Hey everyone :) I just wanted to make a shout out to Me over Matter and Jchibi28 ; thank you for your lovely reviews !
I also wanted your opinion on the rating of this story, wondering if I should keep it the same rating : do you guys want to step up the rating up to M ? Would you be ok with it if I did ? I'm doing some sort of preview here but I'm not sure yet. Tell me what you think, please !
-Justgabbe
That next day we woke up simultaneously as Daichi let out a particularly loud snore. We were tightly embracing each other, legs interlocked and hands holding one another. Shocked and embarrassed, we both separated in haste.
Let's just say things got awkward from that point.
Most of the last day at the training camp, we purposely avoided each other. Kai was very subtle and made it look effortless, acting as if nothing happened. Meanwhile, I was clumsier than usual; I became very nervous around him and stuttered my words frequently when the others talked to me. I also tripped a lot.
I was really, really happy to get home that night, not because the camp wasn't fun, but because of what I did. I'm cringing at the thought of how I acted today.
"How was your weekend, Hun?" mom asks as I got home.
"Good and weird." I sigh as I flop on the couch to pet the kittens.
"Weird?" Mom repeated.
"Long story." I say to not worry her.
"Boy troubles?" She asks with a devilish smile on her face.
"What? How can you know that?" I exclaim in outrage.
"Moms just know, moms just know." She says.
I sigh loudly as I admit defeat as the kittens wiggle and climb clumsily onto my lap. I stare at the ceiling as I recall how it felt waking in Kai's warm and strong embrace. How his hard body felt against mine, how his breath fanned over my skin. I also remembered his dark crimson looking at me, not being able to read them. I wonder what he thought about at that moment?
Things are still awkward.
This week, Kai pretty much decided that I didn't exist anymore. No light chatting, no sarcastic jokes, no help with math, no hanging out at lunch, no subtle smirks, no quick glances, no nothing! Nothing, nada, nyet! And I have to sit next to him!
And I am seriously getting pissed about it.
I mean we were just cuddling for god sakes! It's not like we did something forbidden or outrageous. Both Kenny and Hillary were still asleep, so no one saw. Yes, I have to admit that I acted like a fool that last day, but it wasn't THAT bad… Was it?
"Hello? Earth to Apollo 13? Do you read?" Simon says as he places a hand on my shoulder.
"Jeez don't do that!" I snap at him as he surprised me and scared me out of my reveries.
"What the hell has got into you?" He snaps back.
"Sorry, I'm a mess." I sigh heavily as I hit my head on the lunch table.
"No kidding." He says ironically.
"Something happened with Kai?" Aiden suddenly asks.
"How do you know?" I mutter to the table.
"Kind of obvious… He's totally ignoring you." Simon laughs.
"Things are awkward." I simply reply, not saying more.
"Have you tried talking to him in private?" Aiden asks.
"Given he treats me as if I don't exist, I doubt he wants to talk to me in any case." I sigh again as I lift my head from the table to answer him.
"I don't know, I think it's worth a try." Suggests Aiden anyways.
I sigh once more and bring back my head to the table. But he was right, I should try.
Yet the thought of it made me feel weird for some reason.
It was so warm. It felt so good. I had no idea what this feeling is but I never wanted it to stop. It was as if I was wrapped in silk and chocolate all at once. All I could see was pink and. All I could do is gasp and sigh in pleasure.
Then it became red.
Gentle flames enveloped my body; creating a slow burn from my head to my toes, smoke clouding my senses, breathing in the lustrous fumes.
I could see a figure coming towards me, slow and enticing. A hard, toned and naked body stalking me like prey. I shiver in anticipation, mouth watering at the sight of the stranger, impatiently waiting for his next move.
I suddenly feel fingers gliding over my body and giving me electric shocks in their wake. His hands were warm to soft to the touch, yet forceful in their exploration. They touched me in ways I've never imagined before. A wet and eager tongue joined in and attached itself to my neck, sucking all those sensitive spots I never knew existed.
As I moan out in ecstasy, I finally look into the eyes of this wonderful figure only to stare straight into Kai's familiar intense crimson eyes.
I open my eyes in shock, the weight of my blanket surrounding me. The darkness of my bedroom greeted me. Luna is sleeping soundly at the foot of my bed. I'm covered in sweat and I'm gasping for air. I slowly get up and go to the bathroom and I decide to take a cold shower.
I don't know what happened and I don't know what kind of dream that was but I think I liked it.
Never have I felt so self-conscious about my feelings and how my body reacted to them. That dream keeps haunting me day and night, trying to make sense of it and just itching to be thought about.
It also made me that much more awkward around Kai. I can never look at him the same way. The way I saw him in that dream was almost criminal; the way he moved, the way he touched me, the way he kissed me, the way he looked me… Just thinking about it makes me warm all over. So, I started to ignore him just as he ignored me, for my sake only.
Another week passed like this, both giving each other the cold shoulder. Life went on as if like nothing happened like we never met or spoke before. Our time together with the cats, at Tyson's place and at the training camp seemed like distant memories. However, all I could feel was sadness out of all of this.
