Arianna lay in Joe's hotel bed, looking over the sleeping man. He was shirtless, his long black hair swept out behind him. She couldn't believe she was his girlfriend. She got to touch this man whenever she wanted. He was a beautiful man, everyone seemed to notice this fact, too. Last night, he debuted as Roman Reigns. She was so proud of him. He had a long, long future ahead of him. A future that would mean he would be leaving her a lot and she didn't know how she could deal with that, but it wasn't time to think about it, not in her mind anyway.
Aria slowly began kissing his broad chest, pressing her lips over his sweet-tasting skin. He groaned in his sleep, stirring slightly when her tongue swept out over the two hardened nubs that adorned the beautiful toned chest. He was still in such a deep sleep, but she wanted him out of it. He had his fun last night, now it was her turn, right?
This was something she had never done. She had never woken a man up in order to have sex. She had never even come on to a man. She huffed and pulled the sheets further down his body. She bit her bottom lip as she looked him over. He had a beautiful, beautiful body. His head was turned to the left, his arms tucked behind his head, and she watched his chest rise and fall softly. She could have watched him all day. She continued her soft kisses all over his chest, moving to straddle his lap. Her hand went down to his boxers, slowly running her fingers down the length of him.
That seemed to get the most reaction out of him. She giggled when a soft moan came out of his lips. She got an idea as she moved down his body and ran her hand over him. She would have never felt comfortable enough with Aaron to do this. He probably would have slapped her for waking him up. She had to stop thinking about Aaron. Joe was nothing like him. Joe wouldn't even playfully slap at her. He was nothing like Aaron.
She shook her head and sat back. Joe was asleep, she should let him slumber. She was disgusted in herself. All the memories of Aaron calling her all those harsh names and beating her or raping her when she just wanted to be left alone came flooding back. What she was wanting to do was wrong. She was nothing but a whore – Aaron had made sure to leave his mark on her and left her with this low self-esteem.
"What are you doing, babe?" Joe whispered, looking at her through lidded eyelids. "Why are you up this early?"
Her cheeks tinged red, bright red, as she moved off of him completely and walked to the bathroom. Joe rubbed his eyes and stretched his body before getting out of bed and following her. He stood outside of the bathroom for a few minutes, listening to her soft sobs echo through the bathroom. "Ari baby…did I do something while I was asleep?"
"No," she choked out. "It's not you, Joe."
"Then what's the matter?" He tried to open the door but it was locked.
"Arianna…c'mon. Talk to me baby."
"I don't want to talk to you. Why don't you just leave?"
"Why would I do that?" Joe kept his tone soft. She was hurting and he didn't know why, but he wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"I'm nothing but a whore. You need to leave." She sobbed a little louder. It felt like the room was getting smaller, the walls were closing in. She curled farther up into a ball and sobbed even louder. She was sitting right behind the door, laying her head against the cold wood slab as she cried. "I'm worthless."
"No you're not, Arianna," Joe said. As he slid down to the floor, he realized she was sitting against it on the other side. He leaned back against it. He didn't know what was wrong, and it sort of scared him that he couldn't get through to her.
"Yes I am." She sobbed even louder.
"You're beautiful, Aria. You're smart, you're so smart. And beautiful."
"No, I'm not."
"Yeah ya are," he smiled. "You're so beautiful. I could look at you all day. You know why I say that?"
"No," she shook her head. "I don't know why you say that."
"Because, when we were together all those years ago, I'd just sit there and stare at you. You wouldn't notice it. But I did."
Aria shook her head as she listened to him. She didn't deserve him. He deserved better than her. She didn't have these moments often, but when they came on they came on hard. For so long she was told that she was worthless, that she wasn't good enough for anyone but Aaron, that no one would ever love her like he did. And now, she had the world with Joe but she wasn't sure if she could live it. His life required him to be open and gone all the time. She could deal with that. But she worried if he would get tired of her shit.
"You're perfect, actually," Joe continued. "When I found out you were pregnant, I knew I had lost you. C'mon babe, open the door. We can talk this out. Let me hold you, I swear I'll try my hardest to make it all better."
She sat there for a few minutes. If she unlocked the door, she would lose all sense of self-control. She always did around him. He made her feel good about herself. She slowly crawled to her feet and opened the door, looking down at him immediately. He held his arms open and she sank to her knees again, feeling him wrap her tight against him. She just laid there, breathing in his scent. He felt like protection. He whispered sweet words in her ear, feeling her smaller body still trembling. "It's okay, Aria. It's alright. You're okay, alright? I've got you."
His deep voice rumbled even deeper through his chest cavity as he spoke. She listened even closer, hearing his heartbeat as he stroked her hair. She was going to be okay. She had to be okay. She had everything in the world sitting in front of her, wrapped tightly in his arms. Joe wasn't Aaron, he'd never reach that level. Joe wouldn't cheat on her, he wouldn't beat or rape her, he'd do none of that. She just had to let him love her.
After a few minutes, Joe felt it was safe to speak up. "Ari baby, what happened? I'm not going to be able to fix it if you don't tell me what it is."
Her cheeks burnt read and she ducked her head in embarrassment. "I…well…I was going to wake you up…and try to…well…ya know. And I just thought back to all the times that Aaron would hit me because I wouldn't get…aroused enough for him and so he just took it whether I wanted to give it to him or not. And then he'd tell me I was a lousy lay or he'd just hit me."
The words she spoke pissed him off. Aria never deserved that. She didn't deserve to be hit and unloved. Arianna deserved someone who could, and would, love her. She deserved him. He knew they deserved each other. He'd fight to make her see it.
"What Aaron did was rape you. He took from you. I'll never do that, Ari baby. I promise. I'll never hurt you physically or emotionally, and if I do, don't be scared to tell me. Alright? If you want to hold back on sex, we can. But do not ever think that I don't want you. I'll always want you. Fuck, I'd wait a thousand years if I had to." He trailed his thumb over her cheek. "I love you. And I know you know that. I know that you love me, too. So don't try and say that you don't. Just accept this, okay? We were obviously meant to be together. Something brought our paths back together. It's me and you, Arianna and Joe and Jessica. Alright? You're my family. You've given me anything and everything I need in life. You give me happiness, you give me strength even when you aren't so strong for yourself, you give me something to come home to. Something to look forward to coming home to. Shit, baby. You are my home. Right? I love you."
"Love hasn't ever done me any good," Aria cried. "Love raped me, abused me, took from me and beat me."
"That wasn't love, baby. What Aaron done isn't what I'm going to do. Dammnit, Aria I fucking love you. You're safe with me. I promise."
Aria thought about what Joe said. She had two choices. Either believe him and embrace the love that he gave, embrace the possibility of happiness. Or believe that he was like all men, that he was like Aaron, and would only end up hurting her in the end.
She sighed deeply and snuggled deeper into Joe's strong arms. She wasn't sure how long she could keep this up, wasn't sure she was strong enough to let the past go. But, for today, for this moment, she chose to believe in Joe. That simple acceptance didn't solve everything, didn't answer all the questions she still had raging in her head, but it was a start.
Not giving up on this story! It just takes a while to get it updated! Review! :)
