Chapter Eleven: Absolutes

"That is the issue then, that when it comes to love…there are certainly absolutes…but none that a logical mind not sharing the affection can fully comprehend. It is in fact, difficult even for those wearing the rosy glasses to explain the pink suddenly infused in their world. Yet, while it may be a struggle to define love in words…there is little left to doubt in those few lucky enough to experience it."

Emily –

The morning was gray, the ship plodding along through a fog that made it difficult to make out anything along the ocean's waves. Even the water seemed darker than it should as the boat cut through the liquid making its way toward Driscol. It was cold…colder than it had been and while I knew to expect that when traveling north it still reminded me of the chill that had overtaken the Outsider the night before. He'd told me that the void was disappearing in his absence. This morning it looked as if it was coming through the Outsider into my world with the black waves and dense fog…with only our boat as an island in the monochrome lack of landscape. Hadn't he explained once before about the void leaking through a pinprick in reality? Was that happening again?

"I am sorry to hear the Royal Protector is ill, don't hear of much seasickness on the isles but there are always a few men that never grow sea legs." The Captain remarked as he stepped up next to me. It was the only excuse I could think of that morning when the attendants asked about him. I was afraid to let them too close to him…with him still being unconscious he wasn't wearing the disguise Sokolov had made and I didn't want any of them to see his eyes if he suddenly woke.

"I don't envy him." I didn't have to lie in that statement. For all I'd been through I wouldn't want the Outsider's existence. I didn't keep up the conversation, still looking out, trying to pick out anything in the fog and water around us. I felt trapped on this boat when I couldn't see more than a few dozen feet beyond its walls. What more could I say about the Outsider anyway? I couldn't let on that I was worried about him without it being a threat to my security and my image. As it was I knew there were already whispers about this mysterious 'Artemus Wigmund' and how he wasn't much of a Royal Protector and that didn't help. I hadn't even had a chance to tell him he had a code name.

Then there was the kiss…

It was short, exceedingly so…but I'd certainly dwelled on it for much of the night and morning. Only one of us was getting any real rest, and I didn't even know if it would help the Outsider. Would he just wake again worse than before? Per the crew, we would arrive late this evening…what excuse would I use if he still wasn't conscious? I could see Corvo in the back of my mind silently shaking his head at my insistence to come here. Then again…if he'd have just remained unconscious in the capital what good would waiting have done?

The Outsider was a wholly unfair creature.

That much was obvious. In all our time together he'd done marvelous things but he'd never explained them well, and at times forced me to make decisions I didn't wish to. He'd given me my mother for a time…no matter in how gruesome a way I had appreciated her voice while I fought for my crown. Yet, when he had handed her over he knew I'd have to let go of her to destroy Delilah. I didn't hate him for it, if anything to a point I appreciated that I'd gotten to have some measure of closure and hear her voice one last time. That was the problem…even when what he did seemed so horrible…in the end I couldn't hate him for it.

I got the feeling much of what he influenced wasn't as neutral or dark as father and the general populace believed. So, what would happen were he to disappear and someone else take his place? Some new person that became a part of the void? Clearly the void had some requirements if it had destroyed someone as willful as Delilah…but if someone like her…more willing to abuse their abilities took the Outsiders power. I didn't doubt that the world be worse if the void became a part of someone else. Worse still, if his being here somehow combined the real world and the void…I had to think beyond Dunwall, or being the Empress. The entire world would suffer if that happened…

With or without the Outsider, I had to find this Bethany he'd mentioned and bring her back. I had to return things to the right order. But what then?

I walked away from the chill of the winds on the ships bow, wandering a while and lost in thought. I was restless and I felt so. It was only after I'd already wandered a long while and eaten a quiet early dinner that I returned to my room. I had to at least let people see me after all but I wanted to be away from them. I lay on my bed, putting one arm over my eyes and setting the opposite hand on my chest. I was unable to banish the fleeting sensation of his lips brushing mine - so light they could have been the shadows of the void.

He'd kissed me…he'd initiated it…not that I hadn't wanted it but I was nervous about what it meant. What would we even be? The shadowed Outsider and a young Empress whose empire was falling apart? I was so little compared to him…not lesser, just…shorter. My time here was a drop in the black oceans outside compared to his…was my even wanting him just selfish?

Or simply silly…was this just him paying me back for helping him? He had only thanked me after all…he hadn't expressed any sort of feelings…maybe I was reading too much into it. I sighed, this boat and the Outsider were going to drive me mad…at least I had other things I could have distracted myself with at the palace. Here I'd already finished my paperwork and I couldn't exactly go running over the cities rooftops to escape…

I never did well having to wait…no matter how much my teachers tried to make me patient it wasn't a virtue that came easily. I sighed and pushed myself up walking back across our shared bathroom to the 'Royal Protector's' quarters. He was there, still passed out as he'd been all but a few minutes yesterday. I sat down next to his bed, sighing again. It wasn't like me to fret like this…but then I hadn't had to deal with this before…who could say they had? I was certain a physical outsider was a first all around.

