Their hand fell away from the SAVE Star and they walked forward. There was no point in lingering there... The forest of pillars cast long shadows through the golden light and they were forced to stop before the shadowy figure ahead of them... Just like usual though they allowed a part of themself to be surprised by it.
They had given up trying to catch glimpses of him. A part of them hadn't expected him to be here. At first a small part of them that could still feel had been filled with dread when they had left Snowdin behind. But he had never shown up to confront them. After Shyren, where they thought they may have caught a glance of him in the shadows, they had began to feel nothing about the situation just like everything else. He had stayed away... Only now did he appear. And this time, Frisk was certain they would not be given the usual spiel about LV and EXP... They knew all about those things now. Once, they had stood here listening to him, and those concepts had seemed so far away to them, so foreign and terrifying. Now, though... They had truly gained LOVE instead of... They would not be judged for they had already been judged. They could see it in his smile. His smile that, despite it all, was still there on his face. His expression was one that... they weren't sure they wanted to describe so they didn't. They looked past it, unmoved. But they did note the darkness... The darkness of his expression full of loathing.
*But loathing at who, exactly?
*You?
*Or himself?
Their eyes trailed down his face and onto Pa- the red scarf... They had watched it fly away in the mournful wind, the dust and snow flying off with it. Frisk had thought, finally, he had listened to their internal plea. He had fled. Finally... But somehow it hadn't occurred to them that in the end, he had only been going to find his brother, concerned. Because he hadn't expected to die... He hadn't expected... He'd trusted them... He'd... And even afterwards, even after he had been more than half dust-
Successfully they pushed the thoughts away again, just like every other time... They simply focused on the goal ahead. To get to the end, to get to Asgore.
Currently, to get past Sans and the red scarf.
The LOVE, they were full to the brim with it, almost to 20. And with that, that and their lingering determination, they kept upright, smiling maliciously, showing their hatred even as their gaze stared dead. The contradiction, they were so very aware of it, they could feel it in their Soul... The want to SAVE. The want to ERASE. The want to end... To want to... give up.
They were finally here. They were finally listening to Sans' advice. His true advice, the advice he actually believed in for himself and not just some hollow, meaningless words. They would win. They had already won. Because no matter what words he threw at them now, Frisk knew the truth. Frisk knew all of it. Frisk knew how he truly felt... His lies would not move them...
They stared through him, not wanting to see his smile. His fake smile. It had always been fake, hadn't it?
"heya, so... you've been busy, huh?" His low voice was expected, but it still produced images of Monsters falling to dust around them. They lowered their chin a bit, their smile just as fake as his own. "so, i've got a question for ya." He began again, and Frisk knew they would not answer, and perhaps he did too.
They hadn't said an entire word this entire timeline... Their voice had abandoned them completely just like their emotions other than anger and hate. All they had left was the occasional uproarious laugh, rocking through them like it had earlier with Flowey.
"do you think even the worse person can change...? that everyone can be a good person, if they try?"
Somehow, the words had a slightly surprising effect. It pulled on something it shouldn't have, and Frisk's mind clung to it, the slight pull in their chest, the faint echo of a Load or Reset, the pull of their power. The anger squashed it and Frisk let it slip away, not willing to entertain the thoughts. They were here. There was only one thing left to do. They looked down at their feet. The words were worthless... They had tried. They had tried everything. That was the point.
"just give up, i did."
It was time to give up...
"all right." Sans continued, as if he could read what they were thinking. "well, here's a better question. do you really wanna have a bad time?"
Their gaze drifted upwards again, their stance becoming slightly more defensive, determined, though not exactly... Just... They had to keep going.
"cause it you take another step forward... you are REALLY not gonna like what happens next."
They would get past whatever he sent their way... Eventually. Most definitely less than 30, less than Undyne. They were almost there. It was almost done. Just a few more. Just a few more kills. So close.
They took a step forward, just wanting to get it over with.
"welp." Sans shrugged, as if it was a casual game. "sorry old lady, this is why i don't make promises." Frisk gritted their teeth together, unmoved by his mention of Toriel. If anything-
*As if he ever KEPT that promise to begin with
"It's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing, flowers are blooming..."
"You know what we must do."
"on days like these, kids like you..." Frisk was running out ahead, their knife out to the side offensively, prepared for the first move... But Sans' left eye was blazing to life like fire, and his hand shot out ahead of him. A set of large, skull-like creatures formed behind him and Frisk's eyes widened in actual shock. "should be burning in hell."
