BATMAN: GOTHAM TALES
CHAPTER 11 - THE JOKE'S ON YOU, PART 2
Batman opened his eyes to see he was hanging upsidedown. The villains, after knocking him out, had suspended him off the edge of the building, with him tied up, upside down. He looked to the streets, then back straight ahead to see Riddler, Joker, Harley Quinn, and the Scarecrow staring at him. Then, he saw Selina Kyle tied up on the ground with duct tape over her mouth as she tried to scream for him.
"Selina..." he grumbled.
"Told you he'd come for her," the Riddler elbowed Scarecrow in the side with a smile.
"What ever it is you want," Batman said, "You want it with me. Let Selina go."
"No dice, Bats," the Joker grinned, sticking a pistol in his mouth. "Looks like you're in quite the predicament, if you ask me." He removed the gun as Batman gritted his teeth, wanting to bash Joker's face in.
The Riddler stepped forward, pushing Joker out of the way, which angered him. Riddler said to Batman, "I've waited so long for this. It's what I've lived for!" He took a deep breath and said, "Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's the man behind the bat?"
The Riddler put his hands on Batman's mask and gripped it tight. He started to pull it off but Batman burst out, "Wait, Nigma!" The Riddler, startled, let go to hear what he had to say. Batman asked, "This is what you've lived for?"
"Yeah," the Riddler replied matter-of-factly.
"If it's what you've lived for, then what will you do once you reveal me?" Batman cleverly asked. "What will be the ultimate riddle to solve then?"
The Riddler's hands dropped to his side as he listened closely to Batman.
Batman continued, "Sure, you could pull my mask off. You could see who I am. But then, whether or not you kill me, you'll have nothing, Nigma. No more great riddles. No more Batman to solve your riddles. You'll be empty. Nothing to do."
The Riddler looked back at the other villains, who seemed to know that Batman was simply trying to fool the Riddler. But, from a certain point of view, the Riddler knew that Batman was right.
Batman said, "So go ahead, Nigma. Pull it off. But first, tell me. What next? Are you gonna just go home? Go try to unmask another hero?"
The Riddler sighed, "I think he's right." He frowned and started to turn away. Then, though, he regained his happy attitude and turned back to Batman saying, "Ah well, all riddles need to be solved at some point!" He laughed as he gripped the mask again.
"Stop."
The Riddler looked behind him to see that Joker had a gun pointed at him. The Riddler let go of the mask and nervously asked, "What are you doing, Joker?"
"He's right," the Joker said, not smiling, "I don't want to know who the Batman is."
"Why not?!" the Riddler screamed, losing his cool.
"Puddin'," Harley tried to ease the Joker, "We came all this way to - "
The Joker backhanded Harley and turned his attention back to the Riddler. He said, "Get away from him, Nigma. You're not unmasking him."
"I will unmask him!" the Riddler demanded, his hat flying off by the breeze and his hair messing up, getting in his eyes, making him look even more like a lunatic.
"I'm being compassionate for once, Nigma," the Joker said, still not smiling, "Take advantage of that. Step away from him." He pulled the hammer back on his gun.
Harley suddenly stepped in front of the Riddler, to block any attacks that Joker threw. She screamed, "Mr. J, don't shoot him!"
"Get away from him, Harley," the Joker ordered.
"No, puddin'," she shook her head. "He saved my life! He saved me from Great White Shark! He and Scarecrow saved me from Firefly! The Riddler has done nothing but help me these last few - "
BAM!
The Joker pulled the trigger sending a bullet straight into Harley's shoulder. She screamed falling to the ground, gripping the wound. Scarecrow's eyes shot open, unsure of whether or not he should help her. He didn't want to get shot too.
"Puddin'?" Harley looked up at the Joker with tears in her eyes.
The Joker looked at the Riddler, ignoring Harley, and said with an evil grin, "It's been fun."
Suddenly, having been working on getting loose, Selina pounced on Joker. Being startled, Joker fired his gun. The bullet went straight for the Riddler, but luckily it didn't land any fatal shot. The bullet clipped the Riddler's cheek, causing him to scream out in pain and fall off a ledge, landing in some of the lower construction areas.
The Joker threw Selina off and prepared to shoot her, but Harley grabbed the Joker's ankle and bit down on his skin. He screamed out as he kicked Harley hard in the face, knocking her away. He turned back to Selina but she kicked the gun from his hand and landed a few punches on him.
Scarecrow ran to Harley and helped her to her feet. He began to escort her away but Harley stopped, looking back at Batman, who was helpless to help Selina or stop the Joker. Harley said to Scarecrow, "Go on, Dr. Crane. This time, I have to stay behind."
"Are you sure, Harley?" Scarecrow asked, eager to get away before Batman was free, but then again, he didn't want to leave Harley there alone with that madman the Joker.
"Yes, go," she nodded as Scarecrow smiled from behind his mask and made his way down the stairs. While Joker and Catwoman fought, neither noticed Harley walking over to Batman.
Batman said, "If the Joker finds out you're helping me, he'll kill you."
"Yeah, so what?" she shrugged with a smile. "Wouldn't be the first time."
