A/N: Hello, everyone! Here's a new chapter and I hope you like it. All mistakes are mine. Have a nice day, night, evening. Wherever you are. All the best!


Chapter 10

Regina held her gaze. Her heart was hammering against the inside of her ribcage and she was barely able to control her breathing. It might have been the intoxicating effect of too much wine, which led to that unusual boldness.

She wondered what Emma's skin might feel like when she would brush her cheek with her fingers.

She wondered what the girl's lips would taste like if she was courageous enough to capture them with her own.

But she wasn't. Would never be. Besides, what the hell was she thinking here about anyway? But right now for this very moment, it didn't seem to be of great importance who Emma was or which role she was playing herself. Because there was this forming connection between to two of them which felt so intense that it couldn't be compared to anything else Regina had ever felt before.

The brunette parted her lips as if she was about to say something but her mouth wouldn't form any coherent sentence which left her silent and out of breath. She felt hot and cold; the air seemed to get thinner and the room had gotten too small for the both of them.

But it was Emma who silently got up, a shy smile tugging at the right corner of her mouth. With a few steps, the blonde had vanished into the dark kitchen to make another round of tea for herself judged from the noises reaching the older woman's ears.

Just like that, she had been abandoned by the blonde girl. And it had never been her to be left behind. Usually, it was Regina's part to escape and leave Emma speechless. But this time?

Before contemplating for much longer whether to follow the younger woman out of the room (for reasons she still couldn't quite handle) or not she was about to quietly get up when her eyes fell onto her snoring husband beside her. And all she could think of was that he hopefully wouldn't wake up anytime soon.

When Regina had covered him with a blanket she finally made her way to the kitchen, her heart racing and her thoughts in being hazy. She left the door ajar, in case Daniel would wake up so she could hear him. Her eyes found Emma's again who stood with her back against the kitchen counter while she was waiting for the water to boil.

She was beautiful.

Dangerous.

And so alluring.

"Do you know that feeling?" Regina's raspy voice had been reduced to a whisper.

"When everything starts feeling so complex? When did that happen? When we're young everything is black and white, isn't it? It's so easy even though it doesn't feel like it. And then? Black and white start to dissolve in all these shades of gray and it gets too much. It's not only love and hate anymore. Or fear and courage. Peace and war. Pain and happiness. There…" Her voice broke.

"There are so many "in betweens". Too much to feel. Too much to handle. You begin to question things. You are not longer jealous because you can't have something you long for. No, maybe you realize you're not good enough. And you begin to hate yourself for being who you are. And you realize that not one love is comparable to another. Each loss of love leaves a scar. A void. And we're fools to believe that love and time make us forget what happened. When our hearts are broken, we change. We're never going to be the same again. Throughout life, we become damaged goods. Some more than others."

Regina's eyes were fixed on Emma and there were so many emotions in them it made it hard for her to breathe. Whatever Regina was talking about. It came from deep within. And her words were laced with pain.

"There are so many 'What ifs' and 'Whens', it makes everything so hard. Hard to decide on anything, you know? What is right? What is wrong? Who for fuck's sake does even have a say in what's right and wrong? Everything is so complex…intertwined and confusing. Like a cobweb. And it's so frustrating, you know? I had everything under control. Finally. At least nearly…nearly everything under control…" Slowly she crossed the room and came to stop in front of Emma. She could smell her. A faint scent of cinnamon and vanilla.

"And then you came." She felt tears rise in her eyes but she willed them to dry up, before she dared to reach out her shaking hand, gently putting a strand of golden hair behind Emma's left ear. She then pulled away as if she had burned herself but was fascinated by the stinging pain it left behind.

"What is it about you?" The brunette came closer and breathed in that intoxicating sweet smell.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this huge amount of wine, you know?" Regina whispered and her lips almost brushed the shell of Emma's ear.

"You have no idea what you have done…" She trailed off. Her hands were propped up left and right to the blonde's side on the kitchen counter, her forehead finally resting on Emma's cheek.


Emma didn't know when she had stopped breathing. Everything felt too far for her to reach. Her mouth felt like sandpaper and she swallowed hard. What was this all about?

This wasn't the woman she got to know over the past few weeks and months. Not at all. But at the same time, it was. It was her in all her fragile glory, intimate in a way she had never deemed as possible. This had been probably the longest monolog Regina had ever held in her presence, not to speak of the closeness they experienced on a whole new level. Both of them.

Of course, Emma had cuddled before. Or held somebody in her arms. But this time she feared that if she made one wrong move, Regina would break right in front of her. So she put her arms around her in the most gentle way that seemed to be without equal and held her close to her own body.

She then took a deep breath and pulled her even closer without even knowing why.

It felt like the right thing to do.

Because right now there was nothing left to say.

And it felt so damn good. Whatever it was that made her feel this way. Now whether it was wrong or right. Whoever had to decide that.

Her hands carefully wandered up and down Regina's back, feeling her spine with her fingertips before she traveled up and hesitantly dared to softly touch the older woman's silky raven hair. Feeling Regina breath in and out, her upper body barely moving, made her heart stop beating. It felt like too much, but not enough at the same time. This was something she had never felt before. A sensation running through her body she had never even dreamed of.

But it finished her off when she felt Regina's arms move from their position on the counter to close around her own torso, achingly slow. As if she was testing how it felt to hold somebody. And to be held equally.

There was a soft sigh. Not distinguishable whose lips it had escaped.