Chapter 11: Our Past, Our Future
She watched him sleep from where she sat on the opposite side of the bed, the room darkened and her bleary eyes blinking back fatigue. It had been a long day, and she wanted to sleep, but there were still so many fresh memories to sort through—memories of coming to the Enrichment Center and her relationship with Stark and then Glados. With Stark, she had been a nuisance who constantly seemed at odds with him, and she had to admit that she'd intentionally antagonized the man, even if they'd had some friendly moments that still meant a lot to her. Then he'd become Glados, and she'd been happy to have Stark out of her hair only to realize that without him, no one really paid attention to her. Without him, she was practically without social connection in the facility, and soon after, she'd realized that Glados had a habit of spying on her.
"You were the reason that my laundry came out ruined," she whispered with a smile, remembering how her favorite dress had been destroyed when a drying machine caught fire. When she'd loudly blamed Glados, he'd suddenly spoken over the intercom to claim innocence, and that had been the first time that she'd realized how closely he watched her. There had been moments when she'd truly abused that knowledge, like stripping naked with her boyfriend in an area where she knew he would be watching. It had meant more to her that Glados couldn't help but watch than her intimacy with the boy had. She hadn't even wanted to have sex with the young man, but he'd been insistent, and she'd been hungry for affection.
What had slowly evolved between herself and Glados after that point, she couldn't completely define or describe, but they'd become what she would have called close. He had been the most meaningful person in her life, even after he'd started becoming less human. He'd refused to talk to most people unless it was business related, but not with her. Even when he no longer seemed to understand what affection or friendship meant, he'd always conversed with her, even seeking her out at strange moments to ask questions about human displays and emotion. She'd become his link to the human world, explaining trends and concepts that he could no longer completely grasp. Of course, he was great at faking understanding and using humanity against people, but she'd seen through his lies. She'd seen how much he clung to what she offered, only to be sent away, which had truly hurt her.
"I thought that you didn't want me around anymore," she whispered.
"I didn't," Glados answered, his eyes opening. "Are you going to sleep now? You're disrupting my rest." Chell sighed and flopped down onto her back.
"My mind won't let me sleep," she confessed. "There's too much to think about. Why did you send me away, Glados? I'll go to sleep once you tell me."
"It was better that way," he simply stated. "Things were less complicated once you were gone."
"What do you...?"
"I answered," he smugly insisted. "Goodnight, Chell." Annoyed, Chell closed her eyes, but not before her hand meandered over toward Glados of its own accord. Fingers intwined with his, she finally dozed off, but even in sleep, her newly acquired memories would not grant her peace.
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The code worked beautifully, and Chell was once again inside the facility, despite Glados's orders that she never return. But how could she stay away? She'd visited her sister for a week or so, but that had only made her more aware of how wrong it was that she was forbidden to see her father. He might have made some very foolish decisions for the family, but that didn't make him a bad person. It certainly didn't mean that he deserved to be stuck in a facility without any family as he watched his only true friend descend into a machine. It was cruel and unfair, and as soon as she got him out of here, Chell was going to expose Aperture Science for its shady research ethics and maltreatment of employees.
"What are you doing here?" a familiar, electronic voice buzzed. "You don't have clearance."
"Glados?" Chell asked, turning to find a security camera focused on her. They hadn't spoken in so long... "I had to come back, Glados," she continued. "My father..."
"You don't have proper authorization," Glados coldly continued.
"Come on!" Chell sighed in frustration. "Don't talk to me like I'm just some intruder."
"We had a deal, Chell."
"Glados."
"You broke the deal. Security already knows that you're here. You have ten minutes to leave before it is too late." Chell couldn't believe her ears, and was surprised that her eyes were watering. How could he do this to her? Had he lost everything that had made him human by now? The very idea made her throat tighten in a mixture of dread and regret. Maybe, if she'd stayed...
"You should leave, Chell."
"I can't..."
