STARFIRE:
It is now nearing midnight, and the wake of Beast Boy is winding down.
A "wake", from what I understand, is a sort of party connected to a funeral, that celebrates the life of the one deceased, originating from the Land of Ire. It is usually religion-oriented but since Beast Boy was not religious then neither is his wake.
We started it after ensuring that the five villains who attempted to attack the funeral were taken into custody by the police. I am astonished that they were all taken the out by a single man who does not even have super powers. (I am also puzzled by Cyborg calling him a "goddamn Batman", as I understand this to be a curse word. Earth "lingo" is very frustrating.) Robin does speak highly of him, but he only speaks of him very rarely, and even while praising him he sounds detached, impersonal. This is the odd, for when I asked my other friends about him they said that Batman had raised him after his parents' murder, and trained him fight crime alongside him--perhaps even to succeed him. All that is known is that one day he was in Batman's Gotham City, the next he was in Jump City, at a fortuitous time for me. It sounds like they had an out-falling of some kind, but every time someone attempts to give the subject the broach Robin has changed topics.
But he seemed very much pleased that Batman came to the funeral today and guarded it... Maybe it is a ripe time to ask him again.
I get up from the couch and look around. Galfore, my k'norfka and king, left right after the funeral, explaining that there were some affairs of state back home that would brook no further delays; before going he gave me a big varshork* hug, some books and a satchel of food, saying I looked too much the thin. The Titans East are no longer in the Tower--they gave given us a "night off" and are patrolling the city in our stead. Pantha came and stayed. Hot Spot came and left, as did the Herald and the Ravager. Raven is meditating in a corner; earlier tonight she drank an alcoholic beverage for the first time ever and said she could not see what all the fuss was about (I myself prefer mustard). Jinx is petting Silkie and talking in animation with Pantha about something or other. Bushido and Kid Flash are playing a video game badly. But Robin is nowhere in sight.
*-A wild animal native to Tamaran, similar in temperament to Terran bears. Varshork dolls are a ubiquitous Tamaranean children's toy.
I go to the doors, passing Cyborg, Matt Logan and Red Star, who are all standing together and clutching full drinking glasses; Red Star appears to be trying to teach them a sad-sounding Russian song, but I do not think he is having the success, mainly because it is not the first time tonight those glasses have been full. Still, they make up for ability with enthusiasm.
As the doors shut behind me, I sense movement on my right--but it is just Wonder Girl and Argent. Strange--one is supporting the other.
"Is Argent all right?" I ask concernedly.
"She'll be fine. Little Miss Brit here just apparently holds an elevated opinion of how much booze she can hold."
"Bugger off," mumbles Argent, whose face has a decidedly greenish tint. "Shay, woss the big idea anyanyhow? BeaBoy'sh cousin getsh to come b-but--urp--not th' Doom P-Patrolol? Sheems bit--hip!--harsh t' me."
"Uncalled-for, Toni," Wonder Girl chides her. "They did come, but Mento was still pretty upset and they left early. You must have missed them."
"Pardon me, but do you know where Robin is?"
"Our Peerless Leader? Saw him going down thataway 'bout half an hour ago." She points down the hallway behind me. Argent turns even greener and covers her mouth. "Crap. Let's get you back to the john. I swear..." Her voice fades as she flies the two of them away and around a corner. Well, she must be lost, because all we have over there are bathrooms. And I do not even know anybody called John.
I walk down "thataway" until--a voice! I hear a voice, low, muttering, emanating from the shadows--when did it become so dark in here? Precautionarily, I raise my arm, powering its starbolt energy...
Robin!
It is Robin, walking along and muttering to himself, shuffling a sheaf of papers in his hands. As I watch, he walks directly into a wall, then rebounds and continues without pausing.
"Robin, what is wrong?"
He looks up--his mask is off! Something very wrong is happening here. He never takes the mask off.
"Oh, h'lo, Star," he says distantly. "I was jus' thinking: that shouldna happened. That plan, that formation, shouldna used it. Unsafe. Not good enough. So decided t' review 'em all. See this? See this?" He waves one of the papers at me, but I cannot see what is written on it because I have turned my head in disgust. His breath reeks of alcohol! Seldom have I smelled anything more nauseating. He, like Argent, must have an "elevated opinion of how much booze" he can hold, but while it affected her physically, it seems to have affected his mind instead.
"B-9 Formation!" He announces triumphantly, then shreds it into little pieces. "There! Poof! Gone! Unsafe, goodbye." Now he holds another one aloft. "C-8 Formation. Ha! Out!" He crumples it up and throws it away. Then he's back to shuffling. "Good... no good... B-5, unsafe... A-10, 's no good, hafta revise it..."
"Robin, you must stop this!" I grab his arms; paper falls like confetti. "You must not blame yourself for Beast Boy's death!"
"'S all my fault," he whispers brokenly. The blue eyes looking into mine are sad and vulnerable. "The plan... not safe enough..."
"To Hruntaag with your plans! It is not your fault. Robin, you cannot plan everything!"
"Yes, I can." He straightens defiantly. "Learned fr'm th' best."
"Is that all I am to you, then?" I demand bitterly. "Just another plan?"
He sags, and appears to shrink into himself. X'Hal, have I gone too far?
After a long silence, he mumbles, "I think... I really need to go to bed."
"I wonderful idea!" I say immediately. "Let me assist you."
With him leaning on me the same way I saw Argent leaning on Wonder Girl earlier, we reach his room licking-a-split (I think that is the correct phrase).
Standing in the doorway, Robin straightens up again. "Starfire?"
"Yes?"
"Just so you know... I could never plan anything with you."
Then he kisses me.
After a few moments, I shut the door behind us.
