Disclaimer: CCS is NOT mine. Though dear heavens, the fluff that I pull out of my half insane head is! YAY FLUFF!
This Time Around – Seven and a Half Months: Breaking the Surface
Tomoyo sat before the piano in the music room, humming a tune while one hand accompanied it on the piano. Eriol had gone out to pick up something at the university, and Nakuru, bless her soul, was out shopping for baby clothes, so it was just her lonesome self this cold Saturday in January. Well, not truly alone, and as if on cue, the child in her womb shifted a little and Spinel stretched his lithe body before curling up into a ball again on the settee not too far away from the piano. The first month of life with Eriol had gone by rather well, despite her doubts in the beginning. If anything, it was as if a little bit of the old friendship that they possessed had returned and made the days even enjoyable. Certainly they played the part of the married couple when surrounded by friends and family, holding hands, a light kiss on the cheek here and there, but Tomoyo knew that she and Eriol both understood that it entailed nothing, except to keep the people around them from suspecting anything.
The entire first week where they were forced to share the bed had gone by without further incident except for the fact that Eriol insist that he hold her as they sleep. Tomoyo found that she could not deny him this because she herself felt safe there and that was the only reasoning that she would allow herself.
Anything else she quickly labeled as foolish thinking.
They commenced sleeping in separate rooms, as planned, when Nakuru had returned from England, profusely apologizing to Tomoyo for taking the key with her thus, forcing her to share the bed with her brother. The married couple had called her after their first night telling her of their little dilemma, but her schedule left little time for her to traipse back home and hand over the key. Eriol had believed that she deserved an Oscar for that little performance. Despite this, it was not as if they were not completely left with only each other for company the first week together, as Tomoyo had feared. On the Wednesday of the week of their supposed "honeymoon", Sonomi had visited them for lunch, and the following day Sakura, Syaoran and Koen followed suit. Christmas and New Years was spent with the extended family, and as always, was an enjoyable time of the year for everybody, especially for the two year old Koen who quickly caught on to the joys of the holidays.
Tomoyo had no words for it, but it seems as if all the anxiety of the past month had disappeared in one month, and she supposed that she should credit Eriol because he was actually amiable and understanding.
She was beginning to like the man all over again.
She smiled grimly, the last note of the melody she was playing dying out into silence. However, there were times when she would catch him looking at her strangely, but whatever showed in his blue eyes during those moments would disappear so quickly that she wondered if she had imagined it. Well, there was no point on dwelling on something unimportant, and perhaps illusionary on her part. If anybody had any doubts as to whether there was something unusual about their marriage or not, no one made any show of it. Both of them still had to be very careful. Tomoyo shook her head at how unpleasant her thoughts were becoming and shifting on the piano, she launched into Chopin's Etude no. 3 in E major and let the music absorb everything else around her. Oddly enough, Eriol stayed in her mind. She blamed the fact that she was using the piano that she heard him play on so often in the many years past.
One thing only a few people knew about him was the fact that Eriol Hiiragizawa was a musical genius when it came to the piano, and the only other person that she knew who could rival him was Touya Kinomoto, but neither men knew that the other had such musical talent. Tomoyo scoffed lightly. It was probably because they thought it would undermine their masculinity in some way or another. Men.
Her fingers slipped as the pace got faster and faster. Tomoyo stopped without finishing the piece. 'More practice' she sighed. Eriol would have played on with vigor, keeping up with the intended pace of the piece, regardless of a few missed notes here and there – not that anyone listening would notice. Tomoyo sighed again, with frustration this time and started the piece from the top once more, stopping only at the sound of the door bell.
While his wife was busy pounding the life out of the piano keys in the music room, Eriol sat in his office at the university, his thoughts never wandering far from Tomoyo. Part of the reason why he was at the school was in truth, to pick up some things, as he had told Tomoyo on his way out, but the main reason was because it was getting harder and harder for him to keep his promise to Tomoyo. There were many moments when he just had this urge to touch or hold her hand or lean in and kiss her on the cheek or mouth, whenever she was close enough and whenever they bid good night to each other and headed to their respective rooms, he felt an empty longing within him. By Friday, Eriol knew that he had to put some space between them or he would be sorely close to the breaking point. He clenched and unclenched his fist feeling frustrated and extremely disgusted with himself for behaving like a randy goat. Well, what could one expect? He was a man of the world, flesh and blood, not a blasted marble statue.
