The next few days passed without much ado until one day, as the Gryffindors were waiting for Professor McGonagall to enter the classroom, Professor Kookalon strode in instead and after reaching the front of the classroom, cleared his throat and announced in a heavily accented voice, "Please, please, settle down." He waited for the last few murmurs to die down than continued.
"My name is Professor Kookalon. And for those of you who do not remember me, I am now your new therapist. Occasionally, I will be taking over one of your classes to give your teachers a break, and also, to get to know you a little more through group therapy sessions. Like today, you will not be notified in advance but unlike today we might also hold meetings with members of other houses."
Sirius raised his hand high and waved it back and forth frantically.
"Yes? Mister...?" Prof. Kookalon paused uncertainly.
"Black. Sirius Black, sir. Um, I was wondering…do you think you could help me with this problem I have."
"I'll try my best, Sirius. And what might acquire my assistance?"
"Well, sir, my desk has this problem. It keeps sneaking up on me!" Sirius said, with a perfectly straight face.
"Sirius," Professor Kookalon gave him a kind, pitying look. "We both know that it is impossible for one's desk to "sneak up" on someone. Maybe you are having trouble identifying your true phobia…"
A brief look of glee crossed Sirius' face as he saw his plan locking into place.
"Seriously, sir, I think that I need to switch desks with someone."
Professor Kookalon, instead of giving an exasperated sigh, nodded his head in a sort of sympathetic manner, a look that one would usually adopt when dealing with the mentally insane. Sirius got up, collected his books and switched desks with Bridget as Professor Kookalon went around the classroom passing out handouts and cheerful, colored pamphlets.
"This first assignment is relatively easy. To get a feel of who you truly are, I would like you to fill out these profile forms—yes, how may I help you, you in the back." He pointed at Bridget who was fidgeting nervously in Sirius' old seat. "Yes, what's your problem?"
"Um, sorry, Professor, but I just don't feel comfortable in this desk." She bit her lip worriedly and pouted a bit more. "I don't feel safe at all…this may sound silly, Professor, but I honestly believe that the desk is going to, well… jump me."
Professor Kookalon blinked slowly twice without saying a word then in an even voice, intoned, "Well, if you don't feel safe, then why don't you switch seats again? Is there anyone else willing to switch seats with…" He made a frantic gesture with his hands in Bridget's direction. James' hand shot up in the air. "Yes, you, fine, switch," Professor Kookalon said, rather distractedly.
"Now, as I was saying. Fill out these forms and if there's any question you need help with, just come up to the front of the room and ask me. Take all the time you need; you have the entire class period. You may begin."
Bridget quickly scanned the sheet and bit back a laugh at the ridiculously long list of intimate, personal questions. Quill in hand, she started to write.
Name: Bridget Lisa McGuire
Birth date: April 18, 1960
Mother: Cho Hitachi McGuire
Father: Gus Albert McGuire
Parental Circumstances: Mother deceased, father alive and remarried.
Place of birth: Ellesmere Range
Current residence: Ellesmere Range
Blood status: Pureblood
House: Gryffindor
Extracurricular: What's an extracurricular?
She quickly scribbled down some one-word answers to the rest of the problems which got increasingly embarrassing as it got further down the roll of parchment: "Have you ever had sex? Describe your most intimate relationship. Have you ever experimented with drugs and/or alcohol?" And so on, and so forth.
In boredom, Bridget looked around for something to do. She was spared the trouble when all of the sudden, James gave a loud yelp and ran from his desk comically. Sensing that they were in for a treat their fellow housemates put down their quills and watched, completely captivated.
"Professor! My desk bit me!" James rushed up to the front of the room and held up his mark free and blood free arm right under Kookalon's nose. Kookalon, looking rather affronted, pushed James' offending arm gently out from his breathing space.
"I don't see any mark there, Mr. Potter. Please be so kind as to sit—"
But he was interrupted by another loud yelp, this time from Fern Freeman.
"Professor! Something bit me!" Her eyes were wide and fearful.
"Ouch!"
"Ugh! It won't leave me alone!"
