Author: Lauren.
Rating: Rated M.
Character/Pairing: Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald, Dan Humphrey, Serena Van der Woodsen, Dan/Blair, Nate/Blair.
Summary: Sometimes Blair feels like she's always in between. Nate/Blair, Dan/Blair.
Disclaimer: GG isn't mine. Especially not it's shitty ass more recent seasons. Although I do wish I owned the books.
Author's Note: As always, I love feedback. Thank you for reading and commenting and being interested :)
There's something quietly content about your own apartment, your own bed. Blair stretches her arms out like a smug cat, warm and full. At first she'd had thought she would resent this place, had almost resolved herself to do so. As much as it had been her idea, and as much as consenting to marry Nate in the first place had meant that this day would eventually come, she'd tried to block out the truth. Married people couldn't live separately after all. And Blair wanted this relationship to work, where all of their earlier tries had failed, this would succeed.
Nate was out for drinks with some friends, and although he'd invited Blair she hadn't been interested. Besides it was healthy for a couple to spend time apart, wasn't it? Blair had just settled herself in bed with a large hot chocolate and a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover when the doorbell rang. Glaring, she considered ignoring it. This was supposed to be her evening and now someone had the audacity to come calling? At eleven at night?
Hoisting herself out of bed she padded across the parquet flooring and pressed the intercom button.
"Hello?" the line buzzed slightly and she listened to the gently falling rain.
"Blair?" Dan's voice echoed in her mind. Surely she was imagining this.
"Dan? Wh-What are you doing here?" God she sounded pathetic. She inwardly cursed herself for stammering.
"I need to talk to you."
His voice was insistent. She knew she shouldn't invite him in, this was her and Nate's apartment, their soon to be martial home, this wasn't appropriate, especially considering their recent phone call.
"I'll buzz you in."
He looked tired and smelt like book pages and alcohol. In contrast with her carefully thought out and tastefully decorated lounge, he looked like a homeless person. "Kitchen," she directed him as she would a child, indicating the breakfast bar.
An odd sense of de ja vu trickled through her. She set the kettle to boil on the stove.
"This is…" he gazed blankly into space as if searching the air for the right word "Lovely."
She could have hissed. He was being sarcastic and they both knew it. "I like it," she tried to keep her expression impassive "I know it isn't to your taste, but Nate and I enjoy it." She lingered on the word enjoy.
Dan nodded slowly "I'm sure."
It wasn't awkward. It was more than awkward. Painful. That was what it was. Blair could feel his presence as if his nails were raking her skin. She wanted to punch him. "So, how are things?" she struggled against the anger that threatened to enter her tone.
"Good, good," was this really how it would be between them? Why was he here?
"Dan, why are you here?" it slipped out accidentally and her voice sounded weary.
He looked down, looked up, avoided her eyes "I had to talk to you. After you called- I had to talk to you."
"I thought we weren't supposed to talk to each other."
"You know that's not what I want."
"I have no idea what you want," she shrugged, lifting the now whistling kettle and pouring the hot water into two mugs "Why would I?"
The silence was marked only by the tinkling of teaspoons as Blair made the tea. "Well you seem to have a great set up here with Nate. Is it all you wanted?" there's a mean edge to his voice she's never heard before and she turns to stare at him.
"Yes it is. Is that what you wanted to hear?" his silence weighs heavy on her "Well you've heard me say it so feel free to skulk off back to your loft and write something about how superior you are now."
He glares at her for a moment and she raises her chin defiantly. "Thanks for the tea Mrs Archibald," he responds through gritted teeth and leaves in a swirl of damp raincoat.
Exhaling ferociously Blair slams both of the cups into the sink where they smash into jagged pieces of china.
Lashing rain. Before she can question it she grabs Nate's oversized jacket from the hall, pushes her feet into flats and charges downstairs.
"Dan," he's almost to the corner by the time she catches up to him "I don't want-"
Suddenly his hands are in her hair and she can taste coppery blood on her tongue where his teeth have nicked her lips. They stick to each other, rain soaking their clothes, dripping down Blair's bare legs and meshing her slip to her body like a second skin. When they finally part she's trembling with cold and anticipation and something else. He smiles.
