Jackie sat back in her seat and folded her arms across her chest. Steven had just said he had thought about the two of them getting married. "Would it have killed you to tell me?"
He grinned that cocky half twist of his mouth that she loved so much. It was sexy as hell. "Yeah, it might have."
She glared at him then looked away. After a few minutes of silence she said, "Well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?"
"What do you mean?"
She looked at him like he was an idiot and flashed her engagement ring in his face. Man, he'd like to take that two carat marquis cut rock and shove it down Jake Bradley's throat. A scowl crossed his face and purely out of spite he grabbed her hand and tried to pull the ring off her finger. She curled her hand into a fist.
"Steven! What are you doing? Let go!" she yelled, her voice loud in the confines of her car. When he wouldn't release her she swatted at him but her little hand made no impact. It was only when her long nails raked across his neck that he let go. Eyes wide in horror her hands flew to cover her mouth.
"Oh, Steven! I'm so sorry!" she gasped.
He rubbed the burning skin on his neck and his hand came back spotted with blood. "You know what…" he shook his head to stop the scathing comment about to leave his mouth. He was going to say Bradley was welcome to her but it would have been a lie and he was tired of lying to her. He was tired of pretending he didn't miss her when he was always thinking about her. Tired of pretending he didn't want her when he woke in the middle of the night hard for her. Tired of pretending he had never loved her when he still did. But most of all, he was tired of hurting her.
She reached out and gently touched his neck. She was crying and that was another thing he didn't want-her crying over him. He wasn't worth it-never had been. She should be with someone like Jake Bradley, who wouldn't ever hurt her because he couldn't control his insecurities and jealousies. He took her hand and kissed the back of it.
"It's just a scratch. I deserved it," he said.
"You kind of did," her smile was sad. "Steven, I…"
"Listen, it's okay. I just wanted to apologize for all the shit I put you thru and I wanted to wish you and Jake good luck," his voice was rough and he couldn't look in her in the eye. Not that it was a lie-he was sorry and he did want her to be happy. Just not with someone else.
Her long hair brushed against his shoulder as she angled her head to look at him and he tried to ignore the urge to grab a handful of it. He remembered how she used to tease him by brushing its softness against his bare skin. Once when she was sweeping it across his bare stomach he couldn't help it and he wrapped a fistful of it around his cock, releasing into the silky, scented strands. She had pouted at him afterwards but when he had washed her hair and made love to her in the shower she told him how hot it was that her hair had gotten him off.
He didn't know he had closed his eyes until her hand rested on his thigh. She pulled it back quickly when his blue eyes met hers, a guilty look on her face. "Sorry…" she breathed.
"Don't be. I don't mind," and he leaned towards her, memories of making love with her fresh in his mind. Her hand on his chest stopped him.
"Steven, don't. Please," she pleaded. "I don't think I could say no to you."
"Then don't". His voice was low and raspy as he closed the distance between them. His lips slid across hers so softly that she sighed and her hand on his chest stilled. It was as if they had been apart too long and never been apart at the same time. White hot hunger shot thru him and he welcomed it, pulling her full bottom lip into his mouth and sucking on it until a moan rose in her and spilled into him. He felt it slide down his chest and into his groin. He pulled her against him. She felt so right in his arms. His tongue slid into warmth of her mouth and she wrapped her own around it, tugging gently, as her hands smoothed over his muscular chest.
God, she had missed this-his hard, lean body and the way he said her name as his mouth moved to her neck, sucking on the sensitive skin beneath her ear. It was his voice, deep and dark, so different from Jake's that jolted her out of the haze of desire he had pulled her into. She didn't wonder how he was able to do this to her. What she didn't understand was why he kept doing it to her. It couldn't just be about sex and if it was about something more then they were right back to where they were before-before Chicago, before Sam, before Jake. Back to her wanting more and him unable to give it. She couldn't go thru that again. It hurt too much and she'd come too far.
His lips were pressing hot kisses on her neck. His strong hands were around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. She felt his hardness pressing against her and fought the urge to move against it. With shaking hands she pushed against him.
"No, Steven. Stop! Please!" she cried and the anguish in her voice was like ice water on his heated skin.
Dazed blue eyes met hers and his grip on her waist loosened. She slid off his lap, her voice gaining strength. "This is wrong. This isn't me. I'm not a cheater."
"Come on, doll. You always liked it when it was wrong," he tried pulling her back but she scooted across the seat. "Besides, it isn't cheating if you're with the right person."
"Tell that to Jake," her voice shook and Hyde actually felt a little ashamed. Bradley was a good guy and he didn't deserve to be dogged like this but damn it, she should be with him.
Jackie was straightening her top, smoothing her hair as he watched her. If she could resist this crazy hot attraction between them he didn't know what else he could do. God knows he'd never been good with words. At least not the ones she wanted to hear. And as much as he wanted her he didn't know if he could give her the life she wanted-marriage, a house, kids. As she applied lip gloss in the rearview mirror with a trembling hand he made a decision-the first unselfish one he'd made in a long time. He dragged in a ragged breath.
"Jackie. You might not believe me but I want you to be happy."
He could see her pink mouth twist in a half smile before she looked down at her hands, clutched in her lap. The silence in the car now was flat and heavy, like his heart. He reached out and tilted her chin up so he could see her face. Her beautiful amber eyes were shining with tears and he didn't think he'd ever seen her look so sad. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You're doing it again," he said.
"Doing what?" she pressed her cheek against his hand.
"Breaking my heart," his voice was so low she almost didn't hear him.
"Oh, Steven, we both know you don't have a heart," she whispered, a wistful smile on her face.
He didn't trust himself to touch her again so with a wry nod he opened the car door. "See you around, doll."
"Bye, Steven." She swiped away the single tear that ran down her cheek. She shifted over to the drivers' seat as he got out and shut the door. She started the engine and pulled away without looking back. Man, he had fucked up again so as usual, he turned to the one thing that would dull the pain.
Laying in his bed hours later, his head spinning and his body numb he made another major decision. It was time to grow up. Where had his partying ever gotten him? Sure he'd had some good times but all he had to show for it was a fake marriage to a stranger and a hole in his heart where Jackie used to be. Yeah, it was time to man up. Forman had done it. He'd loosened his mother's apron strings and moved to Madison with Donna. Fez was going to cosmetology school and saving for his own salon. Even Kelso had committed to the mother of his child and was working two jobs in Chicago. He knew he had to get over Jackie somehow or he would have no future. Only recollections of a past where her crazy intense love for him was something he was too immature or to afraid of to believe in.
Tonight he had gotten totally shitfaced but it hadn't erased the memories or stopped the pain so tomorrow he was going to give sobriety a shot. What the hell, it was worth a try.
