A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Thanks again to the lovely LoriAnnTwiFan and CapriciousC. Thanks for your help and support ladies, especially with this one xxx

I hope this chapter helps you understand Bella a little more. Just be gentle with her when you read this. x

Chapter 10

Edward

I walked from the kitchen into the lounge to where Bella was waiting for me. After getting out of the water earlier, we made our way back to the house slowly. I had pulled Jasper aside, and he agreed to take the others back to Alice's place for the rest of the evening. I was extremely grateful. We had cleaned ourselves up, and though it was a warm evening, and a breeze had picked up, leaving a slight chill in the air. While Bella was in the shower, I lit a small fire in the fireplace and made my way into the kitchen to get some drinks.

Walking into the lounge, I placed the drinks on the coffee table and sat down on the lounge next to Bella, angling my body towards hers. She was sitting cross legged, hands clenched in her lap, face down. I put my hand on her shoulder, rubbing softly.

"Hey, are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to tell me anything, Bella."

She shook her head. "No, I want to tell you. Especially after what just happened, I need to."

I slid closer to her on the lounge and put my arm around her shoulder. She looked up at me timidly and took a deep breath.

"I met Peter over eighteen months ago. It was by chance that I was in the bank one day doing some things when he happened to come in. He worked there – well not at that branch, but for the bank. He was in their legal department and was dealing with an issue at the branch. I dropped some of my things as I was walking out, and he helped me pick them up … it went from there."

She turned towards me and curled her legs underneath her, leaning her head on my arm.

"We started seeing each other, and it was great. We had a lot in common, and he was a lot of fun to be around. It was difficult to spend a lot of time together; his work kept him busy, and my work has fairly unusual hours, so that was an issue. But at first, I didn't mind. After about a year though, he was going away for work more often, and it became harder and harder to see each other. Whenever I would try to talk to him about it, he would get angry and tell me that there was nothing he could do. I eventually wondered if it would be best if we split. I talked to him about it, but he begged me to stay with him. He said that things would change, that he couldn't be away from me, that he loved me too much. So I stayed."

She looked down at her lap, and I put my hand over hers gently. She looked up and softly smiled.

"A month later, I came down with the flu. I was so sick, and I rarely get ill, so I went to the doctor." She looked down again and her voice wavered. "I found out I was pregnant."

I swallowed quickly and started slowly stroking her hand, knowing that this was only the beginning. Her eyes flickered back up to mine. They were anxious.

"I was nervous about telling Peter; I honestly didn't know how he'd react. I decided to tell him that night. It was … bad. He was so angry. He accused me of getting pregnant deliberately, of trying to trap him into leaving his job, into marrying him. I tried to tell him, explain to him, that it was an accident, but he wouldn't believe me. He … picked up his keys. He told me he was going home, and he wasn't coming back. That -"

Her fingers tightened around mine as she once again looked down at her lap.

"He told me that unless I had an abortion, we were over."

I took a breath and closed my eyes. What a fucking bastard. No wonder she wanted nothing to do with me at first. I slid closer to her until she was against me, and I pulled her into my arms. She came willingly, climbing across my lap until she was curled against me, her head on my chest. I kissed the top of it. She stroked my chest as she continued.

"I told him there was no way I would do that, and he left. He was in a rage … I had never seen him so angry before, and I didn't know what to do."

She stopped, and I felt her body tense slightly. "I decided to keep it … the baby. I knew that I could do it on my own and … I was determined."

She paused again and wrapped her hand around my shirt. "It was a week later, and there was a knock on my door. I hadn't heard from Peter, and I was both hoping and worrying that it was him. It wasn't. It was a woman."

She tilted her face and looked at me timidly. "It was his wife."

I let out a deep breath. "Shit."

