2011

March

Moments like this, Yong Qi longed for the simpler days when concubines and polygamy were still legal.

How did you even begin to confront your father about a secret marriage he had barely half a year after your mother died, your mother whom you were too young to even remember?

When he left Zi Wei and Xiao Yan's room, he had been so lost in thought that he couldn't remember taking the lift down to ground floor at all. He must have done though, since the next thing he knew, Er Kang was next to him. Yong Qi remembered handing his car key to Er Kang. He wasn't in any shape to drive even the familiar route back to the palace.

At first, Er Kang had simply stayed quiet and complied with his silent request, but when Yong Qi spent the first fifteen minutes of the drive in the back seat, staring, dazed, out of the window, Er Kang became concerned.

"Are you all right, Wang Ye?"

Yong Qi didn't hear him.

"Wang Ye?"

No answer.

"Yong Qi!"

"What?"

"Are you all right?"

Er Kang must have really been concerned, because his tone changed completely this time. Gone was the professional distance. Stopping momentarily under a traffic light, he looked at Yong Qi through the rearview mirror. The look in his eyes showed clearly that he was looking at his friend – almost a little brother – not at his prince.

"Yes, I'm fine, Er Kang," Yong Qi said.

"Are you sure? Because Xiao Yan sort of rushed out of the building a while ago. She was so distracted; I don't think she even noticed me."

"It's…fine. I just…It's fine."

Er Kang clearly did not believe him, but also recognising that this was all Yong Qi would reveal, he let the subject drop.

Now, all the information Yong Qi had learnt from the video on Zi Wei's computer and the ensuing conversations all seemed to replay in his head. Away from the room, away from Zi Wei's anxious eyes, he found it impossible to believe all over again.

Later, Xiao Yan had texted him to ask if he were all right and to apologise for keeping this information from him. He called her back to reassure her that he understood why she couldn't have said anything to him before. As for the question of whether he was all right with the whole thing, well, that was a little more complicated.

He wondered if it would have been easier if he had disliked Zi Wei, or else never met her before. Then at least perhaps he would have a little less emotional investment in her happiness and it would have been easier to agree with her that they should just stuff the entire secret under the rug and never mention it again.

However, the truth was, he liked Zi Wei immensely, and despite her assumptions, it wasn't merely just because she was Xiao Yan's friend (though, admittedly, that helped). Despite her protestations that she didn't want to create trouble for his family – and really, for herself – by revealing this secret to them, it was clear that a part of her was longing to be known, perhaps to know that she mattered to the father she had never known. He could hear the wistfulness in her voice and in the way she stared at the twenty-years-younger ID photographs of their father on the papers her mother kept all these years. Xiao Yan seemed to agree with his observation in their phone conversation, during which apparently Xiao Yan was hiding in their bathroom so that Zi Wei couldn't hear her side of the conversation.

If Zi Wei was his sister, Yong Qi knew the right thing would have to be for his family to be informed of her existence. For all their faults, their family was tight-knit; unconditional support was a necessity in a family whose every action and decision were judged by the entire country.

Besides, whatever happened all those years ago, surely his father had his own version of the story, and Yong Qi had to find out what it was. The alternative would be to keep this secret to himself and speculate just exactly what insane thought process went through his father's mind that resulted in the current situation. It would be torture, and Yong Qi was not willing to bear it alone for any length of time at all.

He wondered whether his either of his grandparents, when they were still alive, knew about what happened in Shandong at all. It was doubtful that his grandfather had any idea, as surely Ah Ma would not have told him when his health had failed so rapidly in the last couple of years? His grandmother might have known, and she would have kept it a secret, Yong Qi was sure, out of the fierce need to protect Ah Ma's position and reputation, especially considering how soon after Shandong he inherited the throne. But if Zi Wei's mother was to be believed, none of them would ever have known about Zi Wei. Yong Qi didn't think any of them could be so uncaring as to have never asked after Zi Wei for so many years if they did know. On that note, he supposed he couldn't quite blame Zi Wei's mother for attempting to keep Zi Wei a secret, because any attention at all would have been too conspicuous, considering after Ah Ma became emperor, in with the increased spread of media and technology, it was only too easy to recognise the faces of members of the imperial family, if only one paid attention. The age when the emperor was veiled in mystery was long over.

