It's been a VERY long time since I updated this. Heather yelled at me last night for it, so I decided to surprise her with an update. I also needed to make up for something I did… I hope I haven't lost too many fans due to the delay.
Kana
Chapter 11
I relaxed against the edge of the sofa to watch Michiru open each of her presents. We were both sitting on the floor. Made me feel like I was a kid all over again.
"Look at you. Why don't you just admit you're whipped? You're nothing but a big pussy whipped, spineless baby."
I tried to ignore him. I didn't even look over to acknowledge his existence.
"You know as well as I do that ignoring me doesn't work you little freak."
"Ruka, honey what's wrong?" I jumped when her hand touched my cheek. I only shook my head. "You did take your medicine, didn't you?"
I frowned before putting my hand on hers to pull it away from my face. "Yes, I did. I guess I'm still not feeling very well." I looked off, over her shoulder to watch Kana moving slowly. Perhaps the medicine was going to kick in and he would disappear.
"He can't hurt us Haruka. He may look like he's going to, but he can't do it." She positioned herself to sit on my lap, I forced myself to look away from her and him. "Why won't you look at me?"
He's right behind you! That's what I wanted to scream at her, I couldn't. I can't get mad at her. "I just can't."
"Look at her!"
I slammed my eyes shut and lifted my hands to cover my ears. "Haruka, calm down honey, please." She placed both her hands on my face and turned it toward her. "Please look at me."
Slowly I opened my eyes to meet hers. I wish I hadn't looked at her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kana with a knife in his hand. He started to raise it. Probably to plunge it into her back. I didn't hesitate in shoving Michiru away from me. My eyes locked on the man who only stood there and laughed at me.
"That's a good girl, show her who's in charge."
I shook my head, trying to shake him from my thoughts. That's when I heard Michiru groan. She was hurt. I looked down at her as she held her shoulder. When I shoved her she hit the coffee table. Her shoulder was bleeding. "Oh god…" I stood up and ran into the kitchen to grab an old towel. When I returned to the living room, she was sitting up, still gripping her shoulder tightly. "I'm so sorry."
She flinched away when I tried to touch her. I frowned and took a step back. I had brought this on myself. "He can't hurt me Haruka…" She pressed the towel to her skin. "…but you can."
She was right. I bit my lower lip and sulked out of the room to a place I knew I could be alone, the garage. Today was suppose to be a picture perfect day. It was my first Christmas outside of that hell-house in years. But he came and ruined it. As I sat on the concrete floor I looked down at my arm. "He can't hurt us…But I can" I spoke those words over and over again, louder and louder. Until I finally broke down in tears, screamed, and slammed my fist into the floor so many times the knuckles cracked open and blood began pouring from the newly created wounds.
I sat there for what seemed like hours. The blood on my hand had dried, some of it was flaking off. There was blood staining the floor from where my skin had ripped open. I knew it wouldn't come out of the concrete completely. It would stay there and remain a horrible reminder of my own stupidity.
"Haruka…?"
I only hugged my knees tighter to my chest when I heard her voice echo in the small room. Why was she coming out to talk to me after what I did to her? I deserve to be locked back in that place for the rest of my screwed up life. I don't deserve to be out here with the regular people. I'm dangerous. And I'm finally starting to realize that.
"Honey…come back inside it's cold out here."
Honey? She's still calling me honey after I hurt her? I looked up at her. I could tell she noticed my swollen hand, but chose not to say anything about it. My eyes still burned from the hour plus of crying I had just done. Her eyes were just as red as mine. "Why?"
"Why what?" She smiled softly. "Why is it cold out here?" She knelt down beside me. "Ruka, it's cold out here because it's December." She rested her hand on my shoulder.
"No…Why are you still calling me honey?"
She sighed. "Haruka, you're sick. I know that." She looked up toward the ceiling, obviously to search for the right words to say. "I called your doctor. You've got an appointment with him on Monday. He's probably going to change your medication." I looked away from her again. "We just have to make it through until then."
"I should probably go someplace else for the next three days. So I don't hurt you again."
"You won't hurt me." Her voice sounded sincere. "Judging by what you did to yourself out here, I don't think you'd let yourself hurt me ever again.."
"You've told me that before Michiru. You always doubted the fact that I could hurt you, and look what happened."
She sighed before standing up. She didn't know what to say now. She only shook her head and walked inside. "Should I bring your pillow and blanket out here then?" When I didn't respond to her she slammed the door to the house.
A few minutes passed. It felt like an eternity though. I decided to go inside. I was starting to get a little bit cold from sitting on the concrete for so long. I remained quiet as I rinsed my hand under warm water in the kitchen sink. A hiss of pain left my mouth when I applied soap to clean the wounds. I grabbed a towel out of the drawer and wrapped my hand. That's when I noticed a piece of paper sitting on the counter near the sink. My name was written on the front of it. It was Michiru's handwriting.
Dearest Haruka,
I know that nothing either of us say to the other will change what happened today. I know today was suppose to be a good day for you. I still want it to be. There's still time. The day's far from over.
I need to reassure you, no matter what happens, I love you. I've fallen so much in love with you that it scares me. I've never fallen this hard for somebody before. I love you, for you. Flaws and all. As I told you, you're sick, and I understand that. But you don't have to go through this alone anymore. You'll never have to go through it alone again Haruka. Just as long as you let me in. If you let me in, then I can help you. You have to trust me.
When you see him, tell me. Tell me what he's doing. I'll try my hardest to distract you from him. I'll try to get your focus on me. I know that will be hard. All that I'm asking you will be hard. The first step to making it all happen is to trust me. I will not judge you for the things that you see, or hear, or experience. I never have, and I don't see why I would start now.
Love forever,
Michiru
