Now I'm told that this is life
and, pain is just a simple compromise
so we can get what we want out of it
would someone care to classify?

Misguided Ghost- Paramore

Chapter 11

She found him seated in his Victrola. The place he always ran to when things got bad and he was looking to escape. She watched him for a moment as he turned his drink in his hand, looking at it from every angle in search of something, maybe answers on what to do next. He never took a sip. That was new and it said something. It said that he was feeling worse than he was letting on because 'Chuck Bass' never turned down a drink when he was upset.

She walked towards him only to find herself struggling with what to say. She almost always knew what to say to him to break the ice but this time the magic words seemed far from her grasp. She made her way closer to him, her stomach knotting. She felt nervous, because Chuck could be difficult, and saying the wrong thing could turn out so bad.

She forced her legs to walk closer. Moments later, she had seated herself on a stool beside him and waited for him to acknowledge her presence. She jumped slightly when she heard the thump of his glass on the bar counter. Then she watched as he slowly slid it away from him.

He closed his eyes quickly and exhaled sharply. Then he leaned his head into his hands and sighed. Of course she had found him. She always did, but then he guessed that was what he deserved for being so damn predictable. He massaged his head and in a single breath he breathed her name.

"Blair" he said sharply. He opened his eyes and turned to face her. He watched her eyes as she took in his presence and his demeanor. He could see her holding back a bit, reserving and preparing herself for the fight that she was almost guaranteed was about to come.

But, the truth was the idea of going at it with Blair had never really crossed his mind since he couldn't even begin to muster the mental strength to do it now. In fact, he didn't even know what he wanted but he knew that he didn't want to fight with her. Everything was falling apart; everything he'd ever known and counted on had seemingly been thrown out to the wind. He was losing control and he didn't know what card to play next.

For the first time the idea that he was, in fact, sick settled in his mind and stayed there - no matter how hard he tried to remove the notion. The idea of cancer was a lot to handle. A week ago he'd believed that he could do it but now he was now not so sure.

He was 'Chuck Bass', but what did that mean when you had one foot in the grave. He smirked slightly and grabbed his glass quickly. He swallowed his scotch in one gulp then he held the glass loosely and allowed Blair to take it from his hand.

"Did you come to make sure I wasn't drinking myself into an even earlier grave?" he asked lightly. He pursed his lips and watched her, waiting for a reaction. "Don't worry, I would never do that. After all, I will be there soon enough," he drawled his voice, low and raspy.

He rolled his eyes and scoffed when no answer came, signaling to the bartender to bring him another drink.

" Do you really think that now is the time to regress?" she asked him sharply as she angrily grabbed the newly full glass from his hand " We have enough on our plates we don't need you alcoholic tendencies making a reappearance" she added.

"Don't you mean I have a lot on my plate? I don't see you dying from cancer," he told her his voice low almost a whisper. She recoiled back as if slapped and he suddenly regretted his words.

"I'm sorry" he said quickly "I didn't mean it. And, I'm not mad at you, I'm just…" He bit his bottom lip and shook his head slowly. He looked for the right words to describe how he was feeling but he couldn't find any. Blair leaned over and ran her hands softly through his hair.

" I know, you're scared, but drinking is not the answer," she said softly. She gasped when seconds later she felt him lean into her. He pulled her close to him and buried his noise in her hair. "I love you" he whispered

"Let's go home" she said suddenly. She grabbed his hand and led him out to the limo.

Blair frowned as she watched her husband all but stumble into the penthouse. He would stop every couple of minutes, and then start up again until he had made it into the home. Afterwards, he'd gone straight to his room and requested that he not be disturbed.

Blair knew that the request most likely had to do with the fact that he was feeling really ill and didn't want her to see him that way but the request still stung her. All she'd wanted to do since the ordeal had begun was to be there for him, and take care of him but, he was making it as hard as he could to prohibit that. He was constantly pulling away from her at every chance that he got. And it was almost like dealing with seventeen year Chuck Bass all over again.

Chuck felt sick, he was sweating, and he felt off, and shaky. It was like he was suffering from the worse case of the flu ever. He didn't want Blair to know just exactly how ill he felt. He loathed what his illness was doing to her. It was turning her in to a nervous wreck and that made him worry. He hated to be the cause of anything that would cause her pain. He could feel her eyes on him as he made his way to the room, she was always watching him now, and he silently prayed that he would be able to make it all the way to his room before he succumbed to the dizziness that was now attacking him.

Blair decided to give him his peace for now. After all, the whole chemotherapy session had been an emotional turmoil for her as well as him, and she needed to regroup before she could go back to him and be there for him.

She ordered her dinner be served and she made her way to the dining area. She seated herself in her usual seat and resigned herself to eat another meal alone. Her hand shook a bit as she moved her fork to her mouth.

When she'd gotten married, she naively believed that there would always be someone there for her. But, as of late, she found that she did almost everything alone. She had believed that Chuck would always be there to take care of her and be her rock, but now the weight of the world rested on her shoulders and she did not know if she was, in fact, strong enough to carry both of them.

Everything had been so perfect until they learned the truth, and now her life seemed to be going down the drain. She could feel her eyes filling with tears as she came to the realization that she and Chuck just might be destined to suffer forever.

Blair closed her eyes quickly and shoved her plate away from her. She wasn't hungry anymore; she felt the familiar need to purge the food she had actually consumed and she pushed it away. She didn't want to go back there. She had moved past that and she intended to keep it that way.

It had been almost a week since Chuck's secret Chemotherapy session, and aside from a couple bouts of intense nausea, Chuck had seemed to be fairing pretty well. Blair sighed as she turned in the bed. The sun was just starting to peak into the bedroom and the warm rays on her skin had awoken her but she wasn't ready to start her day yet.

She moved closer to her still sleeping husband and took in his appearance. He looked peaceful and calm. It always amazed her that he could look so innocent and youthful in his sleep. She slid even closer and made to run her hands through his hair. That's when she noticed it.

There it was; his dark hair, in small clumps, right there on his pillow. It was more hair than was usual for a normal hair shed and Blair just knew it. She knew that it was because of the chemo. Chuck was losing his hair and while it wasn't a lot and it wasn't really that noticeable, it would be enough to make him go into to full panic mode for his appearance had always been very important to him.

She sat up in the bed quickly and watched the pillow intensely as if it was a snake that would attack her at any minute. All the while, sharp worry lines were becoming more visible on her face. She felt her heart breaking for him. He was sick and the hair thing only drove the nail in deeper.

She quickly reached up and removed the small chunks of hair from his pillow. She fisted it tightly in her hand and she inhaled and exhaled a few times to regain her composure. She couldn't let Chuck see her lose her cool.

Her eyes filled with tears and she refused to allow them to fall. Instead, she leaned over her husband and kissed him gently on the lips. Her lips trembled slightly as she felt him began to respond to her advances, his lips moving unconsciously to greet hers.

He opened his eyes and smiled at her. He exhaled slowly and was content to bask in her presence.

"I love you" she whispered in his ear as she snuggled closer to him.

AN: I want to encourage people to leave comments. Also I want to say Thank You to all the people who have already taken the time to leave comments and feedback! I take your comments very seriously and I use your honest feedback and suggestions to try to make my story and writing better so, Thanks!

I want to say thanks to my Beta Readers Bookcasegirl and suspensegirl for they are excellent!

All mistakes are my own! Please leave reviews! Thanks!