There was probably no good way of going about this situation at all, no good timing that could be waited for. So, in the end, he simply asked his father, He Jing and Yong An to come to come over to Xian Fu Gong to talk.

"Does this sudden need to talk to us have anything to do with how strange you've been acting in the last couple of days?" his father asked as he sat down into an armchair in the sitting room while He Jing and Yong An shared the sofa. Yong Qi could not sit, he was too agitated, so he ended up standing and looking at them with what he knew was a very grim expression.

"For Heaven's sake, Yong Qi, do sit down," He Jing said, nodding at the other armchair opposite their father.

"No," he said curtly. "Just – I need a moment to figure out how to say this – "

"You know, you're making us – or me, at least – coming up with all sorts of horrible guesses on what this is all about," Yong An said. "Who did you knock up?"

"Yong An!" He Jing cried, horrified.

Yong Qi was not in the mood to appreciate the joke, nor the irony of it when put next to the real reason for his agitation. So his reply was probably more aggressive than his brother expected. "Oh, screw you!"

He Jing startled at his harshness, and looked torn at who she was supposed to be more offended by. In the end, she glared at Yong Qi, too, for good measure.

Even as Yong Qi pretended to not see his father's frown at displeasure, he was still surprised that his father did not verbally reprimand him for his disrespectful tone. Instead, the emperor merely looked wearily inquisitive, as if wondering what he had done to land himself in this situation.

Yong An, on the other hand, was not offended. He merely scoffed at He Jing. "Don't look at me like that! I mean, the way he's been going on, that's a very logical conclusion to draw!"

"Yong An," their father said in a warning tone that implied he should stop talking and let Yong Qi get to the point. Yong An fell silent, and resumed staring at Yong Qi expectantly.

"This isn't about me!" Yong Qi said sharply, waving his hand while pacing around, not really looking at them. Then more quietly, he muttered to himself, "To be honest, right now I wish it were that – "

He could practically feel the disbelief radiating out of his family, because surely they heard this, watching him as closely as they were.

Finally, he came to an abrupt stop and wheeled around to face them all. "I didn't want to have this conversation at Yong Shou Gong, because I didn't want to risk He Ke or Yong Yan, or worse, Mama overhearing this before we figure this out."

His statement was met with raised eyebrows and befuddled looks, but before anyone could question what he meant, he took a deep breath.

"Ah Ma, do you remember the name Xia Yu He?"

The effect of his words was immediate. His father's expression turned immediately from bafflement to shock. He sprung out of his seat and took an almost threatening step towards Yong Qi.

"How do you know that name?" he demanded.

"Do you remember that name, Ah Ma?" Yong Qi asked again, taking care to keep his voice as calm as possible, though his father's reaction was all the answer he needed.

"I – " his father started, then stopped abruptly. He stood, still staring Yong Qi, who thought that if someone told them now that the sky was collapsing down on them, his father probably would not look more shocked or alarmed. The emperor's voice was gruff as he finally said, "I remember."

Yong Qi blew out a harsh breath while his brother and sister exchanged confused looks. His father was still looking at him as if he wanted to shake the answers out of Yong Qi, but at the same time the possible answers to his questions terrified him.

"Tell us about her," Yong Qi said quietly.

His father's answer was sharp. "Not until you tell me why you are asking me this now, how you even know that name – "

Yong Qi interrupted roughly, so overcome by the emotions he had until then managed to keep down that now he was almost shouting, "Tell Jiejie and Laoda about Xia Yu He, Ah Ma!"

His brother and sister stared at him in consternation. It was obvious that He Jing disapproved of his tone, and was ready to say something, but surprisingly, their father waved her down. Even Yong Qi felt shocked as he realised that his father apparently cared so much about getting answers to his own insistent questions that he would not even appear angry that Yong Qi was suddenly throwing what could be called a tantrum. If they had been speaking about any other subject and Yong Qi dared to speak to his father with such attitude, he was sure he would have been sharply reprimanded at the very least.

Yong Qi opened his mouth to start an apology, but his father interrupted.

"How do you know that name?" It was obvious that his father was forcing himself to keep his voice even.

Yong Qi took a deep breath and took care to restrain his voice to be meeker this time. "Please just tell them who she is, and then I'll tell you how I know."

