Dawson

It was a week later when I finally got out of the hospital with strict instructions for plenty of rest and little stress. Antonio was staying in for just a little longer, because the doctors wanted to run last-minute tests to make sure that he was perfectly okay. He seemed like he was getting stronger, but the doctors only wanted to be on the safe side.

So with Antonio on the mend and his shooters either dead or in jail, Laura, Eva and Diego were on their home. No matter how bad I was feeling, it was impossible not to smile when I heard their happy voices on the phone after being told that they were coming out of protective custody. This made the pain of what I did a little better.

Antonio was still a little annoyed with Jules but I told him not to be, if their was anyone to blame it was myself and eventually he forgave her. Halstead was doing good after being shot in the leg and luckily it was only a flesh wound. When he and Erin visited, I thanked them profusely for everything that they had done to help.

When the guys visited, I was scared to see them. I was afraid of how they'd be with me, if they were still angry like Casey, but they weren't. They were happy and thankful that I was okay, and when they came into my room I was greeted with many hugs and kisses and well wishes. They laughed and joked with each other and it was clear to me the relief that they were feeling. I was still feeling guilty for putting them through that much worry, but I think that they were ready to just put this whole ordeal behind us.

And as for Casey, I had yet to see him since I'd woke. I knew he was here when I was unconscious because Shay had told me that he'd seen me and rushed out, but he hadn't stopped by since. He was still angry and I understood, I really did. I'd put him through utter hell these past few weeks and I deserved his anger, I deserved it if Casey never spoke to me again. But I missed him.

I really missed him.

Casey had always had my back, always, and I always had his until I made the stupid mistake of going to Voight for help. And I knew that I didn't regret it, because it helped me get closer to Antonio's shooters, but I was still dwelling on 'what ifs'. But I knew 'what ifs' were fruitless now. This was my reality and I had to face it.

I wanted Casey to forgive me, for us to be friends again, but I understood if that's not what he wanted. But I needed him in my life, however selfish that was, because he was much more than a friend... much more.

I couldn't go there, I knew I couldn't and I knew that I shouldn't. I knew exactly what would happen and I needed to protect myself from that hurt, because I knew that Casey loved Hallie and vice versa, and I'm not going to disrupt that because of what I wanted. I had no right or entitlement to what I wanted, this had to be about Casey and what he wanted and needed, because he was what was important here and not me.

Shay and Severide dropped me off at my apartment after being released from Lakeshore. I headed into the apartment clutching at the left side of my stomach, just below the ribs where the incision was made during surgery as it was painful and achy.

Severide places my bags on top of my table and looks around, looking at a lost of what to say. I knew he'd been spending some time with Casey and talking to him, and I wanted to ask about him, but I knew it wasn't right of me to ask and honestly, I was afraid of Severide's answer.

Shay stepped into view and placed her hands on my arms, "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I mean, I can stay." She'd been frantically worried about me ever since she knew I was going to be released and I appreciated the concern, after all I thought that she'd hate me.

I give her a small tired smile, "Yeah I'll be fine. I'm just going to take my meds and go to sleep. You should go home and sleep, spending all those nights at the hospital with me musn't have been comfortable."

Shay sighs and agrees, knowing that I wanted some time to myself after spending every waking moment of the past week with her, Severide, 51 or my family, "Okay, I will. Just call if you need anything okay? Promise?"

I pull her into a hug, "I promise," I murmur into her shoulder.

She and Severide turn to leave, "Severide?" I call quietly.

He turns his head to face me, "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Severide flashes me a smile and I felt relieved that we were okay, "No problem. You rest up Dawson."

And so they left and I was alone.

I took my meds and checked my dressing and then I changed into fresh pajamas and climbed into bed, pulling the covers around my body tightly. The pain in my side was beginning to ease and I felt comfortable enough to sleep, and I should've been able to. After all, I was awfully tired. But I couldn't sleep and no matter how hard I tried, sleep wouldn't come.

Thoughts focused on Casey ruled my mind and refused to quieten for me to sleep. Would we ever be the same again? Could I make things right? What would I say to him if we spoke? How would I show him how sorry I am? Will we be able to move on? What's happening with him and Hallie? Are they back together? How was he? Was he okay? What was he thinking? Feeling? Had I broken our friendship beyond repair?

All questions I didn't have the answer to and maybe I'd never get them.

And then my phone rang, with the Called ID recognising it as 'Casey.' My heart flipped. Over the last week I'd called and texted him a few times, but I'd never gotten a reply. I figured he just didn't want to talk and I'd promise myself that the next day I wouldn't call, but I always did, just in case.

I contemplated not answering, ignoring his call and say that I was asleep and I'd missed it. But I knew I couldn't, no matter what he had to say, I needed to hear it.

I needed to hear his voice.

"Hello?" I murmur quietly into the phone.

It was silent for a while, but then he answered, "Hey Dawson..."

"I called a couple of times..." It was the first thing that came to my mind.

"I know..." Well that hurt, "I was just..."

"Angry," I finished for him.

"And afraid. I thought you were going to die Dawson, and then seeing you in that bed... I just couldn't and I couldn't listen to another minute of what happened to you. And I kept thinking that you were there because you did it to yourself, because you were too stubborn, but I realise now that you had to do it."

"No, I could have found another way. What I did to you all was horrible and selfish, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you all..."

"You don't have to do that."

"I owe you all, for saving my life and for being there for me when I didn't deserve it."

Casey was quiet again for a while, "How are you feeling?"

"Achy, but this pain medication is working wonders."

I swear I heard him chuckle, "Well I'm glad."

"How are you doing?"

"Better," he answers simply, but it was enough.

"Good, I'm happy that you're doing okay."

Another pause, "I'm sorry for not coming to see you in the hospital."

"No, no, it's okay. I understand, I really do..."

"It still wasn't fair."

"Well I'm sorry for everything and I know it doesn't sound like much, but I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you, to hurt any of you..."

"I know... Go get some sleep Dawson, you need to rest."

"Only if you will too," I reply, knowing that what I heard in his voice was fatigue.

"Okay, I will. Goodnight Dawson..."

"Goodnight Casey..."

A silence lingered for a moment before I heard him hang up.

And just like that, I fell asleep.


Casey

I head up to the bedroom and close the door behind me before climbing into bed and pulling Hallie to my chest, burying my face in her hair.

"You okay?" She murmurs, resting her hands over my own that had encircled her waist.

"Yeah," I say breathily, "Dawson sounds okay."

"And you?"

"I'll be okay."

Hallie soon falls asleep in my arms, but I lie awake with thoughts of Dawson in my mind.

I'd realised that there was no point in being angry anymore. After all everything had been said and done and there was nothing any of us could do to change it. I'd come to learn that we can only change the future.

I'd lied to Dawson, I had visited her at the hospital, once. A few days ago. It was 3am and Hallie was spending the night in her own apartment, and I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking of Dawson. So I drove to the hospital and snuck into her room when no one was looking. I knew that she'd be alone because Shay had been sent home by Dawson, information courtesy of Severide.

I was thankful that she had been sleeping, as I wasn't sure I was ready to face her yet, but I just sat at her bedside and watched her.

The slow and purposeful rise and fall of her chest, the slight stirs of her body as she dreamt, the tightening of her hand on the covers, the twitching of her lips, the movement of her eyes under their lids. I just watched.

In complete awe of her beauty.

It was then that I realised that my anger was useless and I was beyond that. That we had to move on from this, that we could move on from this and be okay again. That maybe we'd be more than okay.

Sure there was more to say even after our phone call, but as I fell asleep that night, I knew that eventually, everything would be okay.