"You could actually wake up…" I murmured in frustration without looking at him. "This was your idea and we need time to discuss our plans before we arrive. This isn't how this was supposed to go."

I couldn't bring myself to mention our kiss, even while he was unconscious…what if he heard it somehow? It wasn't that I was overly girlish about such things, not normally – I'd had many paramours without being one of those girls that would 'die of embarrassment' but none of my previous lovers had been basically gods and none of them had been able to hypnotize me with a simple glance.

I didn't want to have feelings for him but I wondered if all the women he put a mark on felt this way. Had Delilah been attached to him as well? She'd started with his favor after all...did her hand burn the way it did for me when she'd used her powers? At some point in her long plans and games had she blushed or demurred because of his attention? I supposed thinking any contrary was silly, certainly at some point Delilah must have felt special with her connection to the Outsider. But I doubted it was the same…

Delilah had used her connection to abuse him…to try and steal power from him. I doubted that she had any real feelings for him beyond possibly attraction. One didn't just try to take over the position of anyone they cared about, it was the same when she lied about having had any feeling for my mother or me. I leaned my head back on the mattress to look at the ceiling of the room, watching the light sway of the lamp with the movement of the boat on the ocean. Then there was the Outsider…he'd spoken well of Delilah…he'd sought her out and offered her his mark. Me…

The first time we met he explained that we were never really supposed to meet. It was only after Delilah stole part of him that he contacted me. Certainly, he'd helped Corvo, and he'd shared his mark with my father but he had never planned to share it with me. I was just a convivence that ended up causing problems when I got the mark and threw a wrench in the natural order. I hated how much I was never actually supposed to be here…

"You seem disturbed." The light voice drew my eyes to the Outsider. He was looking at me, and his face wasn't as drawn as it had been before. He looked as normal as he ever did…and certainly had come back to consciousness without the grogginess of the night before. I hadn't noticed him move but he was on his side, propped on an elbow watching me.

"It's been a rough few days." I stated, of course he'd choose to wake up now. I had so much I wanted to discuss only a few minutes ago, but then he'd stayed asleep just long enough to make me second guess all of this. Still, I at least could press forward with our plan. "We should talk about Driscol. We should be arriving this evening. I had to tell the crew something about you though."

He perked a brow at me, not needing to ask the question.

After a moment of hesitation, I stated, "I told the rest of the crew that you've been sea sick."

"An understandable story." He nodded at the information. "What other details should I know?"

Ugh. Why was I so embarrassed? I hated that as well.

"I gave you a fake name. I would have discussed it with you but I couldn't. Artemus Wigmund." I stated with more neutrality than I thought possible. Pressing immediately onward in hopes he wouldn't notice the place the names had in my life. "I'm glad you woke up. I'll need you to actually escort me off the boat so people see I have a security detail of some sort. They'll need to know that you exist, there are already rumors that you are poor at the job."

"Emily." He leaned closer on the bed and I lifted my head to turn toward him. I wanted to back away…but I hesitated, it was difficult to retreat from something you longed for no matter how much trepidation you should feel for it. He stopped while still being near me, close but paused when he spoke more than my name. "What am I to you? You've gone well above the terms of our agreement."

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry as he pressed right into the heart of what was making me uncomfortable. What was he to me? "I don't know how to answer that."

"No?" That semi-sarcastic smile came to his face that I'd grown to hate and admire…I did both in that moment, all at the same time. Perhaps it was the paradox of him that I had such a fondness for, the fact that unlike anyone else I could never fully figure him out… "Then perhaps I should rephrase. What do you want from me?"

"I don't know how to answer that either." I stated, frustrated with myself and his questions. "I should be asking you the same thing. You said that you never meant to meet me. What am I to you then? What do you want from me other than help with the ritual?"

"What are you willing to give?" The mysterious echo of his voice blended so well with the mystic nature of his gaze, he was everything and nothing all at once.

"What are you?" I replied immediately. He was close to me…so close…but he didn't reach out to me as he did with the kiss. Instead…he all but bled confidence. I realized he was waiting for me to remove that distance. I was certain of it.

I was an empress, I was to be the one that was followed, not the one that followed someone else. Still, I was also just a human, just a girl…and I was certain the boy I liked wanted me to kiss him back…

When our lips met a second time, I was the one that pressed mine against his, and the contact wasn't nearly so brief as the first.

The Outsider –

She was nearby, again…she'd been there when I'd lost consciousness, and she was still when I regained it. Though she had moved. She wasn't seated on the bed but next to it. She was watching the ceiling, having been muttering in frustration a moment before. I propped myself up on an elbow before I spoke up. "You seem disturbed?"

"It's been a rough few days." Emily answered, letting out a slightly bitter laugh as she looked at me. "We should talk about Driscol. We should be arriving this evening. I had to tell the crew something about you though."

All I had to do was raise a brow.

