Disclaimer: Don't profit/nor own the characters: Your replies/likes are my rewards.
A/N: Sorry for the delay in this story. I am in between several projects but promise to finish this story before the end of this month! Xoxox A
A Taste Chpt. 11: Dull Ache
Bella didn't leave. She stayed knowing in her heart that Jake had every right to be upset with her. Perhaps he was right, she had unintentionally aided the Cullen's more so than the pack. In that view of things, she saw why it would appear she was being disloyal to the pack and most of all to Jake.
She just hoped that somehow she could make it up to the pack and to Jake. Wiping the tears from her shameful face she shook off the pity mood that she had been wallowing in since Jake left the house hours before.
Grabbing Lizzie and the diaper bag she made her way to Sue's house. She knew if Leah was still ill she would be at her mother's home. She would offer her help. She would show them that she never intended to cause anyone of them any unnecessary pain or danger.
Pushing Lizzie in the stroller across the dirt filled road was more work than she had bargained for. Lizzie didn't seem to mind the bumps or her mother's use of unlady like words as she treaded up the hill to Sue's house.
When she saw the view of Sue's front porch she was suddenly filled with trepidation. On the porch Sam and Embry sat on the front steps looking exhausted from last night's battle. She saw Sam look up and his face although far away clearly showed his frustration at her uninvited appearance at the Clearwater's residence.
Tilting her chin up with a defiant look in her eye she told herself that she would deal with this situation with grace. Sam approached her while Embry kept his distance.
"Bella. Lizzie." Sam knelt down and softly pinched Lizzie's cheek, causing her to giggle. Sam's eyes twinkled as he looked at her child but when his eyes lifted to look into hers, there was no sparkle. It looked like Sam was struggling with how he felt about her exactly. Bella continued to hold her head high despite the shame that sat heavily on her heart.
"How is Leah?" Bella asks.
"She woke up a few hours ago. She seems to be healing very slowly. Sue isn't sure why she isn't back to one hundred percent yet." Sam answered her politely.
"That's too bad. I was hoping Lizzie could visit with her. I know how much she enjoys Lizzie's company." Bella offers as she looks past Sam to spy Embry pacing back and forth on the porch. Bella could see he wasn't happy with her visit but was restraining himself from doing something that might get him in deep trouble with his Alpha.
"We ALL enjoy Lizzie's company." Sam agreed but Bella picked up the undertone that she wasn't exactly the kind of company anyone wanted to see at the moment.
"Sam, I know I screwed up. I'm truly sorry. All of this is so ….well, it's just weird. I mean one day I'm living a normal life and the next day I'm being told that my daughter isn't really dead. I get here and discover this surreal supernatural world and then I fall in love with the leader of it all. I'm trying so hard to be the kind of imprint that Jake needs and deserves. When Edward told me that Jake was in dire trouble I didn't hesitate to do what was necessary to protect him. I love him. I can't live my life without him. I don't want to go through the grieving process again if I can prevent it." Bella explains as her voice trembles.
"I know. It's just that right now tempers are flared up. We lost two good men. Billy had lived a pretty decent long life but Jared….well…he died far too young. He is…was a part of us. We feel his loss in such a way that it is literally killing us. I know in time we will pull through this but at the moment it's still so fresh in our heart. Please be patient with us. Try not to force anything, cause honestly you won't like what you might receive." Sam warns her.
Bella felt the compassion in his words but she saw the disappointment in his eyes. She shook her head in agreement, pursing her lips together she turned the baby carriage around. She got a few steps away from the house when she heard her name being called.
Looking back she saw Collin waving at her. She stopped but didn't move any closer to the house. She knew that Sam and Embry were still there and they weren't ready to be around her just yet.
Collin spoke to Sam then jogged toward her.
"Where you going?" Collin asks with a deep frown.
"I was …it's just….I thought Lizzie could visit Leah and maybe it would brighten her spirits. I was trying to be helpful." Bella explains fighting back her tears. Her throat tightened up as she inhaled sharply.
"Are you okay? I heard that you're going to have another baby." Collin smiled gently.
"I'm fine. Yes, I am having a baby." Bella's cheeks warmed from the guilty blush that had spread all over her pale cheeks.
"It's great news! I'm sure Jake is excited as hell about it." Collin looked back at the guys who were now sitting back on the steps sharing a private conversation between themselves.
"I guess so." Bella looked away not wanting him to pick up on her recent fight with Jake. She knew that Collin could read her just as well as Jake could.
"Guess? Is something going on I should know about?" Collin looked gravely concerned as he tipped her chin up and looked deeply into her eyes.
