Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

If you haven't seen The Matrix, some of this chapter might not make sense. Then again, even if you have it still might not make sense…

Last chapter: I was about to go back to looking at the dessert menu when Edward stopped me. I guess he rebounded from his discomfort pretty quickly. "Don't order dessert, Bella. I have a better idea."


My first reaction was to be suspicious. Lately all of Edward's good ideas left me feeling nervous and in uncomfortable situations: first the interrogation, then the whole writing thing, then kissing my hand, then dinner in a fancy restaurant and now he wanted to add something else to the list? I mean it hadn't all been bad. I had actually started to enjoy myself the last hour but it had been a really (really) long day for me. My emotions were all over the place and I was tired. I really wanted to just crawl into my bed and let the silence consume me.

And I'll admit I didn't want to push my luck. As things stood, if we just paid and said goodnight right now the day would end on a good note. And I really wanted that. After everything I had been through today, the stress, the anxiety, the constant questions… a happy ending would be wonderful. I really needed one of those. It would be like a light at the end of the tunnel, a sign that things could possibly turn out all right and that maybe I didn't have to worry so much all the time. It would be something real and tangible that I could cling to.

I swallowed nervously and met Edward's eyes. I tried to keep the uneasiness out of my voice.

"You do?" It was probably sensible to hear him out first, before I made my decision.

"Yep. It's still early and tomorrow is Sunday so we don't have class. Let's go buy some junk food and have a movie night. I haven't just hung out and watched films all night since the summer. Does that sound like fun?" Well at least he was leaving it up to me this time. No more pushing for tonight. Thank God.

Did it sound like fun? I honestly couldn't say anymore. I had imagined that when I finally managed to make myself try writing my own story, it would be amazing and fun and everything I always wanted it to be. And when he had suggested eating out, I had been absolutely convinced that it would be a complete disaster. Yet my attempts to write a story had left me disappointed and here I was now, enjoying myself at a restaurant. Both my predictions had been way off. It didn't make any sense to me. I had felt so sure about the dinner being a bad idea, so sure I would mess things up and yet here was Edward suggesting we spend even more time together.

A movie night… That could go either way really. On the one hand it involved us being alone, giving him plenty of opportunity to ask me questions I didn't want to answer. On the other hand, we would be watching films, giving me plenty of opportunity to keep any discussion limited to what was happening on the screen.

But what if he had really bad taste in movies and I ended up being subjected to the Fast and the Furious 1 and 2 and 3 and however many of those films they made?

"I don't know, Edward. That depends on what kind of movies you like to watch." I was half-serious but it sounded like I was teasing him.

He rolled his eyes at me and smiled. "I brought my entire DVD collection from home. I'm sure we can find something that meets your standards."

"All right." Frankly the idea of getting to snoop through his DVD collection was too tempting to pass up. I was really curious to see what his room looked like too. The place where he slept, relaxed, hung out with friends; I wondered if it looked anything like I had pictured it in my head.

"Great. Where's our waitress?" he mumbled to himself, as he looked around the restaurant. When he found her, he signalled to her that we were ready to pay. She smiled widely at him and sauntered over a few minutes later with our bill in her hand, setting it down in front of Edward.

"I'll be right back." She spoke only to him but that was fine with me.

"Thanks" was Edward's only garbled response as he started digging around in his pocket for his wallet. He took out a wad of cash, placed it inside the little black booklet thing that the bill had come in and then closed it. I was expecting him to push it towards me so I could see how much my half of the dinner was, but he didn't.

"What are you doing?

"I'm paying the bill, Bella. It's sort of frowned upon not to." He smiled up at me innocently, as if I wasn't staring at him with horrified eyes.

"You are not paying for me. I'm paying half of it." I tried to make my voice sound as firm as possible.

"No you're not. I told you this was part of your gift." His smile promptly disappeared and he placed his hand over the bill protectively, shifting it a little closer towards his side of the table.

"No, Edward. You've spent way too much money already." There was no way in hell I was letting him pay for me and label this thing a proper date. This wasn't a date. It just wasn't. And I needed it to stay that way.

"Bella, you can't impose a limit on how much people spend on your gifts. It's up to me and I say I'm paying." He took his hand off the bill and settled into his chair comfortably, as if the matter was closed.