The emperor stared at him, and this time, Yong Qi simply turned to meet his gaze. He could see the mixture of bewilderment, anxiety and something like dread in his father's eyes, but only for a moment, until his expression turned guarded, as if he suddenly was aware how much he was showing. Yong Qi, too, for an instance, felt like he was intruding. If he didn't already know at least some of the reasons for such expression in his father's eyes, perhaps he would have let the subject go. There were, after all, things that a child did not need to know about their parent's past.

He Jing and Yong An, still completely in the dark on the subject being spoken of, looked from one to the other, puzzled.

Finally, the emperor pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. "Sit down, Yong Qi," he said. It was more of an order than a suggestion. And yet Yong Qi didn't comply immediately; he remained standing for a couple more seconds, torn between the shame of knowing he was pushing his father to reveal things that perhaps he had no right to demand to know, and the impossible need to have the remaining parts that would allow the story of Xia Yu He to become more complete. He could hardly rest until it was. Finally, when his father simply sat back in his chair, indicating that he would not talk until Yong Qi sat too, the prince finally threw himself down onto the remaining armchair and waited.

The emperor took a deep breath then shifted the chair he had been sitting in so that he could face all three of his children. He looked hesitant for another moment, but upon catching Yong Qi's eyes, which, regardless of what else he was feeling, still appeared stubborn, the emperor shook his head and began to speak.

"I have never thought I would need to tell you about any of this, as it happened years ago. I can't imagine now how it is a good idea or even necessary for you to know the story I am about to tell." He paused and looked at Yong Qi again. "You really are not going to tell me first how much you already know?"

Yong Qi sighed, all of the sudden feeling weary. "Perhaps I know who, what happened, when. But I really would like to hear you tell your story, Ah Ma, and I think my brother and sister deserve to hear the details from you first."

"Why?" his father asked. He had clearly realised now it was useless to ask how Yong Qi knew.

"I will explain, after you tell us about Xia Yu He," Yong Qi repeated simply.

The emperor shook his head again, finally backing down. He deliberated for a moment over how he should begin, before finally saying, "After your mother died, I took a trip down to Shandong for about four months. There, I met a woman named Xia Yu He. She is a very talented guqin artist, and I met her after one of her orchestra's performances."

Yong Qi glanced over at He Jing and Yong An and saw that they were exchanging wary looks, probably guessing the direction this was heading already. He gripped the cushion wedged between him and the arm of the chair he was sitting on, but merely shrugged sharply when their querying eyes turned to him, looking for silent denial of their equally silent theories.

"It is…it is hard to explain now, what I was exactly feeling and thinking at the time," their father said. His voice sounded as if he was trying to pull the memories back from some far corner of his mind. He stopped again and gave Yong Qi another searching look.

"Please go on," Yong Qi said edgily.

The emperor sighed, but had no choice but to continue. "Yu He and I began a relationship. I didn't tell her who I was. Back then, we weren't on TV so often as we are now, access to our images were a lot more restricted, so I can't blame her for not recognising me. After about a month, we got married."

"What?" came the twin, dead cries from He Jing and Yong An while their younger brother simply sat back in his chair and blew out a slow breath. He never doubted the story he heard on Zi Wei's laptop, precisely, but even Yong Qi had not expected that their father would say it so plainly, so matter-of-factly, in a voice that was clearly implying he did not welcome judgement or disapproval from his children on this matter.

It was, of course, hard for his children to avoid these reactions, no matter what his tone demanded of them.

"What do you mean you got married?" He Jing exclaimed, incredulity ringing in every syllable. "How could you have? You couldn't have!"

"What were you even doing in Jinan then anyway?" Yong An added. "Besides, how could you have gotten married without her knowing who you were?"

His father was looking at Yong Qi again. He couldn't tell if it was a request that he jump in with what he might know, or his father was simply trying to gauge his reaction. Yong Qi just stared back, carefully expressionless. "I want to know all that too."

The emperor closed his eyes briefly and reached up to massage them with his fingers. "I was in Jinan to sell some of your mother's properties there," he said. "She wanted them liquidated and turned into a charity fund."

"We are all patrons of that fund," He Jing said. From the crease in her brow and the darkening of her eyes, it wasn't hard to see that He Jing felt insulted that somehow during the process of setting up a charity fund in their mother's name, their father had also managed to utterly betray her by marrying another woman not even a year after her death.

