Chapter 10 – Cautiously aware
Hajime POV
When I woke up again, fully this time, only Kotetsu was in the room. He smiled tiredly, but I didn't return that. Something else occupied my mind. Luca's confession and the bits of an eavesdropped conversation both led to something I was almost scared to acknowledge. But I couldn't have been mistaken twice.
"How long?", I croaked
"Hm? You've been unconscious for a day and a half…"
"Luca", I interrupted him quickly, determined to finally have my answer. "When they pulled me out and before I blacked out… he said something. Like… like a confession".
"Really?", Kotetsu looked genuinely surprised.
I nodded.
"And… when you thought I was sleeping, I heard something."
"Oh…"
"Dad…"
His brow twitched. I knew it was a low blow, but calling him like that always gave me what I wanted.
"It's not my place to tell you this", he said.
"Please", I insisted. "Just… tell me something small. The most essential."
He looked up and I held his gaze.
"Is it true?", I asked.
He just nodded solemnly.
"For how long?", I asked weakly.
"For as long as I knew him. 14 years."
I gulped dryly. "It can't be."
It was laughable. 14 years, everyday together and I hadn't noticed anything? It just wasn't possible!
"It's not possible", I muttered stubbornly to myself.
Kotetsu just sighed.
With my luck, of course it was Sakura, who came to see how my stitches were healing.
"Looks good to me. Heals nicely, might not even leave a scar", she smiled the motherly smile I knew since I was a kid. I took a deep breath.
"Sakura, I need to ask you something."
"Mhm?"
"Has Luca really…", I gulped, my throat suddenly dry.
"Mm? Has he what?"
"He… said something. And my dad said something. And I… I can't believe them, I mean, I would have noticed…!"
"No, you wouldn't, Hajime", she sighed. "You chose not to."
"…What?"
"You chose to accept his confessions as jokes. You chose to see a smile he designed mostly for you… And you chose to not see when it started to fade."
"What… what are you saying…?"
"I'm saying I was the one who patched him up when he came back from what could have literally killed him and I know just how much it costs him to channel his feelings and the emotions he just can't mask as jokes and smiles anymore."
She took a deep breath and I saw how much it cost her to not scream at me.
"I'm not telling you you must accept his feelings. But at least have the courage to outright tell him a decent 'no', so he could… carry on."
I was still dumbfounded when she started walking towards the door. But I had to snap out of it and say at least one more thing…
"I'm sorry."
She turned back, confused.
"I'm really sorry, Sakura. I'd understand if you hate me, but I… I just… this is the first time I…"
She sighed again.
"I don't hate you, Hajime, and it's not me you should apologize to. Just… have some rest. And think about what I said."
I nodded dumbly. "I… I will. Thank you."
She nodded back and closed the door.
Keita had mostly acted like his usual self when he came to see me, goofy smile on, hands full of junk food. His smile faded when I told him about my revelations. He was the next person to sigh dramatically and sit down in the nearest chair with an almost despaired expression on his face; an expression which read "Seriously, man, how stupid are you?"
"That's why you were always angry with me these days."
It wasn't a question, so he didn't answer me. He was looking at me thoughtfully, with narrowed eyes, like he was trying to read me.
"You still don't believe this."
It was my turn to not answer this.
Keita suddenly smiled.
"You know what, I'm pretty sure I still keep those pictures."
"What pictures?"
"From our childhood", he shook his head, laughing. "Luca always used to glare at me when I got near you."
"Glare? Why glare?"
Keita's smile was pitying. "He was jealous, obviously. He kept glaring at me till I got my first girlfriend. And even then he needed some more time, and some more girlfriends on my part, to be sure I was gonna stick with girls and wouldn't actually turn out to be a bi and a potential thread again", Keita laughed.
"This is so surreal", I growled. "I wake up one day and suddenly everyone but me's aware that my best friend has...a crush on me."
"Oh, Hajime, it would have been so simple if it'd been only a crush", Keita shook his head. "It's much deeper than that and you have to finally acknowledge it."
He stood up to leave and patted my uninjured leg compassionately.
"Do what Sakura said. Think about it. No one's gonna force you into anything. But at least give the guy some kind of an answer. Be it an acceptation… or a simple closure."
He was already by the door when he paused again and turned around.
"Oh, right, there's something else I think you should know. I can't be 100% sure but I think he saw you fooling around with some guy in that club, right before he disappeared. Just… have that in mind, whatever you decide to do about… everything."
And then he also left, leaving me more confused than ever.
