Hello, good people! I'm sorry that I haven't been updating regularly, but that will change. Working has really taken a toll on me. I've been stressed and I really didn't feel like writing, but now that I have been writing again, I realize it's a great stress reliever! Anyway, this chapter is kind of boring. Shows how different Lupin and Darcy's lives are now that they're apart. Oh well. I hope you enjoy it! Also, I hope you all had a great holiday and have a happy new year!
MISSING YOU.
"I understand what you're going through."
Nymphadora Tonks bounced into the bedroom, her normally spiky, pink hair was long, straight, and brown. Lupin was lying down on the double bed, his heads behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He jumped when he heard her normally loud voice speak in the gentlest tone he had ever heard her speak in. She sat down beside him and he moved over a little bit so she had more room to sit.
"I understand it completely," Tonks said again.
Lupin was quiet. He felt guilty uttering the lips from his mouth, but he meant them. "No, you don't." He didn't know why he was being so cold towards his wife, but when he spoke, the words were icy. Tonks lowered her eyes and looked at the floor. "You don't understand it so stop saying you do."
"I want to understand, though," Tonks told Lupin. She touched his stomach, but he flinched and she brought her hand back to her own lap. "Because I love you."
"Just because you love me doesn't mean you automatically understand the pain I feel," Lupin told her seriously, still staring up at the ceiling. "It doesn't mean you understand me."
"It does," Tonks protested. "I've been married to you for nearly a month now and you're still in love with another girl. You don't think I feel pain? While you're missing another woman – who also happens to be my best friend – I'm over here missing you."
"I'm not in love with her," Lupin shot back. Tonks looked at him skeptically. "You don't realize that Darcy and Harry are the only Potters left. If they die, it's like losing James and Lily all over again!"
"Remus," she sighed. "Do you love her?"
"No!" he replied, sitting up and looking her straight in the eye. "I don't love her! I married you because I bloody love you! If I loved her, I would have married her already!"
"It's just like, depressing," Darcy muttered, commanding her queen to move across the chess board. Ron sat across from her, quietly pondering his next move. The fire in the fireplace was roaring and the two had hot cups of tea beside them. "Depressing to be alone."
"You're not alone, though," Ron replied, moving his knight to destroy her pawn. "You've got me and Hermione and Harry."
"You know exactly what I mean, Ron," said Darcy, shrugging her shoulders and taking the broken pieces of her pawn off the chess table. She pulled her knees to her chest and thought for a moment. "You know what I mean and don't avoid it. I'm going to need someone to talk to."
"And it's got to be me?"
"Is that alright?" Darcy looked up.
"Why me?" asked Ron and she didn't answer him. Ron chuckled slightly. "I remind you of Charlie. Is that it?" When Darcy simply smiled, Ron laughed harder. "That's exactly it! You know, I'm nothing like Charlie! I can't be trusted!"
"You are just like your brother!" teased Darcy. "You've got the same nose…" She touched her own nose and examined Ron's face carefully. "And the exact same eyes… and your ears stick out just like his, too. Plus your hair is red – his hair is red, too."
"All Weasleys have red hair," Ron raised his thin eyebrows. "And yeah, me and Charlie look almost as similar as Fred and George."
"You two could be twins."
"One pair of twins is enough for an entire family." Ron continued on with their chess game, but Darcy kept staring at him. Ron looked back up at her and shook his head, running his hands through his hair. His ginger hair stood up straight. "You're serious?"
"Yes, I'm serious."
"You're going to start telling me all your problems because I look like Charlie?" Ron shook his head again before throwing his head back and letting out a 'ha!'. "Darcy, I'm seventeen years old. You think I have the mental capacity to not only listen to your problems, but to help? I'm sorry, but if it's help you're looking for, you're better off going to Hermione. I mean, she's not that great of help, but she's the only one of us three that'll give logical advice."
"I don't need logical advice – I don't need advice at all. I just need someone to listen."
"I'm afraid that you're going to be disappointed. I may be Charlie in looks, but I am nothing like him personality wise." Ron paused the chess game and picked up his mug of tea, which was lukewarm. Once he took a few sips, he continued. "What do you even like about Charlie? I think he's rather annoying to be honest."
"Annoying? You hardly see him!" Darcy giggled. "He's always in Romania."
"Yeah, but he's the typical older brother," Ron sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's nice when he's away. I like him, then. But when he comes home, he just bosses me around and points out everything I do wrong and he criticizes it!"
"Oh, come on," Darcy said seriously. "Every older sibling does that. Even I do that with Harry sometimes, although I try not to. You can't sit here and tell me you don't do that with Ginny sometimes."
"I don't."
