Hi Guys, I cannot apologise more for how unbelievably long it has taken me to update so I'm not going to bother trying to make excuses. I'm just gonna push this chapter slowly through a crack in the door and hope my hand doesn't get bitten off, LOL. :) I hope you like it, I know it isn't the longest chapter I could have written and it isn't perhaps as fast-paced as some of you might have expected but it's more of a transitional chapter and the pace of the chapters has been consistently gradual, consistent with the pace of real relationships. Here's just a shout out to Emma who challenged me to use the line 'are you trying to tear my heart out?' submitted in Miss Napier's feedback to chapter 10 . Anyway, enjoy and don't forget to R&R. :)

Chapter Eleven: Certainty

That first kiss we shared felt as though it lasted for ever and yet at the same time, it still felt like it was over far too soon. In reality, it probably lasted no longer than several seconds. Still, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever known. It felt as though the whole world had just fallen away around us. We were alone already, but even the heat and sound of the desert had disappeared. You were my entire reality and I was yours.

I could still feel the warmth of your skin, the tingling trail down my right arm where your left thumb had made its slow path, long after we stepped apart. I could still hear the soft sound of your breathing, swift and eager as your nostrils sought to inhale and expel the air for as long as possible, so that your mouth would not have to leave mine. And most of all, I could still feel your lips as they crushed against mine, massaging my own against them. The sensation this contact invoked in me was much more intense than any I had ever known, even with you. It felt as though it started at my mouth yet flooded my whole body with warmth and thrilled me. In truth, it was the first kiss that I had ever known but even so, I doubt a kiss from anyone else would ever have affected me the way that yours did, because it was from you. You were pouring every ounce of your passion and your longing and your love into that one simple act and I could feel it, radiating through me.

Eventually, you reluctantly pulled back. I stood with my eyes closed for a second, still in awe of the sensation which flooded my body. I felt your blue eyes staring lovingly at me and heard your smile. Then you placed your right hand softly on the back of my head and slowly pulled me towards you, so that the side of my face rested in the hollow of your shoulder. As I opened my eyes to gaze up at you, I noticed the dried tracks of your tears still upon your cheeks. I stretched up and kissed your left cheek softly. I couldn't help but smile contently as I noticed your eyes close softly, and the corner of your mouth characteristically upturn. Then I dropped back down and let you envelope me against your chest, your arms holding me against you, comfortably but still firm enough that I could tell you had no intention of releasing me.

Above my head, I could hear you breathing softly and then the simple whisper 'I love you.'

I smiled and whispered back 'I love you too.'

'I love you,' you repeated.

I giggled softly, 'you already said that.'

You didn't reply. You released your grip on me slightly so that you could gaze down at me. God I loved those eyes.

Suddenly, something dark passed through them and a dark sadness seemed to wash over you. You turned your face away from me and dropped my arms back down to my sides, backing away a few steps from me before walking over to the car and leaning on its bonnet, your hands spread out, your long fingers absorbing its heat.

I stood rooted to the spot where you had left me; angry, confused and sad as I felt silent tears make slow tracks down both sides of my face, now brown and dry from the sun. I had an overwhelming feeling of unexplained rejection. After all that I had been through, that we had been through. The sacrifices that I had made, you had the nerve to just walk away. And I still didn't know why.

Gradually, my legs found to energy to jerk awkwardly from position and to pad slowly over to where you stood, leaning over the car. You had your back to me, and I watched it rise and fall as each breath was inhaled and exhaled. I reached out, and touched it with the very bare tips of my fingers. I heard you draw one deep, raspy breath and then you slowly turned to face me. The deep blue of your eyes was obscured by a watery veil of unshed tears.

'You have to go home Gemma,' you whispered.

I snatched my hand away. 'Wh-what are you talking about?' I whispered back, barely audibly. This felt like some horrible nightmare. What had happened to the comfort and contentedness that I had felt only moments before?

'This is wrong,' you returned again.

The tears continued to run down my face, fast and hard and yet it was anger that I felt burning inside again, fierce anger that I hadn't felt in such a long time. How was it possible to both love someone and hate them at the same time?

I found myself scoffing in disbelief, 'and you've come to this conclusion now?' Your mouth opened but nothing came out and I felt my anger deflate within me. This was all twisted and confusing, a maze of right and wrong, of love and hate. I looked up into your eyes again and found myself whispering to you 'are you trying to tear my heart out?' You said nothing, and I heard my voice break as I whispered 'I thought you loved me.'

Tears began to fall fresh and heavy from your eyes which had been close to overflowing throughout our conversation. You stumbled towards me and my eyes closed as I felt you take me in your arms and hold me to you. I could feel your heart thumping wildly in your chest and your ragged breath against my cheek.

'I do love you Gemma. That's why I can't take your family away from you forever.'

I stretched up and planted a small, soft kiss on your cheek. The tears still flowed silently down my face yet a small smile turned up the corner of my mouth as I watched your eyes close in silent bliss. I dropped back down onto my feet and laid my face against your chest.

'I will miss them Ty.' I breathed the words into your warm chest. 'But I made my choice to stay here with you, knowing that I would probably never see them again. You let me make that choice. I chose to love you.'

You pulled back from me so that you could look deep into my eyes. I must admit that it was a little unnerving to have your eyes so intensely boring into my own, trying to understand the true certainty of my resolution to remain with you. I stayed strong though and let my eyes stare back up into yours, fighting to demonstrate to you that I was absolutely certain as to my decision. And the truth was that I wasn't, not completely. But I had made my choice, fully understanding all its consequences and I had chosen you. I wasn't going to give you any excuse to give up on us.

After all that had happened these past few months, I doubt I could ever go back to living the way I had before. You would always be there, at the forefront of my mind, your blue eyes sparkling as the corner of your mouth turned up in the smallest smile, the soft blonde tendrils that hung down from your face and lightly brushed my face when you embraced me. And now, there was that kiss that filled me with passion and love and a myriad of sensations that I had never known and doubted I would ever know again. If anything, I considered it far crueler to force me to return when you'd shown me a glimpse of what life could be like with you, with the man I loved, than to let me remain with you at the expense of my family and friends. Strange and horrific as it would have seemed to me months or even weeks before, I had realised that your love was more important to me.

After a moment of staring intently at me you seemed satisfied. The corner of your mouth turned up characteristically as your eyes relaxed in intensity. 'You're certain this is what you want Gemma?' I felt your right thumb lightly brush my left shoulder, up and down. I felt peaceful and content again. I had no desire to leave this dream; this dream which had begun as a nightmare.

I smiled softly up at you and forced my eyes to stare deeply into your own, as deep as they could. 'I am.' I reached up and brushed your cheek softly with the back of my hand. 'I want to stay here with you Ty.'

With that, you picked me up and swung me around. I laughed as the surroundings turned into a red blur which ended with you smiling up at me, your face so very close to mine. I found myself desiring to crush my lips against yours again and I could see in your eyes that you did too. I wrapped my arms around you and pressed my lips firmly against yours. It was passionate and sensational as before but this time there was also joy; joy that came from knowing that this was certain, that I would be spending the rest of my life with you and that this was only the beginning.