Chapter 10
Han Solo's gaze flittered lazily across the ornate table setting, under the pretence of 'helping' Leia with the dinner arrangements. He honestly didn't see why Leia went to all the trouble of using her fine Alderaanian dishes and cutlery – most of their guests would be more at home eating rations out of a survival pack – but Leia always insisted on providing a refined and pleasant atmosphere for her frequent dinner parties.
Han could hear strains of Leia arguing heatedly with the serving droid in the kitchen, so he busied himself with the duty of checking the table setting. There was a place for himself and Leia, Wedge, Winter and Tycho, Corran and Mirax, and of course, Luke and Chewie. Han counted their guests again in his mind. He couldn't figure out why there were tenplaces set at the ornate table.
"Leia!" Han had a bad feeling about this. He met his wife in the kitchen, looking immaculate despite the barely-concealed agitation on her face. While their droid was talented and efficient, she often came into conflict with Leia on the best way to prepare a meal.
Seeing Han enter, Leia's angry expression faltered a little. "We'll continue this later," she said harshly to the droid and turned towards Han, managing a loving smile. "Everything else ready?"
"Yeah," Han considered on the best way to broach the subject, seeing as Leia was not in the best of moods.
"Good," Leia cut him off and swept out of the room, Han following dubiously.
"Leia, did you invite someone else tonight?" Han dreaded to think that she had extended an invitation to some Senator or other NR politician.
Leia gave him a glance from the flower arrangement she had been fiddling with. "Yes, I invited Mara Jade."
"You what?" Han could hardly believe his ears. Surely she hadn't said Mara Jade.
Leia looked rather affronted. "Why is that so hard to believe? She arrived back on Coruscant yesterday and I thought she could use the friendly atmosphere."
"But, but…" Feeling his insides constrict, Han could merely stutter helplessly.
"I know we've had our differences in the past," Leia continued, heedless to Han's discomfort, "but she's going through a tough time and I know she hasn't exactly got many…well, people she can depend on."
Han rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "Leia, I'm certain that the last thing Mara wants right now is your pity."
"Well, you would think so, but she actually seemed rather keen to coming," Leia paused, looking up at her husband with a scrutinising gaze. "Why are you so interested anyway?"
Han was on the brink of letting it slip out, of telling her exactly what had happened between Mara and Luke. Despite what some people thought, lying straight to his wife's fate had been excruciating for him. Leia had been appeased with Han's explanation that Luke was simply burnt out from the Academy and the recent trouble with Exar Kun, but now there was Han's sudden interest in Mara's appearance at their dinner party. Leia was a shrewd woman, and it wouldn't take much for her to put two and two together.
"I'm just surprised she accepted, that's all. Jade isn't really the social type," he said eventually.
"Hmmm…" Leia clearly wasn't convinced, and Han could tell she was about to launch into a full interrogation when a crash came from the direction of the twin's bedroom. Leia rushed off to see what trouble the children had managed to get themselves into this time, leaving Han blessedly alone. It was moments like these when Han could do nothing but thank the Force, no matter how much he had protested its influence in the past.
The only decision left to make was what he was going to do about the situation. Obviously Luke wouldn't tear into Mara the moment she walked through the door, it wasn't his style. But he would brood and Leia would no longer be convinced that Luke was simply worried about his people back on Yavin. And then there was Mara to contend with; there was no way for Han to predict whatshe would do.
Sighing deeply, Han went to fix himself a strong drink, deciding there was nothing to do but sit back and allow disaster to avail itself. That and perhaps ensuring Mara and Luke were seated nowhere near each other.
Luke swept a hasty hand through his errant hair, hoping to make himself at least marginally presentable. He had come directly from the hanger where his X-Wing was docked, making a few adjustments to the craft, with the help of Artoo, of course. It had helped get his mind off…other things. He'd even taken her out for a small flight, just over the city, which had refreshed him wholeheartedly. It had also made him unfortunately late for Leia's dinner party, and after she'd stressed so much over him attending.
He supposed it was for the best. He had to move on, to stop wallowing in his own self-pity, wondering how he might have done things differently. Honestly, he was taking Han's advice and giving Mara some space. When he was ready, when it no longer hurt so deeply, he would seek her out.