Catwoman threw another punch at Joker, but the Clown Prince of Crime blocked her attack and punched her hard in the throat, sending her to the ground in pain. He picked up his pistol and pointed it at her. He laughed, "Cat got your tongue?"
Someone then tapped Joker on the shoulder. He turned his head angrily, expecting Harley Quinn or the Riddler. But, it was Batman's fist. Batman punched Joker right in the mouth, causing Joker to drop his gun off the side of the building, and knock out one of his teeth.
Selina smiled and jumped up, hugging Batman. He gently pushed her away as he said, "Get out of here, Selina. Take Quinn with you. I'll handle the Joker."
The Joker's head poked up and he questioned, "Quinn?" He looked over at Harley, who was standing where Batman had been tied up. The Joker got on his feet and walked towards her slowly. "Harley?"
"Y-Yes, Mr. J?" she nervously replied.
"You freed him?" the Joker's mouth dropped open. "We may not were going to unmask him . . . but we were still going to kill him!" He ran for Harley, his hands ready to strangle her.
Batman, though, grabbed Joker by the back of the shirt and drug him away, slinging him into some pipes that were lying out, used for the construction of the building. The Joker growled, "I saved you, Batman, from the Riddler!"
"You've never saved anyone," Batman approached him. "You just didn't want Nigma to have the pleasure of defeating me. You wanted the glory. It's always you, Joker. You even shot the most loyal person you have."
The Joker looked behind Batman to see Selina helping Harley limp towards the stairs. He called out, "Harley? Harley, get away from her! She's trying to hurt you, Harley!"
Harley looked over to him, confused on what she should do. Selina said to Harley, "He just shot you! Don't listen to him!"
"Listen to me, Harley," the Joker clenched a fist. "Harley!" the Joker charged for her. Batman tried to stop him, but Joker pushed him out of the way, knocking him on his back. Right before the Joker reached them, three gunshots sounded out, one by one.
The Joker looked down to see that bullets had shot straight through his back and came out of his chest. The Joker, Batman, Harley Quinn, and Selina all turned to see the Riddler with a pistol in his hand and a scar on his cheek had just shot the Joker.
Joker said, "You shot me?"
"You shot me first," the Riddler shrugged.
The Joker, though hurt, wasn't done completely. He held his hand behind his back, a grenade in his hand, which he had kept hidden the whole time just in case something like this happened.
The Riddler picked up a lead pipe and approached the Joker. Batman yelled, "Nigma, stop! This isn't going anywhere!"
"He ruined it!" the Riddler clenched his teeth. "He ruined my plan! It would've worked!"
The Joker burst out laughing, blood dripping from his mouth. He said, "If you think that it would've worked," he pulled the pin from the grenade, "I guess the joke's on you, Eddie." The Joker threw the grenade towards the Riddler like a baseball.
Batman dove for it, but missed, landing back on the ground and he watched it hurl towards the Riddler. The Riddler, though, swung at it with the pipe in his hands as he yelled, "No, the joke's on you this time!" A direct hit and the grenade was heading back towards the Joker.
In the split second before it exploded, the Joker frowned as he tilted his head on the side, "I don't get it."
It exploded. In the mass ball of fire, the Joker was catapulted a ways before crashing through the floor, ending up on a lower level of the building, hidden by black smoke and fire.
Harley and Selina were speechless. Had the Riddler just killed the Joker? Batman got to his feet and ran for the Riddler, but Nigma dodged his attack and hit Batman with the lead pipe in the back.
"No, Batman!" Riddler growled. "I won't let you ruin this either!"
"You've truly gone mad, Nigma," Batman tried to stand up, but the Riddler hit him hard on the back with the pipe.
"NO!" Selina ran for the Riddler, but he swung around and hit her in the side with the pipe, sending her to the ground next to Batman.
"Selina!" Batman screamed as he jumped up and tackled the Riddler.
They both went flying and fell through the weak floor, ending up in a dark, dusty area of the construction. Batman had even landed on a piece of sharp metal that went straight through his arm. He pulled it out slowly, screaming as he did as suddenly, the Riddler hit him across the face with the pipe.
Batman looked up to see they had fallen a couple stories down. He wanted to yell for Selina, but couldn't see her, nor did he have the energy to yell. The Riddler smacked him once more, breaking his nose.
He stood over Batman and began walking around him, dragging the pipe. He said as he walked, "It was going so well. Harley, Scarecrow, and I would take Selina. You'd come for her. I'd unmask you. Hell, I didn't even plan on killing you, but Harley and Joker wanted to so bad that I decided to give them their fun!"
Batman spit up blood, then muttered, "Nigma, you don't have to - "
"Don't tell me what I do and don't have to do!" the Riddler snapped, interrupting him. "Joker. Joker." he repeated. "That son of a bitch. He ruined this. He couldn't just go through with the plan!" He shook his head. "He had to get rid of Batman. If he doesn't do it, nobody can!"
Batman wanted to scream so bad. He needed help.