She laughed bitterly. "Yes. I had no idea. That whole time, I had no idea. But afterwards … it all made sense. The long hours, the difficulties seeing each other, the absolute panic and rage when he found out about the pregnancy." She shook her head in disgust.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing, really. She just wanted to see me, to see who I was. Peter didn't tell her, she found out through his text messages on his mobile. I told her that I had no idea he was married, and she … she cried." She looked up at me. "I couldn't tell her about the baby. I couldn't do that to her."

I put my hand out and gently pushed her hair over her shoulder. "What happened?" I asked softly.

She closed her eyes. "Nothing. I never heard from her again, and I didn't hear anything else from Peter. Two weeks later, I woke in the middle of the night in pain, a deep, dragging sensation. It hurt … a lot. I knew something was wrong straight away." She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I lost the baby."

"Jesus, Bella. I'm so sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't. It's … well, it's not okay. But, I guess it just wasn't meant to be."

I frowned slightly. The way she was speaking about it all was very … detached. As if she had never really been a part of it all, as though she was telling someone else's story. She had never really grieved, never allowed herself sadness. Had anyone ever talked to her about this?

I took her hands in mine. She looked up at me apprehensively. "What?" she asked.

"Are you okay, though?"

She sighed, not answering.

I persevered. "Bella?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I just can't believe I was so stupid all that time. That I didn't take notice of any of the clues that were so obviously there."

"Bella, you had no way of knowing that he was married. He lied to you, and he lied to his wife. You were both victims in all of this." I took a breath and asked hesitantly, "What about the baby?"

She looked sharply at me. "What about the baby?"

"How do you feel?"

She looked at me. "I just … don't think about it. It happened … that's it."

I stroked her cheek gently. "But that's not it, is it?" I asked softly.

She closed her eyes and sat for a moment before opening them again. "Edward, do you think … do you think it knew?" she whispered.

"Knew what, baby?" I asked her softly.

A tiny tear escaped, trickling slowly down her cheek. "That sometimes I wished … I wished I wasn't pregnant anymore."

"Oh, Bella."

Her face crumpled, and I immediately pulled her towards me, enveloping her in my arms. She clutched at my shirt, crying loud, wracking sobs, her tiny body heaving with the effort. I held her tightly to me, my eyes clenching shut as her sobbing continued. Had she ever allowed herself to cry like this over her baby? Had she ever just let go? I kissed and stroked her hair, a deep ache in my chest for this woman who I had grown to care for so quickly. Never in my life had I wanted to hurt someone like I wanted to hurt that son of a bitch who did this to her.

Her sobs slowly calmed as she lay against me and began to speak in a toneless voice. "I remember that night, they put me in the maternity ward at the hospital. I laid there all night listening to the cries of the newborn babies, listening to the laughter of their mothers. I remember calling Peter. He didn't answer, so I left a message telling him I was in hospital. He never called me back." I clenched my jaw, not wanting her to know the extent of my anger, as she continued. "When I was discharged, I went home and just kept … going. I went to work, I slept, I ate, but that was it. I didn't live. Three months later, I came here. I thought that by moving here, I could escape it all, just be on my own – like I wanted to be." She looked up at me as I looked down. "Then, I met you."

I smiled softly at her, stroking her back.

"Do you … that phone call here a while ago … do you hear from Peter often?" I asked cautiously.

She sighed. "Not until I came here. He has sent me a few messages, which I haven't read. The call I received from him here was the first one since … what happened."

I frowned. "What did he say?"

"He said he needed to talk to me. That he wanted to explain, that he missed me." She burrowed her face back into my chest as I clenched my jaw again in anger. Fucking arsehole. No wonder she lost it that day. I only wish I had known then.

We sat there for a while, my arms tight around her, lost in our own thoughts.

"Edward?" she whispered eventually.

"Yeah?" I murmured.

"Thank you."

I responded by tightening my grip on her as she turned on my lap, straddling me, resting her face against my neck. I kissed the top of her head, then leant my head against the back of the lounge, closing my eyes.