They didn't even cry out as the blazing heat scorched them repeatedly.
Their Soul shattered before they even hit the ground.
They forced themself back into place, the anger engulfing them as they stood next to the SAVE Star.
*That cheating asshole!
They knew they had no room to talk about that, only having to win once, being able to try and try again. But still, they let the anger move through them unimpeded as they twisted back towards the center of the hall and moved quickly into place, their teeth snarled. They would listen to his questions and then head back to the Star this time before stepping forward. That would save some time- But he wasn't asking them questions, he was looking them over smugly.
"heya. you look frustrated about something. guess i'm pretty good at my job, huh?"
"hmm. you look bored." He had once said. "huh. have something to tell me?"
"I'm a stupid doodoo butt." They had once told him, having been told it was a secret codeword. "I'm the ultimate fartmaster." They had said another time.
They had always wondered how much he... But it hadn't mattered. He didn't know enough... Couldn't understand... They just hadn't thought about him in time, and it didn't matter.
Now it was just convenient...
They rushed forward again, this time getting farther into his stolen opening attack than before, but still falling to the floor. Dead. The bones were easy to dodge, they were used to those, it was the beams of energy that were getting them.
"all right. how 'bout we make it a third?"
Ugh! If he just played fair! If only they had the first turn! It would be over before it even started!
"hmm. that expression..."
*That expression. That expression. Always like he knows everything. Like he gets it...
*Just a joke. Just a big joke!
They hated him, they genuinely hated him!
Frisk shook their head slightly, trying to focus a bit more, but the anger was unmoving.
"that's the expression of someone who's died quice in a row." He seemed to think it over, unsatisfied. "quice? trice?" He shrugged. "welp, won't have to use it again anyways."
They were just so angry! And they slipped up, they died earlier this time. They couldn't afford that. They couldn't afford to lose ground and not gain it. They had to get to their turn! They felt the anger finally recede, just a bit, letting Frisk's mind clear slightly. Their goal more important than anything else. He would get his due, the anger reasoned. He would...
"hmm. that expression... that's the expression of someone who's died five times in a row. convenient, huh? that's one for each finger. but soon..."
"huh. always wondered why people never use their strongest attack first." He said, and Frisk's smile had twisted... Their turn, finally their turn... To just get this over with!
They didn't CHECK him, the anger was already reading him, already telling them, one hit. One hit and it was done. Just get it done with.
They swung forward, to finish- He shifted out of the way and their smile twitched at the edges even as their eyes stared unresponsive... because of course. He was lifting his hands apologetically, winking his right eye for them.
"what? you think i'm just gonna stand there and take it?" He asked. Stand there... Stand there like P-, his brother. Suddenly, the breath was stolen from Frisk's chest and they staggered as their Soul was awash in Blue.
"THEN, LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE MY FABLED 'BLUE ATTACK'!"
P-Papyrus. Papyrus. Like his brother, Papyrus.
They should have been prepared. They should have known. They should have- Everything was tearing through them, their mouth wide open and suddenly their eyes very expressive as tears immediately filled them. They should have remembered... Remembered how Blue dragged them forward. Forced them to brace that wide gorge between them and everyone else. Force them to feel.
They- Frisk wanted to stop- They needed-
*No.
*We've come to far for that sentimentality.
*Especially not for him.
The LV was squeezing tightly around their Soul, drowning out the Blue as much as possible and Frisk embraced it back, letting it gladly into their Soul, letting it twist the memories. Letting it focus on all the bad. They had to get to the end. They had to get past him, past him... To get to the end. The end.
*To make humanity pay.
*To make him pay.
*You want more than anything-
But they were already dying... The bones through their chest and they struggled to breath as their HP trickled downward... This was not like Papyrus at all. Not at all...
Papyrus had never killed-
The LV banished the thought completely before their mind slipped into darkness.
"our reports showed a massive anomaly in the timespace continuum. timelines jumping left and right, stopping and starting..." Sand told them as they jumped through bones, their Soul Blue, but the LV had been prepared this time. This time there had been no drowning emotions to impede them. Only a soft ache. An ache they could ignore. An ache they could plunge through. Because the ends justified the means.
"until suddenly, everything ends." He was dodging again, dodging their knife and they clenched their fingers more tightly. "heh heh heh... that's your fault isn't it?" He asked, his eyes going black, already knowing Frisk would not answer. And he didn't need for them too. He already knew.
