Our Life Now
Alex slowly woke up the next morning and tugged on the blanket to cover himself, but it wouldn't budge. In an instant the events of the day before flashed through his mind and he knew that when he opened his eyes he would see Jo lying beside him. He squinted into the bright room and smiled seeing her wrapped in the blanket sleeping peacefully.
He untangled the covers and pulled them over. Jo sighed and stirred but didn't wake up. He laid next to her in the bed thinking of how their lives were changing. How did we get here? he thought. Just a few months ago he was a kid enjoying his last year of high school, getting to know and falling in love with his new girlfriend. And a few months before that, he was still living at home with his mother, brother and sister. He shook his head. None of that mattered now. Now he was eighteen years old soon to be a dad and a husband. He had to find a job to support his family and a place to live all while finishing high school and preparing for college. That wasn't how their lives were supposed to go. He could see them ending up together, but not like that, not married with a baby so young. They still had so much ahead of them before they were ready for that life. He pushed back the panic that threatened to overtake him. He loved Jo and he would do this, he could do this for her. He would do anything for her and this was their life now.
Jo woke up and groaned pulling Alex out of his thoughts. "Jo what is it? What's wrong?" he quickly asked reaching out to rub her back.
"I don't feel good," came her muffled reply from under the pillow where she had buried her head.
"Oh right, morning sickness," he mumbled getting out of bed. He went downstairs to make her some toast and juice hoping it would settle her stomach.
Jo wasn't in bed when Alex returned to the room. He hurried to the bathroom where he found her kneeling in front of the toilet. He pulled her hair back from her face and rubbed soothing circles on her back. When she had finished throwing up, he grabbed a wash cloth and wet it with cool water handing it to her to wipe her face and mouth. She leaned back against the bathtub that was beside the toilet and pulled her knees up to her chest burying her face in her hands. Alex sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders not knowing what to do for her. She rested her head on his arm and moaned, "I'm tired of feeling sick. I get sick when I wake up, I'm nauseous all morning and anytime I smell food I want to barf." She knew she was exaggerating. She had been able to keep the sickness at bay a lot of days by having small meals and snacks throughout the day, but on mornings like this one she felt like it would never end.
Alex sat quietly beside her. He didn't have any words to offer. What could he say? They sat that way for a few more minutes until Jo was convinced she wasn't going to be sick again. She got up shakily still feeling queasy and brushed her teeth. "Are you feeling better?" he asked hopefully as they made their way back to his bedroom.
"Not really, a little I guess. I'm okay for now," she crawled back in bed.
"You probably don't want the toast I made you right now, huh?" he held up the plate and glass he had brought in for her.
She reached for it with a weak smile thinking how sweet he was, "It might help. Thank you." She nibbled on the toast slowly. She ate about half the toast and took a couple sips of the juice before putting it aside on the nightstand and laying back down.
"Did you sleep okay last night?" Alex asked sitting next to her on the bed.
"I slept really well actually," she answered and then pulled him down to her kissing him on the lips. "Good morning."
He returned the kiss and then smirked, "You hog the covers." She giggled and pulled the blanket up over herself. "I guess we need to go get your stuff from your house today. And find some place to live." Alex changed the subject not wanting the light mood to end, but knowing it had to be done.
"Not today, Alex. They'll all be home. I can't face them. I'll get it tomorrow," Jo sighed shaking her head.
"We have school tomorrow, besides you need to talk to them again."
"No, I don't!" she huffed. "Curtis kicked me out. I can't have my baby there. You were there you heard him! I'm going to skip tomorrow and go get my things while no one is home. It's only one day. It won't hurt anything to miss one day. You can either come with me or I will do it by myself." She rolled over and once again buried her head under the pillow wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep.
A few hours later, Alex was sitting at his desk finishing up some homework when he heard Jo's soft voice, "Hey."
He looked over at her and chuckled seeing the blanket all wrapped around her again, "Hey."
"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier," she said sheepishly looking at her fingernails. "I just…"
He shook his head, "No, it's all right. I get it. How do you feel?"
"Better now. I'm even a little hungry."
They went to make some sandwiches and found Mitch and Terri in the kitchen. They all fixed their lunches and sat down to eat, an awkward silence filling the room.
Finally Mitch cleared his throat and spoke up, "Alex, you're eighteen now and going to graduate high school in a few weeks and then you'll be leaving for college in just a few months." Alex nodded not sure where this was going. "You're going to have a family and you'll need a place to live. Are you going to stay here until classes start in the fall or move right after graduation?"