"Seven minutes." She could here security coming closer, but she didn't retreat. She looked for a place to hide. Maybe Glados would rat her out, and maybe he wouldn't even care,but she would take her chances.
"Glados, please tell me where Patrick is. I have to find him."
"I can't do that. You need to leave. If you stay, you will not like what happens to you." But Chell didn't leave. She ran, but she did not leave, and when security captured her, she screamed for Glados to save her. He never said a word—not when she was locked in a cell, and not when the scientists decided to use her as a test subject. She'd known that they were removing her memories, and she'd cried and raged—beating anyone who tried to touch her, and always attempting to contact her father. But there was never a chance, and then, one day, she couldn't even remember who her father was. She was given a number, and she was locked in a padded, white room until she was needed for testing. She'd been miserable and forgotten, confused and without identity, or so she'd thought...
"Test subject 103," the facility's voice buzzed. Chell sat bolt upright, confused by the sudden attention. She'd never been addressed by the computer before, and she'd rarely heard his voice. Now she huddled near her bed and stared at the camera above her in fear.
"Yes?" she shakily asked.
"A deadly neurotoxin will be released in approximately thirty minutes. You will now be sedated and transported to human storage, where you will be placed into suspended animation. That is all." Chell heard the hiss of gas entering her chamber, and then she was becoming dizzy, barely aware of the man who stepped into the room to collect her.
"Chell," the man breathed, his voice cracking. "My dear daughter...you should have told me sooner, Timothy." But there was no answer, and Patrick Cohen carried his daughter to a gurney and quickly moved her to storage, where Glados promised that she would be spared. With blurry eyes, Chell stared up at the man that she did not recognize as her own father, and she felt his lips press a quick kiss to her forehead. It was a nice feeling, and she liked the loving way that the man stared down at her as he gently arranged her on a padded bed.
"You'll be fine, my angel," the man whispered. "I think that I can die happy having seen you again, and Timothy promised me that you'll be okay. I thought that he was completely gone, but this...and you...you have always given me such hope, Chell. Whatever happens, you'll be alright..." Chell didn't hear the rest as she closed her eyes, but she didn't want to sleep. She wanted to stay with the nice man. No one else had ever treated her so tenderly...
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Glados opened his eyes to stare at Chell as she slept. Her fingers were wrapped around his own, but the sensation did not seem to be calming her right now. She was sound asleep, but not peacefully, as her fingers constantly twitched, and her face scrunched into almost pained expressions as she began to shiver. He wondered what she was dreaming about, and wondered why his dreams were always so nonsensical. He hadn't dreamed in so long, and now, when he found himself asleep, he was running and working in his lab, switching views between security cameras as he viewed the most ridiculous scenes.
"Dad..." Chell mumbled, her head jerking to the side.
"You had to come back," Glados whispered, a hint of anger in his voice, but his anger quickly faded when Chell moved closer to him, her head resting against his shoulder. Soon he too fell asleep, and in the morning, when he awoke, both of his hands were enveloped in hers.
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"So you still want to be connected to the mainframe?" Chell asked while eating pasta for breakfast.
"Of course," Glados huffed with a frown. "Why wouldn't I want to be back in my proper body?" His answer saddened her, but Chell said nothing, choosing to focus on eating instead. "I will certainly no longer be required to eat such bland food once I am back to normal."
"I didn't feel like cooking, okay?" Chell defended herself. "You act like I'm your maid."
"Don't be ridiculous," Glados shot back. "A maid would not hit me with a pillow to get me out of bed." Chell smiled around her spoon, feeling remarkably at ease with this new banter. Things had become...easier since the return of her memories. She was far more comfortable in her own skin for starters, and she had a better grip on Glados as well, now knowing for certain that he did not see her as a mere test subject. He didn't like to talk about his convoluted relationship with her, of course, but she could feel how readily he held her hand, and his jibes seemed less threatening and more casual. In many ways, she felt like she'd finally regained the most meaningful person in her life, and he didn't deny that he enjoyed her company either. He was merely reluctant to admit it.
