A/N: Guess what? I'm updating this and putting off updating A Whole New Edward! Yes, Kix and Tink, and you can't do anything to stop me, for I have turned off my cell phone! -bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- Okay, sorry peoples who have no idea what I'm talking about. Now for the part I've been looking forward to. Ebil (yes, ebil), demented, melodramatic disclaimer time!
Disclaimer:
Me: I-
Llama Carlisle: -Whatever sound it is llamas make. Oh, I have an idea. Baa, baa, baa.-
Translation: Don't say it.
Emmett Kitty: Haha, Carlisle's a llama!
Edward Canary: Tweet? Tweet tweet tweet! Chirp!
Translation: Emmett, how are you talking? That is so unfair!
Emmett Kitty: Meow. Meow? MWAAAEEEOWW!!
Translation: Because the ebil person writing this forgot- Huh? Why am I meowing? WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!
Bella: Has anyone seen Edward? I can't find him anywhere!
Edward Canary: TWEEETTTTT!!
Translation: Bella, rrrruuuuuuuunnnnn!!
Me: Oh, you are so in for it now!
-Bella turns into a bunny-
Bella Bunny: -chews on carrot- -sniffs-
Translation: What the heck? Oh, hi Edward!
Edward Canary: TWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTT!!
Translation: Nnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Alice: Hey, I wanted to be a bunny! Piss off, Bella!
Me: -grins evilly- Oh, hello Alice!
Alice: Don't you dare-
-Alice turns into a cow-
Alice Cow: Mmmmmmooooooooooooooo.
Translation: You. Are. So. Dead. I won't be allowed to go shopping looking like this, I smell bad, Jasper won't recognize me, I'm hideous, and I'm not wearing any fashionable clothes! THIS SUCKS!!
Me: Oh, it seems we've reached our time limit. –edges away from angry animals- I guess the point of all that was to say I don't own anything. I repeat, I don't own anything.
A/N Cont: Okay, well…. Um… On with the story, I guess….
Carlisle POV: I bustled around my office, dusting off each and every little thing in it. I was wearing a lovely maid's outfit with a pink duster. Hey, I didn't let Esme do it. Someone has to!
I smiled and went through it again. Ah, my happy place was in this office, which I'd made emotion-proof, vision proof, thought proof, and, most importantly, sound proof. If I heard one more word about British Lizards come out of Edward's mouth, I'd flip my lid.
Ahhh….
But here, I was happyful.
Ahhhhhh….
Especially looking at the pictures of kittens I'd framed and hung on the wall, the pink screensaver with llamas frolicking in meadows of pink and sparkles, my pink carpet, and…
The little Australian gecko sitting at my chair?
How did I know it was Australian? Intuition. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
"Nice place you got here," it said conversationally.
"Why thank you," I said, smiling.
"I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes. I know a song that's really annoying, really annoying, really annoying. I know a song that's really annoying, and this is how it goes."
Was my eye twitching? How strange. Twitch. Twitch.
"I know a song that-"
It was cut off by a series of choking, gurgling noises as I strangled it to death. When it stopped twitching in my fist, I dropped it in the garbage, humming a merry tune. "I shall not harbor vermin in my happy place. I hope you enjoyed your stay in my dungeon of death. Oops, I mean, happy kitty-filled rainbow planet of joy and joyness."
I continued to hum as I danced around the room, wiping gecko blood off the walls.
"Watcha doin'?" an all-too familiar voice said from behind me.
I turned around slowly.
Buumm buummm, buuuuuuuuuuummmmm.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!" I shrieked, leaping up on a chair. "Eeeeeeeeep!"
It was the gecko. Back from the dead.
"I wasn't dead, silly. I just pretended to die to annoy you."
"How did you know I thought that?" I asked suspiciously. If this was a prank from Edward… well, let's just say he was never going to see his precious Aston Martin again.
"Too late. The big oaf – I think his name was Emmett – helped me blow it up."
I raised an eyebrow. What of his Volvo?
"In a garbage dump somewhere."
"How can you read my mind?"
"I stole the one called Edward's precious ability… to annoy him."
"Wow. You like annoying people. If you owned an insurance company, I'd buy your insurance."
He smiled.
Geico. Fifteen millennia could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance.
Woah. Where'd that come from?
A/N: I know, I need some new ideas. But still, it was a rockin' chapter. Hooray. Review now, my lovelies. xD Lolz, just review. You get a free pencil sharpener if you do. And it's electric. –ooooohhhhh aaaaaahhhhhhh-
