Beep Beep motherf*cker, filler chapter coming through!

sorry for not posting.

i got top in english.. if anyone cares... it's the award i've been working for all year...


Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Memories flooded back so fast he got motion sick just thinking about it.

Well at least now he could cross getting shot off of his list of things to do with his life.

"You're awake."

It wasn't a question. He hadn't opened his eyes but it wasn't required for her to know he was awake.

He couldn't speak. It hurt to breathe.

Are you angry?

"No. I won't get angry until I know you'll be alright." Pause. "Besides, you did a good thing."

Am I going to die?

"Everybody dies, Deidara."

You know what I mean.

"I couldn't tell you for sure, even if I wanted to. But, they say you're getting better. It's looking good."

Is it still hard to see?

"Yes. How do you feel?"

It hurts all over, but I'm fine. I'm alive.

"We thought you'd be asleep a little longer than two days… when you didn't wake up at first, we were pretty scared. You really scared the kids as well."

Sorry about that… am I in trouble?

"No. for now, we're just glad that you're okay."

He slowly opened his eyes. The infirmary lights were bright and burning. He struggled to keep his eyes open, blinking away tears. He could feel all the wires and tubes connected to his body and listened to the rapidly increasing EKG machine. The nurse rushed in, in a panic. He met her worried green eyes – sometimes it was hard for him to remember that she herself, was just a child – and saw himself reflected in them.

Jeez, he was a mess.

"Don't move," she ordered once she got a hold of herself, "I don't want you tearing your stitches. Stay still."

She poked and prodded at stitched up bullet wounds and cuts caused by the glass, commenting quietly on his accelerated healing. Everyone in the Akatsuki – minus Itachi, unfortunately – recovered a lot faster than normal people. It was just one of the benefits of being a freak.

Did they get the bullets out?

He figured it would be cool to have bullets embedded in him for life.

"Yes they did. One in your shoulder and one in your upper thigh. If it was anyone else, they'd be amazed how far you actually got."

Deidara found it funny how everyone just accepted the fact that Konan could read minds, when in fact she could be just talking to herself. He wondered if she ever did just talk to herself sometimes without anybody realising it.

So… is it bad?

"There was nerve damage in your legs. Not a lot but you'll have trouble walking for a while… we're hoping physical therapy will help."

What about my act? I can't wait around for my leg to get better!

"Well you're going to have to! Don't worry, with your healing rate, it'll only take a couple of weeks."

Deidara thought about it for a moment and realised that he didn't really have any other options.

So when will I get out of here?

"Well right now I have to start prepping for the show, but afterwards when they're sewing Hidan up, we'll sort something out. Just hold on until then."


When the circus had finished their performances, most of the children flooded into the infirmary, something Sakura may not have allowed under different circumstances but like the rest of the kids, she was worried.

By then, Sakura had removed a lot of the wires and the mask that had been helping him to breath, and had even gotten him to sit up. he felt like a child, having to be helped around like this but after struggling to do things for himself for about ten minutes, he finally accepted help.

Right now, it still hurt a lot but he knew better than to show it, and humoured the children.

"How was the show, un?" he asked, wincing slightly with the effort it took.

Naruto looked like he was about to answer but he was interrupted.

"The dobe launched himself into the crowd again," Sasuke drawled.

"That was a damn accident, Teme! And at least I didn't set my dog on them!"

"Jeez that was one damn time! Get over it already, Akamaru was only playing anyway!" Kiba yelled.

"I think it went really well," Chouji added, watching his friends fight.

Deidara frowned and turned his attention to the two young Hyuuga children. "how'd you do, un?" he asked. He knew Hinata had fears of performing sometimes and it affected her ability to do anything. She had a long history of actually freezing up and so he saw git to single her and her cousin, out.

"I-it w-wasn't so b-bad," she said quietly, "it w-was a good c-crowd."

"Or maybe un, "you're just a great performer."

Hinata blushed heavily at the smile she received.

Poor girl. He could remember being so scared. It wasn't a nice feeling at all.

At that moment, Shikamaru snapped out of whatever daydream he'd been having and said, "did you really get shot?"

"How many times do we have to tell you before you believe us?" Kiba asked angrily. Akamaru barked at his heels. "It happened and it was totally awesome! There was blood everywhere, like one of the Akatsuki shows and Deidara totally saved our lives!"

"I could've handled it," Naruto muttered.

"Before or after you wet your pants?" Sasuke drawled.

"Shut up! At least I didn't cry!"

"I don't cry!" because Uchiha's don't cry.

"Sure you don't cry-baby!"

"You'll be crying soon if you don't shut up, dobe!"

"Yeah, I'm really scared Teme! Bring it on!"

By now, they were in each other's faces, shirts twisted between each other's fingers and eyes staring on with misguided anger.

"Every damn time," Shikamaru sighed, pausing to yawn before saying, "troublesome."

Deidara cleared his throat, frowning at the unexpected pain.

"So un, yeah I did get shot," he said, once he'd gained all attention and gotten Naruto and Sasuke to stop fighting. He pulled at the material covering his shoulder to reveal a covered bullet wound.

Most of the children leaned in to get a better look, making a varied range of faces and one saying, that's so gross.

"So how'd it happen?" Shikamaru pressed.

"Un, didn't Kiba tell you already? Anything he said, you can assume it's true."

"But we wanted to hear it from you," Chouji said. All of the children who weren't present at the time, nodded in agreement.

