It had been a very, very long time since Magnus Bane had been living in fear. He had been in constant fear after his mother had committed suicide. He felt protected when his mother was around. He felt free and that freedom was soothing. His mother had once loved him, cared for him but it all changed when his warlock mark started to show. When he lost her, he felt alone because even before she died, his mother's husband, his own stepfather who was once affectionate to him had also despised him because of his mark. After she had passed, his stepfather was ruthless. It was like something inside that man was unleashed. His young self was beaten up, left to starve, and been treated worse than animal. Every single second of his life was surrounded with terror. His stepfather's face had become the subject of his nightmares every night.

Although his nights were plague with nightmares, they were the safest time for him. Because his stepfather would be asleep, and the man would leave him alone till tomorrow come. The moment the sun came out, his small, fragile body would be shaking in horror. He was truthfully afraid to even see the man. If his stepfather's face was the reason of his nightmares, his voice never fail to trigger his panic attack. During those times when he was tortured, he often wished ibu had taken him with her. He actually feared to live another day but he would happily welcome death. That was why he was so confused and scared and was actually hopeless when he accidentally burned his stepfather to death.

But he also admittedly was relieved to be free from that cruel man. What could you expect from a young boy who was continuously tormented by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally?

Nevertheless, that was his past. His mother was long gone, and so was his stepfather. He, Magnus Bane…the High Warlock of Brooklyn had no regret of that past. That was just a speck of his long, immortal life.

But he never thought that same fear would return and haunt him, shaking him to the core and made him hopeless. This time the extent of the fear was overwhelming because he didn't fear just for himself, but for his family.

Because Alexander Gideon Lightwood wasn't just another speck in life.

Alexander was his world, his everything.

And he wasn't ready to lose his Alexander.

Closing the book in his lap, Magnus Bane swiftly put it on the console table and stalked toward Alec. His mind was set. He wouldn't delay the matter any longer. Their time was limited. "Alexander, we need to talk."

"Hmmm?" Alec harrumphed from where he sat on the couch. He was distractedly munching some crackers while watching the television.

"I've found a way to reverse the spell." Magnus muttered straight to the point. He knew the inevitable fight was approaching but Isabelle was right. He had been stalling to talk about this for over a month and today seemed the best time to talk things through considering the children were currently with their Uncle Jace and only the two of them were left in the loft.

"Hmm…what spell? Is it for your clients?" Alec's eyes were focused on the television. To Magnus' chagrin, his fiancé was watching a reality TV show but he wasn't going to comment on that. Not at the moment anyway.

"No, it's for you." Magnus took a cautious seat beside Alec on the couch. He took out a potion vial from the inside of his jacket.

"For me?" Alec frowned, finally tearing his eyes off the television. He seized the vial from Magnus and inspected it. The green liquid in the vial glowed brightly albeit sickeningly. "What is it for? If it's for my nausea, I told you I have a bit more left."

"Alexander…" Magnus enveloped Alec's hands in his, making the Shadowhunter to look at him in confusion. The vial shined securely from the inside of their enclosed palm. "This potion can reverse Camille's spell on us. Everything will go back to the way it was."

"Back to…normal?"

"Yes, it'll be as if nothing ever happen." Magnus held the potion. Seeing Alec's reaction, a tinge of hope warmed up into his core. "When we drink this, all of Camille's curse will be wiped clean. There'll be absolutely no remnants left."

"Good job, Magnus." Alec was smiling but his tone wasn't warm or gentle at all. "I didn't know you can be so cruel."

"Alexander…" Magnus' hope crushed to bits. Of course Alec wouldn't be happy about it. It was too good to be true.

"How can you even suggest it? This is our baby we're talking about! I'm not stupid, Magnus. I know what a reverse spell can do. I know what wiped clean mean." Alec was breathing harshly. He stood up and distanced himself as far from Magnus as he could.

"It's for the greater good. You'll get your true anatomy back and—"

"And the baby will be gone, right? Vanish into thin air as if he or she has never existed! That will definitely make you happy, won't it? Things will be easier for you." Alec was seething. "How many times exactly had you done this before, Magnus? How many young women had you impregnated in your lifetime and how many of them had been forced to abort? Because you seem so casual about this. You talk about killing a baby without any remorse whatsoever."

"What has gotten into you? I just want to talk, no need to get defensive." Magnus was hurt. Alexander had always been blunt and straightforward and he loved that about the Shadowhunter but when he became downright nasty, it stung a lot. He got up from the couch and approached Alec. His fiancé didn't walk away from him but he appeared extremely loathed to be close to him. "And in case you've forgotten, Alexander…I'm a warlock and warlocks are barren."