"Now, let's see who's behind the mask!" the Riddler threw the pipe aside and knelt down to Batman. He gripped the mask and slowly began to pull it off, but then... he stopped. He began to think, then he said, "You know, Batman, you may have been right before."
"Nigma, I can help you," Batman coughed, finding it difficult to breathe.
"No," the Riddler shook his head with a smile, "Nobody can help me now. I am beginning to fear that I may truly be . . . insane." The Riddler pulled out a knife from inside his jacket. "I don't know if I should unmask the Batman or not. What do you think?"
"Nigma, please, you have to listen to me," Batman said.
"What if I unmask you, and it turns out you're someone like," he looked around, pondering, then turned back to Batman, "Someone like the Penguin or something? Or, Two-Face? Or Comissioner Gordon? What if you're my father? Or, my secret son?"
Batman was done trying to talk sense into the Riddler. There was no point in it. He had lost it.
"What if..." the Riddler's eyes widened. "What if I'm Batman?" He looked down at him. "Well, we can't risk that, can we?" The Riddler raised the knife high into the air, preparing to stab him in the chest. Before stabbing though, he said, "Riddle me this, riddle me that... what's big and black and not coming back?"
Batman's eyes widened. He truly did not know what he was going to do. The Riddler was going to kill him. Right as the Riddler was about to bring down the knife onto his chest, he heard a thud noise.
The Riddler's eyes shot open, his mouth dropped, he dropped the knife and fell onto his face, smack down onto the hard concrete, knocked unconscious. Batman looked up to see Harley Quinn with a lead pipe in her hand.
"Quinn?" Batman was shocked.
"I guess I can choose my life," she smiled as she dropped the pipe and gripped the bullet wound in her shoulder.
A helicopter's roar bellowed out as it shined a light onto Batman, Harley, and the Riddler's knocked out body. SWAT team kicked open a door and piled in, machine guns at the ready.
"Hands up, Harley Quinn!" one yelled pointing his gun at Harley who instantly threw her hands up.
One SWAT team officer helped Batman up as he said, "Be easy on her," he stood on his own put his hand on Harley's shoulder, "She saved my life."
The Riddler opened his eyes as several machine guns were stuck into his face. He gulped and shrugged with a groan, "Wanna hear a riddle?"
Batman, Harley, and the Riddler were taken back to the roof as the helicopter landed. Gordon stepped out as Batman walked up. Gordon said, "Good job." He watched the Riddler be taken onto the helicopter and shook his head, "What a jackass."
Batman chuckled, then looked over to see the police helping Selina to her feet, tending her wounds. Selina smiled at Batman, and he smiled back as she was put onto the helicopter.
Harley Quinn was brought over to Batman and Gordon in handcuffs, a police officer walking with her. Harley said, "Thank you, Batman, really." She then looked at Commissioner Gordon and said with a big smile, "Did ya find that fish I left hanging in the freezer?"
Gordon laughed as he said, "Yeah, and he's back in custody. You don't have to worry about him hurting you, Ms. Quinn. He won't be going to Arkham. Neither will Firefly."
Harley smiled then began to walk to the helicopter, but Batman yelled for her, "Harley!" She walked back to him as Batman continued. "Thank you . . . for saving me. I would've been a goner if you hadn't knocked out Riddler." He stuck out his hand to shake hers.
She cheerfully smiled as she shook his hand and said, "No problamo, B-Man! Happy to help!"
Another officer walked over to Gordon, "Commissioner, we just caught Scarecrow. He was trying to escape."
"Good," Gordon nodded.
"Awww, poor Dr. Crane," Harley frowned. "Don't be too mean to him, Commissioner."
Gordon laughed and walked back to the helicopter. Batman said to Harley, "I look forward to you earning your way out of Arkham soon, Ms. Quinn. It shouldn't be too long . . . especially after Batman puts in a good word for you." He smiled.
Harley's frown instantly turned into a gigantic smile as she giggled and skipped to the helicopter, the police officer trying to keep up. Gordon watched Harley get on the helicopter, then turned to speak to Batman, but he was already gone. He shook his head and said, "I hate it when he does that."
Suddenly, from back in the lower levels, an officer yelled, "Hey, Commissioner, we got someone down here! You may wanna see this!"
Commissioner Gordon and a few other police officers ran to the place that the officer was yelling from. They all gasped.
The Joker was sprawled out across a large concrete block. He body was burnt badly, every inch of it covered in blood. The way he was lying, his back must've been broken. But, the most disturbing thing was... he was laughing.
"Get this monster outta here," Gordon ordered. "Back to Arkham."
The Joker's laugh got louder. He laughed more hysterically, even as cops and medics tried to help him. He just kept laughing, thinking the current situation was the most hilarious thing he'd ever experience.
One cop yelled at him, "Jesus Christ, shut up! Quit laughing!"
"But," the Joker coughed up blood as he calmed down and whispered, "I just got the joke and . . . it is funny!" He burst out laughing again.
Harley even heard him from the helicopter, a shiver going up her spine. She took her hat off and threw it out of the helicopter onto the roof of the building as a cop shut the helicopter's door and it took off.
Even after taking off, Harley still heard the laughter.
