Unfortunately this chapter is a bit shorter. I'm sorry about that.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
LULLABY
-EDWARD-
I paced around on the porch, running a hand through my hair. "I can't leave her Kate." I said into the phone. On the other end Kate sighed.
"I know Edward, I know it's hard but you have to come back or you're under breech of contract."
"Kate," I paused and shut my eyes. "She miscarried. We just lost a baby." My voice broke over the words and Kate was quiet. "I can't leave her." I said again.
"Edward I know this is hard." She said quietly. "And I can't imagine what you guys are going through, but you have to think about this." She urged gently. "If you break contract now, you're going to have one hell of a lawsuit on your hands. I know you need to be there for your girl, but you have to think of your futures as well." Kate said quietly. I sighed and gripped my hair in my hand, squeezing my eyes shut.
"Kate," I had nothing more to say though. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and what I should do and what I wanted to do were miles apart.
"Think it over Cullen." She said quietly. "I've gotten you the next three days. Then you have to be back with us."
I nodded silently though she couldn't see me. "Thanks." I whispered. Kate sighed.
"If it were up to me I'd have you stay with her." She growled. "If I hear Jane bitch one more time about this I might just punch her in the face." I choked out a laugh and I heard her chuckle. "Take care of her Edward. I'll talk to you soon." With that she hung up. I slid my phone into my pocket and settled down into the rocking chair on the porch. I dropped my head to my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. I didn't know what to do and that terrified me.
"Hey." A small hand landed on my shoulder and I looked up at Alice who was giving me a small smile. All of our friends had made the trek to Forks when they had heard Bella was in the ER, and though they were all worried about her, they had thankfully, kept a distance and let us sort through everything. They still had no idea what had happened and I felt bad about that.
"Hey." I said sitting up. Alice perched on the seat next to me and gave me a small smile.
"What can I do to help?" she asked. I smiled warily at her.
"I don't think there is much you can do." I said quietly. "I have to get back to my tour, but I can't leave her."
Alice nodded silently and curled her legs up under her. "What happened?" She asked finally. I glanced over at her and tears burned my eyes. I still felt angry and I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to let that anger go.
I knew right now Bella was upstairs in her dad's house resting and suddenly the need to vent came over me. I turned to Alice and sighed.
"She miscarried." I whispered. Alice's eyes went wide as she gasped. She watched me a moment before flying off the seat she was perched on and tackling me in an embrace. My arms went around her automatically as she squeezed me.
"Oh God." She sobbed clutching onto me. "How are you?" She asked pulling away to study my face. Tears were streaming down her face but she was looking at me to see how I was doing. I shook my head.
"I'm furious and heartbroken." I said feeling tears build behind my eyes again. Alice hugged me again.
She didn't say anything else which surprised me. Instead she pulled away and perched back on the rocking chair, curling her knees to her chest and reaching out to hold my hand. I'd never seen her go longer than five minutes without saying anything but she sat out there with me for at least an hour, silent tears running down her face and her hand holding mine. It was exactly the kind of comfort I needed. I don't know how she knew, but she did.
Eventually a car pulled up in front of Charlie's house and Jasper, Emmett and Rose climbed out. They all looked at me a long moment but made no comment on my absolutely disheveled appearance. I was sure I looked like shit.
"Hey." Jazz said softly, stepping up next to me. He looked at Alice a moment before looking back at me. "How is Bella?"
I shook my head and looked down at my feet. "She's sleeping." I whispered. She'd come home from the hospital a few hours ago and had been sleeping ever since.
"How are you?" Rose asked me. I looked up at my sister and felt a new round of grief hit me.
"I'm not doing good." I said finally. "Bella had a miscarriage." I announced quietly. Rose gasped and Emmett froze before crumpling down onto the steps of the porch in agony. Jazz stepped closer to me and pulled me up from the chair, wrapping me in a hug only a brother could give. I sank against him and tried to keep my tears at bay.
"I'm so sorry." Jasper said quietly. Everyone remained silent as they let the news soak in.
"I need to see her." Emmett said finally. He stood up and started inside without a glance back at anyone else. Rose came over to me and pulled me from Jasper's hug into her own.
"We're here for you." She whispered.
I had never been more thankful for the words.
"What are you going to do?" Jazz asked when Rose and I pulled apart. Alice was wrapped up in his arms and they were both staring at me. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
"I don't know." I admitted. "I can't leave her, but I have to get back on tour." I shook my head and clenched my fists angrily. I wish this damn record deal had never even happened.
"You'll figure it out Edward." Rose said rubbing my back gently. I sent her a small smile and shook my head.
I honestly couldn't see how.
…
Bella was curled up on her dad's double bed when I went up to check on her. Her small twin bed had been soaked in blood and we'd been working to clean it before she could go back to it.
"Hey." I said quietly. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile, patting the spot next to her on the bed.
"Hey." She whispered back. I came around and curled up next to her on the bed, pulling her gently into my arms.
"How are you?" I asked burying my face into her hair. She sighed and brought a hand up to trace patterns on my arm.
"Tired." She said softly. "How are you?"
I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't for a long moment. She waited patiently for me and finally I sighed. "I spoke to Kate." I told her. I could feel her shift to look at me but I stayed buried in her hair.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I have to get back on tour." I murmured. Bella flinched at my words and I hugged her tighter. "I can't leave you." I said fiercely.
