A/N - Lots of talking in this one but hopefully I've weaved enough into it and made it not boring. Again, flashbacks/memories in italics.
Enjoy your weekend. The next few chapters have a bit of work to be done but hopefully the next one will be up early next week.
Hawk - thanks for your review. Good idea on finding out what she wants.
Enjoy and once again thanks for the support on the story.
CHAPTER 11
The next morning
Callen stood beside Sofia. The sun had just started to peek over the horizon giving a orange glow to the sky. The waves gently broke over their bare feet before receding and there was still a chill in the air.
"It's been a long time since I've felt truly safe," Sofia said quietly, her gaze focused out on the water. "After we fled, we were in a constant state of fear and uncertainty." She paused for a moment. "Looking and listening to every sight and sound as if it was someone coming, hunting us. Wondering whether we could trust the person in front of us. I don't think I slept unless I was completely exhausted and in Papa's arms."
Sofia rubbed her upper arms with her hands and Callen shifted closer. He angled his body to put himself between her and the slight breeze that had picked up. Close enough that his body almost touched hers. He felt her shift into him, just the slightest amount that spoke volumes and closed the distance that he'd left.
The expression 'the truth will set you free' had never been so clear to Callen than it was right now. Yesterday she'd been terrified of him. Now she was here at the beach with him, alone. She'd allowed him to spend the night at her apartment, actually asked him to stay. Callen had suspected she was afraid that she'd wake up and think it was all a dream. So he'd stayed, slept on the surprisingly comfortable, if a little short, couch.
Yesterday everything had changed.
They both finally knew who the other really was. Her friend was no longer dead, she no longer had to run and he knew a small amount more about his childhood. He'd gained a friend he didn't know he'd lost yet somehow her presence back in his life filled a gap he hadn't realised existed within him. Hetty had come bearing a laptop with all things pertaining to the demise of the Comescu's to help Sofia truly understand it was over and she was safe. By the time they had gone through it Sofia had almost been falling asleep at the table.
They'd both woken before the sun rose; him normal, her because of how early she'd actually gone to sleep the night before. The previous days of disturbed and minimal sleep had finally caught up with Sofia, or perhaps it was that she'd finally felt safe enough to sleep.
"I don't know how long we were on the boat but it felt like forever," Sofia continued. "I wanted it to be forever. After a while I'd started to feel a little safe, started sleeping without needing Papa."
The breeze caught her hair and swept it across her face. She reached out for it before Callen could. He stayed quiet and listened. She was ready to talk. He was willing to listen. Her world had been shattered because of him, it was the least he could do.
"There was no land in sight and all the people were familiar." Sofia glanced up at him and there was a sadness in her eyes, but the fear was gone. "They were fleeing like us or responsible for taking us somewhere safe. The crew were kind to us." She smiled. "I know now we were lucky in that respect. It didn't even cross my mind how much danger there was from a boat in the middle of the ocean with no way to call for help. I just knew that …" Her breath shuddered, "they … couldn't reach us."
Callen put his arm around her shoulder, an offer of comfort, perhaps even an attempt to give her something physical to remind her she had nothing to fear from them anymore. Thoughts of what the Comescu's had done to her world he suspected would affect her for a long time to come but at least she knew in her head that she was safe. Her heart and emotions might take a little time to catch up. Sofia took a steadying breath and her head dropped to rest against his shoulder bringing her body into his more. His arm tightened and a warmth bloomed inside him at the trust that movement showed him.
"One morning we woke up," she said, "and everyone was so excited. The commotion and the noise when we came up from below, it's scared me but it was contagious. I started to feel excited too." Her voice dropped lower. "Then I saw it ... They were excited because they saw land." She took a breath and let it out slowly. "Instantly that excitement was gone. Land meant them. I couldn't comprehend that we'd sailed somewhere else. Land was land and they were on land. I was terrified. The closer we got the more I clung to Papa. When the boat docked I honestly thought he was scared too. He was shaking." Sofia lifted her head and looked at him with a sheen of tears making her eyes shine. "It wasn't him. It was me. I was the one shaking." Her gaze drifted back out to sea. "I clung to him so tight," she said quietly. "Every new face was a threat and there were so many new threats."
"But you were safe," Callen tightened his hold just a little at the small tremor he felt go through her that had nothing to do with the breeze. "You hadn't gone back. You were somewhere far away." What she just told him confirmed the story from Arkady's contact - a little girl with her eyes, terrified and shaking in her father's arms.
