Havoc had just been cleared by the medical staff but only after he had threatened a young doctor who didn't know any better. He still had a maddening headache but he wasn't going to be stuck in bed after the year he had already spent in one. Besides, he had to look for Edward. He could tell there was something wrong with the Fullmetal Alchemist and didn't trust him to be alone. Havoc didn't find him at their encampment but found Sergeant Brody instead. He got the full report from Brody how Edward had put him in his place and successfully took out the gun. He then told Havoc that he did see Edward return to the encampment but immediately left again, so Havoc went in search of him. He was starting to get anxious as the hours passed and he still couldn't find Edward. He didn't think Edward would go into any taverns but he checked them anyways. After searching a couple that were still operating and no sign of the blond teenager he continued his search, growing impatient and nervous. He found another bar that seemed rather lively and as he entered the commotion he heard from outside had doubled. Soldiers were gathered around all looking at one point, shouting and cheering.

"Crack that alchemist's head open!" Havoc heard someone shout and immediately knew what was going on. He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd. When he saw Edward fighting a huge enlisted man Havoc was furious. He was usually able to keep himself in check but he could feel himself starting to shake with anger. He knew soldiers were prone to fighting when they had too much to drink. But for Edward to pick a fight with a man that huge, Havoc had a suspicion what Edward was trying to do. Ignoring his rank and Edward's he rushed forward pulled his gun and pointed it at the enlisted mans head before he could take another swing at Edward who was lying on the ground. The man hearing the click of the gun stopped.

"This fight is over!" Havoc shouted angrily. Slowly everyone wandered away from the scene and went back to their card games. There were officers that outranked the Lieutenant but none of them wanted to be reported for having instigated and promoted a fight between another officer and an enlisted man. Havoc grabbed Edward roughly up by his arm and pulled him out of the tavern. He had never been so angry at anyone before he was literally seeing red. He dragged Edward around to the side of the building into a small alleyway. He pinned Edward against the wall with his arm pressed hard against Edward's throat. He looked around knowing he could be court marshaled for assaulting a superior officer. But at the moment he didn't care.

"What is wrong with you?! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" He shouted furiously.

"Maybe," Edward managed through his blocked windpipe.

"If you want to die then I'll just kill you myself!"

"I order you...release..."

"Don't pull that shit on me Ed! Now tell me what you were thinking?!"

"I...can't...breathe..." Edward tried to say clawing at Havoc's arm.

"Good! Maybe a lack of air will clear out that head of yours!"

"Jean...stop...please..." Edward pleaded panicked. "I'm sorry..."

Havoc released him and Edward slid down the wall getting as much air into his lungs as he could. Havoc paced before Edward allowing him to catch his breath. He looked horrible. He had a bloody nose, a fat lip and a red welt on his cheek. Soon he'd have a bruise across the neck to match. He also looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep. There were dark circles under his eyes and they were blood shot from the lack of sleep and from drinking throughout the night.

"I can't do this anymore," Edward finally said. "I'm not a soldier, I can't lead those men," he added miserably.

"Well, it's too late for that," Havoc said still pacing in front of him. "Besides, Brody told me what happened. It sounds like you were able to manage everything on your own."

"I can't expect them to behave a certain way if I can't," Edward said not listening.

"I don't think it's that hard to stay out of a fight."

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what are you talking about?" Havoc asked exasperated. Edward seemed on the verge of telling him something but he was talking in circles. Havoc was already upset. He wasn't in the mood to be trying to sort through Edward's riddles and one sided conversations with himself. The kid was really starting to try Havoc's patience.

"A Drachman I killed. I shot him in the back."

"It's war, it's not the first time you've killed a Drachman."

"I found him with some girl he had just killed and he surrendered. I was intending to take him in as a prisoner but the thought of that poor girl he killed took over and I shot him in the back for her."

"Hell, Ed. Is that all?" Havoc said sighing, sitting down next to Edward. "Anyone else would have done the same thing."

"But that wasn't the first time I've done something like that. Where I took matters into my own hands," Edward said angrily. "I tried and convicted him, then carried out his punishment."

"What do you mean it wasn't the first time?" Havoc asked surprised. He had gone through Edward's file. There was nothing in it to indicate any deaths that Edward had directly caused. Mustang kept a tight leash on the kid and knew everything he had done as a State Alchemist. Unless there was something that happened during the time Edward had gone missing in the north during the search for Scar, the alchemist serial killer, Havoc wondered.

"Kimbley," was all Edward said.

"Zolf Kimbley. The Crimson Alchemist, who disappeared in the North?" Havoc said relieve that he was getting somewhere with Edward. Kimbley was up in the north too searching for Scar. Havoc was now seeing that there was some kind of connection.

"He didn't disappear," Edward said guiltily. "Al doesn't know this, so please don't say anything," Edward pleaded, turning his golden eyes upon Havoc, looking like he was ready to confess a deadly sin. "Other than me, you'll be the only other person who knows what really happened."

"What?" Havoc said preparing himself for the worse.

Edward opened his mouth to say something then stopped. He looked like he was debating with himself whether he could trust Havoc or not. After watching for a minute Havoc could see that the Fullmetal Alchemist seemed to have finally made up his mind.

"I used Kimbley as a sacrifice," he began then paused. When he started again, Havoc had to strain to hear, he spoke barely above a whisper through clenched teeth, his eyes closed tight.

"I broke Al's blood seal on the armor, returning his soul to his body. He didn't know Kimbley was there. I didn't want him to know. Then using Kimbley as the sacrifice and with the Philosopher's stone he had, I brought Al back. That's why I didn't get my arm and leg back. I couldn't reward myself for doing such a thing but I couldn't let Al know how I did it. He thinks I just used the Philosopher's stone to get him back to normal."