But he did not understand. And Frisk knew he never would. Because he may have had the data, about how everything was turning, but he would never, never understand it. How it was to be stuck-
"you can't understand how this feels." Frisk faltered, staring at him, at how he couldn't look at them. For a moment they were at MTT, they were at all those other times where his eyes had been off to the side. But this was slightly different. This time, his voice was almost hushed even... As the attacks started they struggled to jump the platforms, to avoid the bones and their deadly poison. They hesitated to attack, their Soul pulsing to Check him.
*The weakest enemy.
"knowing one day, without any warning... it's all going to be reset."
They could feel their sins weighing on their neck... even despite the LV's best efforts... Because they had known he knew about their Loads. That they came back when they died. They had not realized he knew about the bed of flowers... About going back all the way to the beginning. The thought disturbed them momentarily, they got sloppy... Their Soul shattered.
*He can't keep dodging forever. Keep attacking.
They didn't... They didn't want to...
*Keep attacking!
They could keep going, when he was talking about timelines jumping back and forth but as soon as he looked away-
"you can't understand how this feels."
The feelings in their chest lurched, the Blue assisting them coming to the surface. All this time... They'd been certain. They'd been so certain they were alone.
The Blue forced a memory of him offering them his hand.
"you're gonna catch your death out here."
Sans...
"hmm. that expression... that's the expression of someone who's died eight times in a row. that's the number of fingers on a spider." A little white flower on a pile of dust... They banished the thought. "but soon..."
They couldn't dodge the feelings forever... Soon they would be Blue again.
"look. i gave up trying to go back a long time ago." He was saying, and there it was, truth.
He'd given up. Just like Frisk... Just like them..
"and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore, either."
Frisk huffed as they tried to keep up their attacks, to look determined, but their arm was shaking...
"I think if you're around... Just living in the surface world doesn't seem so bad."
Flowey hadn't understood. Would have never understood. He did not know.. They had wanted... They had wanted to give them the sun... and now they couldn't. And Flowey had not understood that. But Sans- The LV squeezed once more, shoving Frisk's pain downward and they took a deep breath as they swung.
"cause even if we do... we'll just end up right back here, without any memory of it, right?"
Frisk froze in their tracks... Their blood ran cold and their throat was tight as they stared at him, the deadness in their gaze was now wide with striking alarm.
"to be blunt... it makes it kind of hard to give it my all." He admitted when they didn't attack. Their Soul pulsed on Act, but... but... There was nothing to say... "or is that just a poor excuse for being lazy...? hell if i know."
Their Soul was breaking...
"hmm. that expression... that's the expression of someone who's died seven times in a row. nope, wait, that's definitely nine, sorry. or was it ten?"
How many times? How many times had they stood in this Hall? How many times had they Loaded? Reset? Relived the same time over and over, the same words, the same expressions, the same lies...
This time, when the Blue drowned them, the LV sputtered as Frisk refused it. As they embraced the Blue, only allowing the LV to numb it slightly, as their eyes filled with tears but they refused to break down. Frisk paid close attention to Sans' expression. They had to know. To just know... How much did he...? How much was lie? How much was... truth?
"look. i gave up trying to go back a long time ago."
For all those times they had been here... That first time... When they had been so relieved to see him smile warmly at them, to see his eyes brim with pride... For all the times after, when they had been there, staring at his face trying to figure out where it had gone, whether or not they had just imagined it. If it had been a dream.
But it hadn't, had it? It had been real. Just like their determination. Once, he had believed in them. Once, he had truly meant every word. But then they'd...
"all i know is... seeing what comes next... i can't afford not to care anymore."
The bones pierced through their chests and they cried out for the first time before their Soul shattered.
They stood beside the Star for a moment, taking in even breaths...
*Go
Frisk obeyed hesitantly and stood in front of him, trying to not shake. They hated that. They hated how he could make them shake, oh how they hated it...
"hey! congrats! the big one-oh! let's invite all your friends over for a big shinding. we can have pie, and hot dogs, and..." The pain seared through their chest, and seeped into their eyes. They were still smiling, though no longer as wide as before. "hmmm... wait. something's not right." He noted, and Frisk's eyes snapped onto his face, worried he had seen through them. "you don't have any friends." The feelings seeped out of them as he spoke. He was right... He was right... They just had to keep going. To meet him. They lifted their knife and moved forward. They couldn't care. They just couldn't... But once upon a time, they'd...