Soon, the entire classroom was full of people swatting at their desks with textbooks, rulers, book bags or whatever else was easily in reach. Bridget grinned as she felt a sudden fondness for her fellow Gryffindors who had so gamely agreed to this prank. They were originally going to pull it on McGonagall, but with her not here and a fresh new teacher to torture… She whipped out her wand and shouted "Mobilis!" Her wand emitted a bang and her desk began to gallop around the classroom. She shouted the spell again, not bothering to aim the spell properly, and sent another three or more desks cantering around the classroom giving off smoke and loud bangs.
Sirius only added to the mayhem by setting off a pack of firecrackers, which startled Rae Dawn so badly that she gave a jump and stumbled backwards into Sirius' lap. She mumbled an apology and tried to pull away, but Sirius only grinned at her and held her closer. Rae's cheeks went pink, although she looked slightly pleased at the attention she was receiving. James tried to sneak up behind Lily, but the only thing that came of that was the resound slap that he got across the face and a knee in the privates.
"You try that again, Potter, and I'll!"
"Getting touched by you is like being touched by an angel!" James shouted over her tirade while hopping up and down in pain. "Bring back the fire, baby!"
Lily gave him a look that would wither most people, yet James only grinned. Bridget nearly blinked and missed Lily launching herself at James, hexing and hitting whatever part of his body that she could reach.
"I—DO—NOT—ENJOY—BEING—HARASSED! BY—YOU! OR—ANYONE—ELSE!" She punctuated each sharp word with a hard blow to the head and forced James to jump onto one of the desks running around the room.
His natural born Quidditch skills immediately kicked in and he stood up on the desk and proceeded to jump from desk to desk as they continued to run amok about the room.
"DESK TAG!" Alice shrieked and almost immediately the entire class was jumping from desk to stampeding desk, trying to tag or push their neighbors off.
"SILENCE!" Professor Kookalon screamed. With a wave of his wand, the desks collapsed onto the floor and dumped their riders into one big heap.
"WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?" he thundered as he glared down the class who were still quietly giggling in fits of hysteria as they tried to untangle themselves from the pile they were in.
"What is going on here, Professor?"
Bridget's blood ran cold. 'Oh, no…Not McGonagall.' she thought with dread. She lifted her head from where she was trapped underneath Sirius and saw that it was indeed the dreaded Deputy Headmistress.
"These students have decided to make a fool of me and take some liberties with a new teacher," Kookalon replied. "However, if the perpetrators would come forward and turn themselves in, I think that there's no need to take away the entire class' afternoons from now until January to help Professor Slughorn in the dungeons…?"
Bridget heard Sirius give an audible sigh as he heaved himself up and presented himself to Professor Kookalon. Bridget joined him in the front of the classroom, quickly followed by James, Peter, and Remus. Professor McGonagall looked a little surprised that they had given themselves up so fast, but she turned away and began instructing the rest of the class in how to set the classroom to rights again.
Professor Kookalon walked over to the back of the desk and sat down heavily in his chair. He rested his head in his hands and took several deep breaths before speaking.
"Obviously, you are all very troubled youths. I believe that while punishment would keep you busy, that you would benefit more from some group therapy sessions with me every Tuesday. I have a free hour then that I had planned to spend listening to my Wizarding Wireless and maybe spend an hour or two in the pub…" He trailed off, looking wistful at the idea of an hour of peace and quiet. "But it is apparent that you five require some extra time to sort out your destructive tendencies."
He took a deep breath and rubbed his temples. "In the mean time, I believe that this requires some immediate intervention while the incident is still fresh in our minds. Come to my office right after your last lesson—"
"This is our last lesson for the day," Remus informed him.
"Very well then, right after class report to me. Bring a quill, some parchment, and most importantly an open mind! Understood?"
"Yes, sir," Peter said dully.
"Good. See you in…" He checked his watch. "Five minutes."
After giving Professor McGonagall a grateful look, he walked from the room.
The rest of the lesson consisted of McGonagall trying to get the class back under control and failing, for the first time ever, rather miserably. No matter what she tried—threats, bribery, stern looks, temper—she simply could not get them to stop chatting excitedly about the Marauders.
She dismissed when the bell rang and as she watched them pour out of the classroom from her desk, she shook her head slowly. McGonagall surveyed the room, which was still in disarray, and couldn't help but wonder to herself, "What on earth did they do?"
Gotta love the Marauders, huh? I know that these chapters have been rather tame and slow, but as they start to grow it'll pick up. Please leave a review!
