The first thing I'd like to say, even before the disclaimer, which usually takes priority, is this:
I'M REALLY SORRY! Don't kill me! (huddles under desk)
I have been so busy over the past little while! Not only that, but I've had a severe case of writer's block. See, the weekend after I updated last, I went camping. Then my aunt came to visit from pretty far away, and I didn't want to spend too much time on the computer while she was here (plus my internet was down, so I couldn't have updated anyway…darn internet!). The last day she was here, we were out and about most of the day, and when we came home the Lost Colony was here (by the way, people, it's REALLY good! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY! At the end, I think I seriously scared my family…my dad was reading a bedtime story to my brothers, and I gave this huge snort, and then I sat there laughing hysterically for a few minutes. Anywho…get it as soon as possible, I think it's my new favorite of the series (before my favorites were AF and TEC. Needless to say, it's fantastic!) anyway, so I spent the rest of the day reading it (it took me four hours and twenty minutes—I timed myself!). After that my writer's block set in.
The point of all this has been to say, I do have excuses for not having updated, and I'm really sorry to have kept everyone waiting, especially on a cliffie! I know how bad that is…
Now that that's over with, I'd like to say congratulations to LandUnderWave, who won the prize. I'd also like to apologize to LandUnderWave, as my web site is being difficult and I'm not being able to post the darn chapters.
Oh yeah, and I know it's a short chapter, but I'm going on vacation tomorrow and won't probably be able to write much, so I figured it was better to post what I had now than to make you wait another week.
Okay. Now we get to the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: Due to the simplistic nature of last chapter's disclaimer, and the bad response, I have employed a protocol droid who apparently speaks many different languages, including caveman, to present my disclaimer in as many languages as we have time for.
C-3P0: (comes in) Hello, everyone. All right. In English, we have the normal. I don't own Artemis Fowl.
François: Artemis Fowl n'appartient pas à moi.
Deutsch: Artemis Fowl nicht ist mein Besitz.
Español: Artemis Fowl no pertenece a mí.
Droid: Beep boop bip bip bop boop beep.
Caveman: Ugh oogh argh buh boogh ergh u—
R2-D2: (comes in) Beep bip boop. Bop bap beep.
C-3P0: I know I don't own Artemis Fowl, Artoo! I'm just doing a job for this young human—
R2-D2: Beep. Boop b—
Luke: (runs in) There you are! I've been looking for you all over the place! (notices me) Who are you?
Me: I'm the almighty author of this fic. Bow down to me!
Luke: Riiiight. Anyway, I need you, Threepio and Artoo. Darth Vader is—
Darth Vader: (comes in) Don't run from me, coward!
Luke: Oh, great.
Aelish: Maybe I can be of assistance?
Luke and me simultaneously: Oh no! Not you again!
Me: How do you know Aelish?
Luke: Uhhh…
Me: Have you been reading my fic? Do you (gasp)—you do! You like to read Arty/Holly fanfics!
Luke: Ummm…
Leia: (comes in) Hi, Luke. Um…(looks around) Who are these? And what are we doing here? And where's—
Vader: Oh, look, they're twins! Well, in that case, I'll just kill you (pointing at Luke) and turn her to the Dark Side! Muahaha!
Han: Oh no you won't—hey, who's that? (pointing at Holly, who's just come in looking confused) Whoever she is, she's hot!
Leia: (stops trying to punch Vader and cries)
Artemis: STAY AWAY FROM HER! (runs in and starts beating up Han)
Han: Hey, kid, easy does it! I didn't know she was taken!
(Rosethorn and Crane wander in holding hands and stop at the sight of all the chaos.)
Rosethorn: Hah! I knew it! I knew we should have taken a left back there!
Crane: Darn. I guess you're right.
(Aelish and me spot the hand-holding at the same time and giggle simultaneously, then glare at each other.)
C-3P0: Artoo, I have to keep translating!
R2-D2: BEEP!
(Vader and Luke are swinging lightsabers at each other. Artoo is pulling Threepio away, and Threepio is still spouting disclaimers in various languages, including Lord of the Rings elvish. Rosethorn and Crane are arguing over whether they did take the wrong turn or whether this is the Circle Café overrun by idiots. Leia is crying, and Artemis has given the job of beating Han up to Butler, and is instead talking to Holly.)
Me: HOLD IT, EVERYONE, BY THE COMMAND OF THE ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS!
(Everyone stops what they're doing and looks at me.)
Me: (sigh) Now, that's better. Everyone who doesn't belong here, leave! I'm attempting to write a fanfic here!
Crane: (sounding snobbish) Why?
Me: Well, unless you want me to use my almighty authoress powers on you…
(Crane looks scared. Everyone slowly disperses, with the exception of C-3P0 and R2-D2.)
C-3P0: If I might continue translating?
Me: That's okay. Thanks though, maybe next time.
C-3P0: Oh. All right. Come on, Artoo. (starts to leave)
R2-D2: Boop beep bip beeeep!
C-3P0: (fading) No, that is not what you were saying all along!
Me: (rolls eyes and sighs) So much for that disclaimer attempt. Oh well. Enjoy the chapter, everyone!
(P.S. Sorry if the translations were bad, I used babelfish, which...ahem...is not exactly known for the best ever translations, although it's fairly reliable if you feed your translation BACK into it and make it spit it out at you in English again...)
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Chapter 11: Surprise and Setback
"WHAT?" shouted Root and Holly simultaneously, jumping to their feet. Foaly's eyes widened, and Juliet gasped, putting long-fingernailed hands over her mouth. Only Artemis and Butler remained perfectly calm.
"Now wait a moment," said Artemis quietly, drawing everyone's attention. "Let's not get excited. He might run."