"i can't afford not to care anymore."
They couldn't listen. They embraced the LOVE, clutching it tightly, pleading with it to help them stop feeling this: their sins on their back, the dust on their hands, the pain in his expression, the pain in their Soul, to drown out the Blue and whatever was trying to erupt from their chest.
He was sweating anxiously...
"ugh... that being said..." He was looking at them, just for a moment, his eyes... but they were shifting away from Frisk again. "you, uh, really like swinging that thing around, huh?" He asked.
Their fingers tightened around the knife... They... They didn't-
"... listen." His eyes were closed... He looked like everything was weighing on his shoulders as much as it had once weighed on Frisk.
The feelings in their chest lurched again, the Blue overcame the LOVE and they had to be honest with themself... They hated it. They hated it. Just like Flowey shaking, this misery would forever be with them. Forever... Forever... There was only one way to get rid of this guilt. To get rid of it all, but... Frisk...
"i know you didn't answer me before, but... somewhere in there. i can feel it." His eyes were opened again, and looking directly at Frisk... "there's a glimmer of a good person inside of you." That ache in their chest...? "the memory of someone who once wanted to do the right thing."
"i believe you can do the right thing."
"someone who, in another time, might have even been..." His eyes closed, as if it was too much. "a friend?"
A friend... Their friend... They had wanted to consider him a friend... And so had he... He had wanted to consider them his friend, they realized. That first timeline... How the two of them had skirted around each other, wanting it, but not until the end had been reached could either of them act on it. When they had lunged across the Hall, to hold him close, not wanting to let go, so grateful that MTT had not actually been 'goodbye'. Frisk wanted-
*It's a trick
But he was winking at them, his smile a cringe, and so was theirs...
"c'mon, buddy." His eyes were open, he was looking right at them, right into them, pleading... "do you remember me?"
Yes...
Yes... They remembered. They remembered when his smile had been real... That had not just been a twisted dream.
"please, if you're listening... let's forget all of this, ok?"
In a world that nobody remembers them...
But Sans did. Sans remembered... At least knew. Sans knew... Sans knew how this felt. He did. He understood! More than Flowey even... To know... To know how it felt to be able to care but then give up-
There were tears streaming down their face and they were having difficulty breathing as the feelings erupted in their chest, the LV and anger being pushed back...
*Frisk.
"just lay down your weapon, and... well, my job will be a lot easier."
*Stop.
That was just what Frisk was doing... Stopping. Stopping this. This endless cycle of killing, killing, killing... They wanted to die... They wanted to die so much... But to do it... It wasn't worth it. What they had to do really wasn't worth it. They wanted to go back, to stop this... To be friends...
"I THINK YOU ARE IN NEED OF GUIDANCE."
Sans...
"... you're sparing me?" Sans' eyes were closed, and they should have noted the solemn way he said it. They should have noticed how his chin just barely touched the top of the red scarf. But Frisk only saw how his eyes opened, and he seemed to look pleased. They only say how he was winking at them. "finally. buddy. pal."
He couldn't remember, but he knew...
"i know how hard it must be... to make that choice. to go back on everything you've worked up to."
There was an intense fear that ripped through them. They were throwing this away. The end away, they were going to have to go back. Dear god, if they went back, they were going back... They- They- But...
*You'll see.
They had to go back. They couldn't do this. Finish this. They wanted to do the right thing. They wanted to go back. They didn't want this to be goodbye! They wanted-
"i want you to know... i won't let it go to waste." He told them and Frisk was sobbing.
"SOMEONE NEEDS TO KEEP YOU ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW!"
This time they wouldn't be so alone, this time they knew the truth. How much Sans could know. How much- His arms were raising out towards them, he was winking. "... c'mere, pal."
He still considered them his friend...
"ARE YOU OFFERING A HUG OF ACCEPTANCE?"
The knife was falling from their hand as they lifted their arms and lunged forward. They were sobbing breathlessly as they reached-
An array of bones struck them from every side, and they could no longer breath. From the top, the bottom, the sides, throughout their small body as they crumpled to the ground, their eyes desperately going up to Sans.
"W-WELL. THAT'S NOT WHAT I EXPECTED..."
He was still smiling, still winking for them, his arms now up towards the sky as he half shrugged.
"geeeetttttttt dunked on!" He put his hands in his pockets as their Soul began to break. His smile was false and his eyes as piercing as bone, loathing... "if we're really friends... you won't come back."