He quickly disregarded the fact that this emotion swelling from within him was love. A man like Eriol could no longer afford such a luxury. It was a good thing that he had realized that in the past before he had done something extremely foolish. But he decided that despite the fact that he was practically a damned soul, companionship is something no human can live without
Eriol learned a lot of things in the last month; a lot about Tomoyo and a lot about himself. He found that Tomoyo was becoming more comfortable around him, simply because he was acting as he was before - before anything happened to mar their friendship. She was smiling more openly and seemed less like she wanted to bolt out of the room the moment he walked into it, as it had been the first few days of their marriage. Sure there were moody days for her, but what would one expect from a woman in the middle of her third trimester?
Overall, it seemed as if some of the old comradery had returned and they were more like roommates boarding in the same house rather than a married couple.
They slept in separate rooms for God's sake. Eriol gritted his teeth.
One thing that Eriol discovered about himself was that he had a will of steel.
One that was being pulled thin with each passing day.
Another unsettling thing that he discovered was that he wanted to just throw their contract out the window and start from scratch. That was probably the hormones talking as well. He had been too long without a woman, but he'd cut off his right arm and leg and any other vital organ before he would go off and dishonor the vow he made to Tomoyo the day he married her, regardless of the fact that it was a marriage of convenience. Eriol found that he did possess a lot of dark qualities, but one thing anyone could count on him for was his loyalty. It would probably take a lot of bodily harm and emotional trauma before he broke the promises he made, and even then he didn't know if he was capable of such dishonor. Besides, emotional trauma and Eriol Hiiragizawa were two things that did not go together. Yet, at the same time he knew that it would be dangerous for both him and his fair wife if they continued this charade for longer than at most, two years. His heart was trying to tell him something, but before it could form into something tangible, he quickly shut the door on it.
Suddenly, as if somebody had changed the channel on a television, what he saw before his eyes changed. He was no longer seeing the frame hanging on the wall across his desk, instead he saw what his mind suddenly started to remember, things that he was sure were not in his memory before.
And he knew he had an excellent memory.
He saw himself running through dark streets in the dead of night – anxious, angry, his adrenaline pumping, and frustration all mixed in with a brew of other indescribable emotions. But, there was one that drowned out all the rest: Bone-chilling, Gut-clenching Fear.
He blinked twice before realizing that he was staring at the framed picture on his wall once more and not staring down an endless, dark street. He was awake the entire time this was happening, and he blamed his past life for this ability to recall the past as if it were happening right in front of him, actually if he were the kind of person, he'd blame all the misfortunes that have befallen him on the wizard's soul that dwelt in him and it would be a justified claim for the most part too. There were days when he thought that if he ever met Clow Reed in the afterlife, he would punch him just once for everything that he had been put through just because he was the vessel of his soul.
'Home'
The one word echoed in his mind, clear and undeniable, it was also without his invocation and the hair at the back of his neck stood on end.
'Get Home'
Eriol stood up in one quick motion, grabbed his jacket, keys and the folder he came for and left the office without a second look back.
Tomoyo had just finished at the piano when the doorbell rang. She looked at the clock just as it struck 6pm. It was probably Nakuru who had the tendency of forgetting her keys or having too many bags to open the door with. With a hand on her back, Tomoyo stood from the piano bench and made her way to the entrance. It was still winter, so darkness had already fallen an hour past.
Syusuke Nara stood before her, a charming smile on his lips and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
Eriol drove home as fast as he could. He felt a chill at the pit of his stomach and he just knew that no matter what, he had to get home to make sure that everything was okay. Sure, he could have called and heard for himself if Tomoyo was okay, but then again, he was about to head out anyway, he thought, justifying his actions. Where on earth did that word come from anyway? Regardless, he had to assure himself with his own eyes that all was well and then after, and only after can he stand back and admit that maybe he's losing his mind a little bit. Getting home in record time, he practically ran to the door. His jaws locked when he found that the front door was unlocked. The wind outside picked up around him as if sensing the tension flowing through his blood, lifting his midnight hair from his neck. He opened the door and stepped in without hesitation. He was greeted by his wife's melodic laughter floating from the music room accompanied by a lower voice, a male's voice. If Eriol had ever denied that he was the jealous or possessive sort before, the emotions bubbling from within him at that very moment just about threw every ounce of those very denials out the window. Long strides across the floor quickly had him at the threshold of the room where the first thing he saw Tomoyo sitting on one of the high back chairs facing the fireplace, the face of the man he could not see because it faced away from the door.
