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An hour later they were sitting in their seats on the plane waiting for take off. Erin had her head resting on the window, Jays hoody draped over her for a blanket. At take off Hank reached his arm over and pulled Jay into him, "Go to sleep kid, only a couple hours till we land."
As much as he wished he never had to be where they were he was getting a glimpse into the man that Erin saw as her dad, who he was starting to see as a father figure as well. His own dad would have never held him like Hank was at that moment. As he fought back tears that threatened to fall from sheer exhaustion, he felt the grip around his shoulders tighten and felt Hank lean his head against him.
Hank hated to see Jay struggling, he reminded him so much of Justin...and if he were to be truthful he reminded him of himself. Knowing that in a few short hours they would be back at work he needed to get Jay to fall asleep as well as get a couple winks for himself. "I've got you kid." He whispered as he closed his eyes.
Erin knew that Jay reminded Hank of Justin, and she knew that he knew more about his background than Jay would ever talk about. She never expected him to hold him like a child though...especially not on a plane. Her heart was shattered and battered and she knew she had to figure herself out...she just needed to see that her family would be okay without her.
Over the next couple weeks thinks slowly started to go back to normal, not that there was a normal anymore, but it was starting to become the new normal. The team went back to sleeping in their own houses, only meeting occasionally at Molly's after work. The only thing that had really changed was how Erin was acting...at work, off the clock, with her friends...and family. The further Erin distanced herself the closer she saw Hank and Jay get.
After Nadia's desk was cleaned up Erin told Jay that she needed to run, she made up thousands of excuses as to why she had to go, to jump off her cliff, but at the end of the conversation she made him promise her that he wouldn't give up on her. It was one of the hardest conversations either of them had ever had.
After he hit had been put out on Erin and they found him with her he knew she had actually done it. Whatever their relationship had been before the jealousy and sadness threatened to boil over. He started to struggle on his focus and instead of falling off his own cliff he started boxing with Dawson, which usually led to a drink at Molly's. A new normal. At least he knew that Antonio understood what he was dealing with even if the two of them rarely mentioned it.
Erin went back to Bunnies after making sure that he got home safe. She should have been dead. Once again her team had saved her... Though technically Kevin was no longer on intelligence. She knew she wasn't able to go back to work, not until she knew who she was again. After a night of drinking she knew she needed to give Hank her badge. She just didn't know if she was strong enough to do it.
Luckily for her Bunnie wasn't above filling her with booze and talking for her. After Hank left with her badge she felt naked, empty inside. She left shortly after he did and walked to the cemetery where she sat down with Nadia and cried. She had no one left. She knew Bunnie was all show and didn't give a shit about her, she knew Hank and Jay and the rest of the unit would do anything for her but she didn't deserve it.
She didn't deserve any of it, the good or the bad. When she finally went back to her apartment that night she found Antonio passed out with a bottle of vodka in his hand on her couch. Taking the bottle and putting it on the table she hoisted him up and led her into Nadia's room and dropping him on the bed...all without him opening an eye. Her team didn't deserve this.
When Hank called Jay and told him she handed him her badge Jay went over to Al and told him to date the paper before he stormed out to his car. As much as the two of them had been mentally preparing themselves for that moment it still felt like a punch to the gut. They both arrived at the Voight home at the same time with bloodshot eyes and mentally exhausted.
"You look like Hell Sarge." Jay mumbled as he followed Hank into the living room, collapsing onto the couch.
"You are suppose to be at work." Hank grumbled, knowing full well there was no way Jay was in a fit spot to be working.
"What did she say?"
"Bunny is doing the talking for her." Hank said sitting down in his arm chair. "She started crying when I left."
"How long am I suppose to give her Hank? A day, a week, a month?"
"She has six weeks of furlough."
"And after this you are just going to let her back in the unit?"
"Someone needs to watch her back."
"Will she be the same person when she comes back?"
"Does it matter?"
"No." Jay said after a minute, leaning back on the couch and putting his arm over his eyes. He did not want to break.
"Halstead, I don't know if she will be the same person coming back but if she does come back it will be because for whatever reason she loves you." Hank told him knowing it to be the truth, but also knowing it would push Jay over the edge...and he needed him to break so that he could put himself back together...they both had to be back at the office in the morning.
When the tears started falling the dam broke and Jay couldn't stop, hell, he could hardly breathe. Hank didn't say anything, or move to try and provide comfort as much as he wanted to. Jay had to figure out his own way of putting himself back together, Hamk needed to know that if something triggered him and he wasnt around Jay would be able to figure it out.
It took two hours for the tears to stop flowing, for his breathing to calm down. Two hours of listening to the choked sobs of the man he hoped would be able to save his daughter. Getting up slowly from his chair and walking towards Jay he reached out and tugged his hand easing him up for the couch, "Come on Kid go crash upstairs." He said as he led him up. Reaching the top of the stairs Jay eyed Erin's door before turning and stepping into Justin's old room. "I'll wake you up in a couple hours for dinner." Hank said as Jay melted into the bed with his eyes already closed.
He stood in the doorway watching him restlessly sleep for a few minutes before walking in and pulling the quilt off the footboard and tucking it around Jay. He ran his thumb along the tear tracks in his cheek before gently squeezing his shoulder. "Rest easy, I've got you Kid." Hank whispered before walking out of the room.
Hank did in fact get him up to eat before sending him back to bed for the night. They road in to work together that day, Jay slipping out to meet Erin to see that she was okay...know that she was still breathing. He was angry at how cold she was, but the anger wasn't at her, it was at himself. He didn't protect her...he didn't protect Nadia...he failed as her partner and now he didn't know how to get her to come back.
She saw Jay one more time after handing over the badge, Erin knew it was his half assed attempt at keeping her from running and despite his obvious anger all she felt was his hurt, his pain...pain he was in because of her. She spent the next couple weeks barely leaving her bedroom. She barely ate and once she finished all the alcohol in the house she didn't bother going out to get anymore. She got several texts a day from Jay and Bunnie which she ignored. She felt like she was in limbo. She didn't want anything to do with Bunnie but didn't deserve to be an officer at CPD.
When the texts stopped coming Erin wondered if he had given up, broken the one promise he made her...that was until she got a call from Mouse telling her Jay had been taken...
