed his jeans a deep brown color. Juice was next to him, trying to help in any way that he could.
"Where the hell have ya been?" Chibs growled, our eyes meeting. I shrugged, not really knowing the easiest way to explain my nightmare and my fleeing the clubhouse.
"I think we have bigger things to deal with," I commented, gesturing to the bleeding Irishman. Anger flashed through Chibs' eyes, his hands clenching on the gauze that he was holding. Trying to ignore the look that had passed over his face, I headed into the clubhouse, going for my room. I tossed my stuff down onto my bed, before grabbing an armful of towels out of the closet.
Sitting down on my bed for a moment, I tried to focus. The anger on Chibs face had scared me, reminding me entirely too much of the nightmare and of the man that I had spent the whole day, unsuccessfully trying to escape from. Taking a few deep breaths, I headed out into the chapel and spread the towels out on the table. A few minutes later, Chibs, Juice and Tig carried in Cameron.
The next four hours passed in a bloody blur. There were three slugs buried in Cameron, and we only managed to get one out. Cameron passed out an hour in from the pain and the alcohol Chibs was feeding him to try and numb the pain. All the while we waited on Jax to return with supplies from Tara.
"Come on Avie, you need to sleep," Tig ordered, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and leading me from the chapel where Chibs and Juice still worked. Chibs' eyebrow rose at the action, but I ignored it. I was too tired to push Tig away, instead accepting it as I leaned against him as he led me to my room. He waited while I scrubbed the blood off my hands, and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.
Clicking the bathroom light off, I sat down on my bed next to Tig. He looked up at me, a worried look creasing his normally stoic face.
"Where were you today?" he murmured. "You had everyone worried." I shrugged, not really knowing how to explain my past to a man that wasn't exactly known for his concern for others. Yet here he was, concerned.
"I just had a nightmare last night. Needed to get away, clear my head. Not really a big deal," I sighed, leaning back against the pillow. Tig opened his mouth as if to ask another question, yet thought better of it. Nodding slightly, he stood up and crossed the room to the door.
"Well if you need anything, just holler. I'm sure no one's going home tonight." He stepped out, going to shut the door.
"Hey Tig?" I called. He stuck his head back in. "Whoever did this to Cameron…..are we next?" He sighed, a hand running through his curly hair.
"I'm not sure doll, I'm really not. But don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you, I promise."