"Well I say you're not." I reached to pull the bill towards me but Edward scooped it off the table and held it in his lap.

"Edward, come on. At least let me see how much tonight cost." I reached even further across the table, my butt leaving my seat.

"Nope," he said, popping the p. He smirked at me and stretched his legs out while I fell back into my seat, crossed my arms and scowled at him from across the table.

"I hate it when guys pull this macho crap. Just because you're a boy doesn't mean you have to pay. It's not like we're on a date or anything."

His expression didn't change in the slightest. He just lounged in his seat, perfectly relaxed and smiling sweetly. "I hate it when girls get all feminist when a guy tries to do something nice for them. But that's really beside the point. This has nothing to do with you being a girl. I'm trying to give you a birthday present, part of which is this dinner. It's not really a gift if I let you pay for half of it."

"Fine. I'm paying for the junk food then. You didn't say that was part of my gift, so there should be no complaints." I raised my eyebrows, daring him to contradict me.

"Well, actually it would be fairer if we split that 50/50 since you don't owe me anything for the gift." He was speaking in an overly kind voice, as if he was doing me a favor by explaining this to me.

Unbelievable.

"No, I don't think so. You're providing the movies and a place to watch them so it's only fair I bring the food." I felt really strongly about this - for a change – and I wasn't backing down this time – for a change.

He sighed dramatically. "All right fine, stubborn girl. You can pay for the food."

He waited for me to nod triumphantly, before his face twisted into that evil smirk again. "And I'll pay for the drinks."

I wanted to sulk and stomp my foot like a five year old but I managed to restrain myself. Instead I settled for rolling my eyes at him and sitting there in silent disapproval while we waited for the waitress and Edward finished paying.

We got up from our seats, put on our coats and headed out of the restaurant. When we got to the door, I grabbed the handle before Edward could and held it open for him. I tried to look as innocent as I could while I waited for him to walk through it. He narrowed his eyes at me, but didn't say anything as we stared at each other for a second. Then he grinned wickedly as if to say "Game on" and walked out. I actually felt a little scared as I followed him out. What had I gotten myself into?

We walked to the nearest store, Edward beating me to the door this time, and bought a variety of snacks. Chocolates, those little jelly coca cola bottles that I love, Doritos, etc. Edward grabbed a bottle of coke and a bottle of water too. I made sure to pay for all the snacks and wouldn't let Edward see the receipt when he asked how much I had spent. I really liked annoying him. It was more fun than I thought it would be.

The playful atmosphere helped distract me from where we were heading as we started walking back towards the campus. Edward made a grab for the bag of snacks I was carrying. God, his gentlemanly ways tonight were like a mosquito that wouldn't die. I mean, it was really nice of him of course, but gestures like that are designed to draw attention to the fact that I'm a girl and he's a boy. And I really didn't need reminding. It just made me more self-conscious. But I knew he was only being so persistent tonight to annoy me. Usually he would let me open the library door for myself every now and again and when we got takeout he wouldn't always make a big deal about me ordering first. And I was incredibly grateful because that made everything feel less formal, more relaxed.

After Edward's fifth attempt to take the bag out of my hand, I finally gave in and handed it to him. "All right, here you go, Superman. Enjoy."

"Why thank you. How very generous of you." I could feel his smugness radiating off him.

My one consolation was that now both his hands were full and I had to open the door to his dorm building for him. He just shook his head at me and led me up the stairs and down the hall to his room. He set both bags down and dug his keys out of the pocket of his jeans. Then he unlocked the door, picked up the bags and stepped aside waiting for me to enter first. He was still messing with me but the reality of what was about to happen hit me and I didn't feel like playing anymore. I slowly shuffled in; holding on to my book bag like it was a lifejacket. He strode in confidently behind me, placing the bags of food on the floor and taking off his coat. I didn't remove my coat. I just hovered awkwardly, peeking at his room.

