"I can't deny you when you beg." He whispered softly, so softly I almost missed it.
"Then don't." I said back.
He was still a moment then leaned back. I thought he was leaving me until he reached down to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Let me just thank him now for those wonderfully amazing abs.
I reached out running my fingernails over them and he hissed closing his eyes. He is so beautiful. I can't imagine any man being more perfect. He opened his eyes and held my hands still.
"Let's go back to bed love."
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me in his strong arms and carried me to the bed. I knew the pleasure that waited for me there, I knew the look he held in his eyes and the promise of passion to come. I didn't have to wait he didn't make me because as soon as I was on the bed his lips were on mine.
I awoke later feeling his hard body next to mine. I was lying on my stomach and I could feel his fingertips tracing my spine, it felt wonderful. I moaned and smiled. He knew I was awake but he didn't push the issue. I think he was enjoying me lying naked beside him, although I was covered to my waist I was still against him. The intimacy was there.
He kissed my head and then my neck and snuggled there breathing softly onto my sensitive flesh.
"You make me feel so many wonderful things Bella."
He had no idea the many things he made me feel, my wonderful vampire lover. How many women got to say that and live to tell it? I opened my eyes and looked into his eyes, I noticed they were darker and circles were starting to form beneath. I knew he would need to feed soon.
He automatically pulled me closer wrapping me into his arms. I kissed his neck.
"Edward?"
"Hmmm?" Was the only response I received as he ran his nose up and down my neck inhaling my scent. I gripped his hair moaning when his tongue touched my skin. He growled and flipped on top of me effectively pinning me and sucking my neck a little harder than normal. I gasped arching.
I knew he was hungry, he was getting aggressive and his body was going on instinct. I wasn't afraid, more curious how far he would go before he realized it. I gripped his hair harder and felt his teeth graze my neck. I froze instantly, and I know he could hear my heart speed up. I still wasn't afraid I suppose I should be, but somehow I wasn't.
He leaned up and met my eyes. His eyes were black and wild, so beautiful. I released his hair and stroked his cheek.
"You are beautiful, untamed and magnificent." I don't know where it came from but it was how I felt. He searched my face for something, though I am not quite sure what. I brushed a stray hair back.
"What do you need Edward?"
He was silent, still watching me with that lost look. He moved closer to my face and I could feel him gripping the bed beside me.
"I need to leave Bella, I need to feed."
"Is it too much?" I asked running my hand down his marble chest. He closed his eyes shuttering then opening them again, the lust was apparent.
"Bella, I can't....." He tried to control his breathing and buried his head next to me in the pillow. I knew I was pushing him, tempting fate and my own safety by doing this. I knew he was on the edge his eyes were clearly wild and unclear, not at all my normal Edward.
He lifted his head, his entire body shaking. Our intimacy was new to him so I am sure he would have to adjust his feeding habits accordingly. He met my eyes and I smiled sadly stroking his cheek in an attempt to calm him.
"Shhh, it's ok baby." I whispered.
He turned his nose to my wrist and inhaled then flashed his eyes to me warningly. I let my hand fall.
"I'm sorry. " I said as he pinned my arms down. He was a mere inches from my face now.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed Bella?" He asked roughly.
I shook my head no but I noticed he had not moved.
"If you need my blood then I would give it." I offered. He gasped looking at me like I had just said the most terrible thing in the world. I pulled my wrist from his stunned hand and offered it to him. He swallowed hard and grabbed it slamming it back into the bed.
"You are insane never do that!"
"Edward, if it makes you happy I don't mind." I said honestly.
He groaned and shook his head.
"You don't understand, I don't think I could stop."
I shook my head, "I know you could."
He sighed looking off. I bit my lip and looked around seeing what I needed I pulled loose again. He looked at me oddly.
"What are you up to now?" He asked as I pulled out from under him and over to the bedside table then back again. When I showed him my now pricked finger he hissed and backed away in shock.
I grabbed his arm.
"Don't go."
His eyes were on my finger and I could see the hunger there. I moved it closer.
"Just try it's ok I know you won't hurt me."
He was panting and I moved even closer.
"Edward, please I trust you." He met my eyes and then looked away fighting with himself. I knew this was a big challenge but if we were going to try and make this work he needed to get used to the smell of my blood. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the bed.
He followed but slowly and with caution. I lifted my finger to his lips and gently rubbed it across them. He closed his eyes gripping the bed as he opened his mouth and allowed me inside. I felt his tongue swirl around my finger and the suction increase. His eyes opened and looked at me and I can't describe the look in them.
The pleasure, the absolute ecstasy and I was amazed. I watched him release the bed and pull me to straddle him into his lap. I gasped at how hard he was sucking my finger. It was starting to throb. I went to pull it out but he stopped me by biting down with his teeth. I caressed his cheek.
"You have to let go baby."
His hands were on my wrists and I was flipped onto my back before I knew what had happened. I gasped trying to catch my breath. He had released my finger but the look was still in his eyes.
"Edward?"