Sofia nodded. "It took me a while to figure that out. We stayed with this lovely family. They taught us English, how to blend in, what not to do. I think we were with them for about three months, hidden at their farm. When I could finally speak without an accent and Papa was doing well enough we got go to our new life. Being on the smaller side they changed my age, made me a little younger."
"What's your real birthday?" In Callen's memories of them, as young as they were, she was smaller than him. He remembered looking down at her even then.
She smiled. "I'm only a little younger than you. March 26 1970. They made it so that my mother died in childbirth. People tend to avoid asking questions when tragedy is involved. The most we ever stayed in one place, until Jonathon, was two years. Always moving, watchful, afraid they'd find us. A couple of times we moved somewhere that had an unexpectedly strong Romani population. We didn't stay long then. Papa still remembered the warnings we'd heard as we fled. He didn't want to risk them figuring out who we were and telling the ... them where we were."
Her head dropped forward, her hand went to the back of her neck to rub it and Callen felt another tremor go through her. He turned Sofia gently to face him, cupped her chin and lifted her head. Her eyes were full of tears.
"They stole so much," Sofia whispered. "And now," She smiled though it was a little shaky and a tear slipped from each eye. "Now I'm safe. Free for the first time in so long. And I don't quite know what to do with myself."
"You'll figure it out. You're not alone."
"Oh Grisha, we missed so much. Why would they be so cruel? So vile? So..." It was like she didn't know what word to use to describe them. It was understandable.
"I don't know."
Even with what he had witnessed in his line of work Callen couldn't comprehend why the Comescu's had done what they had to her camp and the people there. Sofia knew the origins of the blood feud; it had been discussed last night. She didn't blame him for what had happened. Callen wasn't sure he didn't blame himself though, as irrational as it was to think he could have made any impact on what the Comescu's had done to them, or anyone. There was a guilt, as undeserved as it was, that lingered over what she had lost because of his family. But she was slowly planning on taking back what she could. Starting with her name. She wanted to be Sofia again. It was easy enough to call her that and think of her that way, after all he'd known her longer that way, even if he didn't remember it all. The details of the official process to take her life back were something that would be discussed later and come in time.
"Do you know how they knew where my mother was? Where we were?" Callen asked. Last night had been about assuring Sofia she was safe. He had so many questions.
"From what Papa told me once, your mother brought you and Amy to us when your father was imprisoned. She needed to hide somewhere safe until she could figure out how to reach her contacts. So we took her in. You arrived just before my birthday." She smiled at him. "And were with us about six months when your mother was finally able to make a connection with a contact. Some of our men helped her get messages out and finally someone reached back."
Sofia turned to look back out at the water but her body still stayed within his personal space, and surprisingly it occurred to Callen that he didn't actually mind her being there. She didn't feel like she was crowding him or forcing her way in. It was different to what he normally felt when someone was this close. There was nothing overwhelming about it. It just felt right. Perhaps when he remembered more of their time together as children he'd find that it was normal for them to be close.
"Not long after that," Sofia continued, "two of our men had gone into the small town near our camp to check for another message. One overheard the other," a hardness had settled into her voice taking Callen by surprise, "talking to someone about you all; where to find you, all of us really. It terrified him when he witnessed money changing hands so since he had the message for your mother, the meeting point and time, he fled back in the darkness with both horses, leaving the traitor behind. He wanted to warn us all. I'm not sure when he arrived but by the time I got up and came to find you so we could pick flowers," Her voice broke a little then, "you were all gone and the camp was in a rush to leave." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "There just wasn't enough time."
Sofia turned and looked up at him. Callen brushed the tears from her cheeks. "If he hadn't come back when he did, you'd have still been there."
"Who took us away? Do you know?"
Sofia shook her head. "No I don't. Papa didn't tell me. But it would've been on horses, that much I can work out. Probably some of the men who had been trusted to help your mother with the messages."
Grisha looked across at his mother, her face just visible with the pre dawn lightening of the sky. She looked back at him from the horse running next to his. A strong arm was wrapped around him keeping him safe. Another horse was on the other side of his mother. Amy was looking at him with fear in her eyes from the arms of a familiar man who was keeping her safe on the horse.
Grisha looked back to his mother.
"Mama?"
"We'll be safe soon. I promise. Just hold on my beautiful boy. Just hold on." He heard the fear in her voice and shuddered.
"Two men, three horses," Callen told her quietly as the memory faded. "She was scared but said we were going somewhere to be safe." Callen brushed some hair back from Sofia's face. Just a flash, barely anything to go by but he had finally heard his mother's voice. Now if only he could hear it without the fear, that would be a memory he would cherish.