Finally reaching Leia and Han's door, Luke smoothed out his tunic in a futile effort to look as if he had not come directly from the spaceport. He was certain it wouldn't bother any of Leia's other guests, although it might cause the host herself to quietly disapprove, as she was prone to do occasionally. A sister's prerogative, he supposed.
He heard a rush of heavy feet on the other side of the door, and was surprised when it opened to reveal Han, looking a little red and flustered.
"Haven't started on the brandy yet, have you brother?" Luke mocked softly, smiling as he entered the home. "I know I'm late, but - "
"Look Luke," Han clasped his arm, looking serious. "I need to tell you something."
But at that moment Leia appeared in the hall, trying to hide her smile with a grim expression. But Luke simply opened his arms for her, and all was forgiven. She returned his embrace fiercely, giving him a loving kiss on the cheek. "Everyone else is already seated," she said, giving him a gentle tug on the hand. Han seemed reluctant to let go of his other arm, but Luke shook him off lightly.
"I'll talk to you later, Han," he said and followed Leia into the dining room, but Han was right on their heels, muttering protestations. Luke was about to about to ask him what in the Force was so important when he spotted the most likely reason of his brother-in law's distress. Not three feet away from his across the table, seated between Corran Horn and Wedge Antilles, was Mara Jade.
Luke halted so suddenly that Han crashed unceremoniously into his back, drawing the attention of the entire table, and causing Leia to stare at him quizzically. The only eyes that were not on him were Mara's, whose head was bowed low, hiding her expression.
"Luke?" Leia looked at him searchingly, but his vision was focused entirely on Mara. Despite his anger, Luke couldn't help but once again be struck by her beauty. She looked paler than the last time her had seen her and there were slight bags under her eyes indicating lack of sleep. But the very sight of her made his heart leap. Perhaps it was the fact that her knew her intimately now, had seen her in a way that had only intensified her beauty.
A sharp nudge in the back from Han pulled him abruptly from his stupor, and Luke cleared his throat, his concentration on concealing any kind of feeling towards Mara. "Sorry," he managed a small smile and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I took my X-wing out for a spin and I guess I lost track of time."
Wedge and Tycho grinned, both having fond memories of the myriad of other times Luke had jumped in his ship and managed to forget the duties that bound him planetside. The others seemed more than ready to accept his explanation, and Leia led him to his seat next to her that Luke noted was as far away from Mara as possible. He wondered if that was Han's doing. He shouldn't have worried – Luke wasn't about to make a scene in front of his oldest and closest friends. He needed to get Mara alone, and then they could talk. At least, she would listen while Luke vented his frustration.
"Are you really all right, Luke?" Leia whispered aside to him, under the general voice of conversation.
"I'm fine," Luke squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I just need to sort a few things out."
"Is it not something I can help you with?" There was a note of pleading to Leia's voice, and Luke felt ashamed for keeping such details of his life from her. She always confided in him, and it was difficult not to extend to her the same courtesy. But his relationship with Mara was tenuous at best, and Luke felt it better to sort things out on his own, first.
"I'll come by tomorrow," he promised her, "and we can talk." It was true, Luke hadn't been spending much time with his sister of late, and he had missed her. And there was the business of the Academy that he could confide in her.
Leia seemed satisfied, for the moment at least, and Luke's attention shifted back to Mara, who was chuckling lightly at one of Wedge's jokes. And irrational jealously surged through him, and immediately Luke put his barriers up. He couldn't allow Corran to notice his distress, and the last thing he wanted Mara to know was that she had hurt him.
Dinner was excruciating. He kept trying to catch Mara's eye, but she was too preoccupied with the conversation, that and ingesting large amounts of Han's finest whiskey. Wedge for his part seemed undeterred by her behaviour and kept refilling her glass. In fact, everyone seemed to be getting along well with Mara, conversing with her, making jokes, telling stories. Everyone except Luke, a fact which was trying his already frayed patience.
Han tried to keep him preoccupied with conversation, inquiring after Artoo, who Luke had left at the hanger for the night, telling endless stories about the twins, how they already wanted to be Jedi like their Uncle Luke. In any other situation Luke would have been more than happy to engage in such familial discussion, but he was agitated, a fact he knew Han could see all too well. The ex-smuggler was trying in vain to keep the topic, and Luke's attention away from Mara Jade.