Alec scowled. "Well, this happen so curse or not, you might not be as sterile as you said. But then again, what do I know, right? I'm just a young, naïve Shadowhunter for you to manipulate. This might have happened before but you're too coward to admit it!"

Magnus' features turned upset. As much as he wanted to blame the pregnancy hormones, he still had feelings too. "This has only happened to me once in my lifetime and it's right now with you. Yes, I'm a coward, I'm spineless because I'm truly scared, Alexander! That's the truth! I'm so fucking petrified to lose you!"

Even though it happened in a split second, Magnus did witness the change of Alec's body language. His fiancé's expression wasn't as hard as before, his body was no longer stiff and the fiery wasn't visible in his hazel eyes anymore. This argument had been going on and on ever since they found out about the pregnancy and despite never wanting to fight about it again, they still did. Magnus was truthfully learning to accept the new addition in his life, he truly was. He even had helped Alec and Isabelle chose and bought the essential things that the baby might need when he or she was born. It had been a while since the last time they had a newborn at the loft. Max was already three now and everything seemed so foreign to him.

Magnus had stopped searching for the cure for Alec's sake, since he knew there was no way Alec would change his mind but a few weeks back, something had happened that made him reconsider everything. Alec was glowing in his sleep and the radiant was so bright it almost blinded him. Nobody else witnessed it since it was in the middle of the night, close to dawn. Alec was sound asleep and so were Rafael and Max but in their own bedroom. It was the same gold hue as when Magnus had tried to heal Alec for the first time that had resulted in him to be thrown into a wall while Alec screamed his lungs out in agony. With the shared strength from Jace and Isabelle, that was the night they learnt that Alec was pregnant and all of his bizarre symptoms actually because of the new life inside of him.

Alec wasn't sick, Alec was pregnant.

It wasn't another case of demon pox…Alexander Gideon Lightwood was actually having a baby.

The golden glow hadn't made any appearances since the fateful night of the revelation, as if it had established that nobody would harm it or its carrier. It was protecting itself and its father. But it had returned and Magnus had a feeling it was seeking more strength from Alec because it had made Alec tremble in his sleep, his t-shirt damped with cold sweats, and his skin would be scorching hot. Magnus could barely touch him without flinching because the magical glow was prepared to retaliate anytime. It didn't happen every night but the occurrence was far too often for his liking. He hadn't told anyone about it, not even Alec himself, not until he was sure.

Magnus Bane had lived for over four hundred years and this was the first time ever he had heard or witnessed such thing and he was terrified. That was why for the past few days he had been working harder to find a cure and he eventually stumbled upon the reversal spell, which was their best option right now.

He wanted to put an end to it not because he was threatened by such power from an unborn creature, but because he tragically knew his Alexander wouldn't survive something that potent.

"Why do you keep doing this, Magnus?" Alec capitulated, his voice low. "Why do you keep trying to destroy this life inside of me when you know perfectly well I'll never agree? I thought you respect my decision."

"Respect doesn't mean I'd honor it." Magnus' voice sharpened a bit. "I told you I'd find a way to save you and I did and I am not going to apologize, Alexander. I won't apologize for wanting to save the man I love."

Magnus gazed up at his lover. Alec's face looked gaunt, his skin was sickly pale, his body was getting skinnier each day no matter how much he ate, which wasn't much because of the constant nausea. Magnus had conjured food up from all over the world and yet, most of them had failed to trigger Alec's sense of smell or taste bud. He would either refuse to eat them, or he did consume them and then ended up puking them all out. In the end, the only thing Alec could eat without trouble was plain crackers. Or sometimes when his stomach wanted something more adventurous, he would take the boys' fish crackers too.

Quarreling wouldn't solve anything, not when one side was a hotheaded boy. Magnus often forgot how young his Alexander was. He, as an ancient warlock should be more matured about this. He, as the older one between the two of them had to be courteous and handled it sensibly.

Alexander had suffered enough.

"You should try to eat more than just crackers, dear." Magnus said softly as reconciliation and gently guided Alec back to the couch. The younger man looked exhausted. He was pleased when Alec didn't push him away. "Do you need anything, Alexander?"

"Nope, I'm good." Alec rested his head on the couch and closed his eyes. He hated it when he and Magnus fought but they were too much alike than they would like to admit. "I will drink the potion."

"That's—"

"After the baby's born." Alec promptly continued before Magnus could form a sentence. He opened his tired hazel eyes and apologetically glanced at Magnus. "I'll take the reversal potion after the baby's born. This is our baby, Magnus. Like it or not he's ours. He has been inside of me for sixth months now. I saw his sonogram, I heard his heartbeat, and I constantly felt him move. I want this baby, Magnus. This baby is the proof of our love. We make the impossible possible."