Everyone saw the sense in this, and organized themselves accordingly, but as they left the tent, Trouble could not resist hissing to Grub, "You idiot! That's the Destroyer! Now look what you did!"
Grub, who up until now had looked completely puzzled, now clapped his hands to his mouth in horror. "I'm sorry!" he whispered. When Trouble didn't answer, he tugged on his brother's sleeve. "I'm sorry! Honest," he said.
The other elf glared. "Just…go wait in the PTV," he said. "We might need you."
Grub nodded, lips quivering, and ran off to the machine. Root followed to get mirrors. A moment later he returned, with one for everyone.
"Now, remember," he said quietly. "Holly will act as bait. Everyone else, surround him. And point the mirrors at him. Got it?"
There were nods in the group.
"Good. Move out, then, Captain Short."
"Yes, sir!" she said, with a smart salute, and walked off.
As Holly came around the side of the tent, the Destroyer didn't move. He had his back to her, and was looking around for people. He didn't see any, though. Thankfully, he also didn't see the PTV on the other side.
When she was about a foot away from him, he heard her coming and turned. The expression on his face changed from searching to surprise and then anger. Before he could do anything, she quickly put her hand over his mouth.
"Shh…" she said, acting flirty again. "Let's not spoil this moment."
He turned her head, wrenching free of her grasp. "You tricked me last time! Why should I believe you now?"
She pouted. "My friends had mesmerized me. I had to punch you." There. She'd given a logical explanation. Now all she could do was hope he believed her. And hope he didn't notice the rest of her group sneaking up behind him, ready to surround him.
He studied her for a moment, while she concentrated on looking as innocent and wronged as possible. At last he asked, "Why did your friends do that?"
"It's kind of a long story…but, well, I had been flirting with the Mud Boy. And they decided that wasn't a good idea, so Commander Root took matters into his own hands."
"Oh," said the Destroyer. "Well…in that case…"
She smiled, and he grinned back at her. In reality, of course, she was smiling because Artemis, Root, Butler, Juliet, Foaly, and Trouble were behind the Destroyer, waiting to trap him. However, he didn't need to know that. Not for another minute, anyway.
"Close your eyes," she said, trying to sound mischievous, excited, and, above all, flirty. "I have a surprise for you." He did so, and the group slowly crept to their positions in a circle around the sprite. As Artemis came up next to her, she noticed that he had a vaguely discontented look on his face, and she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. He looked at her and smiled, and after that didn't look unhappy anymore. (Actually, Foaly was the one who looked unhappy after that, because he unwisely snickered when Holly kissed Artemis, which earned him a hard punch in the face. His eyes bulged with pain, but he said nothing.)
"Um…" said the Destroyer after a minute. "Are you still there? What's the surprise?"
Root raised his mirror, and the others did the same. "Open your eyes," Holly said sweetly.
The Destroyer opened his eyes—and stared unbelievingly at the group with their mirrors around him. After a moment, he shut his eyes, obviously concentrating, and then snapped his fingers. All of them felt their hands jolt, and also saw pink, blue, and yellow rays hit the mirrors they held and turn back towards the sprite.
"Why can we see them?" Holly whispered to Artemis.
"My guess is that somehow the act of bouncing them back makes them visible," replied the boy.
Meanwhile, the Destroyer was looking furious. "What happened?" he growled, and tried again to disappear. Once more, the rays hit the reflective surfaces and exploded into bursts of colored light, which then headed back the way they had plainly come.
"Sorry, Reed," said the commander with a grin. "You're powerless as long as we have these mirrors."
"What? How? How can this happen?" gasped the Destroyer. "All my plans! I…you can't…"
"Oh, but we can," said Root, who seemed to be enjoying this very much.
"No! This isn't possible!" howled the prisoner. "My work…my—my—I fixed everything up! This can't be happening! I planned it all out! I…"
He was interrupted by the growl of a machine behind them. One and all turned to look. Several of the small group were so startled that they dropped their mirrors.
The PTV was driving up to them, with Grub at the wheel. "Hi, Trub!" he said cheerfully. "I thought you might need some help."
Unfortunately, help was the last thing he was giving them, for he had forgotten one minor detail. He'd so startled them all that there were no more mirrors trained on the Destroyer. No one realized that, however, except the Destroyer himself.
As everyone else stared at Grub and the PTV, he said one word. "Goodbye," said the Destroyer, and snapped his fingers and disappeared.
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A/N: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers, since I now have 107 reviews! YAAAAYYY!
Oh yeah, and I'm having another contest, only with a different prize. The same rules apply as before (i.e. see chapter 10 if you have questions) only this time it's the 110th reviewer who wins. The prize this time is a choice between a sneak peek of my new Romeo and Juliet fic (grin) or a peek at my equally new Harry Potter fic (gasp! I'm writing a Harry Potter fic!), set in the time of the Marauders. It's basically half prank and half Lily/James romance. Just like last time, I would appreciate it if the winner would PM me with whether they want the prize, which prize they want, and also whether it's okay with them if I announce that they've won on the next chapter.
Good luck!
P.S. Tune in next chapter for— (is interrupted by a stampeding stream of book characters who don't belong in the fic)
Ringwraiths: Mooorrrrdoooorrrrrr…
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin: For the SHIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!
Rosethorn, Lark, Niko, Frostpine, Crane, Sandry, Tris, Daja, Briar, and Moonstream: WINDING CIRCLE!
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville, and a miraculously restored Dumbledore and Sirius: HOGWAAAARTS!
Lucy, Peter, Susan, Edmund, Mr. Tumnus, and Aslan: NAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRNIAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Me: (after being trampled) Ouuuuuchhhh…
Mr. Tumnus: (stops) Ouch? Where's that? Is it anywhere near Spare Oom?
Me: …
Mr. Tumnus: Oh well. (shrugs and follows)