"Well, um, we were going to get jobs and stay around here until campus housing opened in August," he looked questioningly at Jo who just shrugged in response. "I… we haven't found an apartment yet," he rushed on not mentioning they hadn't looked and it didn't matter because they didn't have jobs and couldn't get an apartment anyway.
Mitch jumped in, "That's what I wanted to tell you. As you know, part of the basement is finished, even furnished. There is a couple of rooms and a bathroom," he explained looking to Jo, "no kitchen, but you could use this one. We will rent it to you until you move if you are interested. That way you have your own space. After you get a job we can discuss rent; we can include meals if you want. What do you say?"
Alex breathed a sigh of relief and felt some of the weight lift from his shoulders. He caught Jo's eyes and raised his eyebrows silently asking what she thought. She gave a small nod and he answered, "Yes, sir, we'll take it. Thank you." He shook Mitch's hand.
When they finished lunch, Alex and Jo went out to get some fresh air and picked up a couple of newspapers to look through the help wanted ads. Mitch had told them they could go ahead and move into the basement and make up the rent when they started working. So later that afternoon they packed up Alex's things and moved them downstairs.
There were three rooms in the basement that were finished, the rest was used for storage. There was a small bathroom with a shower; a bedroom that was completely furnished, the bedroom suite was outdated and had probably been moved down there when Terri had updated their own bedroom; and there was a living room with a couch and two miss-matched chairs. The three rooms were all carpeted. It was cozy and the perfect place for them to spend the few months until they moved to Iowa City.
After supper, they sat on their new couch looking through the job listings and circling possibilities. The reality of their new lives weighing heavy on both of them. Neither one said much about it, as they were both trying to make the best of it. It was too late to change anything. They were here now.
Jo was fatigued from being pregnant anyway and exhausted from helping Alex move, so she showered and went to bed early. "I get so tired all the time anymore," she commented as Alex got in bed beside her.
"It's hard work growing a baby," he reminded her laying his hand across her belly.
"Yeah, I guess so," she placed her hand on top of his. They shared a few soft kisses each one a little more passionate than the last, until Jo yawned right in the middle of a kiss. She tried to stifle a giggle, "Sorry, I told you I am really tired."
Alex chuckled along with her, "I guess I'll let it slide this time," he said in a fake stern voice winking at her. "You are already cramping my style," he joked patting Jo's swollen tummy.
As tired as she was, Jo tossed and turned that night thinking about the day ahead. They tried to sleep in the next day since they didn't need to be up early, but Jo just laid awake in bed. She knew everyone would be at work or school, but the thought of being back in that house made her nervous.
They walked up to the door of Jo's old home hand in hand. "Ready?" Alex asked. Jo nodded and unlocked the door stepping inside. They went up to her room and quickly packed up all her stuff.
"You really should talk to them again. Give it another shot," he suggested as they finished up.
"Alex, stop. Why won't you drop this? They made their feelings clear. Nothing is going to change," she replied angrily.
"They care about you. They are reasonable…"
She cut him off, "I get it. You are trying so hard to get me back here so you can go off to college and live your life and not have to worry if Jo is taken care of. Well, don't worry about me. I can do this." She turned away from him and wiped tears from her eyes.
"Hey, that's not what this is about and you know it," he spun her around forcing her to look at him, "I told you I will be with you every step of the way and I meant it. I'm going to be here, Jo. We are going to be a family. I'm not backing out on you. But they are your family, Jo. They love you."
"They're not my family. They don't love me; they don't want me. No one does," she finished her voice a mere whimper. She sank down on the bed in tears.
Alex sat down beside her taking her in his arms. She resisted stiffening up at first, but as he rocked her back and forth stroking her hair she started to relax into his embrace. He whispered to her over and over again as his heart ached for her, "I love you. I love you, Jo. I do want you."
Jo had been hurt so deeply knowing her mother abandoned her and then being tossed around foster care for so many years that the four years she had spent with the Sages hadn't been able to heal her. She had built up walls that they couldn't crack even though they had cared for her all those years. She couldn't let them in she couldn't let them love her. Alex had started to chip away at the walls. She opened up to him. But when her foster parents told her she couldn't stay if she kept her baby she felt rejected once again. She was hurt all over again.
After several minutes of crying, Jo started to calm down as she listened to Alex's words. A few more moments passed as she clung to him. He pulled back slightly and wiped her tears away kissing her on the lips. He looked right into her eyes, "I love you Jo. I'm here for you and our baby always, no matter what." Jo gazed back into his eyes and nodded.