The smile quickly disappeared from Tomoyo's face when she saw Eriol at the door, his mouth set in a thin line, his hair, deliciously wind tousled.
Tomoyo stopped.
She did not think of the word "deliciously" to describe the angry looking man at the threshold just now did she? No, there was no mistake about it. She was losing her mind. Even from where she sat she can sense, if not see, that everything about him was tense. He was fit to strangle someone. She stood up slowly, cautiously as if a wild panther had just entered the room.
"Eriol," She started towards him.
The man stood from his chair and turned to look at him, a jovial smile on his lips, a gleam in his brown eyes. He was shorter than Eriol by two or so inches, Eriol, was all solid, chorded muscle, whereas Syusuke, with his wealth leaving him to deal with very little physical labour and his interests having never leaned towards physical exercise, was lanky if one was honest in their opinion, slim, if one was generous. He was also a few shades lighter than Eriol, and possessed wavy, dark brown hair and brown eyes that almost edged to hazel if the light hit it, some things he inherited from his European mother, no doubt. His face was all smoothness and charm, his mouth easily susceptible to smiles and laughter. His innocent looking face was what had women flocking to him and it was that very same face that Eriol wanted to plant his fist into. Maybe this time, it'll break his nose, he thought with grim amusement.
"Good evening, Eriol" He strode towards him, his right hand out as if to greet him with a hand shake. When he stood before him, the master of the manor did not take his hand in greeting, merely looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Syusuke put his hand to his side with a shrug.
"Nara, what are you doing here?" His voice was ice, but the other man did not notice, or pretended not to.
"To offer my congratulations, of course. To you, and your lovely bride," he turned his head and nodded towards Tomoyo, who for some strange reason did not move from her spot by the chairs. It was like a strange scene from a horrible stage play with Eriol and Syusuke by the door and Tomoyo across the wide expanse of the room, not moving, not speaking. In truth, if someone told her she was holding her breath while this exchange happened between the two men, she would believe them. The air got thicker; surely they all could sense it.
"Thank you." Tomoyo could have sworn she felt chills down her spine as Eriol spoke those words. She thought she was going to scream from the tension when the blessed chimes of the clock saved her from such an embarrassing display.
"Ah! It is about time that I get going, I have an appointment this evening. No need to accompany me, I can see my way out." He said in a carefree tone.
"Oh no, I'll gladly see you out" Tomoyo had found her voice again, and from the dark look on her husband's face, he did not like the words that she chose to voice. She sent him an exasperated look and ignored him, accompanying Syusuke out of the music room and to the door. Eriol saw no choice but to follow a few steps back. He was not going to allow that man to be alone with Tomoyo if it was within his power to prevent it.
And the last time he checked, he had a lot of power. But what he didn't know is that his wife would try to thwart him at every turn whenever he would try to exert that power over her.
The door finally closed, Tomoyo eyed her husband warily. His eyes were flat and held no expression, tension emanated throughout him and Tomoyo could not guess what was going through his mind, nor did she care to find out, for that matter. But it was not to be her choice.
"Why the hell did you let that man into my house?"
"Excuse me?" All anxiety vanishing, she immediately straightened and arched an elegant brow.
"You are not allowed to go near that man again, do you understand me?"
"No I don't understand you, as a matter of fact, I think you are being completely irrational."
"I am not being irrational." He fought the urge to raise his voice so his point would get through to her stubborn head. "That man is dangerous and I refuse to stand by and allow you and my child to be put at risk."
Tomoyo scoffed. "He's hardly dangerous."
"You don't know men Tomoyo. Despite the fact that you are married and carrying my child, in many ways you are still an innocent. Trust me on this, wife." He pinned her with his steely blue eyes on the last statement, as if daring her to defy him. Tomoyo, as Eriol learned, was not a woman who would shy away from dares. She raised her chin and stared right back at him. No withering flower, this woman he took for wife.
Their scrutinizing glares clashed. A Violaceous Tempest versus A Cobalt Squall.
Though she felt the need to shake her fist at the man for his obtuseness, she kept her hands at her sides and, taking two steps forward, she spoke in an even voice.