"You did it when she and Harry started dating," Darcy reminded Ron and his face flushed a deep red. "You were so mad at her and said she could do better… I don't think she could, by the way. I've raised Harry to be a gentleman and would you really want your sister dating someone who you don't know at all?"
"Alright, you got me there. But still, I'm nothing like Charlie. He's a right git, if you ask me," Ron said, taking another long sip of his tea. "Look, the thing is, he thinks he's better than everyone else in the family because he's got an amazing job working with the bloody dragons. But the truth is, his job isn't as amazing as he thinks. Bill is a curse-breaker which is the coolest bloody job in the world and dad works at the Ministry – which is a nice job – and Fred and George run their own business. They probably make more money than the whole family combined!"
Darcy was quiet. She stared into the fire.
"And what'll happen to me? What'll be my job?" Ron asked, laying back on the floor and breathed out heavily. "I'll probably be dead by the end of the year. We don't stand a chance, do we?"
"We can't think like that," Darcy told him. "We can't. If we think like that, we'll be dead even sooner."
"Yeah, but you can't tell me you haven't thought about it," Ron said and Darcy closed her eyes, feeling déjà vu. How many times had she thought about it? Too many. She had thought about dying too often lately. "You can't say you've been one hundred percent certain that we're going to succeed. It's a low chance of surviving we've got, you know."
"I – I don't know. I couldn't tell you what I've been thinking. It's been so difficult to think at all." She thought. "It's hard. Sometimes I feel like it would just be easier to hand myself over to him. To Voldemort. It would save me a shit load of trouble, but it'd make everyone else's life hell." Guilt gnawed at Darcy's stomach as she said it, although Ron said nothing and seemed to agree with her. Her thoughts had gotten darker, though, and she often found herself wishing to put Harry out of his troubles and then herself. That would be one thing she'd never admit to anyone but herself.
"I understand what you're going through," said Ron suddenly and Darcy looked at him. "Having someone you love be in so much danger. I think all of us feel the same way, to be frank. It's not just you. You're just the only one who's brave enough to admit your feelings."
"It makes me feel weak," admitted Darcy. "I feel like you all are judging me and I feel like you're all afraid I'm going to be too scared to do something."
"That's the main difference between you and Harry personality wise, I think," Ron began and Darcy raised her eyebrows, very interested in what Ron was about to say. "Harry doesn't like to admit his feelings that much. He likes to keep to himself, but you're not afraid to say what you think and how you feel."
"That's very thoughtful. I wouldn't have ever expected that from you, Ron Weasley."
"I can be thoughtful when I want to be." He rolled over on his stomach and eyed the chessboard that held only a few pieces left. He didn't reach for a piece, even though it was his turn. Darcy drank her cold tea. Ron looked at her. "You don't miss Charlie, though. I can see right through you, Darcy."
"I do miss Charlie. He turned out to be an excellent friend and I wish I could talk to him right now."
"Ah, of course you miss him, but you miss Lupin, too, don't you? I can see it all over your face."
"Of course I miss him, you idiot," Darcy said quietly. "I love him."
"I think everyone knows that."
"He's probably sitting at my house sobbing because you're not there to give him what he needs."
"And what is it that he needs, exactly?"
Ron smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "You know exactly what I'm talking about and don't you dare deny it."
"Ron!" Darcy gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth and turning bright red. "Completely inappropriate!"
"Oh come on, you're much better looking than Tonks!" Ron pursed his lips. "It's the hair… I can't get over the hair. You know, she changes her appearance so much, I don't even know what her normal face looks like."
"Quit exaggerating." Darcy rolled her eyes. "That was very rude."
"I never said she was ugly," Ron stated plainly, laughing and finishing his tea. "I'm just saying. I'm just trying to make you feel better. Is it working?"
"Yeah, a little bit…" she said. "Thanks."
Ron chewed the inside of his cheek. "Look, I may not be the best wizard in the world or the Chosen One or something, but I'm not that bad. I'm glad you're talking to me. It makes me feel like I've got some kind of purpose here."
"Oh, Ron, why would you think you don't have a purpose? There's a reason you're here, you know. If you weren't meant to be here right now with us, Dumbledore wouldn't have put you in his will. You would never have even gotten that Deluminator."
"Hermione is the brightest witch of our age," Ron said. "And Harry is the Chosen One. And you're – you're bloody brilliant and logical and a mixture of both Harry and Hermione, I suppose. And I'm just a Weasley. I haven't done anything amazing."
"Yes, you have. Just because you haven't stabbed any basilisks or fought off a bunch of dementors doesn't mean you're not meant to be here. It doesn't mean you're not good enough." Darcy leaned up against the ratty armchair against the wall of the room and licked her lips. "You don't need to do anything big and incredible to actually be a hero. Some people look at the little things over the years and Dumbledore was one of those people."