"Please do not come back."
The were standing beside the Star... Their breathing rapid and quick. H-How...? How could he? They anger had filled them out completely as Frisk's breath shuttered, as their limbs felt funny and they wanted to fall... But they kept going. They kept their mind focused on the task, but- This time when he asked...
"friendship... it's really great, right? let's quit fighting." He offered, but their arm was already swinging, tears in their eyes. How could he?!
"just give up, i did."
"woah, you look REALLY pissed off..." He stressed, lifting his tips of his slippers a bit as he rolled back onto his heels. "heheheh..." His eyes opened, dark orbs staring at them. :did i getcha?" There were tears in their eyes as they blinked away rapidly. How could he? How could he?! H-He..
*What could you expect..?
*After all...
*It's kill or be killed.
*There isn't a point to playing around anymore...
*Let's finish this.
F-Frisk hadn't... Hadn't wanted to..
*But then why didn't you RESET, hmm?
*Why didn't you try to SPARE him again?
Frisk...
"well, if you came back anyway..." His eyes were closed, he was closed off from them, standing there in his own sadness and Frisk across from him, feeling light again, feeling their cheeks burning in true shame as his eyes opened and he couldn't meet their gaze. "i guess that means we never really WERE friends, huh?"
They felt light. They felt dizzy, their breathing uneven again as they began to shake.
They...
"heh." He was looking directly at them, broken even... "don't tell that to the other sans-es, okay?"
Frisk's mouth was open but soundless as their Soul shattered once again.
He lifted his hand, the skulls were forming, their mouths opened wide to perform his opening attack, and Frisk... Their heart was breaking in realization... His last words, his broken expression...
He had wanted to consider them his friend... That had been their one... That had been their one chance, hadn't it? Their one chance to prove they could change. That they could be a good person...To die and not come back... Now... Of course... Of course they'd ruined that too. They've ruined everything...
Frisk had never been a good person...
*The REAL battle finally begins!
They took a step forward, but then faltered, the blazing attacks searing across their skin and killing them... Because they deserved to be killed...
*Keep fighting!
"you can't understand how all of this feels."
To be stuck. To be stuck here forever. Dying, over and over, because there was no other place to go. Because they couldn't land a hit on him no matter how much they tried, because they couldn't RESET. This was it, wasn't it? This was where they would be for forever. Forever and forever. Stuck on this treadmill of death and-
The idea struck them and it had shattered their Soul.
"let's just get to the point." He said, but they were staring at him, as his first attack flared... They were staring at him with sudden, clear understanding...
"you can't understand how this feels."
"WHY WERE YOU USING A TREADMILL IN THE DARK?"
It felt exactly like that. Like a treadmill in the dark... He'd...
Oh my god...
He'd been telling them. Telling them the whole time. Calling out to them for help in his own way the entire time...
And now it was too late.
It was all too late.
Even if they had gone back to the beginning, he still would have never been able to give them a real smile. Because they had ruined it. They had ruined it a long time ago. This whole time they had been ruining it... Just like with their Resets, ruining their chance at the surface. They'd ruined everything. Absolutely everything!
If only... If only they had said something. If only they had just...
Their mind went back to how they had cried into his hoodie, when they had first thought about how they had wanted to die... About how they had immediately Reset. If they'd just... If they'd just lifted their head. If they had just said something.
They had wanted to be friends... This entire time... They had wanted to have somebody understand, to explain things to, to have them understand... And they'd had it! This entire time they'd had it!
If they'd just- If only they had just told him.
If only they'd just realized what he had been telling them. If only they had realized that the his changing expression had meant so much more. They had known he knew about their ability, they should have... They should have realized... They should have listened!
They met his gaze, their heart lurching, wanting to call out, their mouth opening, but...
But now, his left eye was blazing with fire, with hatred... And Frisk realized...
He was never going to listen to them.
He was never not going to hate them ever again.
Because they could Reset... but he would always know.
"sounds strange, but before all this i was secretly hoping we could be friends. i always thought the anomaly was doing this cause they were unhappy. and when they got what they wanted, they would stop all this."
They had wanted to be friends, he had wanted to be their friend... But now here they were. He was just their next victim. They were just the "anomaly". Something to be appeased. It hit them like bone in their chest, that thought...
They had climbed the mountain, sick of people telling when to stay and when to go, and this whole time! They had been doing the same things to Sans!