Bella

There was something warm and wet on my face. I moved slightly to get away, but it moved with me, breathing out harshly, shooting droplets of dampness on my cheek. I scrunched my eyes closed and burrowed my face into the pillow. The pillow? I quickly opened my eyes, and they darted furiously around me, my brain trying to decipher where exactly I was and what I was doing there.

My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, and they quickly landed upon the face of a dog. Gus. I sighed in relief as my mind caught up and realised that I was still at Edward's. I peered down to look at the bed I was lying on and saw Gus' body sprawled out next to me sleeping soundly, his nose in my face. I gingerly turned over in the bed and came face-to-face with Edward. He was also sleeping soundly next to me, his body turned on its side, his hands under his pillow.

I took the time to study him in the semi-darkness. The side of his face against the pillow scrunched slightly, his lashes long and dark on his cheeks, his face so peaceful. He looked like a little boy. We must have fallen asleep on the lounge, and he had moved us here during the night. I smiled. He was so perfect last night, just listening, never judging. It felt so good to be able to tell someone, to let all of that feeling out. I felt as though a huge weight that I had been carrying around for so long had finally left me. A sadness that had been keeping me still had shifted, and I was finally able to move.

I watched him again, really studying his face. He really was quite perfect. Smooth lips, gorgeous nose, amazing jaw, now sporting a bit of stubble. I reached out tentatively and touched it, slowly dragging the tip of my index finger along the roughness. He stirred slightly, rubbing his face into the side of his pillow, and I quickly pulled it back. I sighed and, once again, closed my eyes.

Edward

I opened my eyes. The sun was shining through the part in my bedroom curtains, directly into my face. I turned onto my back and looked over at Bella. She was awake, staring directly at me. I smiled.

"Hey you," I murmured, my voice gravelly from sleep.

She smiled back and whispered, "Hey."

I rolled over towards her, my upper body hovering above hers. She lay on her back staring up at me.

"How are you?" I asked quietly.

She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes.

"I'm good … really good. Thank you for last night."

I opened my eyes and looked into hers. For the first time, she looked calm and happy. There was no longer the tension there that was all too familiar when I looked at her. I leant down and kissed her nose.

"Anytime," I whispered, then wrapped my arms around her, rolling onto my back, pulling her on top of me. She came willingly.

"Edward?" she asked quietly as I stroked her hair.

"Yeah?"

"Did you undress me last night?"

I smirked. She was in yoga pants and a t-shirt when I carried her to my room. I knew she'd be too warm if I left her like that, so I took off her pants.

"Uh … I did. But I swear, I didn't look."

She giggled and bent her leg, sliding it against mine. I inwardly groaned and subtly moved my lower body away from hers, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.

"That's okay, I don't mind." Suddenly, she lifted her upper body and looked at the bed next to us. "Where's Gus gone?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Chasing the birds probably, or the chooks. Why? Was he in here last night?"

She laughed again. "He was up here, Edward. He woke me up during the night with his breathing."

I laughed. "The little shit. He knows he's not supposed to be on the bed. It's 'cause you were here, you know that, right?"

She laid her head on my chest and laughed lightly. "I don't mind. He's cute. And at least he doesn't snore."

I grinned and grabbed her around the waist, tickling slightly. She squealed and tried to grab my hands.

"Is that right? Would you prefer that I wasn't here next time?" I asked, mercilessly tickling her.

She laughed loudly, still frantically grabbing at my hands. "NO! No! I take it back, you don't snore!" she shouted breathlessly.

I stopped, but didn't remove my hold. She straightened, laying across me, looking down at my face.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked quietly.

I stared at her, moving my hands around to clasp her back. Her t-shirt had moved up during our struggle and I slid them across her bare skin.

"Please."

She leaned down to brush her lips across mine softly, and I moved my hands up to clasp the back of her head, holding her face down firmly to mine. She moaned softly as my tongue came out to meet hers, and it was soft and warm and perfect. She pulled away after a moment and laid her head back down on my chest. I breathed deeply and held her to me. I thought back over the last twelve hours. So much had happened, but finally I was getting to where I wanted to be.

xox