"Jake is furious with me. He has every right to be. I made the mistake of listening to the Cullen's advice last night. They told me that Jake was in grave danger because he was overreacting to something. They told me to distract him until he calmed down enough to look at the situation with a clear head. They said if he didn't he could die. I panicked. I didn't care that in the meantime while I was protecting Jake they were also protecting vampires from being killed by you guys." Bella said long winded as a couple of tears spilled out of her eyes, trickling down her cheek and onto the ground.
"Shit Bella! That explains the hostility I picked up from the guys when you showed up." Collin wanted to comfort her but if they had waited any longer to rescue Leah she could have been dead instead of badly injured.
"Yeah. Jake said I made a fool out of him and that the pack will pretty much be angry with me now." Bella shakes her head sadly.
"You won't be voted favorite imprint that is for sure." Collin laughed trying to lighten the mood with his sense of humor.
"I know." Bella sighed heavily.
Lizzie clapped her hands and lifted them as she called out to her father.
"Dada! Play. I play." Lizzie wiggled.
Collin laughs as he takes her out of her seat placing kisses all over her face, creating a beautiful roar of laughter from Lizzie.
"How is Leah doing?" Bella asks trying not to look past Collin at Sam and Embry.
"She woke up. She can speak but her throat is really sore. I'm sure it is from all the screaming. There were a lot of bites all over her. Sue's really freaking out about how she managed to stay alive from all the venom. They did that to Billy and it killed him." Collin answers as he sits Lizzie on the ground so she can run around and pick flowers.
Lizzie was attracted to the pretty colors of the flowers. Whenever she was allowed outside it was the first thing she chose to do.
"I'm so sorry Collin. I didn't know that Leah's life was in grave danger. I was just informed that Jake had to be calmed down before allowing him to leave the house. I was afraid Alice had a vision that was predicting his death. Edward had mentioned to me once that Alice had these strange visions that warned her sometimes about impending danger." Bella explains, hoping Collin understood she would have never done anything to hurt Leah on purpose.
"I know you wouldn't. You're not that kind of person. But Bella you have to understand that Jake is the Alpha. You have to let him do what is necessary to keep this pack safe. You can't sway him into doing things for your own personal feelings. He loves you and he will protect you but he can't do that if you're not honest with him. He has to trust you and you have to TRUST him to do what is best for all of us." Collin pulled her into a quick embrace then released her as he looked back at the others.
"I do. Now. We had a big fight and he took off. I'm not sure what to do now. I'm trying to be patient. It's killing me that I can't be with him when he needs me the most. I hate the idea of him grieving by himself. You and I know how that feels." Bella reminded him of their shared past when they had grown apart while they went through their own grieving process.
"Yes, we do." Collin flashed her a knowing look before he searched for Lizzie who had a handful of flowers in her tiny hands.
"I should take her back. She will be hungry soon." Bella chuckled lightly as Lizzie's greedy hands had pulled up the roots along with the flower stems.
"I will let Leah know you guys stopped by. Jake will come home soon. If he doesn't let me know. I will personally hunt him down for you. I know he needs some space but he also needs you even if he is too pissed off to see it." Collin embraced her again before picking up Lizzie and showering her with more kisses.
"Leah. Leah like." Lizzie said to Collin.
Bella and Collin's eyes brighten with pride. Lizzie's conversations skills were improving daily.
"I will give them to Leah. Thank you darling." Collin smiled tenderly at Lizzie.
Once she was buckled back in the stroller Bella left the Clearwater's residence. She didn't even look back at Sam or Embry before she left. She knew she would have to give them time to deal with the pain of losing their two friends before she could find a way to make amends for her mistake.
Two days later…..
Bella got Lizzie and herself dressed for the funeral service for Billy and Jared. The tribe decided to do both services side by side. No one wanted to deal with the ordeal two days in a row.
Bella hadn't seen or heard from Jake since he left the house. She was trying her best to remain calm and deal with her punishment. She knew he would be at the funeral today and she was hoping to get a chance to talk to him afterwards. She wanted him to know that she loved him and she didn't have any plans to ever leave him.
Collin had offered to pick her up to take her to the cemetery. Leah was feeling a little better and wasn't going to miss the funeral even if it meant she had to be pushed in a wheel chair. Bella was relieved that Leah was starting to show signs of her old self even though she knew the pack was deeply concerned about side effects from the bites that she had endured.
Sue had come over the day before to see if Bella was feeling well. She had learned of Bella's pregnancy when Collin informed Leah. Sue assured her that she held no ill grievances toward her. She knew what it was like to be in love with a stubborn man. She also told Bella that once this was all behind them the rest of the pack would also be more forgiving. Bella hoped she was right.