"Baby you have to go." She whispered after a moment. "It's just three weeks." She said shifting more to look at me.
"I can't leave you." I said again meeting her gaze. Her big brown eyes were filled with tears and her small hand came up to cup my face.
"Kate called me." She said after a moment. I stared at her in surprise. "She told me what will happen if you break your contract." She continued. "Edward you can't do that. We can't start off our lives together battling an unnecessary lawsuit." Her words made sense, as much as I didn't want them to.
"I'm not strong enough." I admitted finally. "I'm not strong enough to go back without you. Bella I'm scared of what I'll do without you."
The anger and pain that had been burning in me since I'd found out what had happened had manifested into rage and I knew that I was one bad incident away from snapping. The only thing that kept me sane was Bella. She kept me grounded. Without her, I was scared of what I'd do.
I tried to explain it all to her and she watched me patiently, her big brown eyes filled with love and pain. "I'm going to snap." I told her. "Someone is going to say something or do something meaningless and I'm just going to lose it. I'm barely holding on to my sanity and the only thing keeping me there is you." I whispered. "Without you, I'm afraid of what I'll do." Silence settled between us as we both felt the weight of my words. Finally she leaned over and kissed me gently, holding me tight to her.
"I love you so much Edward." She whispered into my chest. "I know you're hurting. We both are, and I know that even the thought of being apart right now is excruciating, but babe you have to think about this. If you go back in three days, I should be okay to travel in about a week. That's just a few days apart until I can come meet you." She whispered.
"Bella I can't ask you to do that. Being on the road is grueling." I said shaking my head.
"Edward, if I'm with you then it'll be worth it." She said stroking the hair from my eyes. "It's that or be separated for three weeks." I flinched at the thought and she nodded.
"I love you so much Bella." I said pulling her in again. She sighed and wound her arms around me, holding me to her.
"I love you too Edward." She said yawning. I smiled sadly.
"You're tired. I should let you sleep." I started to untangle myself from her but her grip tightened.
"Don't you dare leave this bed." She growled. I chuckled and kissed her softly. "Sing me something." She whispered.
"What do you want to hear baby?"
"A lullaby." She yawned. I smiled.
"You got it." I started singing the newest song I'd been working on while on the road. I hadn't told Bella about it yet because I had meant it to be a surprise for her.
"It's the way that you blush when you're nervous.
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's about how you laugh out of pity,
'Cause lets be honest I'm not really that funny.
I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
It's those pills that you don't need to take,
medicating perfection, now that's a mistake.
I know that you're spent, just let me sing you to sleep.
It's your finger and how I'm wrapped around it.
It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded.
I know that you're weak, just let me sing you to sleep.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
While you were sleeping I figured out everything,
I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me.
Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins.
You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame.
(Oh)
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close.
If you need anything, just the say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
and plant my lips where your necklaces close."
…
"Hey babe." The instant Bella's voice came across the line, my entire body relaxed.
"Hi baby. How are you?" I asked softly.
"I've been better." She whispered. I didn't respond because I knew that the fact that we were apart wasn't exactly helping her.
"I'm sorry." I said finally.
"Soon." She said quietly. I nodded in agreement.
"Soon."
We were both quiet a moment before Bella sighed.
"So how is Tennessee?" She asked.
"Boring. I miss Washington."
She giggled lightly and I felt the corner of my mouth pull up in a small smile at the sound.
"I'm sure it's not that boring." She said. "Aren't you in Nashville?" I was indeed. I'd been back on the road for about three days now and already I was tired of it. I wanted Bella to come out and meet up with me already.
"Yeah it's alright." I said shrugging. "It'd be better if you were here." I knew I was whining and I hated it, but the alternative would be to let out my anger and that was not an option I wanted to pursue.
"The doctor gave me the all clear." She said gently. "I'm booking a flight right now. Where are you going to be in two days?"
My heart raced at the thought of her joining me out here on tour. Atlanta." I could hear her clicking away at a computer.
"Okay I found a couple of flights. What time?"
I chuckled. "The earlier the better. I want you as soon as possible." I said earnestly. She giggled.
"Okay there is an 8 a.m. flight out of Seattle nonstop to Atlanta. I'd land at 4 p.m."
I groaned. "I'd have to go through almost the whole day waiting." I pouted. She laughed.
"At least you don't have to get up at 2 to get to the airport." She teased. I frowned at the truth in her words.
"Aren't there any flights out of Port Angeles?" I asked.
There was more typing on the keyboard. "Not direct to Atlanta." She sighed. "But there are some to Seattle. It's a bit excessive, but maybe I could fly to Seattle before continuing on to Atlanta." She suggested. I nodded, much happier with this suggestion.
"Do that." I urged. She laughed and kept clicking away. She was quiet a moment then I heard her sigh.
"I'm all booked." She whispered. My heart fluttered again at her words.
"I can't wait to see you." I said sincerely. She sighed.
"Me too babe." We were quiet a moment before she sighed again. "I have to go Edward. Alice and Rose are here and they want to know how my doctor's appointment went."
I nodded and bit back my plea to keep her on the phone. "Okay baby. Say hi to the girls for me." I said instead.
"I love you Edward."
"I love you too Bella. Be safe."
She murmured a soft, "You too." Before hanging up. As soon as the line went dead I felt my chest constrict around my heart. Two more days. I could live two more days without her.
Song: Lullaby - The Spill Canvas. Link on Profile.