"You married Xia Yu He under the name Ai Bao Li, right? Why did you even have all the necessary paperwork to do that with you in Jinan?" Yong Qi asked, hoping to distract his father from the frostiness in his sister's words. He could not blame her for feeling it; if anything he wished to join her in it. But it was unhelpful for their father to catch onto it, which would only cause them to divert on a tangent that achieved nothing. Just because their father often did not like criticism from his children didn't mean that they – being grown adults – could escape from seeing his shortcomings.

"Well, the properties were registered under civilian names," the emperor said, "left to her by her grandparents before she married me. So they had to be dealt with her civilian name, which meant when I was acting on her behalf, I needed civilian paperwork with me, including the proof that I was her spouse and her death certificate under her maiden name, and my identifications and household registration under my civilian name. When I left Beijing, I didn't think I would use them in any other way."

"No kidding," Yong Qi couldn't help muttering.

"But you did use them," Yong An pointed out, his voice strained.

"As I said, it's hard now to explain my exact frame of mind in that moment. I was grieving and – "

Yong An was unable to suppress his emotions any longer. "You were grieving for E'niang, and you went and f…married the first woman you saw?" he cried, clearly just catching the swearing in time.

Yong Qi winced at the angry outburst and exchanged an uneasy look with his sister, while their father looked displeased, but seemed to recognise that it was beside the point for him to criticise his eldest son for his tone.

"I never said I was in my right mind," the emperor said wearily. "She was captivating and charming, and easy to talk to at a time when I desperately needed someone to listen. I will admit that I fell in love. That was why I asked her to marry me. It was, perhaps, ill-judged; a madness that caught us in its flurry that neither of us realised how mad it was until it was all over."

"Is it over?" He Jing asked, aghast. "When did it end?"

Their father hesitated. Then, slowly, he said, "After we registered for marriage, and Yu He found out who I was, she…"

"Freaked out?" Yong Qi asked dryly.

"For lack of better word," his father admitted. He sighed. "It was, I see now, unfair of me to put her into such a situation. I suppose only then, amid her own panic, did I realise what a position I'd put her in. I'd forced her into the duties and responsibilities of being married to me. Much more significant than that, I'd unknowingly lead her into responsibilities for the three of you…"

"When did you finally remember that, Ah Ma?" Yong An asked coolly. "When did your children finally occur to you?"

The sharp look the emperor gave Yong An was almost perfunctory, and Yong An met it perfectly evenly. Finally, the emperor shook his head again.

"I cannot deny that you all have a right to be angry, now that you know about this," he said, his voice suddenly less firm than had been before. "The truth is, Yu He was quite angry, as well, when she realised my true identity. In any case, it became clear then that I couldn't ask her to give up everything she had for a life she didn't even know existed when she agreed to marry me. So we got divorced."

Whatever He Jing and Yong An expected to hear next, it was clearly not this, since they both stared in muted shock for a long moment. Yong Qi simply buried his face in his hands.

"All this happened during the four months you were in Jinan?" He Jing asked.

"Yes," the emperor said shortly.

But Yong Qi's calculations, it was probably a shorter time than four months, but he didn't see a reason to point that out. His brother and sister stared for a moment more, before He Jing pressed her fingers against her closed eyelids and Yong An shook his head helplessly.

"Why did you even go to Jinan?" Yong An asked. "We've always had proxies, or proxies of proxies to take care of these kinds of things for us. Surely you didn't need to personally go, even if it was to settle E'niang's affairs."

"I went because I thought that was the last thing I could do for your mother," the emperor said with a voice heavy with emotions, "to complete this last thing she wanted done, by myself, for her."

All three of his children stared at him, none of them missing the great, painful irony of such a purpose and what it resulted in.

Their father looked at them for a long moment, taking in the mixtures of emotions they were directing at him – still the shock, but also the unmistakable anger, disappointment and pain. More candidly and emotionally than any of them expected, he finally said, "Now that I have told you all of this, I will also admit that I did your mother great wrongs. It has rightly distressed all of you; I cannot blame any of your for what you are feeling. I can only say that I am sorry."

The apology, sincere though it obviously was, somehow made the situation even more unbearable, Yong Qi thought. This was hardly the first time their father had admitted wrongdoing or apologised to his children, but it had never been for something as enormous as this. The fact that he said it meant that they were now expected to somehow try and move past it, towards forgiveness. Considering the suddenness with which the information had come, and the emotions with it, forgiveness was an enormous request. It would come, of course, with time, and at different speeds for each of them, but not right at that moment.