She had found herself feeling scared alone in the house at night. She couldn't sleep a wink. It was starting to take its toll on her. Fixing her hair in the mirror she saw the dark shadows under her eyes. She tried to cover it up with make-up but it only made her look worse.
"Are you ready?" Collin asks as he picks up Lizzie, placing her on his hip.
"Yeah." Bella nodded.
"You look awful." Collin blurted out.
Bella gave him a weak grin.
"I know." Bella laughed harshly.
"Come on. At least you get to see him today and maybe he will offer to come home." Collin patted her back as they walked out of the house.
Bella tried her best to keep up the façade that she was doing well even if Jake wasn't around.
The funerals lasted over an hour. First they gave respect to Jared. Bella's heart broke as his mother wept loudly while several of the men stood up and spoke of their memories of Jared. When Jake stood up, Bella's chest tighten, her heart beating erratically. She knew that he was suffering far more than she was.
Then they watched as they lowered the casket that held the remains of Jared's body into the ground. Moving a few feet over the funeral proceeded for Billy Black. Bella's heart couldn't hold back the pain another second longer. This time Jake fell completely apart as he spoke of his father with much pride in his voice and in his eyes.
Pushing Lizzie in her stroller to the back of the crowd, she stood behind everyone as her tears spilled heavily out of her eyes. She could hear Jake's voice as it trembled and she wished she could actually comprehend what he was saying but her heart was thudding so loudly in her head, making it difficult to hear anything.
After Billy's body was placed into the ground everyone began to sing. Bella felt her stomach knot up as the grief hit her so hard. She knew she was not only experiencing her own pain but that of Jake's as well. Feeling nausea she took Lizzie and herself away from the ceremony. She didn't want to bother anyone and she didn't want to create any extra attention her way.
Reaching a safe enough distance from the large crowd, she bent over as she began to get sick. Her stomach retched over and over until she felt like nothing was left in her. Standing up, she wiped the sweat that had formed on her forehead. It was a cool day outside but she felt like she was burning up with a fever. She wondered if she had somehow manage to catch something like the flu when her stomach began to twist painfully again?
Lizzie begins to cry while Bella falls to her knees, covering her stomach with her hands. She was trying so hard to get back up on her feet. She knew that Collin would come looking for her soon to take her back home. When she managed to lift her upper body up, she felt her head grow dizzy and another heat wave slammed against her body.
"Bella." Collin called out softly as he went in search for her.
Lizzie's crying signaled him to her exact location behind a bunch of trees.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Collin wasn't sure if she was sick or if it was more of an emotional thing.
"I….don't….know." She whimpered as she fell backwards, hitting her head hard against the grassy ground.
"Bella!" Collin shouted frantically as he knelt down beside her head, lifting it up on his knees.
"I'm going to go get Jake. Don't move. Don't try to get up." Collin orders her as he pushes Lizzie to where he knows Sue and Leah are. Once Lizzie was safely with them he searched the crowd for Jake but he had vanished.
Collin didn't like any of this. He was pretty sure that Bella hadn't been sleeping or eating well since Jake abandoned her. He hoped that her illness was just from the lack of taking care of herself and nothing more serious.
"What's wrong Collin?" Sue saw the fear in his eyes as he scanned the area, asking a few of the pack if they had seen Jake around. No one had a clue where he took off exactly.
"Bella. She got real sick and passed out." Collin answers.
"Seth come here." Sue called out to her son who had come home from College for the funeral service of his father's once best friend and his own dear friend Jared.
"Yes mom." Seth's eyes were still damp from his shedded tears.
"I need you to take Leah and Lizzie here home." Seth nodded his head with a curious look.
"Go on." Leah cocked an eye brow as she stared at her mother.
"Bella is sick. I have to help Collin get her home. It could be the baby." Sue explained quietly not wanting to stir up any unnecessary gossip from anyone who might be eased dropping on their conversation.
"Seth get Lizzie." Leah understood immediately why her mother really didn't want to make it a big deal. Everyone knew that Jake was furious with Bella for her unknowingly assisting the escape of some of the vampires that had been staying in the house where she was brutally attacked.
Seth turned to look at the child that he had heard so much about. He hadn't been home in three years. He knew most of the tribe thought that the only reason he had not been home was because he thought he was better than them now. Not many kids on the rez got the opportunity to go to college like he had.
What they didn't know was that he had remained at college during his breaks to try and finish his degree early so he could come home and help support his mother.