Havoc could have laughed out loud in relief. He was expecting something far worse. But knowing Edward that was the worse thing he could have ever done. The kid was notorious for holding onto his guilt and putting the blame completely upon his young shoulders for losing his younger brother's body. It was completely against Edward's ideals to have used someone like Kimbley in such a way, no matter how horrible the person was.

"Well, who cares if you used Kimbley," Havoc said trying to reassure Edward. "From what I heard he was an asshole who enjoyed blowing things up. A little too chummy with those homunculi. I say good riddance," he added vehemently, remembering just how much he hated homunculi.

"It's easy to think like that, when you're not the one who did it," Edward argued.

"So were you hoping that getting your brains beat in by that gorilla would help ease your guilt?"

"I guess," Edward said looking ashamed. "I'm just tired of holding on to my mistakes and making myself miserable over them. I couldn't stand being around Al and Winry anymore with their expectations of me. I couldn't face Al after breaking my promise to him but I couldn't tell him why. I didn't know what to do. So I accepted this promotion and got myself into a deeper mess."

"I don't know what to tell you other than you just have to deal with it now."

"I know," Edward mumbled dejectedly.

"Also, don't ever pull a stunt like that again. I didn't want to tell you this but Mustang said I'm responsible for you. So if you die in some incredibly stupid way that's it for me."

"What?!"

"Yep, that's what the Fuhrer told me when I was assigned to your command."

"That asshole."

"So no dying as a war hero for you. Or trying to get yourself killed in a bar fight."

"Who'd miss you anyway?" Edward snorted but not meaning it.

"Sure, maybe nobody would. But you have a little brother who would miss you. Do you think he'd appreciate having to bury the only family he's got?"

Edward looked at Havoc wide eyed with guilt and sadness. Havoc didn't want to play the guilt card. But if it would keep Edward in line than so be it. He needed Edward with a clear head to focus on getting through the war.

"No," Edward finally said pulling his knees up and burying his face in his arms.

Havoc hoped he wasn't about to cry. It was one of the things he had been trying to keep Edward from doing. He didn't know if he could handle the kid's tears. He put his hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette. Lightly bumping into Edward's arm he offered the cigarette. Edward looked up tear free, much to Havoc's relief, and took it.

"Thanks," Edward said quietly as he fumbled with his new lighter to light it. He leaned his head against the wall and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "How do you do it? Look like none of this affects you."

Havoc didn't answer right away thinking of a way to explain how he only looked like nothing bothered him. "I've had more training than you," he said finally. "But it doesn't even come close to prepare you for what you'll see and do. Don't think I'm not going to be scarred for life by this."

"Excuse me, officers."

Edward and Havoc looked in the direction of the voice. It was an older gentleman, standing at the end of the alleyway, holding Edward's jacket and pocket watch. It was the bar-keep from the tavern.

"Yes?" Havoc asked, not recognizing the man, wondering how he had gotten a hold of Edward's things.

"I just came to see if the young man was alright," he said stepping closer. "I was never so relieved when you came in to stop the fight."

"He's fine," Havoc reassured. "Right, Ed?"

"Yeah," Edward said sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

"Here are your things," the older man said handing them to Edward who reached out to take them. "You're encampment is just outside of town, right?"

"That's correct," Havoc said.

"I have a spare room in the back of the bar. The young man is welcome to use it to rest up, instead of walking all the way back."

"No, I'll be fine," Edward said looking embarrassed to be accepting any kindness after getting himself into the fight in the first place.

"Please," the old man said looking down at Edward with kind eyes. "I insist. You shouldn't be walking back in your condition."

"I think he's right, Ed," Havoc said. "You did take a beating."

"It may not have been so bad if someone hadn't tried to kill me afterwards," Edward grumbled.

"Ha! I guess that didn't help much," Havoc laughed. "Go ahead and stay. I'll be by for you in the morning."

"Alright," Edward said getting up slowly, wincing as he stood. They followed the older man to a back entrance of the bar and were led to a small room with a cot. Edward placed his jacket and pocket watch on a chair and lowered himself carefully onto the cot stretching out. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the flat pillow. The older man quietly closed the door.

"I really appreciate this," Havoc said.

"It's no trouble. I just wish I had been able to do something to stop that fight."

"I'm afraid when Ed's involved there's not much you can do to stop him."

"He's very young to be an officer, isn't he?"

"Perhaps, but he's good. There's still a lot he needs to learn but he's getting there."

"I just can't get over how much he looks like my own son," the old man said wistfully.

"Really? How old is your son?" Havoc asked curiously.

"He would have been twenty five last spring."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Havoc said not knowing what else to say. He was never good at expressing his condolences. They never sounded genuine to him, though he meant well.

"Thank you," the old man said. "Our son was born when we thought it was too late for us to have any children. We had given up years ago. He was a very pleasant surprise. We were so proud of him. He looked like the young officer. Handsome, blond hair but with blue eyes. We indulged him and I'm afraid that's what got him killed."

"How did he die?"

"Bar fight. Here in my own place," the old man said sighing sadly. "He was such a cocky boy, thought he could outsmart everyone. We tried to rein him in but it was too late. My wife will want to spoil him when she sees this young man."

"I'm sure he could use the positive attention. Ed's mother passed away when he was just a young boy. I'm not sure of his father, whether he's alive or dead. Ed doesn't talk about him. He's been through a lot."

"It's too bad. He looks like a nice young man."

"He is," Havoc agreed. "Thanks again, Mr..."

"Just call me Oscar."

"Thank you, Oscar. I'll be back in the morning for Ed."