"I guess we got everything. Let's get out of here," she sniffled standing up from the bed. Alex grabbed her bags and followed her out of the room. She stopped in the kitchen and laid the house and car keys on the table; then she left the house for the last time, locking the door and pulling it shut behind her.
As they were driving toward home, Jo reached over and put her hand on Alex's arm. "I need to go see my case worker. I have to let her know what is going on." She gave him directions to the office.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" he asked as he parked in front of the building.
"You don't have to. I shouldn't be too long," she answered as she got out of the truck.
She entered the small office building and asked the receptionist to see Maria, her case worker. After a short wait, she was escorted into Maria's tidy office. "Jo, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in school?"
"I need to talk to you. A lot has happened," Jo answered nervously. She sat down when Maria motioned to the chair across from her desk.
"What's going on?"
"I… I'm pregnant," she started haltingly. The social workers eyebrows shot up and a concerned look came over her face. "I know what I'm going to do. That's why I'm here. I'm keeping my baby. I'm going to marry the dad and we'll be a family."
Maria held up her hand, "Jo are you sure? Have you thought this through? We can discuss other options."
"No," Jo interrupted. "There is no other option for me. This is what I am going to do. Of course, I've thought it through. We have, Alex and I. We are going to raise our baby. I want out of the foster system. I'm going to petition the court for emancipation," the young girl sounded so sure and confident even though on the inside she was trembling.
"Well, I can't say I agree with your decision," Maria sighed.
"You don't have to agree with it. I know it's the right thing for me."
"Jo, you are choosing a hard road. Harder than it has to be," the older lady shook her head.
"Maybe so, but it's what I'm choosing," Jo replied with conviction. "Can you help me get the paperwork?"
"I'm not going to change your mind am I?" the defeated case worker questioned.
Jo shook her head, "No, I'll do it with your help or without it. I can't stay in the system. They will take my baby from me if I do. We will be split up and I can't have that happen."
Maria pulled up the paperwork Jo would need to file with the court and printed it off for her. Jo took the forms and stood up. "Thank you for all the help you have given me," she turned and showed herself out of the building.
When they got in bed that night, Jo snuggled close to Alex and laid her head on his chest. "How are you so calm about all of this?"
He breathed out a short laugh, "I'm not. I'm freaking out on the inside," he answered her honestly. "I didn't want you to see that. I didn't want you to feel like everything was spinning out of control."
She squeezed him with the arm she had thrown across his body, "That is exactly how I feel," she confirmed. "It doesn't help that my hormones and emotions are all over the place. I'm a wreck," she sighed.
Alex brushed his hand through her hair, "It will get better," he promised hoping it really was true.
Lizzie shrieked and ran over to Jo when she saw her at school the next day. "What happened to you? We looked for you at prom and then you weren't here yesterday…"
"We tried calling your house the day after the dance but no one answered," Shae added as both the twins stared questioningly at Jo.
"It's a long story," she answered simply. Just then the bell rang for first period. She was off the hook for the moment but knew that wouldn't last.
When the girls met up for lunch, Jo's friends began the questions all over again. She looked across the table at the girls who had become her best friends and decided she might as well tell them now. She took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant," she blurted, "the Sages were angry and said I couldn't keep my baby, so I left. I had some things to take care of yesterday, so I skipped." She glanced up briefly to see their reaction. She hoped this wouldn't cause them to break off their friendship. Both girls sat with stunned looks on their faces.
"Wow… um… I don't know what to say. Are you okay?" Shae stuttered out.
Jo nodded, "I will be. It's a lot to take in, ya know?"
The other girl agreed. "Where are you staying now? Do you need anything?" she didn't know exactly what she could offer but she wanted to be there for her friend.
"I'm living with Alex. I'm going with him when he goes to college. We are getting married," she explained her voice barely above a whisper when she said the last part.
"That is so exciting," Lizzie exclaimed, only thinking about how fun it was to love on and play with a baby and thinking it romantic to get married, not at all considering the hardships they faced being teenage parents trying to work and go to school and raise a child.
Jo and Shae snapped their eyes over to Lizzie looking at her like she had lost her mind. "It's not exciting," Jo corrected, "it's scary as hell."
They finished lunch talking a little more about the baby on the way. As they were leaving the cafeteria, Jo looked around and thought about how soon she wouldn't be able to keep her secret. Everyone would know she was pregnant. She was not ready for the stares and whispers she knew would be thrown her way. She sighed grazing her hand over her abdomen. She might as well get used to it, it was her life now.