"She was wonderful." Sofia smiled. "I … almost wished she was mine except..."
"Except?"
Sadness and pain shifted over Sofia's features. "I remember my mother." She took a steadying breath. "No one could possibly replace her, not even someone like yours."
"I wish I remembered her." More than just remembering her smile right before she was shot. "You were so young though, how do you…" Callen stopped. He knew how. "Your memories are clear right back aren't they?" Her mother had died when she was two.
Sofia nodded and closed her eyes as he brushed away more tears. "I couldn't tell Papa I remembered her," her voice breaking slightly with her words.
"Why not?"
"It would hurt him too much." Her eyes opened and Sofia looked at him. "Not even with my own father could I truly be myself. I managed to keep it from him until we were already here about the way I remembered things. When he eventually realised he was worried. So I told him things from early on were a blur, that I didn't remember her, barely remembered us fleeing. I'm not entirely sure he believe that particular bit. It was all I could do to protect him after everything he'd done to protect me." Sofia's smile brightened and a sparkle of something other than tears shone in her eyes. "You, my dear Grisha, you were the only one who really knew me. My true friend. One I was free to be me with." Her voice gentled. "Only you knew the truth about the flowers."
"Fi?" Grisha reached out to the little girl who was kneeling among the flowers in the meadow. He heard her sob again saw her little body shake. "Fi, what is it?"
Sofia turned and he saw the tears falling from her eyes. "Why are you crying?" he asked, worried that she was hurt.
"I miss my Mama," Sofia whispered. Grisha noticed the grip on the flowers and he knew.
"They're not for my mama are they?"
Sofia shook her head. "Please don't tell Papa," her little voice begged desperately.
"I won't."
"They were for your mother not mine." Another memory to add to his collection. A sad one yes, but another bit of proof of the young friendship that they had. His memories were coming back the more time he spent with her. It gave him hope that it would continue and he'd remember more of what was most likely a happy time in his young life, even if it wasn't the best time.
"I believed in my young little mind that flowers had a soul." Sofia wiped away some tears. "I believed only a mother could protect the souls and guide them to the afterlife."
"To your mother."
Sofia nodded. The tears started to fall freely and she put her head down on his shoulder, wrapped her arms around his waist, seeking comfort he was only too happy to give. With what he knew of her, Callen understood what was happening. Sofia had never been free to openly grieve her mother, not truly. To grieve would mean showing how much she hurt, which would've shown her father how much she remembered. With time the tears stopped and Sofia's breathing settled. The sun was now fully above the horizon.
"I want to go back," she said softly.
"Back where?"
Sofia lifted her head and turned around in his arms to face the ocean once again. She didn't try and pull away from him so he kept them around her and she settled back against him, her gaze on the colours the higher sun was now spreading over the water.
"Romania. Home I guess. We've never really called anywhere else home because we never really settled. Papa always hoped one day it would be safe to return."
"You want to go move back?" Callen felt a tightness in his chest. He'd only just found her, gotten her back so to speak. They'd barely had a chance.
Sofia shook her head and Callen stopped his thoughts. Thoughts that confused him because how could he be so attached to her already that it almost created a pain at the thought of her not being near. Somehow he knew it wasn't because of the possibility she might take answers with her that he desperately wanted. Could that connection from their childhood be so strong to cause it?
"Just a visit. I think… I need… I … " Sofia sighed.
"Closure?" he prompted gently.
"To say goodbye," Sofia whispered sadly. "I never got to say goodbye." She turned her face to him and Callen saw the look of apprehension on her face. There was a trace of fear back in her eyes that he wished wasn't but could understand. It was going to take a while for the fear to fully leave her, even if she knew in her head there was no need. Before Callen knew it the words were out of his mouth, words that felt right.
"Would you like me to come with you?"
Callen felt a stillness settle on her body and wondered, even with it feeling right, whether he'd made a mistake.
"You'd do that?"
"Can't have you facing this on your own can we?" He tried to keep his tone casual.
Her smile said it didn't work. Sofia studied his face, her eyes staring into his and, instead of looking away he let her. He let her look, knowing that she'd would see the truth.
The look in her eyes, the compassion, the understanding he saw told Callen he'd been right. She had seen the truth. Well, the rest of the truth because it was true that he wouldn't want her to face going back there on her own. But he also wanted to go for himself too. A part of his life had been there. Maybe it would help him remember.
"I would love that," Sofia answered, not calling on him to voice the rest of his reasons. "Very much."
