Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
I bolt upright, gasping. The image of Sebastian's bodiless head is rooted into my brain.
"Finally awake?"
I start and my head whips towards the voice. Jace is leaning against the wall of the dorm room, hair tousled. His left arm is in a sling, but the rest of him seems unharmed. His eyes are bright and he looks so beautiful without the military uniform that I take a moment to take him in. My heart pinches at the idea of him getting hurt, painfully. The 'finally' makes me wonder how long I've been asleep. "How many days have I been out of it?"
"Not yet a day. Only four or five hours. You missed dinner," he says, walking in and sitting at the edge of my bed. After everything, he only cares about food. "How're you feeling?"
"I... I don't know," I admit and look down at my wrung hands. I quickly untangle them. "It's so unreal."
"Nothing seems real when you're facing an enemy that could kill you with a twitch of his finger," he says, and I meet his eyes. "But it is. Real."
I swallow, suddenly feeling completely, utterly vulnerable. "I...don't want to end up like that nurse."
He doesn't say anything. How can he? What promises can he make? I nearly got blasted into pieces not long ago. There's no saying I won't again.
"What happened to your arm?" I ask after a moment.
Jace glances down at his hand and shrugs. "Nothing big. One of the tent columns fell on me."
I nod, though I don't know what his idea of 'big' is if a broken or fractured arm isn't for him. I clear my throat and try to fill in the empty silence. "Did you get anyone out?"
His eyes darken at that. "Only a couple. The majority got buried under the wreckage. The ones who made it out didn't survive either."
"I'm sorry." It's the only thing I think of saying at the moment.
But Jace only shakes his head, a small smile on his face. "Why would you apologize? It's not your fault."
"I know, but don't you know 'sorry' is Canada's favourite word?" I joke, wondering how on Earth I could afford something like that now.
He raises his eyebrows. "You're Canadian?"
"No, I'm from the States. You?" I ask, curious.
He hesitates for a moment before replying. "New York. So yeah, I'm American too."
I smile, but it doesn't hold for long. There's another moment of silence.
Another moment.
Another.
Jace suddenly reaches into his jean pocket and brings out a tiny object wrapped in red wrapping, shaped like a mound of poop. I scrunch up my nose. "What's that?"
He laughs and shakes his head in disbelief. "You've never seen chocolate before?"
"Of course I have," I say indignantly, "but never in that shape before. Are you sure that's chocolate?"
"Kiss," he says.
"Wh-what?" I flush. Did he just say-
"No, not that kiss," he says, grinning, and I can tell he's enjoying my misunderstanding. "Hershey's kisses? I don't believe you've never had them before. Where'd your childhood go?"
"My family doesn't really eat sweets that much," I say.
"Then you'd better eat this while you can." Jace smirks, and I'm mesmerized by his beautiful, heart-wrenching smile. I take up the little red chocolate from his hand and find the beginning of the wrap, careful not to tear the paper, all the while knowing his gaze is on me. Inside is dark, milk chocolate and I giggle at the real resemblance it as to poop. Before he can ask why I'm laughing, I pop it into my mouth and let the thick sweetness wash over my tongue, melting.
Then a thought surfaces, a memory. "I don't believe you."
"Believe me?" he asks, confusion outlining his face. "Wh-"
"When you said you didn't know my brother. Like, know know. I don't believe you," I say, having no idea where the words are coming from.
"Clary," he sighs out, and then rakes a hand through his perfectly messed-up hair. "Why must you be so difficult sometimes?"
"Gee, thanks," I say, letting sarcasm drip.
"No, not like that. It's just..." His reluctance only sparks my eagerness. "What did your father tell you about Sebastian?"
I feel my eyebrows shoot up. I knew it. Jace does know him. "We received a letter saying that Sebastian died. Nothing else."
"Nothing else?" Jace asks. Then he bites his lip in the sexiest way imaginable and I bite mine, trying not to go crazy. "Your brother was executed."
I nearly dig my teeth into my lip. "What?"
"When a soldier runs from war, we kill them," he says, looking away, looking at the wall. Anywhere but my face. My hands squeeze the blankets so hard it hurts. "If they get captured, of course."
"So..." I hiccup. It's a tiny noise, but sounds so loud in my ears. "Sebastian ran and..."
Jace doesn't look at me, and my stomach clenches.
No.
No.
My brother isn't a coward.
My brother isn't a coward.
My brother wouldn't run.
He would never abandon others.
Never.
"So your name's Jonathan, huh," is the only thing that slips out of my mouth. My voice cracks.
Jace doesn't reply.
"You were his friend?" I ask, tears beginning to coat my eyes. "His best friend?"
He still doesn't look at me.
"LOOK AT ME!" I almost scream, sobbing. "Look at me, Jonathan!"
He turns his face towards me, and I'm struck with how broken he looks. Jaw clenched, eyes almost pinkish. But I don't let his appearance affect me.
"You told him to join the army?" I'm not thinking straight.
"He asked me," he says quietly.
"I don't care!" It comes out as a breathy rasp, and without another thought, I hit him. My fist connects with his chest and with every word, I hit him again. "Why did you let him? Why did you let him get killed? Why didn't you run with him? Why didn't you help him? Why didn't you tell me?"
Jace doesn't resist.
"I."
Hit.
"Hate."
Hit.
"You."
Hit.
"Jonathan."
Hit.
"Herondale."
Hit.
He pulls me into him, trapping my arms against me. I hate you I hate you I hate you. "Let go of me, you bastard!"
Jace doesn't.
After a while, I give up, falling into him and his terrible warmth. My tears wet his shirt, but I don't care. I simply don't care anymore.
Then he whispers the words into my ear. "You're not the only one loved him, you know."
He lets go and is out the room before I can even think of a reply.
It leaves me hurting more than ever.
I swear my hormones is the reason I'm crying.
That and I'm listening to Kiss the Rain by Yiruma and I'm just sad. Hence the angsty chapter.
Any other instrument players out there?
Thoughts on this chapter? Revelations, anyone?
If you enjoyed, review!
-RtMiP