"Listen. I understand that, as a man, you feel the need to protect what you feel is yours. It is no doubt a ridiculous part of man's masculine nature. But, I am my own person and I can handle things fairly well on my own. I don't need you to be sulking behind me trying to intimidate every single Y-chromosome toting person that comes within five feet of my vicinity. And what is with the way that you are talking? My this, my that? As I recall this became my home the day I became your wife; the day we married, for convenience or no, we vowed to share all the other person had; and last time I checked, this child is as much mine as he or she is yours. I will not have you telling me who I can and cannot associate myself with. I have known Syusuke for a long time, why should I not feel safe around him? Even in my own home, for that matter? Lastly," She stood, shoulders back, chin high, and as if a metal rod was at her back – very much like a regal empress who had been sorely offended. "Don't you dare accuse me of endangering our child." Her voice as cold as an Alaskan winter.
Eriol felt like shaking her, not for the first time either. Bells went of in his head and something had told him to get home as fast as possible. He rarely ignored his intuition, the times that he did, he learned things the hard way, and now his wife stood before him, questioning him and openly defying him. It could not be had.
He took one step forward, with both the grace and menace of a jungle cat.
"I apologize for thinking that you would intentionally harm our child, it's not very well done of me, but I am your husband, it is my responsibility to protect you, and the moments when you don't seem to, or flatly refuse to understand my point are the times when I feel I need to stick to you like your own shadow or be mildly tempted literally knock some sense into you. Oh, don't look so shocked, Tomoyo, you know to your bone that I would never harm a woman, I said only mildly tempted." A wry smile played at his lips.
Another step
"Second, you are my wife and this is my house, though I will concede that I should remember to classify the child you carry as ours. Though you must forgive me if I have a lapse in my memory, after all, you will learn one way or another that I am a possessive man."
Tomoyo felt like a cornered bird as Eriol closed in, but she refused to take back a step and forced her body to listen to her will. Thankfully her mind won, but he was still moving towards her. He executed two more steps and they were almost toe to toe.
"As for sharing, I quite agree." He took one more step, forcing Tomoyo back two and she found her self against the door, and as Eriol braced his arms on both sides of her head and leaned forward, she also had no where to go. Her eyes, level, met his chin. She tilted her head up a little and saw his lips. Something both familiar and unknown shot down her body. It was also something she chose to adamantly ignore. Her eyes moved up once more until she met his blazing gaze and found that she could not have moved even if the walls around them were burning to ashes.
He was walking into dangerous territory, but he did not care one bit. The woman drove him to distraction, and sometimes he believed that she did it on purpose, now he felt that she had pushed him to his limit.
Tomoyo saw that Eriol's eyes burned blue flames, and as much as she wanted to, she would not look away. Pride was both her vice and virtue.
He had changed.
Because of one visit from an old mutual acquaintance he had changed into someone extremely dangerous. Gone was the easy going, collected gentleman who she shared the house with for a little over a month now. The man before her was someone that she did not know, though her mind was beginning to tug and pull in different directions, telling her she should know this side of him, she has seen the fire in those eyes before, felt the tenseness from his body at one point in her life, but she could not remember when.
All of a sudden she was not seeing Eriol anymore; instead, she saw a shadow of a man whose face she could not see, a man of dark and evil intent. This man was capable of shameless violence and he had her trapped, in his icy grasp, she was at his mercy and was helpless once more. The darkness assaulted her on all sides, but she refused to succumb to it.
"No." She mouthed the words but nothing came out of her mouth. Eriol tilted his head to one side, his brows burrowed together as he watched her face, something was terribly wrong.
"No!"
This time it was a scream, one filled with fear, panic and anguish. Eriol was so taken aback that when Tomoyo brought up both her arms to push him away with all her strength, he stumbled back, almost falling.
"Stay away!" She sobbed out the words as she sank to the ground, the door behind her as support. Her arms wrapped around her swollen belly, her afflicted gaze staring straight, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Stay away." She whispered. The fear in her eyes when she looked at him was something that would take a long time for him to forget. Though he knew that it was not him who she saw, he was pained that Tomoyo went through something in the past - something clearly dreadful - alone, scared, unprotected. He was infuriated that somebody had done this to her and he made a silent vow then and there that the culprit would pay, with their very life if need be.
Eriol wasted no time getting to her. He knelt before her and gently took her shoulders, but she tried to shrink away, even as she had no more space to retreat to. Dropping his arms to his sides, he looked at her face and realized that her eyes were glazed and incoherent, obviously not seeing him. She was seeing something else that was not there with them physically, rather she was looking at and experiencing something in her mind, a buried memory that resurfaced. One most unwelcome.
"Tomoyo."
She continued to sob quietly; completely oblivious that he had just spoken her name.