"You shouldn't have done that Bella, don't you understand? I'm ruled by my carnal nature...if it takes over....if I lose.....Bella I can't lose control with you. I could kill you."
His grip on my wrist was getting tighter as he spoke and he was pressing me into the mattress harder. I decided I better distract him before his carnal nature gets the best of us both.
"I was limited in my movements so I did the only thing I could, push up with my body and meet his lips with mine. He groaned but responded you see I didn't forget what he told me that hunting increased the vampire libido. He hadn't exactly been hunting per say but I bet it was enough to have some effect on him. I just hoped it was enough, because I knew he was still hungry.
He released my wrist and gripped my hair and I knew by his movements he wasn't worried about eating just this second. I don't have any idea how long we made love but when we were finished he was quickly getting dressed.
I watched him saying little. He looked over his shoulder.
"I'll be back in a while."
I didn't ask where he was going, his eyes were darker as were the circles and I knew the answer.
"Ok."
I knew I had pushed some limits he would probably scold me for later. I didn't think right now he cared, he just wanted to feed. I fell asleep and I'm not sure how long he was actually gone. I awoke and showered. It was dark and I found myself sitting in the window looking at the beautiful moonlight.
I hadn't seen him in a while so I figured he was pretty upset with himself and me. I heard the door and turned seeing him enter. He was iridescent in the moonlight, simply beautiful. He inhaled deeply and walked over sitting beside me.
I met his eyes.
"Are you mad at me?"
He looked down and pulled at the hem of his pants.
"Mostly I'm angry at myself for not being strong enough to resist you."
"Edward I offered." I argued. He shot me an angry look.
"Yes and I took it, Bella I could have turned on you, you can't offer me things like that. It's not something we need to even entertain."
"You didn't." I answered back.
He growled.
"It doesn't matter, it can't happen again. Please Bella, if you see I'm hungry don't do something like that. Let me feed it is a necessity. You life is not a joke and should something happen imagine what it would do to me if I hurt you."
I looked down saddened. I thought we were taking a step forward and all I get is a slap in the face. He sighed and pulled me close.
"I'm not saying it wasn't the most intimate thing I've ever experienced, or that I didn't love it. It just isn't safe." He whispered kissing my head.
I looked up meeting his now caramel eyes. He smiled.
"No one has ever trusted me like that, thank you."
I smiled resting my head on his shoulder. He looked up at the moon.
"It's beautiful."
"Yes it is." I added. "How about you take me for a walk?"
He smiled lifting the window seal and tossing me on his back. We were in the forest in minutes. The way the moonlight danced in the trees was absolutely beautiful. He set me down and we walked hand in hand at a human pace. I kissed him and smiled.
"Close your eyes."
He raised an eyebrow but did as I asked. I quickly was off and when I was satisfied I whispered.
"Find me." I was hiding behind a large tree trying to hold my breath even through I had forgotten he could hear my heart. I jumped when he was suddenly leaning in front of me. He smiled wickedly.
"I found you, what do I get in return?"
Grabbing his collar I kissed him deeply, he moaned grabbing my waist and pulling me to him. I giggled. He smiled.
"So, off with you."
He patted my rear and gave me a head start. I grinned and started running, over a small stream and across a log to an unfamiliar part of the forest. I knew he was right behind me. He was letting me feel like I was ahead even though he could catch me at any given time. I turned seeing him jump behind a tree and laughed running quickly the other direction.
This was actually quite fun. I was smiling and looked down gasping and jumping back when I saw the snake there. Of course, being clumsy I fell but I was more worried about getting bitten. Edward was there in a flash tossing the hideous creature out of sight.
"Bella are you ok?"
I groaned as he helped me up. I felt him tense and looked down seeing the blood on my hand. I looked up and he had backed against a tree looking off and trying to control his breathing. This was worse than the prick so I am sure the smell was more intense.
I knew I had a choice, I remembered what Alice had told me. What did I want to do? I wanted Edward forever, I didn't mind being like him and in all honesty it was the only way I could. I had nothing really to stay human for. He and his family were my focus now.
Edward was clutching the tree, his eyes closed. I moved closer and I saw him quickly turn towards me, his eyes dark.
"Bella, please." He pleaded.
I moved closer as he shivered.
"What if I wanted to be like you Edward? What if I asked you to take me?" I watched as his chest heaved and his eyes flashed with uncertainty. He shook his head.
"Bella, you've gone through so much."
"I want to go through it with you. Let me be at your side, walk beside you into eternity. I've lost my father and I lost my mother a long time ago."
He looked at me then.
"Speaking of your mother, she sent you something. Carlisle wanted to wait until things were calmer to give it to you."
"Let me guess a car?" I said with a smirk. He didn't answer, he didn't have to. I already knew.
"Edward do you love me?" I asked watching his expression. He looked astonished that I would ask such a thing.
"Yes, Bella more than my own life."
"Then what shall we do about it?" I asked extending my hand. He clutched the tree a moment staring at my hand. I moved closer.
"You know you can stop, you've done it before."
He shook his head, "This is different Bella this will be painful for you."