Yong An cleared his throat and spoke first, probably in an attempt to move past all that were unspoken, "Who knew about this marriage of yours? It could be disastrous if the wrong people knew!"

"I married her using the name Ai Bao Li," the emperor explained, "and divorced under that name. I don't think any of the administration officials in Jinan who dealt with the case ever caught on about who I was. It had certainly never gotten out and this is the first time I realise anyone but Yu He and myself are even aware of this."

His father, brother and sister now turned to look at Yong Qi. He chose not to answer their unvoiced question right away. "Only you and she knew about this?" he asked, wishing for his father to confirm this once again. "You never told Yeye or Nainai while they were alive? Or Mama?"

"Your grandparents never knew. I did not see a reason to tell them since by the time I returned to Beijing, there was nothing to be said on it anymore. As for your Mama, of course not."

Yong Qi let out a slow breath, unsure if he should be relieved just yet.

"Yong Qi, how did you learn about this?" his father asked.

He stubbornly ignored the question again. "If you married her as Ai Bao Li, what is the legal implication of that marriage?"

The emperor hesitated. "I – I can't say. Why do you ask? Yu He made it very clear when she asked for the divorce that she had no demand on me, indeed that she couldn't take what I was offering."

"Well, she didn't know then probably…" Yong Qi muttered to himself. "Then again, even if she did…"

"Yong Qi," his father pressed, more insistently now. "Tell me how you know. She can't have somehow contacted you. There is no reason for her to do that!"

He looked up at his father, and for the first time since the conversation began, felt more sorrow than anger. He didn't want to be the one to break this news to his father.

"I have never met her. She can't contact me in any way, mainly because…" At this point, he reached out to touch his father's arm. "Ah Ma, Xia Yu He died, over two years ago."

The onslaught of feelings seemed to have taken even his father by surprise, because he stood up again and turned away from them, shaking.

"No!"

The pain in his father's voice was one Yong Qi had never heard before. For an immediate instance, he wondered if his father ever felt his much pain about losing his mother, and if he did, how things could ever have played out with Xia Yu He as it did. He shot his brother and sister a worried look as he half rose from his chair. "Ah Ma – "

His father turned back to look at him. "How?" he asked, voice breaking a little.

"Cancer, I believe." Then, unwilling to make his father ask yet again, Yong Qi finally said softly, "Ah Ma, when you left Jinan, did you ever think that Xia Yu He might have been pregnant?"

"What?" his father, brother and sister all exclaimed but each with vastly different emotions.

"She wasn't…she couldn't be…" his father muttered, still washed over with pain and shock at the news of her death. Yong Qi merely raised an eyebrow at the seeming conviction. "Well, I suppose technically she could but…Are you saying that she was?"

"Yes," Yong Qi said.

"And how do you know this?" He Jing asked.

"Because I've met her. Xia Yu He's daughter. Her name is Zi Wei. She goes to Yong Le."

"And I suppose she poured this sob-story on you the moment you met and you believed it?" Yong An demanded roughly.

"No!" Yong Qi exclaimed. "Give me some credit! It was a complete accident I found out. She hadn't intended to reveal herself to me or to any of us at all."

"Explain," his father said curtly.

Yong Qi gestured and everyone sat down again.

"A couple of months ago, I met this other girl, Xiao Yan, and we've become friends. Zi Wei is her roommate so I've met her a few times as well…"

He went on to explain what happened the few days before when he was waiting for Xiao Yan in their room.

"Are you sure that was an accident?" Yong An asked sceptically. "She could have set that video up for you to find…"

"She didn't even know I was coming, and left as soon as I got there, she didn't have time to set it up. Besides, you haven't met her. Xia Zi Wei is possibly the person least capable of that kind of trickery I've ever met."

"Xia?" their father asked.

"You didn't really expect her to have your name, did you?" Yong Qi asked delicately.

"I suppose not…" his father murmured.

"Surely that is not the most important issue right now," He Jing said. Turning to Yong Qi, she asked, "How do you know she hadn't intended to make herself known to us?"