"I told the rest of the crew that you've been sea sick." She stated after a long enough silence that I could tell there was more to it.

"An understandable story." I nodded at the information, after all she needed some reason why I hadn't been out with her on the ship. "What other details should I know?"

Did she just wince slightly?

"I gave you a fake name. I would have discussed it with you but I couldn't. Artemus Wigmund." She said in a measured tone but continued quickly. "I'm glad you woke up. I'll need you to actually escort me off the boat so people see I have a security detail of some sort. They'll need to know that you exist, there are already rumors that you are poor at the job."

I was finally rejuvenated, though it had taken longer than I would like it seemed our trip ended up serving my need to rest. Of course, I realized as I watched her that she was still concerned about me, but also about when I'd thanked her. She could be a pillar of strength, but something about me made her uncertain of herself.

"Emily." I readjusted on the bed so I was closer to her. Stopping near her face but not repeating the motion I'd made before I'd fallen asleep. There was a lot I wished to know about her, about what she wanted, I suppose it was selfish but I wanted her to say it aloud even if I could already guess. "What am I to you? You've gone well above the terms of our agreement."

She swallowed but she didn't look away, for as much as she might grow nervous near me, she didn't seem willing to run away. She finally let out a small negative shake of her head. "I don't know how to answer that."

"No?" I was tempted to grin at her. I expected there was much she could say but wasn't willing to. "Then perhaps I should rephrase. What do you want from me?"

"I don't know how to answer that either." She said almost immediately. "I should be asking you the same thing. You said that you never meant to meet me. What am I to you then? Am I just some convivence gone wrong? What do you want from me other than help with the ritual?"

"What are you willing to give?" I replied to her string of questions with one of my own.

"What are you?" She challenged immediately. She stared at me…but I waited, I'd shown her that I felt something, perhaps it had been while I was disoriented but I refused to regret it now. Would she return the same? I wasn't certain. For all the things, I did know, for all the parts of the world I could see I had never had more than tiny glimpses of my own future. Perhaps that's why she was so difficult to read…perhaps she was tied to me by more than the mark. I had to admit, despite what I had guessed as to her feelings I was still surprised when she leaned up and kissed me, though far be it for me to reject her. I craved her touch as much as I could remember wanting anything…

It was a blissful moment, one I would remember well for centuries to come. This uncertain girl had offered me something I wasn't sure I'd even possessed when I was alive. For the first time in millennia I felt satisfied, as if I were not alone…and more than that I yearned for her. Even in something so simple as a drawn-out kiss I knew whatever Emily Kaldwin was…it was far from a mere convivence. It wasn't just the kiss, though that was far from something I would complain about, it was the acceptance. She had seen as much of what I was as she could safely, but she wanted me all the same…

"Anything." I whispered when we broke apart, each breathing heavier after the contact. She again looked surprised at my remark. She moved to get up, I thought a moment she may flee but instead she sat next to me on the bed and I relaxed from that temporary anxiety. I pulled her to her side so I could hold her, amused that she didn't look at me…I could see even from the side that her face was flushed but I didn't point it out, instead I was quite content to simply be near her, to have her scent and warmth suffuse the air around me.

She was quiet, as was I, for a long time. She made no other motion to touch me other than to set one of her hands over the arm I'd put around her. She was silent a long time, but it wasn't unpleasant, not for me. I let her have her time, I waited. One got quite good with patience when you'd lived as long as I had.

"Then you know my answer is the same." She said quietly, so much so that had I been a normal mortal I doubt I could have heard it. I smiled at the rather intimate admission, it must have been difficult for her…even towhisper it so lightly. I could accept that she couldn't quite look at me while she muttered the words, it was pleasing that she said them at all. I kissed the back of her head, feeling the softness of her hair with my nose. I felt her relax after having said it, as though it allowed her to finally rest herself. How little sleep had she gotten while looking after me? I was more than happy to let her sleep now…the rest could come in time.

I wonder if she knew how much even this meant? That she trusted me to the point that she would willingly sleep next to me knowing what I was. I knew this wasn't an easy thing…that this closeness we shared would be wrought with difficulties…but I had the luxury, for at least a short time…not to care. So, I let myself indulge while I had the chance to…I spent the time that she rested doing what I could to commit this so fully to memory that even the void wouldn't destroy it.

End Chapter

Fluff. So much fluff. I hope it's not too much. It is hard to tell sometimes…but I figured it made sense what with Emily basically being the only one that ever just fully accepted the Outsider. He's so adorable about it? I dunno. I might someday alter this chapter some to be less absolute gushiness…

-Aura

To my reviewers:

The Whispering Sage – Heh, it seems Emily agrees with your sentiment about fairness.

Tigerfur – Glad you still like it. I'm still working on it when I can. I have a general summary for several chapters but I have to get time between classwork to actually detail out the writing.

Guest – Thanks for the kind reviews. I'm always happy when people take the time to leave a few words when they like what I'm working on fan fiction wise. Hope you continue to enjoy.