"Fine un."

He took his time recounting the story, listening absent-mindedly to the cheering, laughing and screams of the crowd in the distance. At times, Taki could be so wonderful and then at other times, he'd get shot and Taki was the worst place in the world.

As he went into obscene detail of the explosions, the doors slammed open and Hidan was rushed in, bloody and gross. The sound of his insane cackle echoed through the room as it often did directly after his act. Pein often used the word masochist alongside his name.

Hidan had been disembowelled today and was dragging his entrails behind him, leaving a large, bloody trail behind him.

Deidara was momentarily glad that he wasn't Sakura and so didn't have to clean it all up

Here was a rush to get Hidan to a safe place where they could fix him up, as well as a less urgent rush to get treatment for minor injuries on other members.

Deidara watched the chaos as he spoke about being shot; the unregistered pain, the adrenaline, the raw fear. He left out the strange things he had felt when he realised he'd hurt the other and that weird warmth of knowing Sasori cared. No matter how little or even platonic it may be.

Platonic.

He wondered idly why he'd even bothered to think that word.

Didn't he only care about Sasori in a platonic way?

Weren't they just… friends?

But that thought disappeared when, through the chaos, Sasori entered the room, having heard Deidara was awake. As soon as Deidara saw him, he knew his feelings for Sasori weren't exactly the amicable ones he'd been contemplating just before. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he was able to distinguish clearly, the way he felt about the children and the rest of the Akatsuki, from the way he felt now.

They stared at each other for a moment. Deidara wanted to disappear because he knew he looked awful and didn't want the other to see him this way. He wanted Sasori to go away because he didn't want to face these things right now.

But nothing happened and nothing changed.

Across the room, Sasori suddenly understood how Kisame had felt the other day, having to stand by and do nothing while it was possible Itachi would die. He imagined the relief the other felt when it turned out that for now, Itachi would be fine.

He didn't know what their situation was – hell he didn't even know what his situation was – but he imagined it felt like he was feeling right now.

He didn't feel safe here. He felt like he would be sick because he couldn't control the beating of his own heart. But it felt nice to lose control like this for once; to have everything he felt thought or did, depend on one person. It was terrifying, but nice.

"Hey Danna, un," Deidara smiled to hide the fact that he wanted to throw up. "I was just filling them in."

Every child in the small room had their eyes on Sasori, trying to sense the mood and deciding whether to stay or go.

Sasori smiled back half-heartedly, to hide the fact that he had no idea what to do.

"How much longer are they gonna make you stay here?"

"Un, Konan said I'll be getting checked out soon to see if I'm well enough to good back to my room. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of here and sleep in my own bed tonight, un."

The children continued to watch until –

"Hey, you kids should've been in bed an hour ago!" Konan stuck her head into the infirmary and yelled.

The children stared back at the door for a maximum of three seconds before scattering, leaving the two older boys alone.

Sasori wanted to ask what happened now, but instead he went further into the room to wait for the outcome, despite the way he felt. He didn't know how to behave in this situation, so he'd act like it was normal.

"Move over, brat," he said and Deidara immediately complied and made room for the other, wincing a little in drug dulled pain as the bed shifted, he curled up next to his Danna, who was surprisingly warm for a puppet. He hadn't even realised he'd been cold until right then, but suddenly didn't really feel anything but a strange, serene happiness.

I wonder why Konan isn't here like she said she would be, he thought briefly. It scared him to think that there might be something terribly wrong in his future and she was avoiding him the way she avoided Itachi.

When he felt an arm wrap around him slightly, Deidara was suddenly very aware of his accelerated heartbeat which was displayed for all the world to hear on the EKG machine.

"You alright?" Sasori asked quietly, all too comfortable in this new position.

"Un, fine," Deidara said, pretending he didn't hear it. "Tired, un."

Evidently too tired to string together a complete sentence.

"Well it shouldn't be too much longer, they were almost done when I got here."

Just as he spoke, the curtain separating the cubicles, was pulled open and a very bloody nurse stepped in alongside the Akatsuki's resident ex-unlicensed-doctor.

Kakuzu wasted no time.

"Can you breathe properly?" he asked, receiving a positive answer, he proceeded, "feeling sick?"

"No, un, I feel fine right now."

"Any pain?"

"Sometimes when I move, un."

"Does it hurt right now?"

Deidara took a while to answer that one, thinking very carefully about it and trying to force himself to feel some sort of pain.

"No, un."

"Well can you walk?"

"I don't know, un."

"Well try –"

"Is it a good idea for him to be moving?" Sasori interjected, "in his condition, he probably won't be able to stand."

"Then what makes you think he's ready to leave?"

There was silence for a moment before, "Konan doesn't know what's going to happen but… she's advised me to let him move on."

Kakuzu looked for a moment like he was frowning behind that mask he wore, thinking about what had been said and what was actually best for Deidara.

"I guess we can set you up in your room for now, Kakuzu said disinterestedly. "you'll start with physical therapy as soon as possible and at this rate, you should be fine to perform in Konaha."

"Okay un," he yawned, "what about Taki?"

"We've got enough going on to keep Taki happy. Just focus on recovering because every day that you're not performing, is costing us money."

An hour later, Deidara was in his own room, in his own bed, having been helped over and set up with medication to put him to sleep.


I've sort of screwed myself over with this story, don't you think? so any ideas would be greatly appreciated.