"Tomoyo, look at me." He attempted to gently grasp her shoulders once more, but when she shrank back yet again, shivering, Eriol did not release her. Instead, moving his hands from her shoulders to cup her face and leaning forward so his forehead touched hers, he whispered to her, his voice firm and filled with an anguish all his own. "Please." He brushed away her tears with his thumbs. "Look at me." Taking a shaky breath, Tomoyo's watery eyes met his. Seeing, with great relief, that she recognized him for who he was, he sat beside her, lifted and gently cradled her in his arms.
"Tomoyo, hear me. I would never hurt you. I promised you that I would never, ever harm you or our child, and I will keep that promise until the day I die. Do you understand me?" Though he spoke in a quiet voice, it was filled with so much resolve, passion and perhaps a hint of anguish that anyone who heard him would not doubt that he was a man of his word. He would take out his own heart before he harmed a hair on Tomoyo's head.
"Please say something."
"Eriol?" She looked up at him with an expression so lost that it brought out such a fierce protectiveness from Eriol leaving him with no words. Instead, he tightened his arms around her in response, and gently kissed the top of her head. "What is happening to me?"
"I don't know, darling." Finding his voice again, though it sounded low and gruff even to his ears. He was trying so hard to keep so many emotions at bay.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, she felt so lost and confused. It seemed as if her mind was no longer hers to control, images and emotions came and went unbeckoned, usually unwelcome as well. Everything was alright minutes ago, everything was whole, but something broke through all the walls in her mind, and in moments, everything shattered and a nightmare began to take form. The only thing that was real to her now was the warm, firm body that held her close, anchored her and kept her from drifting away into the ocean of sorrow and darkness. Burying her head between the curve of Eriol's neck and shoulder, she wrapped her arms around his back and held on tight, afraid that if she let go only a little she would drown in her own fear. In the protection of his arms, she let her emotions go and held nothing back. Sobs wracked her body, and Eriol felt each and every shudder to his very core, his skin absorbed the tears that she shed. She was releasing most of what was locked within her, and she did not even know what had brought her to this point. What she knew was, that if she tried to put up a strong front, she would break, and if she was forced to be honest, if even only to God and herself, she would rather fall apart in her husband's arms than alone.
Eriol grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He would do anything, anything, to keep Tomoyo and their child safe. If such a resolve existed before within him, it was strengthened and refined now, perhaps partly because of the fact that he felt such an impractical surge of guilt that he was not there to protect her the first time, whatever it was that happened. There was so much more happening here than what either of them could see and it seemed that the key was the memories that were breaking through in both of their mind. Though both of them experienced it, it seemed that Tomoyo was getting the worst of it and there was nothing he could do to shield her from her own mind. But he would not let guilt get to him now, especially one that was not well grounded. His wife needed him.
"I'm right here Tomoyo. I will always be right here."
He felt her nod. After a moment her tears slowed, then abated completely, yet they remained there on the floor, holding onto each other, as if relinquishing the embrace would mean being washed away into their respective, unknown storms.
tsuzuku
A/N: Um hello, I got this up in less than a year! Yay! (ducks from hurled objects) I must say though, I am liking where this story is heading. What? You thought that was up to me? You've got to be kidding XD! The characters run around loose in my head doing whatever they like, though most of the time they disappear completely which is why it takes so long for me to update. I know that it's hard to understand, but trust me, forced writing is not good writing, it's better to just go with the flow even if I myself go "What the?" At whatever it is that I see coming onto my screen, even if it is me that is typing out the words. This, Dear Reader, is called the magic of writing, though I will have to be strong and watch where Tomoyo and Eriol's relationship goes, if I am not careful, this story will end up being shipped to the AFF page XD, yeah not really ready for such a transition right! If you guys have any questions about anything in my story, please e-mail me and I will try my best to clarify. If I know what you guys go "Huh?" over, it will definitely help me write more clearly. As always, THANK YOUS all around! You know that I know that you rock!
Random Vocab:
Violaceous: of a violet color. My WordPro does NOT recognize it, but does ahahaha!
Cobalt: an intense shade of dark blue, also part of the periodic table ahahah, and maybe even a name of someone's son. Wouldn't be surprised really.
Relinquish: to stop holding, physically
The Y-chromosome: quick bio lesson guys, ahahah, sometimes even I forget this: Guys have the XY chromosome, Girls have the XX chromosome. Get it? Good! So in the future if you don't have sons, blame your husband/partner mkai? XD