"So how do we fix the mainframe and get you reconnected?" she asked. "The facility is still going a bit crazy."
"I'll correct that," Glados stated. "But I will need assistance with fixing the damaged cords that will connect me to the mainframe. Then I will plug myself in, and you will reboot the system." He finished his pasta and stared at her, examining her sober face. "Do you no longer fear that I will kill you once I am rebooted?" he pressed. "You seem to have some reservations despite your...knowledge." Chell tossed her spoon into her bowl and leaned back in her chair at the table.
"I'm reluctant for two reasons," she explained, finding that she did not want to look at Glados as she explained this. "I know that you don't like talking about it, but..." She inhaled and fixed her eyes on her empty bowl. "We spent a lot of time together after you left your body. I read to you, and you used to give me elevator priority." That memory made her smile, for she could picture the angry faces of other staff members when the elevator bypassed their floor to pick her up. "We fought, but I thought...I thought that we were friends."
"You earned elevator preference," Glados commented, frowning.
"What do you mean?" Chell asked, confused.
"October 15, 10:42 pm. The facility wanted to give my old office away to someone whom I'd always despised."
"Wayne Torre," Chell knowingly supplied.
"Correct. They were going to give my office to that unoriginal whelp, but they didn't clean it out beforehand. Patrick didn't know, but you did, and you caught Dr. Torre rooting through my incomplete research files. You beat him out of the room with your shoe, and then you hid my files."
"They're still under my bed," Chell recalled.
"So you see," Glados concluded. "You earned elevator priority, and I enjoyed angering my old colleagues anyway. It wasn't personal." Chell finally looked at him, finding his face downturned, and his expression solemn.
"Not personal, huh?" she challenged, crossing her arms across her chest as she leaned back. "Just like saving me from the neurotoxin wasn't personal? That kind of impersonal? Or maybe you mean impersonal like the time that my boyfriend didn't accept our breakup and came after me. You slammed a door in his face, and he was locked in there for a whole two days. Oh, and let's not forget the time that I fell and hurt my back in a staircase in the dead of the night. You never said anything, but a medic showed up to help me within fifteen minutes. Impersonal my ass, Glados."
Chell finished her argument and grew quiet, closing her eyes with a sigh as she leaned further into her chair. "Why are you so desperate to deny that we kept each other company" she softly asked.
"You made everything harder," Glados snapped, although she could tell that his anger wasn't genuine. He seemed more frustrated than anything. "You always made everything harder. You still do, by the way, and I won't hold out any hope for the future."
"Would you have been happier if I'd simply ignored you?" Chell countered. "I could have dismissed you like everyone else did. I didn't need to read to you, or sit in your control room and tell you about the plans that administration was making behind your back in those sealed rooms. Despite what you might say, I considered you a friend—my only friend—and it hurt like hell when I came back and you refused to acknowledge me. You let me rot in that cell without any memories. You never spoke to me even once." Her hands were gripped together on her lap, but not in anger. She let her nails dig into her skin until it hurt, if only to distract her from the sadness that was still so strong. It was amazing how easily these emotions had returned with her memories.
"Anyway," she swallowed, shaking her eyes clear. "If you could let those men do that to me despite our 'tolerably plutonic relationship', I can't completely convince myself that you won't do something like that again. I won't leave you to die, but that doesn't meant that I don't have concerns anymore."
"I saved you from the neurotoxin," Glados reminded her. "And I gave you a chance to leave. You refused, so you got what you deserved." He was looking away from her, sounding sincerely annoyed and offended. Chell inwardly admitted that he was right, but he'd honestly tried to kill her at the end of the portal testing. Maybe he'd finally distanced himself enough from her to do such a thing by that point. He certainly expressed reservations about what they'd shared, and he'd sent her away to...