"and maybe all they needed was... i dunno. some good food, some bad laughs, some nice friends."
That'd been enough! That would have been enough! Why hadn't that been enough?
"but that's ridiculous, right? yeah, you're the type of person who won't EVER be happy."
Because they couldn't SAVE everyone, that was why. Because they had turned away from Toriel and had felt a stirring in their chest. They would have never forgiven themself for not trying, but... But... They couldn't SAVE Asriel, and by the time they had realized it...
"you'll keep consuming timelines over and over, until..."
They'd kept Resetting. They'd kept going. On the treadmill. Ruining them. Ruining him.
"well. hey. take it from me, kid. someday... you gotta learn when to QUIT."
They just wanted to die... They just really, really wanted to die. To stay dead... To just end it all. They'd ruined everything. Everyone. God, what had they done? What had they done?
"and that day's TODAY."
No. It was too late. Why hadn't they just stayed on the surface? That last time they were there with everyone? Why hadn't they'd just realized it was it. That that had been the day.
"cause... y'see... all this fighting is really tiring me out."
They were just so tired. So tired of losing. So tired of being here, of being faced with their greatest mistakes. Asriel. Sans. Everything. This was hell. They really were in hell. Their skin burning in the blast of Sans' strange weapons.
"and if you keep pushing me... then i'll be forced to use my special attack."
A special attack? Even more devastating than what he already had? Not his bones, not his large skulls. His words. His expressions. His hatred. His knowing.
"yeah, my special attack. sound familiar? well, get ready. cause after the next move, i'm going to use it. so, if you don't want to see it, now would be a good time to die."
And they did. They let themself die. Over and over and over. And they just kept going. They just kept dying... Dying and dying... They couldn't get past it. Usually they couldn't even make it past his offer to spare. His lie... Because they had ruined all their chances. They'd Ruined... They'd...
There were tears in their eyes. They could only fight them back so much. And they sometimes were too busy focusing on those, using more effort in fighting those than with Sans. They had become resigned to the fact the couldn't actually strike him. All they could do was take the punishment. This never ending cycle. It was a never ending cycle. Here or there, in the bed of flowers or with his blue eye blazing through them with rage and hatred.
He hated them. He would always hate them.
"here we go."
They forced the world back into place.
"our reports showed a massive anomaly in the timespace continuum. timelines jumping left and right, stopping and starting..." He attacked and they dodged. They were going to have to dodge forever... "until suddenly, everything ends."
But it couldn't end if they couldn't get past him, and they just couldn't, they couldn't.
Their eyes were brimming with tears as he let out a low chuckle, like he always did. They couldn't get past him-
"that's your fault isn't it?"
They slumped onto the ground as their Soul was overwhelmingly Blue and the LOVE ineffective. He dragged them across the floor and into the wall, one of the pillars. They didn't have to lift their head to see him, they had his face ingrained in their mind, that broken eternal expression as he spoke his next round of dialogue.
"you can't understand how this feels." He said in that same hushed, wary voice. "knowing one day, without any warning... it's all going to be reset."
Their movements were broken, they could barely get by, and the slightest hit sent their HP falling quickly. Their defense was down, their determination barely there. All they had was enough determination to keep them there... and barely.
They were going to be stuck here forever. In this room full of orange light; like the unreachable sun.
"and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore, either." He attacked. "cause even if we do... we'll just end up right back here, without any memory of it, right?" Their eyes met his, tears sparkling as their cringe strained.
They had wanted to give them the sun, they had wanted... They'd wanted so many things.
He was attacking again and they staggered, they were forced to eat something, but knew that this was not going to be the last round... It would never end. And it-
"to be blunt... it makes it kind of hard to give it my all."
"or is that just a poor excuse for being lazy...? hell if i know."
It was a rocky pattern, him taking his turn and them swinging their knife, just for show, just because...
The anger was there, waiting, waiting for something, but it didn't prompt Frisk into anything any more. It only informed them how many times he had killed them when he had long since abandoned the habit.
"all i know is... seeing what comes next... i can't afford not to care anymore."
Frisk... Frisk swayed on their feet and they looked at him... Their eyes half dead, their eyes longing... They'd wanted... They'd wanted...
"uhh..." They hadn't taken their turn, but what did that mean? Turns? Fight? Sparing? It was just a formality. It was all just things to fill the time, as they died. As they went round and round, but stuck in place. He tilted his head, his grimace hesitant. "you really don't want to keep swinging that thing around, do you?"