After what seemed like days, the party began to wind up, and Luke eagerly sprung to his feet. As he was saying his obligatory goodbyes to Leia, he overheard Corran and Mirax offering to give Mara a lift home.
"I'm fine," Mara insisted. Although her words were not slurred, she seemed the slightest bit unsteady on her feet.
"Come now, Mara," Mirax admonished, "You can't drive your speeder, its illegal."
Luke could tell Mara didn't give a damn about the legalities, she just didn't want to be seen as weak, or needing assistance. He was by Corran's side in an instant, knowing that this was his opportunity. "I'll take her, Mirax," he said in a tone that didn't warrant argument.
Mara still refused to look at him, her face set in a stony expression, but Mirax looked rather relieved. "Well, if you're sure, Luke…"
"It's no trouble." Luke threw her a winning smile he so often used to disarm his sister. Corran patted him gratefully on the back and the couple continued to say their goodbyes. Luke advanced on Mara, grasping her arm in a grip that was perhaps a little too firm. She still couldn't look at him, but did not protest when he lead her towards the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Leia," he nodded back at his sister, and caught Han's grim look.
"Be careful kid," he said, the words heavy with meaning. Luke nodded, understanding, before he and Mara left the apartment.
He didn't speak on the way back to his speeder, and neither did she. Mara climbed into the passenger seat docilely; that same fear-struck expression on her face. She crossed her arms over her chest as Luke started the engine, and he surmised that it wasn't because she was cold. Obviously she was afraid of his reaction. Well, he considered, in all likelihood she should be.
"Where to?" He asked in a falsely pleasant tone. Mara did not answer, but kept staring out at the night sky, as if she had not heard him. "Where's your apartment, Mara?" He tried again, still to no success. Finally, he sighed and locked the speeder into gear, heading back towards his own apartment. The minutes ticked by in silence, save for the rushing wind and traffic sounds that flittered around them.
"I'm sorry, Luke," Mara said finally, so quietly Luke almost didn't hear her.
A sudden irritation burned inside of him, one Luke couldn't quite quench. That was her explanation? That was the only thing she had to say to him after she had left, humiliated, confused, and hurt him? "You're sorry?" he repeated back to her in disbelief. "Do you really mean that, or are you just saying it?"
"I-"
"Because I really don't know what to expect from you," Luke was letting his anger overtake him, but he didn't care. He was lucid enough to keep enough of his mind on his piloting, but weeks worth of suppressed emotions were bubbling over and he couldn't stop them. "I know you're still grieving over Talon," Luke saw Mara flinch visibly at his name, but continued regardless. "But I thought we shared something…I felt something at least. And you just left, without a word, without an explanation. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"
"Luke…"
"I don't suppose you do," he harshly cut her off. "I probably I should have known better than to trust myself with you, but I'm just a simple, naïve farmboy, right? Nothing could possibly ever bother me, could it Mara? And then you didn't even have the courtesy of returning my messages – that's when I found out where you were of course, not that you left me any clue. One message would have been enough, you could have told me to get a life and leave you alone, at least then I would have known how you felt." The anger was starting to ebb, replaced by a deep hurt. "And not been left to…hope."
Luke stopped the speeder abruptly, feeling the tears welling in his eyes, but clamping down on them immediately. He had docked them in the personal bay adjourning his apartment, and with a heavy heart he climbed out of the speeder, unable to even give Mara another glance.
"Luke…" his name sounded feeble from Mara's mouth, and Luke turned, his resolve stiffening. He wouldn't let himself be hurt again. He had seen her, he had said his piece, and he would be done with her. Or so he told himself. But he saw her face, free of tears, but carrying a deep and sorrowful expression. Finally, she turned her eyes towards him as she stepped out of his speeder, wrapping her arms closely around herself. "I know I haven't been fair to you…" her voice was more emotional than he had ever heard it, matching her distressed expression. "I just…" she closed her eyes and steeled herself. "I can explain."
"Fine," Luke pressed in the activation code, and he gestured for her to step inside the opened doorway. "So explain."