Bending down to get a closer look at Jake's daughter he wasn't too surprise to find her a beauty. He couldn't say that she really looked much like her father. Then he remembered the story that she wasn't Jake's exactly. In fact if Leah and Collin got married she could become his step niece someday.
Getting Leah and Lizzie in the car he returned them all to the Clearwater household where others would soon follow for a dinner honoring the memory of Billy and Jared.
"I'm so hot. I feel like I'm on fire." Bella panted as she fanned herself.
Sue didn't like hearing this. She was afraid Bella might have an infection of some kind. She knew it wasn't safe to give her too many drugs while pregnant. Knowing a few herbal remedies she sent Collin back to her house to grab her medical bag.
"Bella, what have you been eating?" Sue began to ask her the typical questions that nurse or doctors would.
"Nothing unusual." Bella groaned as her throat began to feel parched.
"How many hours of sleep are you getting?" Sue had noticed the dark shadows under her eyes when she had entered the car.
"Five maybe seven." Bella shrugged as she moved her head up on the arm of the couch. Her neck was sore and her whole body was starting to ache. Nausea struck her again harder this time as she rolled over to her side. This time it was nothing but acid coming out of her.
"You might have the flu. I'm going to give you something that should help with the nausea and the fever. If you don't get better in the next few hours then I'm going to take you to the emergency room." Sue warns her just as Collin returns with the ancient medical bag that had been passed down from her mother's side of the family.
Sue quickly went to the kitchen to create the homemade concoction she hoped would help ease some of Bella's symptoms. Bella tasted the bitter syrup and gagged a few times before she managed to get it all down.
Collin had gone to get her some cool wash clothes to put on her forehead and the back of her neck. Sue thought it might help relax her.
"Bella do you feel wet? Do you think you might be bleeding?" Sue asks after Collin had gone off on his task.
"No. I don't think so." Bella's lower lip trembled as she realized that Sue feared she might be miscarrying their baby.
"Good. If you feel even remotely wet let me know right away." Sue demands with a forceful look.
"Okay." Bella agreed.
When Collin returned with the wash clothes Bella was already starting to feel less sick but her head still had a dull ache from where she fell earlier.
"You should go." Bella felt awful when it occurred to her that everyone was supposed to go to Sue's house for the after service dinner.
"Leah and Seth can handle it, plus there are a lot of other women that will be glad to be in charge for a change." Sue snickered.
"I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Any. Trouble." Bella spoke each word harshly as she turned her face away from Sue's sight.
"You're not trouble hon. Taking care of you is my main concern at the moment. Collin, you should go find Jake. He will want to know." Sue looked at Collin firmly.
"Okay." Collin gave Bella's feverish forehead a quick peck before he raced out of the house and phased. He had a feeling that Jake might be in wolf form today. He knew how less painful things were when you were thinking from a Wolf's point of view rather than the human side of one's self.
Jake! Can you hear me? I hate to bother you but we have a problem.
Collin listened closely for any signs that Jake was in wolf mode and hopefully close by.
When a few minutes went by filled with silence he tried again.
Jake! Damn it listen to me if you're out there Bella is ill. She is extremely ill. Sue is threatening to take her to the Emergency room if she doesn't get better soon.
Collin waited a few seconds and was about to phase back and try calling Jake's cell when he heard Jake answer him.
I'm on my way Collin.
Collin wasn't sure how to take Jake's numb tone. He just hoped that Jake could manage to get past all of this soon and realize that Bella would be the perfect person to help him handle his grief.
Collin went back to the house where he smiled nervously at Sue.
"He's on his way here." Collin announced as he paced back and forth behind the couch watching Bella's chest heave and her eyes flicker as the fever took its toll on her body.
"Good. I think we are going to have to take her to the hospital. I hate to do it. I know how Jake doesn't like using the hospitals if he doesn't have too." Sue sighed sadly as she watched Bella moan with pain.
"Like it or not Bella's welfare is more important than trying to hide our special DNA from the rest of the world." Collin rolled his eyes sarcastically knowing how the tribe would rather watch someone die than to permit the outside world to discover their powerful DNA that allowed them to be shape shifters.
Jake opened the door cautiously as he entered. Bella's eyes were closed tight as her lips quivered from the pain.
"What's going on?" Jake asks.
"I found her after the service. She was throwing up and then she fainted on me." Collin answered meekly when he saw the deep anger in Jake's eyes as they roamed up and down Bella's frail body.
"What is it Sue?" Jake knelt down, lifting Bella's hand. Holding it in his he studied her face closely.
"I'm not sure. She was complaining of nausea and fever. It could be a simple flu or something curable like that." Sue shrugged her shoulders but her face showed she was clearly worried about Bella's health.