"Things were less complicated when you were gone."
"He's scared of losing his humanity."
Chell felt a sharp retort dying on her lips as she had the urge to reach out and hug her moody companion. This was exactly why she couldn't just let him starve to death.
"I promise," Glados suddenly spoke, sounding resigned. "I promise that I won't attempt to kill you, or in any way put you in a situation where something else will kill you. You are correct in pointing out that you do not have to help me, but you are still here. Perhaps I should be thankful that you are indulging in yet another display of your complete inability to act logically."
"I'm emotional, remember?" Chell goaded him.
"Precisely," Glados nodded. "And who knows what damage you will do to the facility if I should try to destroy you again. Therefore you may leave when I am reconnected to the network...for the sake of science and the facility."
"Of course," Chell sarcastically smiled.
"You said that you had another reason for being reluctant. Well? We are wasting time."
"I'm reluctant," Chell confessed. "Because I don't really want you to be rebooted, and what about you?"
"I assure you that I am in favor of being rebooted and will not regret my decision. The sooner that I am rebooted, the better."
"But I might regret it," Chell explained.
"Oh," Glados shortly answered, his face downcast as he traced the inside of his bowl with a spoon. "In other words, you still fear that I will make you regret this by killing you afterwords, despite my rare, honest promise."
"Not really," Chell admitted. "Oh, and I'm keeping the portal gun with me, further testing needed or not. Don't even attempt to argue with me about that." Glados unhappily clamped his mouth shut. "But...maybe I like you in a human body, Glados. Even when I leave," they didn't even talk as if she wouldn't anymore, "You're the only one I have left, and since you've admitted that...I'm trying to say that I'll miss you, Glados. And if you're honest, you'll miss me too. If you reboot to the network, you'll be alone in here, and I can't just stay and live here forever."
"You could," Glados breathed, sounding as if the admission pained him. The fact that he was even suggesting that she stay actually warmed Chell's heart. "The outside world isn't safe for you. You'd be better off here. Safer. I would order high-quality food for you."
"It's not that simple. I need more than food," Chell explained. "I need company, and..."
"I am company," Glados argued, still refusing to meet her gaze. He looked agitated as he sent quick, nervous glances in her direction, one of his hands brushing dark hair away from his face. "My company was enough when you lived here before. I watched you all the time. I always knew where you were, and you never spent remarkable quantities of time with anyone else, not even that pathetic excuse of a boyfriend. His broken arm was not an accident, I might add."
"Glados," Chell sighed. "You should know by now that people need something physical. They need...touch—someone that they can hold hands with and lean against."
"Companion cube," Glados desperately tried, but even she could see that he was grasping at straws. "Or maybe I could return to my human body every once in a while. No. What am I saying? I think that your illogical nature is rubbing off on me," he complained. "All the more reason to get out of this body. You're contaminating me."
"Well, it was worth a try," Chell spoke to herself. "I guess that we should fix the facility now. We can talk about this later, okay?"
"That would be acceptable." They lapsed into silence as Chell rose and headed toward the bathroom. "What are you doing?" Glados asked her retreating back.
"I'm getting a shower before we go. Don't miss me too much." Glados scoffed as he gathered the dishes and carried them into the kitchen, all the while muttering something about a master computer being above cleaning dirty bowls. Chell merely smiled as she tossed her clothing aside and shut the shower's door. Soon hot water was pouring over her, and for a few minutes, she tried to forget about the numerous questions and scenarios clouding her mind. She really didn't want to stay here, but she didn't know anything about the outside world anymore, and if she left, what would become of Glados? Of herself?
"You're doing a wonderful job, Miss Cohen," a voice spoke in her ear, nearly making her jump. "Don't let me down, because if you do, you'll be ruining things for many more people than just yourself." She nervously shuddered as she glanced around the fogged up shower, knowing that her interactions with Glados were always being observed. So much for a relaxing shower.