"She told me," Yong Qi said. "Her mother died in 2008, but Zi Wei didn't stumble across this video her mother left for her until a few months ago. She only watched the video herself and found out who her father is barely a month ago. She is still struggling to deal with this information. She is in no state to approach us with this story yet. The whole idea still terrifies her as it is. I can tell."

"Maybe that's what she wants you to think – " Yong An started.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" Yong Qi exclaimed, turning away.

"I'm just saying."

"I know you're grasping for any reason to…to dislike her and not give any credit to her, all right? You don't have to prove it!" Yong Qi said.

"And you are not?" his brother demanded, unabashed.

"Well, I would be inclined to, if I hadn't met her before knowing this! But I have, and Zi Wei is not the type to do something like that. You don't have to believe me, but can you please just…I don't know, reserve your judgement for a moment?"

"Is she – she is all right, isn't she? She's well and – I must meet her!" his father said, all in a rush of emotions, spring up to his feet again, as if he was ready to rush out of the room to order a car. It didn't seem like he heard a word of the discussion that had been going on between his two sons at all. Yong Qi found this uncharacteristic, flustered mess of unrestrained feelings downright alarming.

"Ah Ma – "

"Do you have her phone number – " the emperor began, but then shook his head. He continued muttering, more to himself, "No, this must a face to face meeting – "

"Ah Ma – "

He looked at Yong Qi, clearly not really seeing his son's earnest, anxious expression. His thoughts were miles away. "You must tell her – "

"Ah Ma!"

Finally, the emperor stopped short. "What?"

"What must happen is that Zi Wei has to decide that she wants to meet you, and that it is in her best interest to meet you, before you start imagining how the meeting will go," Yong Qi said, as calmly as possible.

His father stared at him, not really comprehending. "What are you saying? Are you saying that she doesn't want to even see me?"

"That's what I've been trying to say!" Yong Qi explained. "Her mother never told Zi Wei about you, clearly she intended to keep Zi Wei's existence a secret from you all these years. Now that Zi Wei's found out, she could have approached me with the story right away, especially when it was obvious that she had many questions. But she didn't. Instead, the whole idea of making any of us become aware of this fact seems terrifying to her."

Of course, much of this, Zi Wei hadn't said in so many words to him, and Yong Qi had simply inferred from the video and their conversation. Some of it was, however, also confirmed by Xiao Yan, and he trusted Xiao Yan had been privy to much of Zi Wei's raw emotions ever since she found out her father's identity. In any case, any kind of meeting would be extremely taxing emotionally for her. It didn't take a genius to recognise that.

Yong Qi continued, "She has to convince herself that she wants to have this meeting, knowing it would mean opening the possibility of a relationship with us, which even we can't deny would bring many, many things she hasn't bargained for into her life. She has to decide that the relationship would be worth that toll, because let's face it, she's lived without us all these years, she doesn't need us."

"Have you talked to her about it? About…meeting?" his father asked.

"Not in any specific way. I mean, we've talked of the vague idea, which apparently fills her with dread," Yong Qi said frankly, though he knew it would perturb his father to hear it. It wasn't something he could sugarcoat; that would only lead to more pain down the road.

Sure enough, his father grimaced in discomfort.

"Can you really blame her though?" Yong Qi asked. "Her mother never spoke of you to her and she only found out who you are after her mother had died and left behind a video of message. Considering that, on top of who you are, reluctance to meet you is entirely understandable."

"I – " His father sighed. "I suppose that makes some sense."

"For what it's worth, I think part of the reluctance is because she can't be sure whether you'd want anything to do with her, either. I think Zi Wei does long for a…a family, it's just that the idea of this family is very overwhelming. She practically told me herself that she doesn't have any living relative left on her maternal side that she is close to."

For a moment, as that truth sank in, no one in the room spoke. The emperor seemed lost in thoughts again, but Yong Qi could see that he was finally beginning to understand Zi Wei's fears, was taking the moment to think about her wishes, rather than rush off into expressing his own, which could have simply been born out of the shock of the moment and the accompanying sense of guilt.

"Would it be…easier if we suggest taking smaller steps first?" He Jing asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, perhaps instead of meeting Ah Ma right away, maybe Yong An and I could ask to meet her first, so that it's a little…less intimidating?"

Yong Qi laughed. "I'm not sure if the two of you count as 'less intimidating'."

"I don't even know I want to meet her," Yong An muttered.

"Brother," Yong Qi said wearily.

"What? Do you expect me to rejoice in this?"