"But it's too risky. What about me, Alexander? What about Rafe and Max? Don't you care about us at all? Having this baby…we don't know what will happen to you. We don't know the true consequences. What if…what if you d-die? Our children would lose their Daddy. And I would lose the love of my life." Magnus swallowed the lump in his throat. Just thinking about it made him shiver. "I don't wanna lose you. I c-can't lose you this soon."

"We can't make decisions based on what ifs. I refuse to do so." Alec said eloquently, cupping Magnus' face tenderly. "We don't choose our birth, we don't choose our death."

"It's true we can't prevent our death but this is suicide, Alexander." Magnus leaned into Alec's clasp, desperately searching for comfort. "If you want your own flesh and blood so much, I'll find a way. I promise I'll find a way but you don't have to do this."

"It's not about wanting my own flesh and blood but I have to do this, Magnus. I need to do this."

"W-Why? Why are you so resolute about this baby?" Magnus' heart thumped fast in his chest. He placed a hand on Alec's chest to ensure himself that the Shadowhunter's heart was beating as fast too. It was one of his assurances that his Alexander was still there with him, and that he wasn't deteriorating.

"Have you ever thought about what would happen if Max's mom had an abortion?" Alec dropped his head on Magnus' chest and sighed contentedly. "If Max's biological mother had done it out of fear, we wouldn't have our Blueberry with us, Magnus. We would miss all the fun, all the happiness and all of our love for our young son would be wasted away."

"This is not the same." Magnus shook his head, disagreeing instantly.

"Is it though?" Alec smiled faintly. "We don't know what the future holds. If we go through with this reverse spell, the baby's future is forever gone. We don't even give him a chance to live. I can't imagine if Max or Rafael's lives were taken away from them involuntarily. I can't imagine my life without my sons with me. We keep thinking about the worse but that might not be the case. I might survive this and in the end, we'd have another child to love. You and the boys have already completed me but this little one here is family too. He is our missing puzzle piece. I know I'm strong enough to do this. Have faith in me, Magnus."

Magnus sighed and nodded, defeated. "I need you to be safe. We can have as many children as we want but there's only one you in this world, Alexander."

Alec propped himself up and stared lovingly at Magnus. "And I will. I'm young, at the prime of my age. I'm sure everything will be okay. But I need you, Magnus. I need you together with me in this. I can't do this without you."

Magnus pecked Alec's lips chastely. "I'm always here for you. Aku sayang kamu, Alexander (I love you, Alexander). Aku sayang kamu lebih dari segalanya (I love you more than anything)."

Alec instantly deepened the kiss and pulled Magnus on top of him on the couch. He had missed his fiancé. "Selagi jantungku berdegup hingga tiba saat terhenti, kaulah dihati (Until my heart stops beating, you're in my heart). Tiada pilihan kedua, pertama hingga akhir usia, hanya kamu (No second choice, you're the only one till the end of my time, only you)."

Magnus instinctively beamed. He loved it when Alec or their children spoke in his native language. He felt proud and welcomed when it happened. He let out an involuntarily, loud moan when Alec bit his lower lip, seeking for more access. "Al-Alexander, maybe we should…we should stop."

Alec's only response was to slink his arms tighter around Magnus. His protruding belly was kind of getting in a way but he would definitely manage. It had been so long since they were intimate with one another. He didn't ask for much. He just wanted to be close with his fiancé, the father with his children. Aside from his obvious pregnancy, there were the kids, and then the uneasiness throughout the pregnancy, and the meetings to attend and clients to pleased, and of course the trepidation to do more than a peck on the lips or cheeks because of Alec's current condition. "I love you, Magnus. I want you…"

Magnus heaved a breath. He could see the love in Alec's eyes. He reached out, fingers grazing the Shadowhunter's cheek as the younger man leaned into his touch once more. "I love you too, darling…but I don't think now's the time for us to—"

"Why not?" Alec grunted, dismayed. "You're my fiancé, and I'm yours…and it has been too long. I need you."

Magnus gasped loudly when Alec's fingers crept to his waist. He didn't know how long he had been abstinence from sex. Perhaps a month or two? Maybe more? If someone told his younger self that he would willingly abstain himself from sex, he would laugh and called them crazy. That was how much his life had changed.

But he was a mere man. And his fiancé was beyond stunning and breathtaking. Just a small touch could make his entire body tingly.

Nevertheless Alec's wellbeing meant more to him than his sexual desire.

Magnus groaned in frustration as he traced his thumb along Alec's lower lip. "You have no idea how much I want to devour you, Alexander…"