Ron looked away from Darcy and towards the fire. "I shouldn't be here. I haven't done anything incredible. I haven't done anything."
Darcy crawled over to Ron and laid down beside him on her stomach. "Do you remember in your first year when we went to get the stone? Do you remember what I did?" she asked him.
"Yeah, you got that potion riddle thing right. That was amazing how you did it on the first try."
"That wasn't nearly as amazing as what you did," Darcy said honestly. "If it hadn't been for you, Harry would have never made it to the stone. Sure, Hermione helped us with the Devil's Snare and Harry flew a broomstick to get a bloody key, but what you did was amazing. That chess game – Ron, that was all you. Even at eleven-years-old you were a hero. Do you know what I was doing at eleven-years-old?"
"Saving Hogwarts students?"
Darcy shook her head. "I was in the common room everyday studying my arse off, trying to get good grades because I thought I'd graduate and become an Auror. I thought I'd live a normal life."
"Things didn't turn out the way you hoped, yeah?"
Darcy laughed. "Not exactly."
"Tell me more, though. Boost my ego, would you?"
"Your second year," Darcy spat out and Ron made to stop her; he was only joking, but she shushed him and continued. "You went down into the Chamber with us and faced your fear of spiders; that was very brave of you."
"It was terrifying, to be honest," Ron chuckled.
"Aragog was the scariest bloody thing I've ever seen in my life," Darcy blurted out. "You don't think I was scared? That thing was huge. I'm honestly quite glad it's dead."
"Same here. I never want to see any kind of insect that big ever again." Ron looked at her. "I think you're quite brave, Darcy. It must take a lot of guts to stick with Harry for this long."
"Ah, I'm his older sister. I have to stick with him. I've got nowhere else to go," she said. "You, on the other hand, have the choice to stick with him. I think that's braver than anything I've ever done. I think it's the bravest thing I've ever seen."
Ron smiled.
"Anyway, kid, I'm going to head down to the kitchen and say goodnight to everyone before going to sleep. I'm knackered." Observing Ron's face once more, she hoped to see as much of Charlie as she could in Ron. The long nose, the freckles, the eyes, the ears, the hair… Darcy kissed the top of Ron's head and stood up, walking out the door.
Lupin sat on the couch of the Burrow late one night, flipping through the paper from that evening for the second time, looking for the words 'Darcy' or 'Potter' anywhere in the text. He found himself missing her more and more every day – every hour – every second. The fact that she was in mortal danger made him nervous and sick to his stomach. He had never realized how in love with her he really was – or was it because he might not ever see her again? Why hadn't he ever felt like this before?
"Sweetheart? Darling?"
Lupin closed the newspaper slowly and looked to his right. Tonks had stuck her head in the sitting room and she tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "Yes?"
"I'm heading to bed. Are you coming?"
Lupin blinked and then shrugged. "I'm not quite that tired yet. Give me a few minutes. An hour at the most. I'll be up soon."
"Just come lay with me?"
Lupin's heart hurt. He stood up automatically and rubbed his eyes. Tonks smiled weakly and he walked over towards her. She took his hand and led him up the stairs. As he climbed each creaky stair, he realized how tired he was.
When they entered the bedroom, Lupin kicked off his old shoes and without even taking his clothes off, laid down on the bed, assuming his normal position on his back with his hands behind his head. Something caught his eye and he looked at his wife again. Her hair had turned a turquoise color and she was smirking.
"Dora? What're you…?"
She was already in pajamas – shorts and a shirt of Lupin's – but she just wasn't content. She slid down her shorts and Lupin didn't know what to say or do. Tonks lifted her shirt and then dropped it on the ground. She walked over to the bed and climbed on top of Lupin, who was still fully clothed. She looked him over quickly and then kissed his neck, biting his skin gently. Lupin closed his eyes and touched her thighs, running his hands further up her legs.
"Dora…"
"I love you." She tore her lips away from his skin and then looked him in the eyes again. "Do you love me?"
Lupin looked at her face. Her eyes were wide and sad, her face colorless and dead. He nodded and licked his lips. "Yes, I do." He wrapped his arms around her thin frame and ran his finger up her spine, but it just wasn't the same.
When he had held Darcy in his arms for what he believed to be the last time – he hoped it wasn't – he could feel that she had gotten thinner. Her spine was defined, unlike Tonks's and although Tonks wasn't fat – she was nowhere near it – Darcy's body was much different. Tonks had larger breasts and larger curves, wide hips and muscular thighs. Darcy had been much more curvaceous the first year they had met, but over the years, her body had gotten smaller due to the stress and depression that surrounded her. Darcy was almost a stick now; the gap between her thighs had gotten slightly bigger and her collarbones and spine were prominent. Her breasts had shrunk and her curves were on the verge of disappearing. Darcy's body was lanky instead of full.