The very first thing I noticed about his dorm room was that it was like mine. A lot like mine. Why I expected his dorm room to look any different I have no idea. In retrospect, it was pretty stupid. Most of the dorm rooms at this university were the same. Same twin bed. Same desk by the window. Same bookshelf overflowing with textbooks. Same chair that swivels. Same little nightstand with the same lamp on top. His room, when you took away all the little personal touches dotted around the place, looked almost exactly like mine. I felt both disgusted and ridiculously happy as a result of this little revelation. On the one hand, I was pissed off at the university – they couldn't paint the walls a different shade of white or something? They had to stick us all in the exact same cardboard boxes? Did they think this made us feel equal somehow? Yeah right. On the other hand, I guess it made me feel a little less anxious. Like going to a hotel instead of back to some guy's place. It was his room but he hadn't picked everything out himself, just like I hadn't. The fact that the furniture looked familiar just made me feel better for some reason.

The only difference was that he had two of everything: one set for him, one set for his roommate.

"Won't your roommate mind if we're watching movies while he's trying to sleep?" Maybe there hadn't been anything to worry about after all, if we weren't actually going to be alone all night.

"Nah, Mike's spending the weekend with his girlfriend. He won't be back until tomorrow night." Maybe not.

Edward informed me of this nonchalantly as he started unloading all the food we had bought on to his bed. His bed… right… Because there wasn't really anywhere else to sit, so… so we would both be sitting on his bed… together… on his bed. I could feel myself starting to become alarmed and the grip I had on my bag tightened.

Right.

On his bed. Together. Ok.

Right.

And I had willingly agreed to this because…?

Relax, Bella. Relax. This is not a big deal. We're just hanging out, as friends… like friends do… on his bed. Oh God.

I searched his room for a distraction. I stared at his bookshelf, making a mental note of all the little things about it that reminded me of my own bookshelf. It was obviously made from the same wood. It was the same shade of brown. Yes, ok. This is good. I recognized some of the textbooks from the classes we had in common. Good. Keep going. What else? When I took a few steps towards it and looked closer though, I realized that only the top two shelves held textbooks; the rest were stuffed full of DVDs. Apparently when he said he had brought his entire collection, he wasn't kidding. It would take me a good hour to look through them all. I sat down cross-legged in front of his bookshelf, finally dropping my bag on the floor next to me and placing my coat on top of it, and started reading the titles. They didn't seem to be in any kind of rational order and that made me smile for some reason. I even hoped that maybe some of the DVDs were in the wrong boxes.

Edward grabbed my coat and hung it next to his own while I continued to search through his collection. Every time I came across a DVD that I also owned, my heart rate picked up a little. How pathetic. There were some titles that made me cringe too… I could not believe he had actually paid money for some of these crappy films. But then again if we had the same taste in everything, what would be the point?

He came to sit next to me on the floor, mimicking my posture. "See anything you like?"

"Yep. Though I haven't heard of some of these before. What do you feel like watching tonight?"

"I don't mind, Bella. I like them all so you pick."

I tried not to feel nervous about my choice. He must like it if it's on his shelf. "How about we start with The Matrix? I haven't watched that in years. Then you can pick the next one."

"Sounds good." He grabbed the box from the shelf and got up. He went over to the laptop on his desk and began setting everything up. "Take a seat. It's almost ready."

I got up from my spot on the floor slowly, wishing I could stay there a little longer, and made my way to the bed. I removed my shoes uncertainly, surveying his earlier work. He had set up all the packets of food in a pile and propped up two pillows against the wall next to each other. I waited for a moment when I was sure he wasn't looking in my direction and grabbed one of the pillows, placing it a little further away from the other one, before climbing onto the bed and tentatively resting my back against it.

The film started playing and he adjusted the screen until I assured him I could see it just fine. I tried not to fidget too much while he removed his own shoes and sat down next to me. For a while we just watched the movie silently. Edward occasionally offered me a jelly cola bottle and I took one each time, grateful for the distraction.

As we got further into the film, he started commenting on the bits he liked. A special effect he thought looked cool or a line he really liked and I found myself slipping in to my now familiar study partner/friend role and doing the same thing. Sometimes we would disagree and then the conversation would usually end with one of us rolling our eyes indignantly. It was a good thing both of us had watched this film dozens of times because we were talking too much to actually follow it properly.

We were now at the bit where Cypher is having dinner with Agent Smith, agreeing to betray Morpheus.

Edward was now running a full commentary on everything that happened on the screen. "Ugh. I hated Cypher. I still can't believe he betrayed them like that and actually wanted to plug back into the Matrix."

"Mmm… yeah I guess," I agreed half-heartedly, hoping he wouldn't pick up on my uncertainty.

