What did you expect?
Summary: In hindsight, they really should have seen this coming. It's a miracle they stood as long as they did, all things considered.
"Well? What did you expect?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know! Not this!" screamed in frustration his bushy haired friend of old, as she paced in front of his desk.
Harry was, now that he sported more salt than pepper, retired from field duty. He had a meteoric rise through the ranks of the auror corps. Having killed a Dark Lord as well as wiped the floor with several of his followers, both himself and his boss Neville had seen themselves promoted fairly quickly. Neville always had a better head for long term plans, however, having learned to be cautious instead of a reckless moron like Harry, and thus they had decided that Neville would be the one to call the shots. Harry was a better field commander and Neville respected that much, and Neville was a better Director, with Harry respecting as much.
Thus, these days Harry remained in his cushy job of Director of the DMLE while Neville went on to become Minister of Magic Longbottom, having followed in after Kingsley's untimely demise (the man had choked on a pretzel and was missed greatly by the population for having been the minister to introduce casual friday). Harry had remained an Auror Captain until the third time he'd gotten the majority of his bones turned to mush by the rising upstart Dark Lords, and his own underlings had basically forced him to be kicked upstairs. They liked him too much to see him dead.
Neville agreed with them. Harry's expertise was too valuable to let it go to waste, so he also doubled as instructor for the Auror Corps on their final year. Specifically, he taught them how to deal with an opponent that is more powerful and better than you in almost every way.
Harry and Neville both had long lasting and rich marriages, resulting in the children that they adored. In fact, Harry's youngest, Lily Luna Potter, had recently started her final year at Hogwarts along her best friend Rose Weasley.
Speaking about Weasleys, the one in front of Harry had continued ranting. "And he doesn't even clean the dishes! He has magic, it's literally three flicks of his wrist!" she ranted, her steam still coming out strong.
Harry sighed. "Again, what the hell did you expect? You knew from the start that he was a slob, so why are you complaining about it now?" Harry asked, growing irritated at Hermione's continuing rant against Ron.
"But it's just... so annoying! It's not just that! It's everything! He's as romantic as a pile of dirty rags! He doesn't even remember our anniversaries!" she continued.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, he does," he said, clearly attempting to not sound as condescending as he did. "I have to hear his rants too, you know? I would like it if you stopped comparing him to me because that's what he complains the most about. According to him it's always "Harry did this" or "Neville did that", you know his self esteem is crap and he has one hell of an inferiority complex, so stop putting me and Neville into your marital spats," ranted Harry. "Frankly, I'm sick and tired of the bullshit you and Ron keep piling on me and your own children. Rose practically lives with me and Ginny, which has really cut down on our sex lives by the way, since you never stop arguing!"
"Wha-" Hermione started, before her face suddenly turned into another scowl.
"Oh, no, you're not starting to rant again. Like I said, I'm sick of this bullshit, Hermione. Why the fuck did you marry Ron? Why was the fucker dumb enough to agree to marry you? all you do is complain about each other all the damn time. I should've told you, like I wanted to, that your marriage would never work. Don't you remember, Hermione, the time you spent together at Hogwarts? There was a buffer between you two then, I was always there to stop you two from going too much at each other's throats. And guess what happened when I was no longer there? Of course, you two mistook the sexual tension between you two as love and went with that. I really should have told you two it was a bad idea back then, but by that point, I was so angry at you two for constantly making doe eyes at each other as well as leaving me hanging so you could do your 'prefect patrols', bigger bullshit I've never seen, that I just said 'Fuck it, they've made their bed, let them sleep in it'. So I let you two marry. And my biggest regret is that I let that happen because you didn't just ruin your own lives. You ruined your children's lives too. What kind of home environment is one in which the parents can never agree on anything and are always at each other's throats?"
Hermione was simply stunned as Harry unloaded his every feeling on her. She had known, on some level, that he had harbored some resentment at both her and her boyfriend when they had been dating. She had known that, on some level... "Were you jealous?" she blurted out.
"Jealous?" Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, yes. I was INCREDIBLY jealous," he said, sarcasm tinging his voice. "Actually, I'm not kidding. When you were together with your boyfriend I had to endure being separated from Ginny. And here's a funny thing about my marriage: Me and Ginny? We actually agree on things. We talk to each other like mature adults and we solve our problems. We had our problems and our own rocky periods, but we sat down, talked and straightened our issues out. We don't clash with each other at every turn like you and Ron do. You're both too similar and too different at the same time, and hell knows how you can make that happen," Harry said, clearly confused about his own metaphor.
"B-But... how could you tell it wasn't going to work!? Everyone else thought..."
Harry sighed. "Until you began to date Ron in sixth year, everyone thought you and me would wind up together, Hermione. After all, you were the one who'd stuck by me all along," he said, almost nostalgic. "But I did mean it. I love you. You're the sister I never had. Just as Ron is my brother in all but blood. And it's tearing me apart to see you two like this. Because I know it's my fault. I should've told you. You could've salvaged your friendship. But my own spite and then cowardice kept me from coming out. I should've stood up when the priest asked for a reason why your union shouldn't have come to be... but I couldn't, even though I wanted to... I couldn't ruin your happiness then, however fleeting I knew it would be. Some friend I turned out to be, huh?"
Hermione sighed as she collapsed on the comfortable chair set in front of Harry's desk. "I'm really sorry about that, Harry. I've always been. I... Back during fifth year, when Ron and I were practically dancing around each other... I knew how much it hurt you to be left alone in the middle. I knew how hurt you were when you saw Ginny with someone else. And... I knew Ginny was just doing it to get you to notice her. Anyone could've told, she barely touched her boyfriends and was always looking at you. I could've solved that mess by simply doing what I knew was the simplest answer and just lock you two together in a classroom."
"It doesn't matter now, does it? I've been married to her for a long time now, and I don't see that changing soon," Harry spoke almost fondly. "Regardless... Divorce really is the best option. For both of you."
"Do you really think that?" Hermione asked, looking pointedly at the wooden desk before her. "We've been together so long... ever since first year..."
"If you really look that far back, you'd know you two really should never have gotten together. I mean, your first interaction with the guy was when he made you cry and almost, even if unintentionally, caused your death," Harry tried to joke, but it came off pretty poorly and Hermione didn't find it funny in the least. "Go talk to him. I've already had this same chat with him, anyhow," Harry said, sighing and waving his hand. "And I've got the papers ready. Whenever you two are ready, all I need is your signatures. Mine and Neville's should be enough to get this running."
"He agreed?" Hermione asked, tears clouding her eyes.
"No. He was doing the same thing you're doing now. You need to talk. You need to make this decision together. When you're ready... just give me a call."
Hermione nodded solemnly. "And... I'm sorry for always putting you in the middle, Harry... You've always been there for me. For both of us."
"It's the least I can do," said Harry with a nod. "You were there for me when I needed you. Both of you. Even if we had our disagreements at times. I love you both, and this is for the best. For you, for Ron and for Rose and Hugo."
Seeing words as unnecessary, Hermione nodded.
"Also, if you could tell Rose to stop trying to get me to cheat on my wife with her, that would be most appreciated," Harry stated blandly, absent mindedly dodging a stinging hex from a suddenly scowling Hermione. "What? I'm not kidding!"
"That's the worst part. I was trying to block the fact that my daughter has a crush on her uncle -thankfully it's not the one she's actually related to- out of my head! And now it's all I can think about, you jerkass!"
Harry merely smiled as he saw Hermione's own smile threatening to break through her scowl even as she continued to throw stinging hexes his way.