I rested my uninjured hand on his chest.
"Will you be there with me?" I asked watching his eyes.
His met mine.
"I would be no where else." He replied.
"Then, so be it."
He lifted my hand inhaling the scent and looked at me again.
"Bella, if I do this there is no going back my love. You will be like me." I smiled stroking his cheek.
"I only have one request, because Alice said it leaves a scar. I'd prefer not everyone be able to see it you know?"
He raised an eyebrow at me and looked confused.
"I don't understand you don't want me to bite your wrist?"
"No."
He pressed his hands to my neck and I moved back.
"No, not there either."
He sighed, "Bella what do you have in mind?"
I bit my lip and took his hand pulling him with me to the ground. He frowned.
"Bella?"
I smiled, "Femoral artery."
He nodded in understanding as I pulled my jeans down. I was getting nervous now as I laid my jeans beside me. He moved so my hips were on his lap, his thumbs tracing delicate patterns on the skin.
"Are you sure Bella? You don't have to do this now."
I nodded as he looked down and touched the inside of my right thigh.
"It will be right here."
I nodded and watched as he moved his right hand behind my back to support me and lifted me carefully to him. He asked me one more time.
"Are you certain my love?"
I closed my eyes taking a deep breath for courage.
"Make me yours." I said softly.
I felt tender kisses and opened my eyes trying to control my breathing and my heart. His other hand slid up to my chest, I didn't know why until I felt his teeth sink into my flesh and I jumped. I realized it was to hold me still.
The bite really didn't hurt it was the burning sensation that was starting that was painful. I knew it was the venom he was pushing into my bloodstream. The sucking sensation was actually quite euphoric and I suppose it was supposed to feel that way. I found myself moaning and thrashing which he controlled with his hands.
"Edward." I moaned breathlessly. I could feel my body getting weaker by the second. I buried my hands in his hair. I felt him easing me down onto the ground now, tenderly. He released his hold on my chest but still held my thigh as he sucked.
I was too weak to care. I felt like I could barely breathe, it was almost as if my chest was heavy. He released my thigh and I felt him above me stroking my cheek. I opened my tired eyes and he caressed my lips.
"Bella I want to do something."
"What?" I barely managed.
"I don't want you to get upset with me but the closer the bite to the heart, the quicker the change. Understand? I mean it still takes as long but it ceases the burning in the limbs or so Carlisle's theory is."
"I don't..." I tried to say but I couldn't finish. He lifted my shirt and tenderly pulled at my bra.
"Bella, please, let me do this. It won't be able to be seen I promise."
I had no idea what he was talking about. I couldn't even think. I felt him lifting my back and my bra was undone. I moaned not because of him but because the burning felt like fire inside my veins and it was traveling up my thigh and into my entire being.
I felt like I wanted to vomit.
He touched me again.
"Bella, right here I want to bite you is that ok? I need to know."
I could barely even feel where he was touching over the pain of the fire that now consumed me. I cried out gripping his arms. He pushed me down.
"Bella, please baby this is only going to get worse."
"Just, please help me." I pleaded.
He took that as my consent and I felt his teeth sink into me again right under my left breast, more so to the middle I think. I'm not even sure. It's so blurry right now. I went to rise and he held my hands down as he pushed more venom inside my body. I was trembling then, the new venom not taking long to make my heart start to burn.
He released me and refastened my bra pulling my shirt back down and somehow managing to get my jeans back on me. I don't know how when I was thrashing constantly. He lifted me in his arms and kissed my lips.
"I love you Bella, let's get you home and in bed."
I lay covered in the bed with family in and out checking on me. Edward constantly at my side I realized something, him changing me had been one of the most intimate things that had ever happened to me. The loving way he proceeded and the way he asked my permission before he did anything he was so thoughtful. You wouldn't think that taking someone's life could be intimate, but it was.
I can't explain it but as he lay there sucking the life from below by breast in the most intimate of touches his hands were gently calming me, his body lovingly against mine. I could feel the love radiating from him and into me. It probably sounds crazy but it is the truth, it brought us that much closer and he doesn't even know it yet.
As I lay here and I try not to cry out he is beside me, whispering words of love and devotion. He is constantly at my side, his cool body against my hot flesh. I can feel my body changing and he is here with me. I feel his hands caress my hair lovingly and tell me how beautiful I am and always will be to him. He tells me stories from his past and his thoughts of when he first saw me and how cute he thought I was. He really is sweet.
It was night and we were alone when my heart finally ceased its beating. I could hear his breathing stop. He didn't move for fear of frightening me I suppose. My eyes opened and I noticed things I have never seen before, like how even in the dark I could now see perfectly.
I could feel him beside me and I knew he was there, every part of him and I knew he was uncertain. I turned my head slowly and looked at his face. He was even more beautiful than I remember his perfectly flawless skin that as a human I could never fully appreciate.
I reached up and stroked it then smiled softly rolling to where I was against him. I felt his hand hesitantly rest on my hip.
"I love you." I whispered before my lips met his.