W-Wanted? Wanted?
Frisk had wanted many, many things... But this? This?
A chuckle began to grow in Frisk's chest as the anger curled around their Soul but stayed just on the boundaries. Frisk laughed, and finally tilted their head back and let the sound echo around. As they laughed. As they laughed at the.. at the absur- at the absurdity- They gasped as their eyes opened, the laughter immediately morphing into a loud sob. Their smile was wide, splitting their face, but it wasn't rightly a smile, it was pained. They'd held it back for so long. All these feelings. All these... It hurt. It hurt so much.
Both of their hands curled around the hilt of the knife. The knife in their dust covered hands. Always dust covered hands. Forever... The dust of the people they'd- The people they'd lov-
"you really don't want to keep swinging that thing around, do you?"
No! They had never wanted to swing it at all! They'd- They'd-! They lifted the knife, pressing their hands against their forehead as their eyes closed.
"I never wanted this..." They breathed, their voice cracking as they continued to cry. "I just..." One of their hands fell from the blade and they wrapped it around themself, trying to keep themself somewhat upright.
"you have a funny way of goin' about things then." He said dangerously. They bent over their arm and let out a sob as they tried to bite down hard, to suppress it. But they couldn't. They couldn't suppress the feelings either, they were drowning in them. They just wanted to stop. They just wanted to fade away, to stop this... Please... They closed their eyes tightly, to block it all out, but it only made them more keenly aware of their own emotions. He just.. He had to understand. He had to. Neither of them were going anywhere.
"You..." They breathed in, trying to get it together enough to keep talking coherently. It was a true feat. "Keep telling me to quit, that you're getting tired, but... don't you understand?" They pleaded. Their voice shrill and pained. He just had to understand that- "This IS me quitting!" They were shaking their head violently. "I can't..."
*He's not going to get it.
The anger was wrapping around them, trying to choke them, trying to stop their nonsense.
"Can't you see why it has to be done?!" They shouted anyways. The knife was lowering away from their face as they looked at him, their tears unstoppable. "The surface..." There was a small broken laugh. The surface. The sun. "You all deserve it! But you're stuck here! Miserable!" The anger was consuming them. "The humans..." Their head fell. "It's not fair! It's not! So why should they have it when you can't?! Why can't I make you all happy?! It's not fair! Can't save Asriel! Can't save ANYONE! SO WHY NOT JUST END IT?! WHY NOT, COMEDIAN, WHY?!"
They had fallen to their knees, the knife having clattered onto the ground before them. They were shaking as they pressed a hand over their eyes, to hide them, to hide them away from everything as they crumbled. The anger was everywhere, equal to the excruciating despair inside them that the LOVE would never drown out. Because they cared. Even after everything! They still so very much cared!
They had never wanted to do this. They had never wanted to hurt any of them! They had never realized that... they'd always been hurting Sans. They'd been trying so hard to make him happy and in the end...
"i don't care what the humans have." He spat angrily and they shuttered. He hated them. He would always hate them. "i don't need the surface, i just need... papyrus."
Papyrus...
"BUT.. ST...STILL! I BELIEVE IN YOU!"
They were falling farther onto the ground, the shame and guilt pressing down on them from above.
Papyrus...
"YOU CAN DO A LITTLE BETTER! EVEN IF YOU DON'T THINK SO!"
"I just..." They struggled.
"I... I PROMISE..."
They forced themself to lift their head and lower their hand so they could met his gaze. They continued to cry, but they tried their best to speak clearly. He had to understand... He had to at least... At least hear them out.
"You still weren't happy, and..." It was crushing them. They'd just wanted to make him happy. But he never was. He couldn't have been. Because- They laughed again, just a soft breath of air. "It was my fault... Like you said. Mine."
No matter what they ever tried to do... They failed everyone. No matter how many times they went around and around, they were always stuck in place. Everything was always the same. Just like how Sans could never do anything about the timelines. How he was stuck waiting on them. Like Frisk had with the adults...
"I get it now. I get the treadmill joke.." They sobbed again, hiding their closed eyes in their hand. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry."
So sorry. So sorry for everything. So sorry for even coming here, for climbing the mountain thinking that they could do anything about their situation. That they could ever fix anything! They were so sorry!
"then reset."
"We'll just be on the treadmill again." They laughed again amongst their sobs. They would always be on the treadmill. They would never find a solution to anything and even when they did it would somehow, someway, slip through their fingers. And it would be their fault. Because they just didn't know any other way to get off and there was nobody to help them! The only solution they knew...