Yong Qi shook his head. Of course he did not. On the contrary, he was not surprised by his brother's ire. He simply disliked the idea that Zi Wei might have to endure it, because she had not grown up with Yong An, and had never learnt to shrug off Yong An's temper, understanding that it was swift to come but also swift to disappear. Zi Wei would be hurt by it, and Yong Qi couldn't help but loath to see her feeling that way.

Meanwhile, the emperor said, "You can't hold my mistakes against her, Yong An. She is your sister."

"She's a perfect stranger!" Yong An exclaimed heatedly. "And how do you even know she's your daughter? You've never even met the girl, and she might very well not be!"

"How dare you!" the emperor cried, looking at his eldest son indignantly. He was about to continue, but Yong An interrupted.

"No, Ah Ma, you are not being reasonable! We currently have nothing but this woman's word, which wasn't even spoken in person, but delivered through a video! Aside from Yong Qi, none of us have even met the daughter! So excuse me if I'm not jumping at the chance to welcome her with open arms!"

"That's enough, Yong An!" their father thundered but Yong An just looked back, defiant.

"Can I – " Yong Qi started at the same time as He Jing was saying, "That's why I think we should meet her, Yong An."

"How can you take this so calmly?" Yong An demanded, staring at He Jing.

"I – " she stammered for a moment. Then, sighing, she started again, "Well, what's done is done. At the very least, Ah Ma did marry this Ms. Xia, and this Zi Wei is her daughter. Even if there is no relation, Ms. Xia did – does – mean something to Ah Ma. Should we not then give her daughter at least some courtesy of the benefits of the doubt?"

"We don't need to do anything. We don't owe her anything," Yong An said darkly.

"Actually, you are wrong," their father said wearily. "I owe her a lot, regardless whether I am her father or not. My…relationship with her mother would have affected their lives in some way or another. It is useless to deny that. I know you are angry, Yong An, but you should rightly be angry at me. Whosever daughter she is, Zi Wei has done nothing to earn your anger."

Yong An looked away, pained and resentful still, and didn't answer.

Silence descended again, and Yong Qi finally found the opening to say what he had wanted to say. "Look, can I ask this? Whether you meet her or not, or who, can you just promise that you will let me ask her, and allow her the choice of saying no?"

"I hardly think we'd just show up on her doorstep without warning, Yong Qi," He Jing said.

"Well, any of you showing up at a Yong Le dorm room might be a little problematic," Yong Qi said dryly.

"She did actually say she doesn't want to meet me?" his father asked in a gruff voice.

Yong Qi hesitated. "I don't think she knows what she wants. It is hardly surprising. This is still very new to her. She is reluctant, but I don't think it's due to any ill feeling. She is just afraid of what comes after the first meeting. Which begs the question, what does come after?"

"No, we can't start jumping ahead here," He Jing said. "Please, can we just take one step at a time? I still can't even really grasp this whole concept. I hope I will be able to if I get to meet her. But right now, I can't think of anything ahead of that."

"You are right," their father agreed. "Yong Qi, perhaps you should just contact her and let her know that your brother and sister would like to meet her if she is willing."

Yong An shot him an indignant look, which was ignored.

"And you, Ah Ma?" Yong Qi asked quietly.

"Your sister is right. We need to take steps. She needs to want this meeting."

"If the point of meeting Jiejie and Laoda first is to convince her that meeting you might not be so scary, then I recommend she just meets with Jiejie first," Yong Qi said, only half joking.

"I second that," Yong An said sourly.

Their father sighed. "As long as you keep on stubbornly keeping her as an abstract concept, you're going to direct this unfair resentment at her. So meet her, Yong An, if she agrees, and then maybe you'll just be angry at me."

Yong An didn't answer, but silence, in this case, spoke volume.

"What about Mama and Ke Ke and Yong Yan?" He Jing asked. "Will you tell them?"

"I suppose I must, regardless of whether anything comes out your possibility of meeting Zi Wei. But let me do that on my own."

"I'm pretty sure none of us want to get into that," Yong Qi said under his breath.


A/N:

Tianlu: one of the main reasons I rewrote this whole story was to delve more into Yong Qi and Zi Wei's relationship. So basically this next stretch of about 5-6 chapters will be very Zi Wei-centric.

I hope you're all having a happy lunar new year :)