All while he was thinking of Darcy, he had no idea that Tonks was trying to speak to him. She was staring down at him, still straddling his waist. His hands were holding her by her waist and he shook his head, bringing himself back to reality. "I'm sorry?"
Tonks tilted her head. "What were you thinking about?"
"You," he somewhat lied. "You."
"You said that too quickly," she said. "Are you lying?"
"No, I'm not lying," Lupin said, smiling gently. "I love you, Dora. Come here." He reached up and touched her face. He kissed her lips and closed his eyes tight, now picturing the difference between Tonks's lips and Darcy's. He didn't want to think about Darcy, but he couldn't help it now. Darcy's top lip was thin, while Tonks had full lips. Darcy's lips were usually slightly chapped, probably because she licked them when she was nervous, which was often, but he didn't mind a bit. Tonks had wet lips, which made for a sloppy kiss, but he didn't complain.
"Remus…?"
"What?"
"You seem distracted… are you alright?"
"It's just the full moon coming up. I'm not feeling too well."
"You could have just said so and I would have stopped," Tonks bit her lips and climbed off Lupin. She put her clothes back on and got under the covers beside her husband. "I didn't mean to bother you."
Lupin looked at her. "You don't bother me."
"Are you sure?" she chuckled nervously. "Seems like sometimes you can't be bothered with me at all."
"I'm sorry if I seem distant," Lupin said softly, rolling on his side and grabbing her hands. "I don't mean to be, honest. I'm just – stressed. I've spent a few years trying to protect James and Lily's kids and now they're off sacrificing themselves."
Tonks kissed Lupin's fingers. "You can stop lying to yourself. We both know that's not what's got you distracted."
"Don't you believe me?"
"I don't know anymore."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Lupin asked, pulling his hands away from her's. He touched her stomach underneath the blankets and rubbed it gently. "I'm excited for this – for us. I'm excited to begin my new life with you. I love you, Dora. Believe me when I say it because I mean it."
"You seem so sure of yourself, though," she said. "That's what bothers me. A few days ago you were losing it. You were freaking out. I thought you were going to leave me for good."
"I couldn't do that, darling," he replied, kissing her cheek. "I love you too much."
"Promise you'll be with me forever?"
Lupin continued to rub Tonks's stomach with his fingertips. Hesitantly, he nodded. Tonks swallowed and closed her eyes. "Forever is a long time," he said and she frowned. "Will you get sick of me or will you be able to deal with me for that long?"
"I think I'll be able to manage," she smiled. "You aren't that bad, you know."
"I think you're the only one who thinks that, love."
"You should think more highly of yourself. You're much better than you make yourself out to be."
Lupin grinned. "Really now?"
"Really," repeated Tonks.
"Mind sharing what's so great about me?"
Tonks propped herself up on her elbow and touched his scratchy face. "Your smile." She kissed his lips. "Your laugh." She kissed his nose. "Your eyes." She kissed his cheek. "Your everything." She kissed his lips again.
"So here's the plan." Darcy unrolled a large piece of paper; a badly sketched map of the Ministry of Magic. Hermione, Ron, and Harry gathered around it. "Hermione, you've still got some of Mad-Eye's Polyjuice Potion, correct?"
Hermione nodded.
"Right, we're all going to Apparate to the Ministry in pairs," Darcy explained. "Harry will take you, Hermione, first underneath the Invisibility Cloak and you'll be hiding here, right outside one of the Ministry entrances." Darcy pointed to a small building outside the large Ministry building. "Harry will come back and get Ron, and then finally, me. Once we're all here, we'll wait for the right moment and pick four unlucky victims."
"And then what?" Ron asked.
"We'll Stun them, leave them there for quite a while," Darcy thought. "Maybe put them to sleep. Take their hairs, their clothes, go into the bathrooms, and then we're in the Ministry.
"Now, Umbridge is the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic – whatever that is," Darcy now pointed inside the bad drawing. "I assume – although I may not be correct – that she'll be on Level One with the Minister. Now, the higher the floor number, the deeper underground you'll be. So we'll start at Level One and if she isn't there, we'll have to work our way down. Splitting up may be an option…"
"Splitting up? Are you mental?" Ron hissed.
"It's a good idea," Hermione interrupted. "The people we'll be impersonating might not even work together. Four strangers walking around won't look normal at all."
"If we must split up, we should go two and two," Harry said. "But let's wait and see who we all turn out to be."
"There's one more thing," Darcy said, looking at them all and rolling the map back up. "You mustn't talk to anyone unless you absolutely have to. Mr. Weasley and Tonks may be working and you cannot speak to them, understood? If one person finds out who we are, we're doomed. If something goes wrong, we all must return here and we'll – we'll try again tomorrow or something. Just act natural."