"How long should we wait before we take her to the hospital?" Jake would get her help if she needed it.
"A few more hours and then I would suggest taking her right away." Sue replied.
"Okay. Go home. You have plenty of people looking for you there." Jake says with a softness to his tone that assures Sue that he will help Bella however necessary.
"Collin you take her home. If you can keep Lizzie there tonight." Jake orders.
"Sure. No problem. Just let me know how she is doing." Collin requests.
"I will." Jake nods his head as he turns his attention back to Bella.
Looking at her pale skin, the dark shadows under her eyes, he felt a tremendous amount of guilt wash over him. The illness she was suffering from could have been brought on by his distance from her for the past few days. He had heard of imprints who were so tightly bound that if it separated for too long they could become physically ill.
Pushing a lock of hair back behind her ear, he kissed her warm cheek.
"JJjaaake…" She moaned, trying to open her eyes but the pain was too sharp in her skull.
"Shhh…it's me honey. I'm here." Jake grasped her hand in his, as he planted gentle kisses on each of her knuckles.
"I…so…sorry…I…" Bella tried to apologized for the pain she had caused him but her throat still hurt too much to say what she wanted to.
"I know. It's okay Bella. I'm here. You're going to be fine. I promise I will take care of you and both of my children." Jake vowed as he brushed his lips over hers.
Bella's lips curled up into a weak smile as she felt his lips cross hers. She started to feel the dull pain in the back of her head starting to subside. She exhaled loudly relieved that it was starting to lessen.
"I shouldn't have left you like that. I was just so damn confused and angry at you, myself, my father and the rest of my fucked up world." Jake explains to her.
Bella remained quietly laying there while Jake's voice soothed her stomach. She couldn't explain it but from the moment that he resided near her she had started to feel the pain slowly diminishing from her body.
"I was out there running in the woods when it dawned on me that I didn't want to end up like my dad. He was very bitter with the world after he lost my mother. HE made a lot of mistakes also. I was going to come home tonight after I had finished my rounds. I couldn't go to Sue's because I knew everyone would be watching me for any reaction to the death of my dad and my friend." Jake continued to speak to her as he felt her easing up. Lifting the rag up he touched her forehead with the back of his hand he noted the fever was also going down.
He wasn't sure if it was due to whatever Sue had given her or if it just from the nearness of him. It really didn't matter what was the remedy, he was just happy she was starting to suffer less.
"It's so hard being the Alpha. I wasn't exactly thrilled to learn I was going to be a wolf and I wasn't remotely pleased to learn that I would be deemed responsible for the safety of my friends and the entire tribe. I have to accept the fact that life doesn't always go the way we wish it to. It's like I'm so excited at the thought of you being pregnant with my child but I am also terrified. We will have another little one who will look up to me and expect me to protect them. What if I am not able to do so? How will you feel about me if something happened to one of our children because of my role as Alpha? There will always be a higher risk for my children being kidnapped or stalked cause of their relationship to me." Jake cried out with despair.
Bella opened her eyes slowly as she look up at Jake's face. She understood his fears. It had also crossed her mind that if Jake's father was attacked because of his connection to Jake that meant she and her children would also be in possible danger someday. It had made her ill to think that they would always be at risk but it was a chance she was willing to suffer with because she loved Jake and she knew he would fight to the death to protect her and their children.
"You will do your best to keep us safe." Bella answered with a shaky voice as her lips curled up in a comforting smile.
"I will die trying, that I can promise you." Jake chuckled bitterly as he leaned over brushing his lips over hers.
"I love you Jake. I will always love you." Bella whispers as her hands circle around his neck, pulling him down to kiss her again. Her mouth opened up as his tongue slid into her mouth, both moaned with relief as they enjoyed their reunion.
A few minutes later Jake gently pulled away as he checked her for a fever. She was no longer hot. She seemed more alert than she had been when he first arrived.
"How do you feel?" Jake asks cautiously as he gazed into her eyes.
"Much better now that you are here." Bella replies with a wide smile.
"Do you think we should take you to the hospital to check on the baby?" Jake asks.
"No. I think if you could just take me up to our bed and hold me I will be better. I haven't had much sleep and I'm exhausted." Bella admits.
Jake scoops her up in his arms taking her up to their room. Helping her out of her clothes and under the sheets he joins her once he removes his own clothing. Spooning up against her, he felt his heart starting to heal as he listened to her steady breathing. She was already fast asleep when he felt his unborn child kick for the first time underneath the palm of his hand. He knew that this was a sign that his life would get better. It might not get easier but it would get better and he would find a way to deal with the loss of his father and close friend.