"Blair," Nate shakes her awake. Her eyelids snap open and all of the curtains are open with light flooding the bedroom. A tray filled with strong coffee and pain au chocolat sits beside her. "Morning beautiful," he slides in beside her, wearing a pair of blue plaid bottoms that look as if they have been plucked straight from the catalogue.
Settling her head on his shoulder, Blair tries to put all thoughts of Dan from her mind. It was all a dream. The important thing is that she didn't really kiss him. She's only made that mistake once. Never again.
"So I told her she should come over for dinner," apparently she'd been completely ignoring the fact that Nate was talking.
"Who should come over?" Blair enquired, breaking off a piece of pastry and dropping it into her waiting mouth.
"Serena of course," Nate laughed lightly "When she told me she hadn't seen the apartment yet I couldn't believe her. I ran into her in Barney's the other day."
Rather than replying, Blair took a mouthful of coffee. It seemed a good way to avoid having to say that the last person she wanted to see right now was her best friend. Former best friend. Whatever. "I guess it must have slipped my mind," she conceded.
Frankly the idea of facing Serena across a dinner table and attempting to make polite conversation made her blood boil. She couldn't stand the thought that Serena would be eyeing Nate, eyeing their apartment, eyeing their life. While their relationship had always been fraught, Blair had never felt this way before. She honestly didn't want Serena to know anything because she knew she'd use it against her. Anyone that didn't know them wouldn't understand why Blair was so cautious. But it wasn't as if, because of what Serena had said, things had suddenly changed. They'd always been competitive with each other, always had a strange dynamic. There was the fact that Serena had once been everything Blair wanted to be. Effortlessly beautiful, effortlessly stylish, effortlessly popular, she never seemed to have to try or strive to get exactly what she wanted. On the other hand Blair felt as if she'd worked very hard for everything she had. And then there was Nate. Serena had slept with Nate while he was Blair's boyfriend and subsequently run away to Connecticut without another word, leaving Blair in the lurch for months. In the time she was away, Blair's parents had separated and Blair had coped alone. When Serena eventually returned, she'd expected to slot right back into their old life. But Blair wasn't so forgiving.
The more time she spent thinking about Serena, the more she felt like the old Blair. Resentment brimmed inside her until it was all she could do not to smash her coffee cup on the ground. But they weren't seventeen anymore. Blair was marrying Nate and they lived together. They were adults.
"So when is she coming over?"
The night was cold and dark as Blair lingered in front of her dressing table, waiting for Serena to arrive. She didn't want to go downstairs and have to talk to Nate, not when she felt like such a bundle of nerves. She wished she could be nonchalant about the whole situation but frankly it's all a little too close to the surface for that. Playing with one of her ringlets, rolling her ruby ring around and around her finger, she tried to focus. It will be fine. They will be civil, the food will be lovely, the apartment looks beautiful, she's wearing Marni, everything will work itself out.
"Serena's here," Nate's voice breaks her concentration and Blair's heart falls into her stomach.
Serena looks amazing as always. Wearing a beaded shift, she could be Flapper Barbie, all legs and boobs and golden tendrils. Their greeting is weird and awkward and half a hug that doesn't really involve any feeling. Luckily Nate doesn't notice. Nate doesn't notice things like that.
Dinner is delicious, Dorota really outdid herself. Nate and Serena chat about old friends, Chuck, compare stories about their parents. Blair distances herself from the conversation.
When Nate gets up for another bottle of wine and they're left alone, Serena finally turns to her.
"Are you seriously not going to talk to me?"
Blair turns, a look of disbelief on her features "Is that really how you want to start this?"
Serena exhales, flips her hair "Look, I know what I said was crazy, but-"
"But what? Was it true or was it just something else to hurt me?"
"Of course I was lying," she takes a long mouthful of her drink "I saw you and Nate and how pathetic my life was in comparison and I just- I was afraid of what might happen. You're my two best friends in the whole world, I didn't want to lose you."
Quiet settled. Blair digested Serena's words. "You're an idiot," Serena glanced across at her unsurely "But I love you." Blair reached across the table to squeeze her best friends arm. "Besides, how am I meant to survive my Mother and this wedding without you?"
Tears brimmed in Serena's blue eyes and Blair smiled. In all honesty she had missed Serena. They were two halves of the same coin. Blair didn't even know who she was without Serena. Nate chose the perfect moment to re enter the room and a grin spread across his mouth at the scene before him.
"Refill anyone?