"This... What's the point of going on when...You said you couldn't care because you knew it would just Reset, but what about me?" They demanded. "I..." They'd be stuck. Stuck forever. In a world that nobody would remember them and yet Sans would still hate them. Sans would still always know. "I just... Want. To. Quit." They begged through their strained breathing. "Just give up! I did!" They cried against their pressing hand as they fell entirely against the floor.
There was a moment of silence from Sans as Frisk tried to take in deep breaths, to get a grip, but then-
"c'mere bud..." Sans offered. Frisk lifted their head quickly, the hope and the pain twisting painfully inside them. His arms were wide, offered to them and Frisk- Frisk wanted so badly to lung forward, but they knew... They just knew.
"You'll just... kill. me. again." They were letting out a new set of loud sobs as they collapsed back against the floor. He hated them. He was always going to hate them. They couldn't fix this. There was no going back from this! Kill or be killed. He was always going to kill them. He was always going to hate them.
"i promise, i won't." Their head snapped upwards again, their cheeks stained with tears and new ones constantly forming. But... His arms were still open. H-He... They wanted...
They were up in a flash, springing into his arms and holding onto him tightly as he was forced to take a small step back to keep his balance. And they held their breath. Waiting, waiting for him to kill them, for the bones to rise up from the floor. To fall from above. To ram into their sides and knock the air out of them again. But they didn't.
He... He was truly Sparing them... He...
They buried themself deeper into his hoodie, to hide, but also to take in his warmth, so different than the SAVE Star at the other end of the Hall. So alive... His magic humming. But not attacking. Not attacking again...
"I... I'm sorry." They whispered tightly as their breath shuttered. He was rigid, but he was placed his hand on their head. They flinched, not expecting the gentle gesture, but then when nothing happened they caved, their body relaxing against him. The anger was strangely silent beside them, somehow content with the turn of events. Maybe it felt the same after all... Frisk... Frisk... They just... "I just..." Their voice pitched upwards but then fell back into a hushed whisper. "I don't want to do this anymore."
His fingers were curling tightly into their hair and Frisk's eyes were open wide with panic as their Soul went sharply Blue. Their arm was twisting in Sans' grasp, and as they were yanked through the air. They yelped when they saw the bones rise up from the ground. The bones pierced through Frisk landed on them. They couldn't breath, their mouth opened, a trail of blood at the corner of their mouth as they lifted their desperate gaze. Desperate for this not to be real. That he would undo this. His left eye was a blazing blue, his face full of pure hatred.
"then. re. set." He seethed.
He... He didn't understand... He hadn't understood what they'd meant. He didn't understand.
Their eyes squeezed shut as they squirmed against the bones, their heart was racing, their body begging for air.
Sans, Sans... Their air deprived mind was pleading with reality, their hand was grasping at his tightly, begging him to not let go, begging him listen to their silent plea-
But their vision was going black and their head felt like it was exploding...
He wasn't going to listen to them. He wasn't going to listen... He was always going to hate them.
They'd known that.
And they deserved it...
They were falling.
Falling in their own mind.
He's never going to listen to me...
Their Soul shattered.
*100
But they weren't forcing the world back into place, they were still falling. They were still falling in a black void even as the familiar pull of a Load formed and the bright light of their Soul shone ahead of them. But they were falling...
It's all pointless. It's all gone. They can't do it. They don't want to do it. They just want it all to stop. They can't do this. Can't!
He was never going to listen- They didn't deserve to be listened to-
They deserved this. They deserved this. He was never going to listen. They'd known that before even starting this timeline, but he was never going to listen. Even if they Reset. They'd lost- He refused to understand. It was going to end like this. Him hating them. No, it was never going to end. Never going to-
I deserve this.
They let go, all sensation was leaving them and they kept falling. Deeper and deeper, their mind blanking out as their determination wilted. But suddenly, something dark was grasping around their Soul. Something dark and gunky and a flood of hatred surrounded them as it latched on, as it filled their Soul. The dark band of LV was no longer just a band, but their entire being... As Frisk continued to fall back.
Frisk was barely aware, as the other presence surged forward, taking their place.
"Finally." A new voice echoed around them but somehow familiar.
[LOAD]
Their eyes opened, red and vibrant. They smiled wide and excitedly lifted the knife to their side.
"I was so tired of being just a thought..."