Why am I feeling this way ? Why am I feeling as if I'm missing something ?
It was a bright and calm Wednesday morning in history class. It was the last period before lunch break, only minutes before the bell would ring.
The teacher was passing out in each row a page with an assignment printed on it. Everyone was distributing the pages among themselves. As I reach for my copy, I feel a large hand hover over mine. Electric shocks went through me.
This is the same hand from my dream.
I gasp as I turn my head to the left to look into the same eyes that haunted me everyday. And they were staring at me with that same intensity. Kai's eyes we're as wide as mine, his mouth slightly parted; his full lips shining in the morning light and his tongue gliding over his lower lip. The same mouth that made me feel those things in that dream. His expression, his face was the identical to the one I saw that night.
Then, the bell rang.
And in a second, his face went back to its serious and stern mask as he abruptly gets up and leaves the room in haste, not even me giving me a second glance.
And that's when I realised that I was definitely attracted to Kai. And that feeling I felt was a blooming bud of love. That's what I was missing. The love I feel for him is the reason why I feel this way around him and the reason for my sadness is that I miss him and that I want him to come back to me; for him to fill the empty space he left when he decided to ignore me.
Did it really take me 2 weeks to figure this out?
Without thinking I get up as quickly as I can to follow him. I can't just leave it at that. I had to do something. I don't even care at this point of what he thinks of me, I just had to know what and how he feels. To know why he's ignoring me.
I logically head to the place where all serious and loner types hang out: the roof.
I hurry up the stairs to the roof, impatient with myself for not being faster even when adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I wanted to get this over with.
I push the door hastily and run out to find him as soon as possible; I see him leaning against the fence circling the roof. He had his arm crossed and was deep in thought, I wonder if he heard me.
"Kai!" I call out to him as I march towards him.
I'm sweating, my hands are shaking, my heart is beating hard and my legs are screaming for me to stop but I had to do this or else, I will regret it for the rest of my life. I just know it.
As I walk in his direction he opens his eyes, still as serious and intense as ever, and uncrosses his arms as if indicating that he's acknowledging me. I become even more nervous, knowing that he's finally listening to me.
I stop mere inches from him. We stare each other down; he's completely void of any emotion, making me feel uncomfortable. But I have to take matters into my own hands.
"What the hell are we doing," I finally say after several minutes of silence "are you seriously ignoring me over some cuddling?"
He simply sighs and turns his head to avoid my gaze.
"I'm sorry if I made things weird but are we really going to stop being friends because of something like this?" I add in a frustrated tone. I take a deep breath to continue my tirade:
"I don't care about what happened and I don't care about what we feel about it, I don't want to sacrifice our friendship!"
"It's not what you think it is!" He finally retaliates.
"Then what is it? Is it me? Am I that hard to be around with? Am I not good enough to be friends with Kai Hiwatari?" I add as I feel tears well up in my eyes out of anger.
I see his eyes widen; out of shock, out of outrage, I don't know. But my words clearly had an effect on him. He was frozen in place. Instincts kicked in and they were telling me to just turn and run, to just let the tears run free. At least I got some sort of answer.
I was ready to turn and run until I feel Kai walk up to me, closing the space between him and me. I feel strong arms wrap tightly around me and a hard chest press up against mine. It was my turn to be shocked.
We stay like this for several minutes. I didn't dare to move or say anything. I could feel as if Kai wanted to say something but was trying to find his voice or the right words. I could feel his breath on my neck as he hugged me tightly against his body. I waited patiently.
"It's not what you think, …" He repeats in a soft whisper in my ear.
I shiver as his breath ghosts over my ear. Yet, I gather up my courage as I slowly and hesitantly hug him back, making him seize up it slightly.
"What is it?" I ask him just as softly, afraid to scare him away.
"I don't want to hurt you." He replies in a sad tone.
"What?" I slowly untighten my hold on him and look at him with a questioning look.
"I've never felt this way before…" He says quietly as if still unsure what to say.
I try to understand how he might feel. This guy has a reputation of being serious, cold, stern and aloof. Yet here he was, trying to understand what he's feeling about this developing relationship, whether it's friendship or something else. I can see how uncertain he was about all of this, afraid to bring down his walls. If his face and eyes are any indications, he's definitely trying his best.
I lift myself to the tip of my toes to press my forehead to his to get his attention. He looks at me curiously.
"Hey, I'm new at this too," I reassure him, "we don't need to label what's going on and we definitely don't need to push ourselves into…" I drift off, also unsure what to call this whole thing.
"Just be chill!" I chuckle out, trying to lighten the mood.
He looks at me with an incredulous before a smirk graces lips and lets out a small chuckle of his own. He untightens his hold on me as I step out of his embrace, smiling at him brightly to reassure him again.
"Just come back to me?" I ask him as I take his hand into mine. His hand was so much bigger than mine, long and stronger fingers enveloping my own.
He gives me a small smile before he guides me to the door back to the stairs.
At least I got my answer, at least I won't regret it.