"You guess? Don't tell me you agree with him, Bella?" He turned to face me, the shock written all over his face.

"No, not exactly. I don't like the fact that he betrayed everyone but I can sort of see where he was coming from." I was already regretting saying anything. I stared at a spot on Edward's bed, not wanting to meet his eyes. "He was tired. He didn't like reality and he just wanted to go back to the fantasy." I was speaking quietly, my voice shaking slightly. "I can understand that."

"I can't. What are you saying?"

"Well…" I looked up at him cautiously and began explaining shyly. "Do you think that reality is always better? No matter what it's like? Would you never choose the fantasy, even though you knew it wasn't real? Even though you knew that it was all just in your head. Couldn't it be enough that it felt real to you?"

He was still looking at me dumbly, his brow wrinkled in confusion. Against my better judgement, I tried to explain further. Apparently I hadn't learned my lesson when he had laughed at me earlier today in the park. Bella, you idiot. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew he'd probably just laugh at me again or tell me I was crazy but the desire to tell him what I was thinking was overwhelming. It drove all rational thoughts of self-preservation out of my mind. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. I just wanted him to know what was going on in my head, to know me, even if it was just a small part of me. "Ok I know this will sound weird but… have you read Harry Potter?"

"Sure, who hasn't?" He looked even more confused now and I felt like even more of an idiot.

"Well, you know in the seventh book when Harry is talking to Dumbledore at Kings Cross?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, well at the end Harry asks Dumbledore if their conversation is real or if it's just inside his head and then Dumbledore says 'Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?' Don't you think there's anything to that? Many serious philosophers have said the same thing… Some have argued the only thing you can know for sure is how things appear to you. Just your perceptions of things, sense-data and all that. And therefore that what feels real is the only reality there is. Of course, I'm horribly oversimplifying and maybe I've got it wrong altogether but I don't know… don't you think that…"

"That Dumbledore has a point?"

"Yeah. That thoughts and dreams and fantasies have a reality of their own. That they're worth something. That what our names are, what job we do for a living, whether our body is in a vat of goo somewhere or on a bed in a dorm room, isn't the only important thing. That maybe what's going on inside our heads can be more real than our everyday lives. I don't know… I guess I can just understand why Cypher would choose the fantasy."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I think in the Matrix the point was that Cypher was just tired of fighting and he wanted out. I think Cypher was just a coward."

"I can understand that too…" I mumbled it under my breath, unsure whether I wanted Edward to hear me or not.

"I think all of us can, Bella, but that's not really the point. Cypher kept saying 'ignorance is bliss' but he didn't really know what reality could offer. It wasn't a fair comparison. I mean yeah, their reality sucked – they were constantly on the run, fighting and risking their lives everyday. I'm sure it wasn't Neo's version of utopia but look at how it ended. He found friendship, leadership, a cause worth fighting for. He even found love. You can't find that on your own, Bella."

Encouraged that he seemed to be taking me seriously this time, I pressed on. "But that's just the movies isn't it? What if Trinity didn't love him back, like she didn't love Cypher? What if he wasn't 'the one' like Cypher wasn't?"

"Well… that's just one version of a happy ending. Falling in love isn't everyone's idea of living happily ever after. And even if Cypher really was miserable in the real world, he couldn't have known that when Morpheus offered him the choice. I mean how can you know whether your fantasies are better than reality if you don't give reality a try? Even if things aren't the way you pictured them in your head or the way you initially planned them, doesn't mean they can't still work out. They might be different but that doesn't mean they can't also be wonderful. Maybe Cypher gave up too soon. Maybe there was someone else out there for him that he could love more than Trinity. Or maybe peace was just around the corner and he wouldn't have to keep fighting.

You can never know so how can you choose? And why do you have to choose at all? Can't you enjoy both? Maybe reality is a combination of both – your head and your body, fantasy and real life. And you just have to find the balance that works for you. But you can't just shut one out altogether."

"Maybe." I wasn't fully convinced and I knew Edward could tell.

"I'm sorry I don't have something more profound to offer, Bella. I don't know the answer." He really did sound sorry. How silly.

I gave him a small smile, trying to show him there was nothing to apologize for. "That's all right, Edward. I don't really want you to tell me the answer anyway. I just wanted to tell you what I was thinking and see what you thought about it." He smiled back at me and I turned my attention back to the movie. He didn't have to say anything profound. The fact that he didn't just dismiss what I was saying as ridiculous was pretty much all I wanted.

I tried to lighten the mood a little, hoping Edward wasn't upset with me for getting all philosophical and depressing when we were supposed to be having a fun, relaxing night of hanging out together. "I'm just glad you didn't laugh at me again."

Then he did laugh at me but I was laughing too. He was laughing with me.

My joy over the fact that I had managed to make him laugh and lighten the atmosphere was cut short when he placed his arm around me and squeezed my shoulder playfully. I was in complete shock. Where had that come from and what did it mean? Was it just a friendly gesture or something else? I felt myself tense up and kept my eyes firmly glued to the screen.

I was suddenly hyper aware of how close he was, sitting next to me with his thigh now touching mine. My heartbeat sounded dangerously loud as he used his free hand to brush my hair behind my ear. He trailed his fingers gently over my ear and then traced the lock of hair down to my shoulder, playing with the ends for a few seconds. I thought I was going to have a heart attack for the second time today when he moved even closer. I could feel his warm breath on the side of my face. Ever so slowly he leaned in even further and then I actually felt his lips at my temple, placing a gentle, lingering kiss there.

Oh god. Oh god. My brain kick-started into action, shoving a million thoughts at me in the next few seconds. What the hell was going on? First my hand, now this? Why was he doing this? He didn't used to do stuff like this before today… What had suddenly changed?

Was he expecting me to turn around and face him? The fact that we were alone in his dorm room, sitting on his bed came screaming back to me. Run, run, run.

No. No, I don't want to run. This is what I want isn't it? I want Edward?

Well, yes… but…

But I had never seriously considered that he might want me. As something more than a friend I mean and that had allowed me to get closer to him without worrying about this type of scenario. Did he like me? Maybe I was misreading him… Maybe he felt protective of me… Maybe this was brotherly affection? Or maybe he was just being friendly? Trying to comfort me after that depressing conversation we had just had?

There were way too many maybes. I had no idea what to do. Maybe I should just let him lead… Yes. Hadn't that been my plan from the very beginning?

I should've turned to face him, boldly met his eyes and let him make the next move… whatever that would be. I should've and I wanted to. But I didn't. I couldn't. When I tilted my face towards his and met his eyes, a surge of fear took over and all I could do was throw him a confused smile (which probably looked more like a grimace) before quickly turning to stare at the screen again. I internally cursed myself for being such a coward. Bella, you are such a loser!

He was far too close. Again.

And I was uncomfortable. Again.

But I wasn't going to run away this time. Turning back towards the screen and just focusing on the film wasn't running away but it wasn't really accepting the situation either. However it was the best I could do right now and it was a step forward. I hoped that small smile was enough for now; I hoped the fact that I wasn't flinching away from his embrace and running out of his dorm room was enough for now.

Wait for me, Edward. I know it's unfair to ask this of you but I can't help it. Please.

I kept my eyes glued to the screen. My body was still tense and I was sure Edward could tell. But he didn't move away. He stayed there, with his arm around me, his thumb gently moving back and forth over my clothed shoulder.

A part of me was still shrieking in my ear that I should just run away. But another part of me liked it. He was warm. And he smelled really good. And the fact that he was still relaxed, even though he must've known I wasn't, made me feel a little more relaxed. He wasn't moving away… he was still here… he was waiting. I kept chanting this over and over in my head as the movie kept flickering on his laptop and my body slowly started to thaw.

I snuggled into his side a little and experimentally rested my head on his shoulder. He squeezed my arm gently in response but otherwise didn't move. We just carried on quietly watching the movie and I felt my body fully melt into his embrace. This position was actually unbelievably comfortable. It felt so natural now that I had stopped fighting it. And he smelled so good. Like… mmmm… I don't know…. like something really good… and familiar… and really really good.

My thoughts got less and less coherent as I felt myself becoming drowsy. Now that I had let myself relax, I realized just how tired I was. It had been a really long day for me. So much had happened and I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. It was difficult to keep my eyes open and, despite my best efforts to stay awake, I felt myself slipping away.


A/N: Their relationship will start picking up very soon… I promise.